Someone Else's Shoes

Characters

MARI A 20-year-old woman who is homeless.

OZZIE A former youth worker, around 40 years old, who worked with Mari when she was 16.

RHONA Mari’s ex-girlfriend around 25years old.

ACT I SCENE 1

IT’S LATE ON A SUMMER’S NIGHT. MARI IS SAT ON A PARK BENCH IN THE CENTRE OF THE STAGE FACING OUT TOWARDS THE AUDIENCE. THE BENCH IS ENCLOSED ON THREE SIDES BY A SHELTER, WHICH HAS A ROOF. SHE HAS A SMALL RUCKSACK UNDERNEATH THE BENCH. RHONA WALKS SLOWLY TOWARDS MARI, WHO DOESN’T NOTICE HER UNTIL SHE IS ALMOST RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER.

MARI: Oh God. How did you find me?

RHONA: Not happy to see me?

MARI: What do you want?

RHONA: It’s been a year Princess, is that all you have got to say to me?

MARI: Seriously why are you here?

RHONA: You’re not going to pull a knife on me again are you?

MARI: Do I need one?

RHONA: Oh stop. I’ve just come for a chat. Unless you’re offering anything else for old time’s sake?

MARI: No way.

RHONA: Didn’t think so. Worth checking though, I remember how outdoor fun used to get you so excited.

MARI: How did you find me?

RHONA: Amy has seen you here a few times on her walk home from the gym.

MARI: Surprised she remembers me, not even jokin.

RHONA: Oh stop. You’re very memorable. I can’t believe you would rather live here than with me.

MARI: Seriously?

RHONA: Was living with me really that bad?

MARI: Seriously, seriously?

RHONA: You didn’t need a job, no money worries, all you had to do was look after me a little.

MARI: That last part is where we disagree.

RHONA: I bet when you tell people this story, I’m the psycho ex-girlfriend.

MARI: Not gonna lie, they do end up thinking that.

RHONA: Because of what you tell them.

MARI: Because of what happened.

RHONA: Bitch please. Who’s to say what the truth is?

MARI: Don’t pretend you don’t remember, I know you’re not that messed up.

RHONA: Something happens, one person finds it funny the other person finds it offensive. Is that thing offensive or funny? A fact is beautifully clear and unarguable. Truth is so vague.

MARI: What happened with us was fact.

RHONA: Tell me about these facts.

MARI: You made me do so many things that I didn’t want to do.

RHONA: Oh stop. You’re not getting it Princess. The fact is that you did all those things. Your version of the truth is that I made you do it.

MARI: How about sex with you often left me in tears.

RHONA: I could argue with the word often.

MARI: Sometimes then.

RHONA: That’s a fact.

MARI: And it’s a fact that you would sometimes carry on no matter how much I cried.

RHONA: Now you’re getting it.

MARI: I pick up on things quicker now.

RHONA: I would argue that you enjoyed it really.

MARI: Who are you trying to convince?

RHONA: Just trying to open your mind enough to acknowledge that other versions of the truth exist.

MARI: You abused me, there is no other version.

RHONA: Bitch please. You call that abuse?

MARI: Not even talking about the sex stuff, I can see how someone as messed up as you wouldn’t call that abuse.

RHONA: Oh stop. I’m the messed up one?

MARI: You could call me messed up too. Totally. Most people would be after what you put me through.

RHONA: Did you not like being told what to do? That’s life. Everyone gets told what to do by someone.

MARI: Being told how to live was what I struggled with.

RHONA: Bitch please. Spoiled little princess, wanting the perfect relationship. Disney isn’t real. You have to make sacrifices. Give and take, you familiar with that concept?

MARI: You controlled my entire life. Totally using me as a house slave.

RHONA: There are some serious gaps in your education if you think that’s what slavery is.

MARI: I was terrified of you and you loved it. It’s exactly what you wanted from the start, I was just too stupid to realise. People tried to tell me how evil you are, but I wouldn’t have it, I was so in love with you.

RHONA: Oh stop, you’re breaking my heart all over again.

MARI: I’m pretty sure that was broken before you met me.

RHONA SITS ON THE BENCH, CLOSE ENOUGH TO MARI TO BE TOUCHING HER. MARI LEANS BACK AWAY FROM RHONA.

RHONA: Don’t ever talk about my past.

MARI: You made that clear a while ago.

RHONA: Did you say you were terrified?

RHONA GRABS MARI’S HAIR ON THE BACK OF HER HEAD AND PULLS IT TIGHT. THEN PUTS HER OTHER HAND UP AGAINST MARI’S THROAT.

RHONA: Bitch please. You’re still scared of me. Pulse is racing. You know that if I wanted to I could use you as my little bitch right here right now. That scares you. But there is also a part of you that wants me to do it. But little Princesses like you need to learn you don’t always get what you want. Not right now anyway.

RHONA LETS GO OF MARI, RUNS HER HAND SLOWLY DOWN MARI’S ARM AND THEN STANDS UP.

RHONA: Be seeing you soon Princess.

RHONA WALKS OFF STAGE. MARI REACHES INTO HER BAG AND PULLS OUT A SMALL KNIFE. 

ACT 1 SCENE 2

OZZIE A MAN AROUND 40 WALKS ACROSS THE STAGE HEADING PAST MARI WHO IS SITTING ON THE BENCH. MARI QUICKLY PUTS HER KNIFE BACK IN HER BAG.

MARI: Ozzie?

MARI STANDS UP QUICKLY. OZZIE STOPS AND LOOKS AT MARI.

MARI: No fucking way it is you.

OZZIE: Mari?

MARI: Yeah, yeah, shit sorry for swearing.

THE PAIR OF THEM HUG BRIEFLY.

OZZIE: I think that’s ok. You must be what 18, 19 now?

MARI: 20.

OZZIE: Then I think you’re allowed to swear. Twenty? No way that means those two legendary residential trips were four years ago.

MARI: Crazy isn’t it?

OZZIE: Seriously can’t keep track of time anymore.

MARI: Totally. What you doing out so late?

OZZIE: Out for a walk. What about you? Haven’t you got a home to go to?

MARI: No.

OZZIE: Oh….

MARI: It’s all good.

MARI SITS BACK ON THE BENCH.

OZZIE: Four years ago, I did say anytime you need to talk…

MARI: I don’t think talking is going to help me.

OZZIE: It might do if someone is listening.

MARI: Don’t know what that’s like.

OZZIE: Must be dying to find out.

MARI: You got nothing else to do tonight?

OZZIE: Nothing that can’t wait.

MARI: Not gonna lie, it would be nice to have a chat.

OZZIE SITS NEXT TO MARI ON THE BENCH.

OZZIE: You sleep out here in the park?

MARI: I try to sleep during the day when it’s warmer.

OZZIE: That makes sense to be fair.

MARI: When I’m out in the park this time of year I think people just assume I’m sunbathing.

OZZIE: You must see some crazy sights at night.

MARI: Totally. The things people get up to.

OZZIE: How long have you been homeless for?

MARI: About a year.

OZZIE: Always knew you were tough.

MARI: Not gonna lie, it’s pretty shit.

MARI REACHES DOWN INTO HER BAG AND PULLS OUT A SMALL BALL.

OZZIE: Oh my God the ball!

MARI: You’re still the only adult who never tried to take it off me.

OZZIE: You were so much more relaxed when you were playing with that.

MARI: That’s what I always said but no one else listened, not even jokin.

OZZIE: I wanted you chilled out.

MARI: Totally. You didn’t want to be around me when I was fuming.

OZZIE: Only saw that once, and that was enough.

MARI: If you weren’t there I think Ella would have ended up in hospital.

OZZIE: I think she might still have been there.

MARI: Just hated how she acted all sweet and innocent in front of you.

OZZIE: She over played that, never really believed her. Sorry just thought do you want me to get you some food? We can go somewhere if you like?

MARI: No, it’s all good. I’ve eaten okay today actually. They’ll be hardly anywhere open now anyway.

OZZIE: Sure we can find somewhere.

MARI: It’s all good. This is what I need way more than food.

OZZIE: What?

MARI: Eye contact and someone showing an interest in me.

OZZIE: That I can do.

MARI: I never knew how many ways people could avoid eye contact.

OZZIE: Must be hard not to get angry.

MARI: Everybody seems to be angry about something.

OZZIE: Tell me about it, I went in two shops today that normally sell flapjacks and neither of them had one. Fuming!

MARI LAUGHS.

MARI: You were always eating flapjacks when we were on those residentials.

OZZIE: Yeah flapjacks and Lucozade, they helped me get through so many trips to be fair.

MARI: I never saw Lucozade.

OZZIE: When we brought in the rule that young people weren’t allowed energy drinks, I thought it would have been cruel to be drinking it in front of you all, so I kept it in my room. Even though I never thought of Lucozade as an energy drink like the others, when I was a kid Lucozade was just something you drank when you were ill.

MARI: Aww that’s a nice story grandad.

OZZIE: Always going for the jugular.

MARI: Totally. Sorry there’s not much opportunity for banter anymore.

OZZIE: Oh that must be killing you. Go on then feel free to unleash it on me. Although there’s nothing to stop me coming back anymore so I hope you can take it.

MARI: You always did come back.

OZZIE: There’s a difference between youth worker banter and pure banter.

MARI: Sounds like a tricky skill.

OZZIE: It is, so few can pull it off. Some go too far and get in trouble whilst most just avoid it altogether and spend the whole time getting roasted by young people.

MARI: Roasting them was so much fun, not gonna lie.

OZZIE: It was fun to watch to be honest. That was one of my favourite things about being a youth worker, that you guys felt comfortable being yourselves around us, whilst still respecting us, most of the time at least.

MARI: So wish I could go back. Wait did you say was? You’re not a youth worker anymore? Tell me you’re still a youth worker!

OZZIE: No. I left the youth club a couple of years ago. I’m a foster carer now.

MARI: Oh wow, on your own?

OZZIE: Yeah.

MARI: Oh my God you must be such a good foster Dad. If you had said you were working in IT or something I probs would have punched you in the face. Not even jokin.

OZZIE: Another reason I’m glad I don’t work in IT.

