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Soul Train

The most unforgettable trip you will ever have

By Debbie SteinmetzPublished 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago 18 min read
3

I vaguely recall waking that morning. My daughter had fallen asleep in the chair next to my bed , her head crooked to the side, still clutching the book that she was reading when she fell asleep. I tried to wake her to come lie down next to me, even with raising my voice, she didn't stir.

I felt it strange that she couldn't hear me. She couldn’t feel my hand touching hers, she simply continued in her, what I would consider, uncomfortable slumber.

It had been a month now that she started her ritual of sitting next to my bed each night, keeping me company, watching over me, and then eventually falling asleep on that uncomfortable metal chair while reading her book. She was determined to care for me regardless of the cost to her own well-being.

She didn't want me to die alone

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

My daughter and I were in the doctor's office nervously waiting for the results of my tests. There were only five words that I actually heard come from his mouth, “ You have stage four cancer ." Every word after that was just white noise to me.

Stage Four Cancer !

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

I wasn't going to succeed in waking her so I closed my eyes and went back to sleep. I never really dreamt much before the diagnosis; but since, my sleep has been filled with dreams and nightmares. I’m convinced it's because of the drugs they give me for pain. I’m not ready to admit that my dying brain is what is affecting my sleep.

It wasn’t long before I felt an enormous thrust to my chest as if someone punched me. That’s when I saw the most beautiful train quickly move through the bedroom and disappear under my bed. It was a bright white train with a blue streak along the side. It was so bright that my eyes hurt. The windows of each car were tinted but emanated a periwinkle colored light and it moved quickly and silently. I took a deep breath and sat up in bed full of excitement, sweat dripping off my forehead, “did you see that?", I screamed, waking my daughter from her sleep.

Startled, she looked at me with concern, “what ? Are you alright mom ?"

I described the beautiful, brilliant train that entered the bedroom and moved swiftly under my bed. Unfortunately, she had not seen it . Maybe I didn't really see it; maybe it wasn't real; maybe it was just another dream, or worse, another drug induced hallucination.

+++++++++++++++++

The next morning was so different than any other morning of my life.

All of my senses were heightened. It felt like I was alive for the first time . The heavy blanket I was wrapped in was warm and comforting, I felt swaddled like a new born babe. I could smell my favorite homemade cinnamon apple pie fill the room and could taste the sweetness of it along with a big scoop of creamy, rich vanilla ice cream melting in my mouth. My favorite music was playing and a soft periwinkle light filled the room. I felt no pain! The corners of my mouth slowly began to form into a smile as the room was gently swaying and I was lulled back to sleep.

Bang, another sharp thrust to the chest and I was awake again. Why is this room moving? This isn’t a room at all. I know this place, but how? I started to panic. The music stopped and the smell of homemade pastry was gone. I was cold and the light had turned into what looked like black smoke all around me. I had to get out! I reached for the door and stepped out of the room I woke up in.

The corridor was creepy, it looked like something out of a Stephen King novel, oh what was that book my daughter was reading? oh yes, 'The Shining'. I half expected to see two creepy twin girls at the end of the hallway when I realized that this wasn’t a hotel corridor at all. It’s a train! Not just any train. It was THE TRAIN. The one I saw in my room the day before!

I tried to holler, hoping to find someone to tell me where I was, what was happening, and where this train was actually headed, but no one answered. I will make my way to the locomotive, I thought to myself. Surely they can give me answers. It seemed that this train only had four passenger cars, the Locomotive, and the caboose. How did I know that? Instinctively I knew this because I still haven't moved from the spot I was standing in when I stepped out of the room.

Well let's get moving, I thought to myself. I began my journey through the car where my room was located. The car seemed to be divided, as if split in half. I was relieved to see others on the opposite side of the partition. I hollered at them and banged on the glass to get their attention, to no avail. They either ignored me, or they couldn't hear or see me . They all wore beautiful white gowns with fancy letters in Gold, TD. They had no facial expressions at all, and they were walking in the opposite direction as I was.

