Space Oddity

Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say.

I heard it!

I remember hearing the voice of David Bowie singing, “…for here, am I sitting in my tin can, far above the world…” then it all fell apart, chaos ensued.

In the void of silent space, I heard it!

A subdued scream from within that exploded through the clenched teeth of my open mouth, roaring and shaking me like the wind of a hurricane. An ear piercing sound that at the same time as it was released was silenced within the tiny pocket of air inside my space helmet. Exhaling more than I could inhale produced low carbon dioxide levels in my contorted body. I felt numb.

They say that in the vacuum of space there is no sound. Yet science has proven that sound waves carry through to the deepest reaches of space and vice versa. Inaudible sound waves can be intercepted and translated into a mechanical energy, at a frequency within the range of human hearing. If that is so, then why could someone nearby, spacewalking outside of the International Space Station, or one of a dozen other interstellar spaceships not intercept, translate and hear my inaudible scream?

Hyperventilating, my lungs burned as they refilled with pure oxygen supplied from the life support concealed within my jetpack. Another scream broke the rhythm of rapid breathing steaming the inside of my helmet visor with a fine mist. There was no easy way to remove it. The reality of a rampant spinning universe unfolded like a cinemascope movie before my incredulous eyes.

At least my extravehicular mobility unit (EMU) remained intact. More than I could say for my spaceship or my usually calm self controlled demeanour.

Tumbling head over heals, I was driven on by an invisible force at high velocity, plummeting through space, screaming at and scaring myself, for who else could possibly hear my cries of anguish in the vacuum of space? Nobody it seemed.

As I fell, if that is even possible in a zero gravity environment, I glimpsed, albeit briefly as I tumbled head over heels with arms and legs flailing, through the veil of mist coating my visor, at the spreading debris field of my once functioning and intact spaceship. The severed tether, the umbilical that had secured me, wrapped itself around my space suit like a snake coiling its prey.

Where the shattered remains rotating away from me, or was I rotating away from them? Or both?

Did it even matter?

As far as I could tell, the spaceship debris continued to accelerate and expand.

What had happened?

Answer: An explosion! That brief burst of light, devoid of sound, discharging energy and debris in an outward spherical trajectory, not unlike the Big Bang.

Whatever!

Time to turn off the analytical mind and engage the objective, concentrate on the task at hand. Besides my mind hardly had time to contemplate, what was in the scheme of things, an altogether irrelevant question, as it passed through the hemisphere of rationale into a state of overthink. The image of my exploding spacecraft, the force of which severed my tether, consigning me to the cold dark crypt that is deep space, that was etched onto both retina’s, would have to suffice for now.

All I knew at that moment in time, while recalling my astronaut basic training and attempting to regulate my breathing, was the feeling of my body somersaulting towards Earth at a thousand miles per hour! I screamed again! My body shook, small convulsions as all my muscles tensed causing my jaw to lock tight. Then I remember closing my eyes for a long period, I must have passed out.

When I regained consciousness, my body felt less frantic. Then, welling up from the pit of my stomach, an anxiety driven tempest that was almost immediately supplanted by what I can only describe as primal fear, that escalated into terror, panic, resulting in a guttural scream that had but a brief sounding inside my helmet.

Ejected into space by the blast wave of the explosion, I could do little else but continue to fall unremittingly through space like a stone through water. And still the universe and all the planets and moons, even the sun, rotated out of control as I hurtled through space like a well-struck golf ball.

As the explosion surrounding my disintegrating spaceship diminished in size and brightness, by contrast the Earth grew larger against the blinding sun.

Free falling in zero gravity. How to stop the spin? No air to offer pressure or friction, no chance to self-arrest as one would attempt when sliding down a Himalayan mountainside. In the cold airless void of space, there appeared to be nothing to decelerate my transit, not until I re-entered the Earth’s atmosphere! But then surely, God have mercy, I would burn up instantly.

Or maybe not!

Observing that I was no longer hyperventilating, I continued to regulate my airflow, my life support system outside of the EMU. A thought. How long would the oxygen last, hard to tell? I had used up an inordinate amount in the minutes immediately following the explosion. Another thought. Would space debris, space junk as we commonly refer to it, puncture my suit? God knows there’s enough of it out here. Thousands of micro sized splinters travelling at high speeds that could slice my suit, and probably me, like a hot knife through butter.

Another full but slowing rotation, like being on a Ferris wheel at a show. Another thought. Perhaps I can stabilise! I must! Will it matter? Time was running out, the hand of the reaper was perhaps only a few millimetres away, on the outside of the EMU.

I breathed heavily, an overdose of pure oxygen surged into my aching lungs. My mouth yawned opened, nothing immediately came out. Then the sound of screaming filled my ears. When will it ever stop? Will it ever stop? Inevitably it must!

Then in my periphery a pinpoint flash of light, growing larger, closing in fast! A debris field!