MARI: So how many kids have you fostered?

OZZIE: Only two. Melissa and Bret, twin brother a sister. They were sixteen when I fostered them, they moved out a couple of weeks ago.

MARI: They are so lucky they had you as a foster Dad.

OZZIE: I hope I helped them.

MARI: You totally will have. What made you switch to fostering?

OZZIE: To be honest, I wanted to make a big difference to a few, rather than a small difference to a lot.

MARI: Small difference? Are you fucking kidding me?! Not even going to apologise for swearing. Seriously you massively helped so many of us.

OZZIE: Doesn’t look like I helped you.

MARI: You helped give me enough self-esteem to not put up with shit and the confidence to do something about it.

OZZIE: And that led you here?

MARI: I know it doesn’t look like the best place to end up, but it depends where you’re running from. And being homeless isn’t all bad.

OZZIE: Really? What are the good bits?

MARI: Every day is a lie in day. No phone, never thought I would say that was a good thing.

OZZIE: I do remember wondering if it was attached to your hand to be honest.

MARI: I know, I know. But I don’t miss getting a hundred notifications a day. Or comparing myself to others and making shit up to pretend my life is great. Or scrolling for ages because I was paranoid about missing the funniest video ever or the inspirational one that will change my life. Oh and also I don’t have anyone telling me what to do.

OZZIE: That would appeal to you to be fair.

MARI: I can window shop all day every day. I can spend all day in a library reading some of the best books ever written. Being able to act however I want because I’m not representing anyone else. Expectations cause stress, I’ve got none of that, either from myself or other people.

OZZIE: That’s taking glass half full to levels even I didn’t know existed.

MARI: Totally. I try to think positive, otherwise I end up in a place I really don’t want to be.

OZZIE: What are the worst bits?

MARI: Nobody cares enough to tell me what to do. There’s no one I want to convince that I am happy. Not being able to watch videos when I most need a laugh or some inspiration. No way of keeping in touch with friends. I never get to shop for real or have my own book collection. Having no sense of belonging to a group that I’m proud to be a part of. No expectations from anyone, no stress of chasing a goal. That I’ve got nothing to get up for. And I am sat here wearing someone else’s shoes.

OZZIE: Four years later and you’re still holding back on me.

MARI: What?

OZZIE: Cut the crap Mari, all that stuff is terrible but there’s no way that’s the worst stuff about being homeless.

MARI: You totally don’t want to hear that shit.

OZZIE: You never did get your head around that. I never want the shit to have happened, but if it has I want to hear about it.

MARI: You really want to hear it?

OZZIE: If I don’t this whole chat is pointless.

MARI: You want to hear about people pissing on me after their night out?

OZZIE: Go on.

MARI: How I make my own tampons out of whatever I can find. That I get verbally abused almost every day. That I can go a month without anyone making eye contact. That until a few minutes ago I hadn’t been hugged or asked how I’m doing for almost a year.

OZZIE: Keep going.

MARI: That I’ve been punched, kicked and spat on by strangers for no reason. That I’ve done sexual favours to get alcohol, because that is the one thing that can take me away from the pain. Maybe you even want to know that I’ve been raped whilst I’ve been homeless and faced several other attempts.

OZZIE: That everything?

MARI: Are you fucking kidding?

OZZIE: I didn’t say it was insignificant, just want to know if I’ve got the full picture.

MARI: Yes. Now you know the shittiest parts of my crappy fucking homeless life.

OZZIE: People can’t help you unless they know what the problem is.

MARI: You’ll never know what it’s like to be me.

OZZIE: Never said I did.

MARI: This is totally why I don’t ask for help. Fucking people telling me they know how I feel, then start telling me about some pathetic shit they have been through, which is nothing compared to my shit.

OZZIE: One of the reasons people don’t help others with their problems is because they are too busy dealing with their own.

MARI: So we are all on our own? We just have to deal with whatever problems we are given? Not the motivational speech I was expecting.

OZZIE: If I gave you a speech about how many wonderful people there are in the world, would that motivate you to change your circumstances?

MARI: You used to be way more positive. So it’s all down to me?

OZZIE: You need to take some responsibility. How else do you imagine getting out of this? The Knights in Shining Armour are busy making films.

MARI: I just need to snap out of it? Get off my arse?

OZZIE: Don’t confuse the best action with the easiest one.

MARI: What?

OZZIE: I’m not saying it will be easy.

MARI: You’ve no idea how hard it is.

OZZIE: And you have no idea how hard it is to be me, that’s not the point. You talk about being given problems, but did you create any of them?

MARI: So it’s all my fault now?

OZZIE: Stop talking in absolutes.

MARI: What the?

OZZIE: Words like all, every and always are so overused.

MARI: So it’s mostly my fault?

OZZIE: I don’t know. I wasn’t there, I’m asking you. Looking back on everything is there anything you would have done differently?

MARI: Definitely a few things. Doesn’t mean it was my fault though.

OZZIE: Look we can sit here and have a nice chat, we can talk about all the great moments from our residential trips and the volunteering project you did. We can chat about your favourite TV programmes and Super Hero films. Or we can talk about stuff that really matters and maybe, just maybe help you out.

MARI: If you could choose a Super Power what would it be?

OZZIE: Okay I’ll play, I’d go for super speed. Used to love running fast when I was younger, hate that I can’t anymore, love to have that feeling of running crazily fast.

MARI: I’ve heard the most common answer is invisibility. If people want to know what it’s like to be invisible, then they should try being homeless.

OZZIE: What would you choose?

MARI: Time travel.

OZZIE: So there must be something you would go back and change. How did you end up here?

MARI: Not gonna lie, that’s a long story.

OZZIE: I’ve got all the time you need.

MARI: Hate clichés but it starts with my parents.

OZZIE: So often does, to be fair.

MARI: They never took an interest the things I did. But that didn’t bother me too much, I liked the freedom. It was only as I got older that I realised how much I disliked them as people.

OZZIE: The first time you realise your parents aren’t right about everything is always an awkward moment.

MARI: Imperfection I could handle. But it was big issues we disagreed on.

OZZIE: Like what?

MARI: I’m not racist. I’m not homophobic.

OZZIE: Wow.

MARI: Totally. Throughout my teens I was coming to terms with being gay. By the time I was sixteen I knew for sure. I would have got there a lot quicker if it wasn’t for their attitude.

OZZIE: That’s what you were struggling with when you were with us?

MARI: I am sorry that I couldn’t tell you. It was all just such a mess in my head at the time.

OZZIE: No need to apologise. You decide when you tell your story.

MARI: When I was seventeen, I met someone, she was a bit older, but seemed so right for me. After six months or so I finally told my parents and their reaction was even worse than I thought it would be. I still can’t believe that I have parents that call anybody the names they used that night. Living at home became unbearable. I started spending more and more time at Rhona’s house.

OZZIE: That became your escape?

MARI: Totally. Just after I turned eighteen, Mum made some comment about I may as well live with Rhona. I think her words were “why don’t you just live with that dirty dyke.”

OZZIE: And you stormed off?

MARI: Packed my stuff up that night. Rhona came round in her car. Dad said something about leaving my keys.

OZZIE: So you threw them at him?

MARI: Don’t regret that, just annoyed I missed him. Haven’t lived with them since.

OZZIE: That anything to do with things you said to them?

MARI: Not gonna lie, I said some bad shit myself. But I couldn’t just stand there and take the things they said to me.

OZZIE: Burnt bridges tend not to get rebuilt.

MARI: That one certainly hasn’t.

OZZIE: Sounds like living with Rhona was a good option at the time, to be fair.

MARI: Totally. I was convinced that it would be. Turns out that living with her made living with my parents look like happy families.

OZZIE: What went wrong?

MARI: For the first couple of months it was so good. I was living with this incredibly gorgeous woman who wanted to look after me.

OZZIE: Does sound good.

MARI: I felt like such a grown up, very appealing to an eighteen-year-old. My college friends were so jealous. They came to visit all the time to begin with. Rhona put a stop to that though.

OZZIE: How?

MARI: She told me not to invite them around anymore. At the time it didn’t seem like a big deal, it was fair enough that she didn’t want her house overrun by college kids.

MARI BECOMES AGITATED.

OZZIE: You okay?

MARI: Yeah, it’s just that she was here earlier. First time I’ve seen her for a year. Scared the shit out of me, not even jokin.

OZZIE: She tracked you down?

MARI: Yeah.

OZZIE: How?

MARI: She said a friend from work had seen me here a few nights lately.

OZZIE: She hurt you?

MARI: Not tonight. Gave the impression she would be back though.

OZZIE: You want to move?

MARI: It’s all good, she won’t do anything whilst you’re here. Looking back that was the start of it.

OZZIE: Stopping your friends coming round?

MARI: I’d be constantly moaning about college, she suggested that I quit. Exams were coming up, I hadn’t revised well at all. She told me that I had no career plans so there was no point in college.

OZZIE: I don’t know what I want to do but I want to do something.

MARI: What?

OZZIE: That’s what you said that night when a few of you were playing cards and I asked you all what you wanted to do when you were older.

MARI: Can’t believe you remember that.

OZZIE: The other five or six all had definite answers. But yours was the one I remembered because it felt authentic. With the others it felt like an answer they had ready for any time an adult asked them that question.

MARI: Not gonna lie, that would still be my answer now. This was when Rhona said she was earning enough money to carry on looking after both of us forever, so I didn’t need a career anyway. She made quitting college sound like the obvious choice. Before long I’d quit my part time job too. Next I was forbidden from seeing my friends.

OZZIE: How can she have stopped you seeing them?

MARI: It’s hard to describe, you wouldn’t understand. She just had this hold over me.

OZZIE: She physically abuse you?

MARI: Not really.

OZZIE: Not really?

MARI: This is embarrassing talking to you about, but she was always quite aggressive when it came to sex, if you know what I mean?

OZZIE: I think I know enough.

MARI: That got worse but so gradually that I didn’t notice it. I even enjoyed some of it so that’s why she can claim it wasn’t physical abuse.

OZZIE: By this stage you are completely dependent on her, you had lost your identity?