I kept walking hoping to find someone on my side of the partition. Fearing that I may be moving in the wrong direction, I looked back and there was absolutely nothing behind me. It simply vanished.

I kept moving for what seemed like an eternity until I reached a new entryway with a very pale soft yellowish light, no door. I had no choice but to move forward. As I stepped through the light I realized this was the gangway connection between the cars. I could see beneath me, a sea blue mist, no train tracks , the mist apparently is propelling this train forward ? This is so familiar to me, it reminds me of a night back in the 70s when I was tripping on acid. This dream is amazing. It must be the combined effects of the Morphine, Ativan, and Haloperidol!

I stepped out of the Gangway and immediately found myself in another car, almost identical to the previous and just like before I looked back and saw nothing. People still on the other side of the partition , expressionless, walking in the opposite direction. I felt a chill when I heard a female voice softly and without emotion say, " Phase I, please be seated and face forward." I did as instructed, facing forward in the train. I was expecting something wonderful, but that wasn’t the case.

I was immediately surrounded by images from my life, whirring Around me like a tornado, so loud and chaotic, yet I could hear all of the words being spoken, and I felt all of the physical and emotional pain I had dealt with throughout my life.

The pains from broken hearts, bad relationships, a selfish, critical grandmother who was physically and mentally abusive, the ones I loved abusing and abandoning me, to the pains of childbirth, and broken bones, as well as all of the emotional torment that was inflicted upon me by others.

This fancy dream had quickly turned into a nightmare. Then as sudden as it began, it abruptly stopped. The tornado of pain and hurt just stopped, leaving me uncontrollably crying and gasping for breath.

The soft voice spoke again, “ Do you forgive ?"

I was shocked and still trying to recover from, and make sense of , the whirlwind of chaos. “Um I don't understand" I barely croaked. " I have questions. Where am I ? What is going on? Is this train safe? It’s moving faster and faster. It doesn’t look like there is any stop in sight. Why can’t those on the other side see me ? Am I the only one on this side ?

The soft voice got louder and demanded, "DO YOU FORGIVE ?!!"

"Yes, of course I forgive! , but …."

The soft voice spoke again, “ The answers to your questions will become evident as you pass through the gangways. Now move forward!"

I really wanted to wake up from this dream right now, surely my daughter is holding watch over me and can see I am in distress, but no, she couldn't.

I slowly walked through the car until I came upon the next gangway, pale yellow light, just like before. I stepped through into the 3rd car. The first thing I noticed was that there were no more people on the other side of the partition moving in the direction of where the caboose would be. It didn't take long before a soft male voice spoke. "Phase 2, please sit down facing forward."

As I was waiting for further instruction I noticed my clothing. I now had a white gown on with a single gold checkmark on it. No letters like the others on the other side of the partition, just a check mark. What did all of this mean? This time I wasn't the only person in the car, but no matter how adamant I was in trying to get their attention. Nothing worked.

Suddenly the car started shaking and huge waves of water came in filling the car, and none of us could escape, we were strapped to our seats. The voice said, "do not panic, keep looking forward, take the water in and pay attention."

I followed instructions and then a scene appeared before me like a movie but with no screen. I was 12 years old, making fun of one of the girls at my school. She was chubby and wore wrinkled clothes and it seemed she never brushed her hair. Myself and two other girls had taunted her and made her cry. Afterward, I felt so bad about it and tried to apologize, but the damage had been done. In time we became friends but I had a hard time shaking the guilt.

By now my lungs had filled completely with the salty water but without panic, I kept watching. Another scene appeared and my brother and I were on our school bus. I was so angry with him over something he said, and I stabbed him in the thigh with my pencil, leaving a large piece of graphite in his leg. I felt his pain and sadness and his disbelief that I could be so mean. More and more scenes were presented before me and the guilt and remorse were overwhelming as each scene was shown to me. I just never took the time to rehash the horrible way I treated others.

Just as soon as it started, it was over. The car became silent as the waters receded from the car and cleared from my lungs. I sat there for what again seemed like an eternity with my own thoughts, and the voice asked, "Do you forgive ?"

"Do I forgive? Forgive who?" I asked, "I was the one doing the damage!"