Then, as I continued to slowly rotate, it disappeared from view, replaced by the glare of the sun. The sun disappeared, replaced momentarily by the Earth, then the moon. Then the debris field reappeared above me, somehow missing me, allowing me to hold onto a vague notion, a slim hope, that I would survive this ordeal and become the first man to fall to Earth from space and live.

Then in the distance another bright light, this time full of all the colours of the rainbow, was expanding outward. As I slowly rotated, I caught intermittent glimpses of the explosion as it travelled through space in all directions at once. Then I realised, it was the last remnant of my spacecraft, imploding and exploding at the same time.

Then, something rippled the fabric of space. I felt the disquieting sensation of falling, being driven faster. Then it happened. Not another involuntary scream at the universe, no. I collided with an energy ripple, the blast wave from the secondary explosion of my obliterated spacecraft. As it hit, the energy spun me around and propelled me, I think, beyond the orbit of the Earth, marooning me somewhere between the Sun and the moon. My spacesuit was compressed around my body, attempting to crush my internal organs; twisting the bulky EMU askew dislocating my right shoulder. The pain, the panic, the shortness of breath all contrived to simulate a heart attack. I screamed again, but this time even I didn’t hear the sound. Down to my last reserves of oxygen and energy, I ceased my feeble attempts to self-arrest. I floated, face down, or was it up, who knows, over the blue marble that was Earth, my home.

Again I recalled Bowies Space Oddity lyrics, …”…planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do...”

I blacked out. For a moment I believed that I was dead. Clearly, since I had regained consciousness, I was not!

Yet I remained conscious of my breathing, snatching at the finite supply of oxygen in my depleted tank. Then the air reserve alarm activated. It was only minutes to asphyxia, seconds to eternity.

Below me, more debris, growing ever closer. I felt the Earth growing smaller; I was drifting further into space. The deck was stacked against me but somehow; I managed to turn myself over and look up at the moon.

My emergency air supply activated, only 180 seconds left. Enough time, I thought, to finish Bowie’s song and little else. Playing the acoustic guitar riff over in my mind helped to calm my nerves.

Looking up through the top of my visor, a brilliant light, suspended by an invisible thread, between the Earth and the Moon blinded me. It was hot and I was sweating. Was it the Sun or something else?

Then it happened, faster than I thought it would be. A shadow passed over me replacing the light and I was enveloped in pitch-black darkness and grew very cold.

This was it; this was my last breath as death opened its jaws to devour me like a ship trapped in the eye of a whirlpool.

It was then, when all hope was lost, that I decided to try and contact Houston.

“Houston, this is Armstrong in the blind, do you copy?”

I attempted to make contact several times but was met with a static connection, an empty carrier wave.

What else could I do? Drift in space and wait for death?

Then a curious thing happened. Darkness enveloped me and I believed that I was falling into the shadow of the Earth. But that seemed impossible given my last estimated location, which was too far from the Earth to fall into its shadow. Then what did I know? Like a mountaineer trapped in the death zone high atop Mount Everest, I was probably feeling the effects of cerebral edema and hallucinating. Unlike the mountaineer, I did not have a supply of dexamethasone (DEX) to treat myself.

I drifted for I don’t know how long before I remembered my training. I entered low Earth orbit, I could engage the EMU’s GPS. Even if I was dead at least I could be found and identified. I was hell and gone from low Earth orbit. I had more chance of crashing into the moon. Perhaps the recently established bases in the Sea of Tranquillity would detect me? Still the scratchy carrier wave droned on in me ears.

What was that?

Something or someone touched me! I thought it impossible, probably my EMU shutting down as its power cell flat lined or my suit compromised by micro debris. I was so terrified I could not tell. To tell you the truth I didn’t want to know. Frantically I struggled to move away, move out of the darkness with about as much success as someone swimming on dry land. I craved the light of the sun.

Then I became aware of being lifted, like when I was an infant and was lovingly cradled in the arms of my mother. This was followed by comfortable warmth that radiated from within a narrow beam of alien light. Was I ascending to heaven? Was I about to meet God? Was I being abducted?

Then the light became so intense that I was forced to close my bloodshot eyes, my body collapsing inside my spacesuit. It was over! Maybe this is what it’s like to die? Surely not! I was hallucinating since I believed asphyxia was or had set in.

Time for one last line; “Our commander comes down back to earth, and knows.” Knows what? All I knew was that my fate was sealed, time for this star man to end his flight through space.

Then the brilliant beam of light extinguished, a vibration replaced it, massaging me. I opened my eyes and found myself lying somewhere, I didn’t recognise where. Perhaps I lay on the floor of another spaceship. As I slowly suffocated inside my airless suit, I caught the slightest glimpse of several forms moving, gliding towards me. I feinted, and that was that, I thought I had been rescued.

Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say.

and yet...

Somebody, in the vacuum of space, somehow heard mine!