MARI: Totally. She would take me to parties and nights out to show me off, but never talked to me while we were there. Spending her time with “proper adults” instead. I hardly left the house apart from that.

OZZIE: Sounds like she controlled you with fear.

MARI: Not gonna lie, she did. The last time I came back from meeting up with my own friends I was so scared when I got back I was shaking. She was fuming that I was late even though it was only eleven. I knew I was in trouble because she had sent me so many messages. She was particularly rough that night.

OZZIE: How did you get out?

MARI: She was having an affair with at least one woman. A woman from work that she told me about. Then took me on work nights out and spent all her time with that bitch, often looking at me and laughing. I never thought I would feel so pathetic. One night she was out with her, I knew what they had been doing. Rhona came home expecting to get more of the same with me. Instead I broke up with her and walked out. Haven’t been back since.

OZZIE: Walked straight onto the streets?

MARI: Nowhere else to go. Parents wanted nothing more to do with me. They’ve moved to Spain now. Wonderfully ironic for two people who spent most of their time complaining about fucking immigrants. Rhona had made sure that I had no friends, so even sofa surfing wasn’t an option.

OZZIE: There was really no one that would have helped you out?

MARI: It’s not like I would have been asking to borrow a phone charger, I was asking for somewhere to live.

OZZIE: I know but.

MARI: All my old school or college friends would still have been living with their parents, so that makes things so much more complicated.

OZZIE: You didn’t ask anyone did you?

MARI: Not gonna lie.

OZZIE: You couldn’t face them saying no? Or you couldn’t ask for help?

MARI: This is where it’s all my fault?

OZZIE: Stop with the all. If you understand the road you’ve been down it can help you on the road ahead.

MARI: Still eating those fortune cookies?

OZZIE: I could put my arm around you and tell you how sorry I am that you have been through all this, but that’s not going to help.

MARI: Four years ago you would have been all empathy and no judgement right now.

OZZIE: Four years is a long time. Lots of shitty water under the bridge.

MARI: I know life is shit for everyone sooner or later. I know there are still people worse off than me. But I’ve not spoken to anyone about this ever. It’s been eating me from the inside for over a year. I don’t need a counsellor or a fucking life coach right now.

OZZIE HUGS MARI AND SHE HUGS HIM BACK.

OZZIE: You lost the parent lottery, you deserve a refund on that ticket. Rhona did abuse you, no matter what her or anyone else tells you. The fact that you enjoyed some of her physical actions, does not justify the stuff you didn’t like. You have been through a horrific time and somehow found the strength to survive it and remove yourself from it. I am so impressed by that and without sounding too much like you’re my own daughter, I am so proud of you.

MARI: That’s the Ozzie I know. Great way of describing it by the way, physical actions.

OZZIE: I’m trying to remain unflustered by that aspect, to be honest.

MARI: Doing a pretty good job, although in this light it is hard to see if you’re blushing.

OZZIE: Did the council not help you out?

MARI: Good subject change. Took me a week or so to think of that, then around a month of going virtually every day, only to be told each time there was nothing they could do because I had made myself homeless.

OZZIE: What?

MARI: I walked out on my parents, and I walked out on her.

OZZIE: That’s ridiculous.

MARI: Totally. That’s about all I could ever say to them. Apparently, that’s not a convincing argument.

OZZIE: And being an adult by then wouldn’t have helped your case.

MARI: The only way I could make myself someone who would get help would be to get pregnant. Seriously considered that for a while.

OZZIE: And you have just been surviving ever since?

MARI: Totally.

OZZIE: How do you even do that?

MARI: You quickly come up with ways to survive. There are a few fast food places in town that let me have some of their food at closing time.

OZZIE: Stuff they were going to throw out anyway? That makes sense to be fair.

MARI: Yeah but I only tend to eat once a day. Apart from a few bits and pieces. Not the healthiest.

OZZIE: Actually there is research to support that three meals a day doesn’t suit us at all. Going back to cave men times humans would often have long spells between eating.

MARI: I love your gems of knowledge. They would always come out at random times.

OZZIE: Is there any social mixing amongst the homeless community?

MARI: You asking if I have any friends? There are a couple who have looked out for me. Tony an ex-military guy, he’s taught me a few combat moves to protect myself. He’s been to Afghanistan and Iraq twice each. I also get the impression he’s been on some missions that he’s not allowed to talk about.

OZZIE: You sure he’s not just making it all up?

MARI: Not gonna lie, I did wonder at first, but just about the only thing he carries around with him are some photographs from his military days. There’s Ben too who is fun to talk to, he has been mega loaded but lost it all when his last business venture went spectacularly wrong. He did some prison time for assaulting a bailiff and has been homeless since he got out about six years ago. Sad part is he seemed to have plenty of people around him when he was loaded, they all disappeared with the money.

OZZIE: Sure that’s far from being a rare story. What’s your biggest fear?

MARI: What?

OZZIE: What scares you the most?

MARI: That this is it.

OZZIE: That you’ll be homeless forever?

MARI: Yeah.

OZZIE: What else?

MARI: That any time I go to sleep I could be attacked.

OZZIE: Keep going.

MARI: That I could get ill and not be able to do anything about it.

OZZIE: That’s a fear for everybody.

MARI: What do you want me to say?

OZZIE: What truly scares you?

MARI: Rhona.

OZZIE: What about Rhona?

MARI: When she was here before she threatened to force herself on me. There was a part of me that wanted her to, because I miss her touch and how amazing she could make me feel.

OZZIE: Erm ok…

MARI: She has abused me, controlled me, ruined my life and I still wanted her.

OZZIE: The fact that you’re still attracted to her says nothing bad about you at all.

MARI: Still makes me feel pathetic, not gonna lie.

OZZIE: It really shouldn’t. Are you sure you should still be hanging around here?

MARI: I want her to find me again.

OZZIE: What?

MARI: Hate what she has made me into. I want to see her again, so I can kill her.

OZZIE: I know it’s extreme, but I would say that’s an understandable emotion after everything she has put you through to be fair.

MARI: It’s not just an emotion though I was picturing it. Stabbing her over and over again. Her blood pouring and spurting out. The look of shock and fear on her face. Being able to watch her bleed out then stand over her lifeless body.

OZZIE: But you didn’t do that when she was here before. Right?

MARI: No, no I didn’t. Even if she was dead she would still be controlling my life.

OZZIE: The past should remind you but not define you.

MARI: Knew you’d have a fucking quote.

OZZIE: I know they’re annoying at the best of times, but there is a great deal of truth in most of them, certainly that one.

MARI: You make it sound so easy.

OZZIE: It’s incredibly difficult, but you can do it.

MARI: How?

OZZIE: I used to think I could come up with a magic quote and produce a light bulb moment for the young person I was working with. But progress is slow, you can’t go from hell to heaven in one step. But it does start with taking the first step.

MARI: I feel more like I’m going round in circles.

OZZIE: You’ve followed some traumatic life events by having virtually nothing but alone time for a year. It’s not surprising if that has resulted in a vicious tornado of negativity inside you.

MARI: Vicious tornado of negativity? Do you plan these speeches?

OZZIE: No they just, well yeah some of them I do to be honest, but I promise that one just came to me.

MARI: I’ll believe you.

OZZIE: You know you want to change your situation, but do you have somewhere you want to be?

MARI: Anywhere but here.

OZZIE: Away from motivation can work at times, but I think you really need towards motivation.

MARI: Not gonna lie, no idea what you’re talking about.

OZZIE: I think you’ll be better working towards something rather than just running away from something.

MARI: I still imagine the future.

OZZIE: What do you see?

MARI: A small house to myself. Working a job that I’m proud of, maybe for a charity. Having friends over whenever the hell I want.

OZZIE: Sounds good.

MARI: Also I really want to do something to help with the homeless situation. Whether it’s just a few projects, working for a homeless charity or even setting up one of my own. I don’t know how to fix the problem right now, but I’m sure I could do something.

OZZIE: That sounds amazing. You always said you wanted to do something.

MARI: Totally. It’s the getting from here to there I’m having trouble with. Feel like I need a break.

OZZIE: Don’t get caught up in lottery syndrome.

MARI: Do you even expect that to make sense?

OZZIE: Being ambiguous is my trademark.

MARI: But it’s also fucking annoying, and remind me what ambiguous means?

OZZIE: It means unclear.

MARI: Just say unclear then.

OZZIE: But that would have stepped all over my point and we would have missed out on that wonderful moment of irony.

MARI: Anyway…..

OZZIE: Oh yeah, lottery syndrome. That’s when people wait around for a lottery win to make their life better.

MARI: Is that syndrome like a real thing or…

OZZIE: Oh no, I made it up, it only exists in my head, to be honest. But you’re forever hearing people say, “when I win the lottery”. Other than buying a shed load of tickets they can’t do anything to significantly improve their chances.

MARI: Oh does this go with your control the controllables speech?

OZZIE: You remembered.

MARI: Totally, that one stuck. Not too many things I can control right now though.

OZZIE: I suppose if I say enough shit some of it will stick to be fair. Whatever the situation the principle remains the same. What do you need to change your situation?

MARI: A job.

OZZIE: You don’t necessarily need a job, you probably need money.

MARI: You suggesting I should sell myself?

OZZIE: I’ve only just got over the spanking references with Rhona, don’t bring that into it.

MARI: Not gonna lie, it wasn’t just spanking.

OZZIE: As I was saying, you need to generate some money, then you can get a place to say, once you have a place to stay and a contact address then getting a job becomes so much easier.

MARI: Can we skip the bit where you get me to come up with the answers.

OZZIE: Knocking on doors and finding out if there is anything they would pay you to do. You could wash cars, clean houses, do ironing, cut grass, maybe even walk dogs.

MARI: Can’t see many people saying yes to that.

OZZIE: Neither can I to be honest, you’ll get way more rejections than not. But you only need a few people saying yes each day.

MARI: You have planned this speech.

OZZIE: To be honest I have thought about this one over the years.

MARI: Again you make it sound like it’s easy.

OZZIE: Then I’m telling it wrong. It will take an incredible amount of hard work to be fair. But what have you got to lose? It will take up a lot of time, but what else would you have been doing that day?