The voice, in a snarky tone, responded, "You sure were!. DO YOU FORGIVE ?"

"Yes", I responded , "yes, I forgive."

Before I could continue speaking the voice directed me to move forward. When I stood to continue I noticed that another gold check mark was emblazoned on my gown. Again there was a gangway ahead, this one looked different, this time the gangway was deep purple and had silver bright lights surrounding it. When I stepped in I was suspended over a huge opening, as if an earthquake had split open the ground beneath the train.

Many of the people in the last car fell into this space, some jumped in voluntarily. I was so confused and afraid of what was next, then the hole closed up and I was able to proceed to the next car. I really wished my daughter would wake up to give me my medication which right now I don’t really need, but I did not want to continue with this weird as hell nightmare!

As soon as I entered this car, a beautiful woman came to me and took my hands in hers and asked me to sit at a table with her. On this table were all of my favorite foods and beverages. I couldn't believe she was real. I didn't know if I should eat any of the food on the table. With the way this nightmare was going, I feared if I ate something it would turn into some blood sucking monster in my stomach and blow me up from the inside!

The woman started laughing. She could hear my thoughts and invited me to enjoy whatever I wanted and she assured me, nothing bad would happen to me. After I had my fill of the savory and sweet offerings, the woman began to speak, "Welcome to Phase 3, the final phase of this journey. I am Mary, the mother of your mother’s mother" I giggled inside of my head thinking what a wonky way to say, you are my great grandmother, lady.

She giggled too (note to self) she can hear everything you are thinking. Mary continued, "Indeed I can hear your thoughts and the reason is it keeps everyone honest here." Impatiently I interrupted, “Ok Mary, I have so so many questions." She put a finger to my lips to shush me, then the car transformed into a beautiful garden with a beach close by, gorgeous tropical life forms, some I'd never seen before.

A man approached me with something shiny in his hands. He placed a solid gold band around my wrist, and said “for the love you showed me in my crippled state and for caring for me during my illness, I love you my dear child, may you be blessed." Thump, a thrust to the chest, "Dad?" He quickly vanished when another man appeared with another gold band. “for the friendship that never waned through all of my troubles and by standing next to me always. I love you my dear friend, may you be blessed." Thump, another thrust to my chest, "Rusty is that you ?" He smiled then vanished. A woman slowly and shyly came forward and placed another gold band on my wrist. "Thank you for the love and care you gave me on my final journey, may you be blessed ". Thump to the chest. "Annette ?" She kissed me on the forehead then vanished.

Many more came forth with these gifts of golden bracelets and thanks and blessings. Then the final person approached me. The most beautiful of all. A small statured woman with the most welcoming smile. She had the last of the golden bands. I knew this woman’s energy well, I carry her energy within myself. I felt her love the strongest of them all, and as she placed the gold band around my wrist, she said, "My beautiful daughter, for the love, care, and kindness that you showed to me when I was dying, may you be blessed." Thump to the chest, "Mama?" She kissed my cheek then vanished.

I felt so warm again, like big arms embracing me. I looked over at Mary and down at my gown that now had the letters TB in brilliant gold on it. My head was spinning and I was thinking , I can't wait to tell my daughter about all of this. I want to tell all of my children. I kept thinking ,wake up now, then Mary motioned for me to join her at the table again.

She took my hand and told me, "You can’t share this with others. The other night you saw a train come through your room but it moved quickly under your bed. This was the train you saw but you woke your daughter so we had to keep moving. When you fell back asleep your daughter said a prayer begging that your pain and suffering be relieved. You died shortly after midnight that evening and we came back to get you while your daughter slept peacefully keeping vigil over you."

" But why all of this ? What does all of this mean? Looking down at my gown, and around me. Mary stood up and motioned for me to move forward towards the locomotive and said, "all of your answers are through the next Gangway."

I stood up and with so many mixed feelings walked toward the final gangway. It had a blinding brilliant white light, and I had to squint as I passed through it to the other side. Once through I realized that I was not ,in fact, in the locomotive. I was outside, I saw children playing on rolling green hills and in beautiful pastures and what seemed to be endless space, the air was clean and the temperature was perfectly comfortable. Families were playing games and you could feel the happiness all around. It seems too good to be true.