MARI: If you’re going to resort to logic then I can’t argue with you.

OZZIE: If you want to appreciate the view you have to climb the mountain.

MARI: A metaphor for every situation. Wait was that a metaphor? Not gonna lie, I’m never exactly sure what one is.

OZZIE: Don’t ever tell anyone this, but to be honest neither am I. I think it might have been more of an analogy.

MARI: You have a way of describing things, let’s say that. How was it you described me that time? Something to do with chocolate.

OZZIE: A Crème Egg, hard on the outside but soft in the middle. Of all the young people I’ve worked with you were the ultimate crème egg.

MARI: Still not sure it’s a compliment.

OZZIE: Are you kidding? Crème eggs are awesome!

MARI: True.

OZZIE: And there is nothing wrong with being soft in the middle.

MARI: Are you soft in the middle?

OZZIE: You’ve seen me cry.

MARI: That was four year ago. Your facial expression has hardly changed all night.

OZZIE: Sorry, old habits die hard.

MARI: Your turn to cut the crap. Not even jokin.

OZZIE: What?

MARI: Don’t give me that shit about youth worker poker face. Four years ago you would have been crying yourself right now.

OZZIE: Like I said a lot can happen in four years.

MARI: Totally, no offence but you look like you’ve hardly slept in those four years.

OZZIE: Do I really look that bad?

MARI: I’ve been on the streets for a year and you look worse than me.

OZZIE: That’s called age to be fair.

MARI: It isn’t that long since I’ve seen you. So how come you’re not a youth worker anymore? And don’t give me that bullshit about wanting to make a big difference.

OZZIE: What?

MARI: You heard.

OZZIE: It’s not BS.

MARI: Oh come on, I saw how much you loved being a youth worker.

OZZIE: To be honest I guess it caught up with me eventually.

MARI: What did?

OZZIE: Looking after everyone all the time. Guess I was just all cared out.

MARI: So you became a foster carer?

OZZIE: It’s hard to explain. The mental and emotional energy required is different.

MARI: Not gonna lie still think this is BS.

OZZIE: I just can’t be there for everybody all the time.

MARI: That’s not what I’m asking.

OZZIE: I can’t help you Mari.

MARI: What?

OZZIE: It’s killing me, but I can’t help you.

MARI: You have a false sense of what a youth worker is if you think I was expecting you to stop me being homeless.

OZZIE: Of course, it’s just a pathetic little job of playing pool and table tennis, just a glorified scout leader.

MARI: What the fuck? That’s not at all what I’m….

OZZIE: They wouldn’t let me carry on fostering if I had someone your age living with me.

MARI: I don’t expect you to offer me a place to live. Right now I’m actually worried about you.

OZZIE: You’re not supposed to be worrying about me.

MARI: We don’t need to do the one way worrying thing now, you’re not my youth worker anymore, haven’t been for ages.

OZZIE: I really need to finish that walk.

MARI: Ozzie don’t.

OZZIE GETS UP OFF THE BENCH AND SETS OFF WALKING OFF STAGE. MARI GETS UP TOO AND TAKES A FEW STEPS AFTER HIM.

CURTAIN.

ACT II SCENE 1

OZZIE IS SAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FRONT OF STAGE, FACING THE AUDIENCE, WITH HIS LEGS HANGING OVER THE STAGE. MARI ENTERS FROM STAGE RIGHT, CARRYING HER BAG. OZZIE DOESN’T NOTICE HER. MARI STOPS STILL AND LOOKS AT HIM. THEN SLOWLY TURNS AWAY AND HEADS OFF STAGE. A COUPLE OF SECONDS LATER SHE COMES BACK ON STAGE, TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND WALKS UP TO OZZIE.

MARI: Jumping off a bridge? And you used to call me dramatic.

OZZIE: Go away.

MARI PUTS HER BAG DOWN AND SITS NEXT TO OZZIE.

MARI: Not gonna happen.

OZZIE: You followed me?

MARI: What else have I got to do tonight?

OZZIE: Seriously Mari I need to be alone right now.

MARI: You’ve been looking out for other people for so long you don’t know how to handle it when someone looks out for you.

OZZIE: I can’t handle anything anymore.

MARI: Ozzie can you please move back a bit because I’m scared you could slip off.

OZZIE: You’re worried about me slipping?

MARI: Right now yeah, you’re so close to the edge.

OZZIE SHAKES HIS HEAD BUT SLIDES BACK AWAY FROM THE EDGE A LITTLE BIT.

MARI: Thanks. It’s ok to need a break. No one can be positive all the time.

OZZIE: Faking positivity is exhausting.

MARI: You were faking the whole time?

OZZIE: Don’t even know anymore. If you pretend anything for long enough it can start feeling real.

MARI: No way, no way were you faking the whole time.

OZZIE: Maybe I did truly love it for a while.

MARI: Why did you really leave?

OZZIE: Like I said, just all cared out.

MARI: Fuck off Ozzie.

OZZIE: What?

MARI: There’s no way that is all there is to it. If you’re about to kill yourself, you may as well tell me.

OZZIE: One of them never came home.

MARI: What?

OZZIE: A girl killed herself on residential.

MARI: Oh God.

OZZIE: I tried to carry on, but nothing was the same after that.

MARI: That’s so bad.

OZZIE: I just couldn’t go on doing the same residentials, watching the same activities, making the speeches and having the chats.

MARI: Must be impossible to forget.

OZZIE: No matter what I was doing I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

MARI: How did she do it?

OZZIE: Does it matter?

MARI: Sorry, guess not.

OZZIE: By far the worst I’ve ever felt, never thought anything could make me feel that bad.

MARI: I’ll let you feel sad about it, devasted even, but do not be feeling guilty. You can’t read minds, it just sometimes felt to us that you could.

OZZIE: I could have made her feel more comfortable talking to me, comfortable enough to open-up.

MARI: No one would have done that better than you.

OZZIE: Wasn’t good enough for her.

MARI: What was her name?

OZZIE: Cindy.

MARI: I know I wasn’t there but I’m sure Cindy wouldn’t blame you. Did she have any friends on the trip?

OZZIE: Her best friend was there.

MARI: What was her name? Was it a girl?

OZZIE: Yeah, Maddison. She was there when it happened.

MARI: Does Maddison blame you?

OZZIE: No.

MARI: Of course she doesn’t.

OZZIE: She still messages me now sometimes when she’s struggling.

MARI: Doesn’t surprise me at all.

OZZIE: I’ve never done CPR on a real person before. She was almost certainly dead by the time I got there but I had to do something. Ambulance got there quick, but there was nothing they could do.

MARI: What a horrible experience for everyone on the trip.

OZZIE: It had been such a good week, that was the last night. Telling the group the next morning was something I could barely handle, definitely couldn’t do it again.

MARI: It’s just so sad.

OZZIE: I stayed up with Maddison that night talking, mostly listening. She eventually fell asleep after six. And when I got back to the club the next day the main thing they want to talk to me about is me leaving myself one on one with a young person for so long. Can you believe that?

MARI: I suppose I can sort of see where they’re coming from, especially with it being a girl but…

OZZIE: Are you kidding? She’s just seen her best friend kill herself, what was I supposed to do? Send her off to bed with a cup of Horlicks? Or get a group of youth workers around her so we can take turns quoting text books? She didn’t need a youth worker, she needed a human.

MARI: Totally. I was going to say, but I totally think you did the right thing and if I had been in Maddison’s place I can’t think of anyone I would rather talk to that night than you.

OZZIE: We were in a massive staff room as well, with centre staff never far away, it’s not like I took her back to my bedroom. Then they brought up the time from two years before that when I took a girl to hospital in my car, she had drunk a full bottle of absinthe in less than half an hour. I thought getting her to hospital was a good idea. But apparently I should have had a staff meeting and read through some policies first.

MARI: Is that why you left?

OZZIE: They didn’t fire me or anything. But I was just fed up of it all. On top of the all the feelings about Cindy, I just had to get out.

MARI: Did you have counselling? Let me guess, you made sure everyone else effected by it got some, you’ve obviously unofficially counselled Maddison and probably a few other people. But never saw anybody yourself.

OZZIE: I did have a couple of sessions. But then I started getting depressed about the fact that I was having counselling.

MARI: What is it with your generation, especially the males?

OZZIE: Here comes the rant.

MARI: Why can’t you acknowledge when you need help?

OZZIE: So much easier said than done.

MARI: If you were in a room with three other people and four chairs that needed moving, you would carry the four chairs whilst asking the people if they’re okay. You must have had so many opportunities to open-up, to let people know that you are struggling, but you’ve probably never done it. Now here you are sat on a fucking bridge. Don’t give me the ‘no swearing’ look. Not even jokin.

OZZIE: I gave up trying to stop you swearing four years ago.

MARI: Some things make sense to give up on. But don’t give up on life. Imagine how your family and friends would feel. You’ve seen all the sadness that Cindy’s suicide caused, surely you don’t want to do that to people in your life.

OZZIE: The guilt trip really isn’t helping.

MARI: Sorry, not gonna lie I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing. I just really think you should carry on living.

OZZIE: I haven’t got the energy anymore to be a foster carer. If I don’t have the income from that I can’t afford the mortgage on the three-bedroom house. I really need a break, but I can’t afford one. And there’s no way I could handle living on the streets like you.

MARI: Whoah, slow down. You’re getting way ahead of yourself. Just give yourself a little bit of time and I’m sure you will be ready to foster again. If not, there are like a million other jobs you could do.

OZZIE: I just can’t.

MARI: I’m trying to remember that boxing metaphor you told us about, the one that linked to mental health and self-care. Something about counting to eight. It was so good.

OZZIE: When a boxer gets knocked down, if they try to prove they are not hurt and get up too quickly and start fighting too soon, they often get knocked out properly. What they should do is have the composure to stay down for a count of eight, clearing their head and giving themselves as much time as possible to recover before fighting again.

MARI: Time for you to take your eight count. There have been so many times over the last year or so when I have thought about killing myself. Whether it started with God or a big bang life is a miracle. All the things that had to happen for me to be born when and where I was, to those parents, that’s another freaky miracle within the miracle. I have no idea what the point of it all is, but I have decided that I am not going to waste all that magic that has gone into creating me, I’m not going to end it myself. Then I think of the lousy parents, the abusive girlfriend, all those people who have physically or verbally abused me on the streets, the ones who give me looks like I’m so far beneath them and even the guy who raped me. They all think I’m worthless. And there is no way I am going to let them be right. Is a nice guy who helped plenty of people then killed himself really the way you want your miracle to end?

OZZIE: I just don’t see the point anymore.

MARI: Of course you don’t see the point right now, you’re depressed. If you had a broken ankle you wouldn’t be able to walk right now. But one day you would be able to walk and run again.

OZZIE: An attempt at a metaphor, really?

MARI: I learnt from the best. This is a dark time, but it will go away. When I saw you tonight that was the happiest I have been for at least a year because I knew you would make me feel better.

OZZIE: But I can’t help you, I can’t give you somewhere to live.

MARI: Oh my God, you already have helped me! Stop feeling like you need to save everyone. You helped me by sitting down on that shitty park bench.

OZZIE: It is a bit shitty.

MARI: I can’t begin to imagine the impact you had on those twins by fostering them. And I bet when Maddison feels at her darkest she messages you because she knows that somehow you will be able to lift the gloom, maybe just a little bit, but enough.

OZZIE: When I’m feeling like this how can I be helping other people?

MARI: You don’t need to be perfect all the time to be able to help someone. That’s like saying only Whitney Houston can be a singing coach.

OZZIE: Are my metaphors this annoying?

MARI: Was that banter?

OZZIE: Suicidal people are often in an upbeat mood just before the moment.

MARI: Banter followed by a gem of knowledge. Sounds like a youth worker I once knew.

MARI GETS HER BALL OUT OF HER BAG. HOLDS IT UP BRIEFLY THEN THROWS IT OFF THE BRIDGE.

OZZIE: What you doin? No!

MARI: It’s a fucking ball Ozzie! You care more about a stupid ball than you do about yourself. You’re not all cared out, you’ve just forgot to care about you.

OZZIE: You’re good.

MARI: Can we please turned around and stand up? My arse is getting numb.

OZZIE LETS OUT A LITTLE LAUGH AND SPINS ROUND AND STANDS UP OFF THE BRIDGE. MARI SPINS ROUND AND STANDS UP IMMEDIATELY AFTER HIM. THE TWO OF THEM ARE FACING EACH OTHER.

OZZIE: Thanks Mari. Can’t believe how calm you were.

MARI: Calm? I was fucking shitting myself!

MARI WHACKS OZZIE ON THE SHOULDER THREE TIMES. THEN THE TWO OF THEM HUG.

ACT II SCENE 2

MARI IS SAT ON THE PARK BENCH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STAGE, HER HEAD IS BOWED. RHONA WALKS ONTO STAGE UP TO MARI, WHO LOOKS UP AT HER.

MARI: Not now.

RHONA: Tough night?

MARI: You’ve no idea.

RHONA: Aww poor princess.

RHONA SITS DOWN ON THE BENCH.

MARI: Seriously why are you here?

RHONA: Do I need a reason?

MARI: To scare me? To show you can still turn me on? Or is this your sick way of trying to win me back?

RHONA: Bitch please. I’m sick? Is that how you describe me to people?

MARI: Not gonna lie, that’s one of the more flattering ways.

RHONA: Hurts me so much to think that the homeless community in this town will have such a low opinion of me. I’ll be spending several sleepless nights worrying about how a bunch of drunk, drug addicts see me.

MARI: Don’t pretend you give a shit about what anyone thinks of you, homeless or not.

RHONA: I used to care what you thought of me.

MARI: You never gave a shit about anything I felt or thought. You pretended you did for a while.

RHONA: You think I was pretending from the beginning, that hurts.

MARI: Seriously who are you trying to convince? Yourself? Whatever you came here to do whether it’s to fuck me or just beat the crap out of me are you going to get on with it any time soon?

RHONA: The fear doesn’t come from the bang it comes from the anticipation of it.

MARI: So you are trying to scare me? Or is scare me not enough, do you need terrified? You need me crying and begging?

RHONA: I do miss those days.

MARI: That’s what all this is about isn’t it?

RHONA: Trying to analyse me? Bitch please.

MARI: Power. Control. Making me do something I don’t want to do. If I said please Rhona fuck me right here, right now. That wouldn’t work for you would it?

RHONA: Oh stop.

MARI: If I said Rhona hurt me while you fuck me. You wouldn’t. The thrill would be gone wouldn’t it?

RHONA: Don’t do psychoanalysis bullshit on me.

MARI: You don’t even find me attractive do you? Probably never did.

RHONA: Bitch please. Now you’re talking crazy.

MARI: You think you’re tough. You’re just a bully. Like any bully you’re weak and insecure and so far from tough. You had to take away everything from me that you could, my friends, my college, my job, my future and my independence.

RHONA: Oh stop.

MARI: Then the demonstrations of what you think is toughness cranked up. You can beat the crap out of me on this bench, you could rape me right here. You would still be just a pathetic bully.

MARI REACHES DOWN SLOWLY INTO HER BAG AND PULLS HER KNIFE OUT, KEEPING IT DOWN TO HER SIDE. RHONA IS STARING STRAIGHT AHEAD AND DOESN’T NOTICE THE KNIFE.

RHONA: You’re just a spoiled little princess that doesn’t have a fucking clue what they are talking about.

MARI: Spoiled princess? What the fuck? Yeah because take a look at my Palace.

RHONA: Bitch please, you’ve no idea how lucky you are.

MARI: Sorry just let me take this silver spoon out of my mouth before I reply. My parents never gave a shit about me, then disowned me because of my sexuality. Then I lived with an extremely abusive girlfriend for a year.

RHONA: Oh stop with the extremely abusive crap.

MARI: Crap? You really think what you did to me wasn’t abuse?

RHONA: Bitch please, you have no fucking clue what real abuse is.

MARI: You have no clue how much you’ve affected me.

RHONA: Real abuse is cracked ribs and broken fingers.

MARI: Abuse doesn’t have to be physical.

RHONA: Physical, emotional, sexual and neglect. Fags being put out on you. Being whipped by a leather belt until you bleed. Not being bought any new clothes after the age of twelve. Having to make your own meals for as long as you remember. Being told to sleep outside. Being told you’re a worthless whore and that your existence is a mistake. Guys taking turns raping you from the age of thirteen. Being made to drink alcohol until you pass out. Having your head held under water until you think you’re going to die.

MARI: What the….

RHONA: The worst thing being that the guy doing this is your own Dad and some of his mates. You want to protect your younger sister, so you start pissing your Dad off as much as you can so that his attention stays on you and not her. No one gives a shit about that so why should anyone give a shit about you?

MARI: I asked you about your past so many times, but you never let me in, not even a glimpse.

RHONA: I’m sure it would have been such a turn on hearing that about your girlfriend.

MARI: If you think that would have made me leave someone, then you don’t know me at all.

RHONA: So many pathetic do-gooders in the world, why does no one help me?

MARI: Because no one gives a shit. Why would they? People might pretend to like you, but only because they have seen how you treat people you don’t like. People are attracted to your charisma, but no one goes beyond that. If you really needed help, how many people could you call on?

RHONA: I’ve got on with my life. I’m successful. I did that. No one did me any favours.

MARI: You’ve done that despite your past, not because of it.

RHONA: Bitch please. I did it because of my past. Most people want to make their Dad proud, I just wanted to prove him wrong. I’m not worthless.

MARI: How are you successful?

RHONA: Three promotions in four years. One of the youngest advertising and marketing executives in the country. Earning over forty grand a year at my age.

MARI: Anything outside work?

RHONA: Oh stop.

MARI: Why are you here?

RHONA: To, to, show you how pathetic you are.

MARI: Why are you here?

RHONA: Couldn’t sleep so thought I would come back and piss you off some more.

MARI: Rhona, why are you here?

RHONA: Because you’re the only one who’ll listen.

MARI DROPS THE KNIFE DOWN TO THE FLOOR.

MARI: So that’s what your voice sounds like when you’re being honest.

RHONA: I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

MARI: Not gonna lie, sorry is not going to get it done with me. But you need to sort yourself out.

RHONA: I opened-up to Edele last week and she didn’t want to hear it. I was lying naked next to her in her bed, crying, telling her that I had been abused as a kid. And she told me it was time to go. That her husband would be back soon.

MARI: She is married with kids, she never wanted you for anything more than a fuck.

RHONA: She literally said that in a text the next day.

MARI: So the bitch you cheated on me with, really is a bitch.

RHONA: I thought you might understand, more than anyone else.

MARI: Why? Why on earth would I be the one to understand this?

RHONA: Because you know what it’s like to be abused.

MARI: No shit.

RHONA: I grew up with no control, no control whatsoever over anything. I couldn’t stop the things he did. When I finally got out I wanted to control everything in my life.

MARI: And you had to control someone.

RHONA: You didn’t deserve it at all.

MARI: No one…

RHONA: I know, I know, no one deserves that. But you know what I mean. Actually, I’m not sure no one deserves that. Some people deserve a whole lot of pain and more.

MARI: Your Dad?

RHONA: He’s dead now.

MARI: You didn’t?

RHONA: Kill him? No, I was too scared for that back then. If he was still alive now I would kill him.

MARI: When did he die?

RHONA: Just after my nineteenth birthday. A heart attack never looked so beautiful. I just couldn’t seem to remember the phone number for an ambulance at the time.

MARI: Where was your Mum?

RHONA: She left him not long after Millie was born. No idea where she is now. I can understand her leaving a monster like that, but why on earth did she leave her daughters with him? Did she think that even he wouldn’t do stuff to his own daughters? Or is she just a heartless bitch?

MARI: No way of knowing I suppose. How’s your sister doing?

RHONA: Okay I think. After he died our Uncle and Aunty took her in. They seemed to have looked after her well enough, she’s at uni now.

MARI: You not see her much?

RHONA: I think she feels guilty because of how much I took for her, and I just never want to think about any of it. It’s so awkward when we meet up. Keep in touch with her via text messages now.