Then I heard the voice of a man and a woman speaking simultaneously.

"We know your questions, we can answer them now. We wrapped you up in a warm comfortable blanket so that you would feel safe. We came and took you from your death bed and brought you to the train. This train is what we call the soul train. It has no physical departure station nor arrival station. It is in constant motion, never stops and moves faster than 10 times the speed of light and only those near death can see it.

"Every human being comes here when they pass on from the living. There are four cars on this train. The first car is where we take you and provide an atmosphere of euphoria for you, so you can feel safe before taking your journey. Phase 1 takes place in the second car, you were forced to relive and experience all of those who Trespassed against you. Those who hurt you throughout your lifetime. If you chose to forgive those, you were allowed to move forward onto the next stage."

"In death, as in life, the soul has a solitary journey. This is why you could not communicate with the other souls on the train until you met your final destination. Everyone’s destination is different. "

"Phase 2 was in the 3rd car, you were forced to experience all of those that you trespassed against. All of the people that you physically or emotionally hurt throughout your lifetime. You were asked if you forgive yourself and if so, you were able to move forward."

"In Phase 3, the 4th car, you were given an abundance of love, thanks, praise, and golden bracelets from people whom you showed love and kindness to over your lifetime. You were then allowed to move into this place where we are now, and because of the golden bracelets you were presented with, you may choose to go anywhere you desire."

"Ok, but the burning question I have is, what happened to the ones who fell into the hole in the Gangway? some of them jumped in and what's the deal with our gowns and the initials?" I inquired.

"Do not be worried about them, those who couldn't forgive themselves for the wrong they inflicted on others, fell into or voluntarily jumped into the gangway and were reborn again for their soul to learn their lessons. They will yet again ride this train in time."

"And TB ?" What does that mean? "

"You were able to forgive those who did you harm. You were able to forgive yourself for your wrong doings, and you were dearly loved by others for the good and kindness you showed them throughout their lives. You see your good deeds far exceeded your failures and you learned from your mistakes. You are one of THE BLESSED, TB. "

"So now it is time for you to enjoy your eternity. "

"Wait, now hold on a hot minute. So, am I in heaven? Is that what this is? Are you God?"

The voices simultaneously responded. "This place where you are now, is anything you want it to be. If your faith includes a God, you will find him or her in everything around you, you simply have to look, and you will feel and see his or her presence." I felt a happiness I had never felt before.

The voices were about to fade when I stopped with one more question. "What about the others with TD on their gowns ?, the expressionless, zombie looking ones on the other side of the partition, moving in the opposite direction. What happened to them ?"

With hesitancy in their voices, they began, " those are the ones who refused to forgive the people who had hurt them in life, and "...

Just then, the voices went silent, the ground started shaking and the sky turned black and a single dark, sinister voice bellowed, " THEY ARE MINE, they are THE DAMNED"!

Short Story
3

About the Creator

Debbie Steinmetz

I am a life long story teller, writer of poetry, prose, song lyrics, and short stories. I have some published poetry from many years ago.

As a natural empath I use the feelings I’m experiencing from others as inspiration for my writing.

Reader insights

Nice work

Very well written. Keep up the good work!

Top insights

  1. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  2. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  3. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  1. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  2. Eye opening

    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

  3. On-point and relevant

    Writing reflected the title & theme

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Comments (6)

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  • Rose Holtman2 years ago

    I loved this story. Well written

  • Jennifer Freeman2 years ago

    Thank you for sharing your story.

  • Lendy2 years ago

    Great story Debbie! You have so much talent!

  • Ellen 2 years ago

    This was very thought provoking and kept my interest. Very good visual story telling.

  • Sarah Kennington2 years ago

    Very good story Debbie you are so talent.

  • Nikki2 years ago

    Debbie has talent. The story draws you into her dreams and your not sure whether it’s reality or fantasy. Keep writing Debbie and lean in to your gift.

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