MARI: Did you ever get professional help?

RHONA: I’ve tried it off and on a few times. But I’ve opted for the pretend it never happened approach.

MARI: I’ve noticed that.

RHONA: Even after he’s dead he is till abusing me. He’s turned me into the bitch that you know.

MARI: Not gonna lie, I don’t think bitch is a strong enough word.

RHONA: Can’t argue with that. Why would I make someone else feel so bad when I know how that feels myself?

MARI: A cycle of abuse. I’m sure it’s horribly common.

RHONA: I bet you’ve not gone around abusing people.

MARI: Only myself. I didn’t say everybody did it, just that it happens a lot.

RHONA: How can I stop it?

MARI: Looking for a longer answer than – ‘stop abusing people’?

RHONA: How can I make it right?

MARI: You can’t change the past. Trust me. And if it’s forgiveness you’re looking for then you’re going to have a long wait. Not going to happen. Not even jokin.

RHONA: Even I’m not crazy enough to expect forgiveness.

MARI: You wanted to prove him wrong? The best revenge you can get on him is being better than him, way better. God knows what happened to him in his past, but probably some shit happened. He could have chosen to end the cycle, but he passed it on to his own daughter. Now you can end it.

RHONA: To this day I can’t bear it when a guy touches me. I can’t trust anyone or see the good in people.

MARI: All stuff that can change.

RHONA: I can’t have kids, even if I wanted them.

MARI: Not gonna lie, might want to swerve motherhood for now anyway.

RHONA: Probably right there. I just don’t know how to act any other way.

MARI: You don’t need to turn into Giselle overnight.

RHONA: Who?

MARI: Sorry Disney reference.

RHONA: Bitch please.

MARI: Guessing you haven’t started watching them over the last year. She’s the incredibly happy and optimistic Princess in Enchanted.

RHONA: I couldn’t do that.

MARI: Totally. That’s what I’m saying. People who know you would be totally freaked out by that. Just stop looking to assert your dominance all the time. Stop putting people down.

RHONA: Stop being a bitch?

MARI: That would be a start.

RHONA: I didn’t want to be the victim anymore.

MARI: There doesn’t have to be a victim. Life isn’t about choosing whether you’re a victim or, or a erm…

RHONA: Perpetrator.

MARI: That’s the one.

RHONA: I was just so desperate to attack.

MARI: Because you thought that was the best way to make sure you were never attacked yourself.

RHONA: Am I that transparent?

MARI: Totally. Even a college dropout can see it.

RHONA: I’m so fucked up.

MARI: I think you need a break.

RHONA: Starting again would be good.

MARI: You don’t mean us getting back together? I have PTSD because of you, flashbacks, nightmares, paranoia. Not gonna lie, if you think there’s even the tiniest chance we can get back together then you really are fucked up.

RHONA: Bitch please. I was thinking of work. But good to know where you’re at.

MARI: No surprise there. You going somewhere else?

RHONA: Same company different country.

MARI: Really? Where?

RHONA: Qatar. They are opening a new office there and want me to be part of the team that helps set it up.

MARI: That’s amazing. They really do think highly of you. Wait, Qatar?

RHONA: Yeah.

MARI: Pretty sure being gay is illegal there.

RHONA: It’s only for six months, I’ll just have to control my urges. And make sure the vibrator has plenty of batteries.

MARI: Six months of controlled urges, that would be a fresh start for you.

RHONA: Oh stop. You know me so well.

MARI: Seriously I think it will be great for you. Plenty of time to yourself to get your mind together.

RHONA: That’s what I’m hoping.

MARI: I’m guessing it’s all expenses paid?

RHONA: Yeah they have sorted out flats for us. So I can keep the mortgage payments going out while I’m gone without any extra costs.

MARI: When are you going?

RHONA: Fly out in a couple of days. Do you want to stay in my house while I’m away?

MARI: What?

RHONA: I can understand if you don’t want anything more to do with me, I just thought it made sense.

MARI: Not gonna lie, I really couldn’t live in that house again.

RHONA: I’ve moved. No traumatic memories for you in this house.

MARI: Seriously?

RHONA: Look I know your pride might not want to take a hand out from someone you consider to be the devil. But there’s going to be an empty house in town for six months and you’re going to be living on the streets in that time. Call me an ice-cold bitch if you want, but surely it makes sense for you to live there.

MARI: I promised myself I would never be in a situation where I was reliant on someone else again, let alone you.

RHONA: Bitch please. Think of all the things you can get done if you have a house and an address for six months. You can apply for jobs, night school courses and maybe reconnect with old friends. All the bills will be paid anyway, you’ll have a bed, heating, TV…

MARI: Oh my God I could have a bath.

RHONA: You could. I was worried about leaving the place empty for six months anyway, thinking it would be likely to get broken in to.

MARI: It does make sense, just seems a bit…

RHONA: Too good to be true? I could give you a house for life and I would still owe you so much. This is me being selfish, if I can help you out it will make me feel a tiny bit better.

MARI: Where is it?

RHONA: Location, location, location, is that really going to affect your decision?

MARI: I was just wondering.

RHONA: It’s one of the town houses near Queen’s Gardens.

MARI: Oh right in town centre, those houses look cool.

RHONA: Is this a yes?

MARI: Yeah I think so.

RHONA: I promise you won’t see me if you don’t want to. You can come in after I’ve headed off to the airport and be gone by the time I come back. I can leave a set of instructions about how everything works and anything you need to know. Wait you’re not just going to trash the place are you? Couldn’t blame you I suppose.

MARI: I did want to kill you.

RHONA: Never been so happy to hear the past tense.

MARI: But no, I’m not planning on wrecking your house.

RHONA: That’s good.

OZZIE WALKS ONTO STAGE.

MARI: Oh my god Ozzie. How you doing? Are you okay? You sure?

OZZIE: Yeah, yeah I’m fine, I’m fine.

MARI: You promise?

OZZIE: I promise.

MARI: Ozzie this is Rhona.

OZZIE: Rhona? The Rhona? Are you okay?

MARI: Totally. Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Long story, but things are okay between us, sort of anyway.

OZZIE: Really?

RHONA: I’m guessing she has told you all about me. Believe every word, in fact knowing Mari she has probably watered things down. I was worse. Wait is this Ozzie the youth worker?

MARI: Yes!

RHONA: She mentioned you quite a bit, sharing your inspirational and wise words.

OZZIE: Did she now?

MARI: You made a big difference to a lot.

OZZIE: Hope so.

MARI: Oh my God I can’t believe we have been chatting for almost a minute and I’ve not told you.

OZZIE: What?

MARI: Rhona is going to work in Qatar for six months and I’m going to live in her house whilst she’s gone.

OZZIE: Seriously?

MARI: Totally. Not even jokin.

OZZIE: That’s awesome. That’ll be more than enough time for you to get yourself sorted and back on your right track.

MARI: Hopefully.

OZZIE: It will be. Qatar though? You realise homosexuality is illegal over there?

MARI: Yeah we’ve done that. You don’t have to take every opportunity to share knowledge, you can let some of them go by.

OZZIE: I’ll try to remember that. And if I foster a girl again I will be coming to you for help and advice, you could be her cool older buddy.

MARI: You going to foster again?

OZZIE: Not sure right now. Just going to have couple of weeks off, doing absolutely nothing.

MARI: Not gonna lie, that’s going to be so hard for you.

OZZIE: I know, but I think I’ll manage. Anyway this has been blown out of the water completely by Rhona, but I’m going to give it to you anyway.

MARI: What?

OZZIE REACHES INTO HIS POCKET.

OZZIE: I got you a new ball!

MARI laughs and gives OZZIE a hug.

CURTAIN. Characters

MARI A 20-year-old woman who is homeless.

OZZIE A former youth worker, around 40 years old, who worked with Mari when she was 16.

RHONA Mari’s ex-girlfriend around 25years old.

ACT I SCENE 1

IT’S LATE ON A SUMMER’S NIGHT. MARI IS SAT ON A PARK BENCH IN THE CENTRE OF THE STAGE FACING OUT TOWARDS THE AUDIENCE. THE BENCH IS ENCLOSED ON THREE SIDES BY A SHELTER, WHICH HAS A ROOF. SHE HAS A SMALL RUCKSACK UNDERNEATH THE BENCH. RHONA WALKS SLOWLY TOWARDS MARI, WHO DOESN’T NOTICE HER UNTIL SHE IS ALMOST RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER.

MARI: Oh God. How did you find me?

RHONA: Not happy to see me?

MARI: What do you want?

RHONA: It’s been a year Princess, is that all you have got to say to me?

MARI: Seriously why are you here?

RHONA: You’re not going to pull a knife on me again are you?

MARI: Do I need one?

RHONA: Oh stop. I’ve just come for a chat. Unless you’re offering anything else for old time’s sake?

MARI: No way.

RHONA: Didn’t think so. Worth checking though, I remember how outdoor fun used to get you so excited.

MARI: How did you find me?

RHONA: Amy has seen you here a few times on her walk home from the gym.

MARI: Surprised she remembers me, not even jokin.

RHONA: Oh stop. You’re very memorable. I can’t believe you would rather live here than with me.

MARI: Seriously?

RHONA: Was living with me really that bad?

MARI: Seriously, seriously?

RHONA: You didn’t need a job, no money worries, all you had to do was look after me a little.

MARI: That last part is where we disagree.

RHONA: I bet when you tell people this story, I’m the psycho ex-girlfriend.

MARI: Not gonna lie, they do end up thinking that.

RHONA: Because of what you tell them.

MARI: Because of what happened.

RHONA: Bitch please. Who’s to say what the truth is?

MARI: Don’t pretend you don’t remember, I know you’re not that messed up.

RHONA: Something happens, one person finds it funny the other person finds it offensive. Is that thing offensive or funny? A fact is beautifully clear and unarguable. Truth is so vague.

MARI: What happened with us was fact.

RHONA: Tell me about these facts.

MARI: You made me do so many things that I didn’t want to do.

RHONA: Oh stop. You’re not getting it Princess. The fact is that you did all those things. Your version of the truth is that I made you do it.

MARI: How about sex with you often left me in tears.

RHONA: I could argue with the word often.

MARI: Sometimes then.

RHONA: That’s a fact.

MARI: And it’s a fact that you would sometimes carry on no matter how much I cried.

RHONA: Now you’re getting it.

MARI: I pick up on things quicker now.

RHONA: I would argue that you enjoyed it really.

MARI: Who are you trying to convince?

RHONA: Just trying to open your mind enough to acknowledge that other versions of the truth exist.

MARI: You abused me, there is no other version.

RHONA: Bitch please. You call that abuse?

MARI: Not even talking about the sex stuff, I can see how someone as messed up as you wouldn’t call that abuse.

RHONA: Oh stop. I’m the messed up one?

MARI: You could call me messed up too. Totally. Most people would be after what you put me through.

RHONA: Did you not like being told what to do? That’s life. Everyone gets told what to do by someone.

MARI: Being told how to live was what I struggled with.

RHONA: Bitch please. Spoiled little princess, wanting the perfect relationship. Disney isn’t real. You have to make sacrifices. Give and take, you familiar with that concept?

MARI: You controlled my entire life. Totally using me as a house slave.

RHONA: There are some serious gaps in your education if you think that’s what slavery is.

MARI: I was terrified of you and you loved it. It’s exactly what you wanted from the start, I was just too stupid to realise. People tried to tell me how evil you are, but I wouldn’t have it, I was so in love with you.

RHONA: Oh stop, you’re breaking my heart all over again.

MARI: I’m pretty sure that was broken before you met me.

RHONA SITS ON THE BENCH, CLOSE ENOUGH TO MARI TO BE TOUCHING HER. MARI LEANS BACK AWAY FROM RHONA.

RHONA: Don’t ever talk about my past.

MARI: You made that clear a while ago.

RHONA: Did you say you were terrified?

RHONA GRABS MARI’S HAIR ON THE BACK OF HER HEAD AND PULLS IT TIGHT. THEN PUTS HER OTHER HAND UP AGAINST MARI’S THROAT.

RHONA: Bitch please. You’re still scared of me. Pulse is racing. You know that if I wanted to I could use you as my little bitch right here right now. That scares you. But there is also a part of you that wants me to do it. But little Princesses like you need to learn you don’t always get what you want. Not right now anyway.

RHONA LETS GO OF MARI, RUNS HER HAND SLOWLY DOWN MARI’S ARM AND THEN STANDS UP.

RHONA: Be seeing you soon Princess.

RHONA WALKS OFF STAGE. MARI REACHES INTO HER BAG AND PULLS OUT A SMALL KNIFE. 

ACT 1 SCENE 2

OZZIE A MAN AROUND 40 WALKS ACROSS THE STAGE HEADING PAST MARI WHO IS SITTING ON THE BENCH. MARI QUICKLY PUTS HER KNIFE BACK IN HER BAG.

MARI: Ozzie?

MARI STANDS UP QUICKLY. OZZIE STOPS AND LOOKS AT MARI.

MARI: No fucking way it is you.

OZZIE: Mari?

MARI: Yeah, yeah, shit sorry for swearing.

THE PAIR OF THEM HUG BRIEFLY.

OZZIE: I think that’s ok. You must be what 18, 19 now?

MARI: 20.

OZZIE: Then I think you’re allowed to swear. Twenty? No way that means those two legendary residential trips were four years ago.

MARI: Crazy isn’t it?

OZZIE: Seriously can’t keep track of time anymore.

MARI: Totally. What you doing out so late?

OZZIE: Out for a walk. What about you? Haven’t you got a home to go to?

MARI: No.

OZZIE: Oh….

MARI: It’s all good.

MARI SITS BACK ON THE BENCH.

OZZIE: Four years ago, I did say anytime you need to talk…

MARI: I don’t think talking is going to help me.

OZZIE: It might do if someone is listening.

MARI: Don’t know what that’s like.

OZZIE: Must be dying to find out.

MARI: You got nothing else to do tonight?

OZZIE: Nothing that can’t wait.

MARI: Not gonna lie, it would be nice to have a chat.

OZZIE SITS NEXT TO MARI ON THE BENCH.

OZZIE: You sleep out here in the park?

MARI: I try to sleep during the day when it’s warmer.

OZZIE: That makes sense to be fair.

MARI: When I’m out in the park this time of year I think people just assume I’m sunbathing.

OZZIE: You must see some crazy sights at night.

MARI: Totally. The things people get up to.

OZZIE: How long have you been homeless for?

MARI: About a year.

OZZIE: Always knew you were tough.

MARI: Not gonna lie, it’s pretty shit.

MARI REACHES DOWN INTO HER BAG AND PULLS OUT A SMALL BALL.

OZZIE: Oh my God the ball!

MARI: You’re still the only adult who never tried to take it off me.

OZZIE: You were so much more relaxed when you were playing with that.

MARI: That’s what I always said but no one else listened, not even jokin.

OZZIE: I wanted you chilled out.

MARI: Totally. You didn’t want to be around me when I was fuming.

OZZIE: Only saw that once, and that was enough.

MARI: If you weren’t there I think Ella would have ended up in hospital.

OZZIE: I think she might still have been there.

MARI: Just hated how she acted all sweet and innocent in front of you.

OZZIE: She over played that, never really believed her. Sorry just thought do you want me to get you some food? We can go somewhere if you like?

MARI: No, it’s all good. I’ve eaten okay today actually. They’ll be hardly anywhere open now anyway.

OZZIE: Sure we can find somewhere.

MARI: It’s all good. This is what I need way more than food.

OZZIE: What?

MARI: Eye contact and someone showing an interest in me.

OZZIE: That I can do.

MARI: I never knew how many ways people could avoid eye contact.

OZZIE: Must be hard not to get angry.

MARI: Everybody seems to be angry about something.

OZZIE: Tell me about it, I went in two shops today that normally sell flapjacks and neither of them had one. Fuming!

MARI LAUGHS.

MARI: You were always eating flapjacks when we were on those residentials.

OZZIE: Yeah flapjacks and Lucozade, they helped me get through so many trips to be fair.

MARI: I never saw Lucozade.

OZZIE: When we brought in the rule that young people weren’t allowed energy drinks, I thought it would have been cruel to be drinking it in front of you all, so I kept it in my room. Even though I never thought of Lucozade as an energy drink like the others, when I was a kid Lucozade was just something you drank when you were ill.

MARI: Aww that’s a nice story grandad.

OZZIE: Always going for the jugular.

MARI: Totally. Sorry there’s not much opportunity for banter anymore.

OZZIE: Oh that must be killing you. Go on then feel free to unleash it on me. Although there’s nothing to stop me coming back anymore so I hope you can take it.

MARI: You always did come back.

OZZIE: There’s a difference between youth worker banter and pure banter.

MARI: Sounds like a tricky skill.

OZZIE: It is, so few can pull it off. Some go too far and get in trouble whilst most just avoid it altogether and spend the whole time getting roasted by young people.

MARI: Roasting them was so much fun, not gonna lie.

OZZIE: It was fun to watch to be honest. That was one of my favourite things about being a youth worker, that you guys felt comfortable being yourselves around us, whilst still respecting us, most of the time at least.

MARI: So wish I could go back. Wait did you say was? You’re not a youth worker anymore? Tell me you’re still a youth worker!

OZZIE: No. I left the youth club a couple of years ago. I’m a foster carer now.

MARI: Oh wow, on your own?

OZZIE: Yeah.

MARI: Oh my God you must be such a good foster Dad. If you had said you were working in IT or something I probs would have punched you in the face. Not even jokin.

OZZIE: Another reason I’m glad I don’t work in IT.

MARI: So how many kids have you fostered?

OZZIE: Only two. Melissa and Bret, twin brother a sister. They were sixteen when I fostered them, they moved out a couple of weeks ago.

MARI: They are so lucky they had you as a foster Dad.

OZZIE: I hope I helped them.

MARI: You totally will have. What made you switch to fostering?

OZZIE: To be honest, I wanted to make a big difference to a few, rather than a small difference to a lot.

MARI: Small difference? Are you fucking kidding me?! Not even going to apologise for swearing. Seriously you massively helped so many of us.

OZZIE: Doesn’t look like I helped you.

MARI: You helped give me enough self-esteem to not put up with shit and the confidence to do something about it.

OZZIE: And that led you here?

MARI: I know it doesn’t look like the best place to end up, but it depends where you’re running from. And being homeless isn’t all bad.

OZZIE: Really? What are the good bits?

MARI: Every day is a lie in day. No phone, never thought I would say that was a good thing.

OZZIE: I do remember wondering if it was attached to your hand to be honest.

MARI: I know, I know. But I don’t miss getting a hundred notifications a day. Or comparing myself to others and making shit up to pretend my life is great. Or scrolling for ages because I was paranoid about missing the funniest video ever or the inspirational one that will change my life. Oh and also I don’t have anyone telling me what to do.

OZZIE: That would appeal to you to be fair.

MARI: I can window shop all day every day. I can spend all day in a library reading some of the best books ever written. Being able to act however I want because I’m not representing anyone else. Expectations cause stress, I’ve got none of that, either from myself or other people.

OZZIE: That’s taking glass half full to levels even I didn’t know existed.

MARI: Totally. I try to think positive, otherwise I end up in a place I really don’t want to be.

OZZIE: What are the worst bits?

MARI: Nobody cares enough to tell me what to do. There’s no one I want to convince that I am happy. Not being able to watch videos when I most need a laugh or some inspiration. No way of keeping in touch with friends. I never get to shop for real or have my own book collection. Having no sense of belonging to a group that I’m proud to be a part of. No expectations from anyone, no stress of chasing a goal. That I’ve got nothing to get up for. And I am sat here wearing someone else’s shoes.

OZZIE: Four years later and you’re still holding back on me.

MARI: What?

OZZIE: Cut the crap Mari, all that stuff is terrible but there’s no way that’s the worst stuff about being homeless.

MARI: You totally don’t want to hear that shit.

OZZIE: You never did get your head around that. I never want the shit to have happened, but if it has I want to hear about it.

MARI: You really want to hear it?

OZZIE: If I don’t this whole chat is pointless.

MARI: You want to hear about people pissing on me after their night out?

OZZIE: Go on.

MARI: How I make my own tampons out of whatever I can find. That I get verbally abused almost every day. That I can go a month without anyone making eye contact. That until a few minutes ago I hadn’t been hugged or asked how I’m doing for almost a year.

OZZIE: Keep going.

MARI: That I’ve been punched, kicked and spat on by strangers for no reason. That I’ve done sexual favours to get alcohol, because that is the one thing that can take me away from the pain. Maybe you even want to know that I’ve been raped whilst I’ve been homeless and faced several other attempts.

OZZIE: That everything?

MARI: Are you fucking kidding?

OZZIE: I didn’t say it was insignificant, just want to know if I’ve got the full picture.

MARI: Yes. Now you know the shittiest parts of my crappy fucking homeless life.

OZZIE: People can’t help you unless they know what the problem is.

MARI: You’ll never know what it’s like to be me.

OZZIE: Never said I did.

MARI: This is totally why I don’t ask for help. Fucking people telling me they know how I feel, then start telling me about some pathetic shit they have been through, which is nothing compared to my shit.

OZZIE: One of the reasons people don’t help others with their problems is because they are too busy dealing with their own.

MARI: So we are all on our own? We just have to deal with whatever problems we are given? Not the motivational speech I was expecting.

OZZIE: If I gave you a speech about how many wonderful people there are in the world, would that motivate you to change your circumstances?

MARI: You used to be way more positive. So it’s all down to me?

OZZIE: You need to take some responsibility. How else do you imagine getting out of this? The Knights in Shining Armour are busy making films.

MARI: I just need to snap out of it? Get off my arse?

OZZIE: Don’t confuse the best action with the easiest one.

MARI: What?

OZZIE: I’m not saying it will be easy.

MARI: You’ve no idea how hard it is.

OZZIE: And you have no idea how hard it is to be me, that’s not the point. You talk about being given problems, but did you create any of them?

MARI: So it’s all my fault now?

OZZIE: Stop talking in absolutes.

MARI: What the?

OZZIE: Words like all, every and always are so overused.

MARI: So it’s mostly my fault?

OZZIE: I don’t know. I wasn’t there, I’m asking you. Looking back on everything is there anything you would have done differently?

MARI: Definitely a few things. Doesn’t mean it was my fault though.

OZZIE: Look we can sit here and have a nice chat, we can talk about all the great moments from our residential trips and the volunteering project you did. We can chat about your favourite TV programmes and Super Hero films. Or we can talk about stuff that really matters and maybe, just maybe help you out.

MARI: If you could choose a Super Power what would it be?

OZZIE: Okay I’ll play, I’d go for super speed. Used to love running fast when I was younger, hate that I can’t anymore, love to have that feeling of running crazily fast.

MARI: I’ve heard the most common answer is invisibility. If people want to know what it’s like to be invisible, then they should try being homeless.

OZZIE: What would you choose?

MARI: Time travel.

OZZIE: So there must be something you would go back and change. How did you end up here?

MARI: Not gonna lie, that’s a long story.

OZZIE: I’ve got all the time you need.

MARI: Hate clichés but it starts with my parents.

OZZIE: So often does, to be fair.

MARI: They never took an interest the things I did. But that didn’t bother me too much, I liked the freedom. It was only as I got older that I realised how much I disliked them as people.

OZZIE: The first time you realise your parents aren’t right about everything is always an awkward moment.

MARI: Imperfection I could handle. But it was big issues we disagreed on.

OZZIE: Like what?

MARI: I’m not racist. I’m not homophobic.

OZZIE: Wow.

MARI: Totally. Throughout my teens I was coming to terms with being gay. By the time I was sixteen I knew for sure. I would have got there a lot quicker if it wasn’t for their attitude.

OZZIE: That’s what you were struggling with when you were with us?

MARI: I am sorry that I couldn’t tell you. It was all just such a mess in my head at the time.

OZZIE: No need to apologise. You decide when you tell your story.

MARI: When I was seventeen, I met someone, she was a bit older, but seemed so right for me. After six months or so I finally told my parents and their reaction was even worse than I thought it would be. I still can’t believe that I have parents that call anybody the names they used that night. Living at home became unbearable. I started spending more and more time at Rhona’s house.

OZZIE: That became your escape?

MARI: Totally. Just after I turned eighteen, Mum made some comment about I may as well live with Rhona. I think her words were “why don’t you just live with that dirty dyke.”

OZZIE: And you stormed off?

MARI: Packed my stuff up that night. Rhona came round in her car. Dad said something about leaving my keys.

OZZIE: So you threw them at him?

MARI: Don’t regret that, just annoyed I missed him. Haven’t lived with them since.

OZZIE: That anything to do with things you said to them?

MARI: Not gonna lie, I said some bad shit myself. But I couldn’t just stand there and take the things they said to me.

OZZIE: Burnt bridges tend not to get rebuilt.

MARI: That one certainly hasn’t.

OZZIE: Sounds like living with Rhona was a good option at the time, to be fair.

MARI: Totally. I was convinced that it would be. Turns out that living with her made living with my parents look like happy families.

OZZIE: What went wrong?

MARI: For the first couple of months it was so good. I was living with this incredibly gorgeous woman who wanted to look after me.

OZZIE: Does sound good.

MARI: I felt like such a grown up, very appealing to an eighteen-year-old. My college friends were so jealous. They came to visit all the time to begin with. Rhona put a stop to that though.

OZZIE: How?

MARI: She told me not to invite them around anymore. At the time it didn’t seem like a big deal, it was fair enough that she didn’t want her house overrun by college kids.

MARI BECOMES AGITATED.

OZZIE: You okay?

MARI: Yeah, it’s just that she was here earlier. First time I’ve seen her for a year. Scared the shit out of me, not even jokin.

OZZIE: She tracked you down?

MARI: Yeah.

OZZIE: How?

MARI: She said a friend from work had seen me here a few nights lately.

OZZIE: She hurt you?

MARI: Not tonight. Gave the impression she would be back though.

OZZIE: You want to move?

MARI: It’s all good, she won’t do anything whilst you’re here. Looking back that was the start of it.

OZZIE: Stopping your friends coming round?

MARI: I’d be constantly moaning about college, she suggested that I quit. Exams were coming up, I hadn’t revised well at all. She told me that I had no career plans so there was no point in college.

OZZIE: I don’t know what I want to do but I want to do something.

MARI: What?

OZZIE: That’s what you said that night when a few of you were playing cards and I asked you all what you wanted to do when you were older.

MARI: Can’t believe you remember that.

OZZIE: The other five or six all had definite answers. But yours was the one I remembered because it felt authentic. With the others it felt like an answer they had ready for any time an adult asked them that question.

MARI: Not gonna lie, that would still be my answer now. This was when Rhona said she was earning enough money to carry on looking after both of us forever, so I didn’t need a career anyway. She made quitting college sound like the obvious choice. Before long I’d quit my part time job too. Next I was forbidden from seeing my friends.

OZZIE: How can she have stopped you seeing them?

MARI: It’s hard to describe, you wouldn’t understand. She just had this hold over me.

OZZIE: She physically abuse you?

MARI: Not really.

OZZIE: Not really?

MARI: This is embarrassing talking to you about, but she was always quite aggressive when it came to sex, if you know what I mean?

OZZIE: I think I know enough.

MARI: That got worse but so gradually that I didn’t notice it. I even enjoyed some of it so that’s why she can claim it wasn’t physical abuse.

OZZIE: By this stage you are completely dependent on her, you had lost your identity?

MARI: Totally. She would take me to parties and nights out to show me off, but never talked to me while we were there. Spending her time with “proper adults” instead. I hardly left the house apart from that.

OZZIE: Sounds like she controlled you with fear.

MARI: Not gonna lie, she did. The last time I came back from meeting up with my own friends I was so scared when I got back I was shaking. She was fuming that I was late even though it was only eleven. I knew I was in trouble because she had sent me so many messages. She was particularly rough that night.

OZZIE: How did you get out?

MARI: She was having an affair with at least one woman. A woman from work that she told me about. Then took me on work nights out and spent all her time with that bitch, often looking at me and laughing. I never thought I would feel so pathetic. One night she was out with her, I knew what they had been doing. Rhona came home expecting to get more of the same with me. Instead I broke up with her and walked out. Haven’t been back since.

OZZIE: Walked straight onto the streets?

MARI: Nowhere else to go. Parents wanted nothing more to do with me. They’ve moved to Spain now. Wonderfully ironic for two people who spent most of their time complaining about fucking immigrants. Rhona had made sure that I had no friends, so even sofa surfing wasn’t an option.

OZZIE: There was really no one that would have helped you out?

MARI: It’s not like I would have been asking to borrow a phone charger, I was asking for somewhere to live.

OZZIE: I know but.

MARI: All my old school or college friends would still have been living with their parents, so that makes things so much more complicated.

OZZIE: You didn’t ask anyone did you?

MARI: Not gonna lie.

OZZIE: You couldn’t face them saying no? Or you couldn’t ask for help?

MARI: This is where it’s all my fault?

OZZIE: Stop with the all. If you understand the road you’ve been down it can help you on the road ahead.

MARI: Still eating those fortune cookies?

OZZIE: I could put my arm around you and tell you how sorry I am that you have been through all this, but that’s not going to help.

MARI: Four years ago you would have been all empathy and no judgement right now.

OZZIE: Four years is a long time. Lots of shitty water under the bridge.

MARI: I know life is shit for everyone sooner or later. I know there are still people worse off than me. But I’ve not spoken to anyone about this ever. It’s been eating me from the inside for over a year. I don’t need a counsellor or a fucking life coach right now.

OZZIE HUGS MARI AND SHE HUGS HIM BACK.

OZZIE: You lost the parent lottery, you deserve a refund on that ticket. Rhona did abuse you, no matter what her or anyone else tells you. The fact that you enjoyed some of her physical actions, does not justify the stuff you didn’t like. You have been through a horrific time and somehow found the strength to survive it and remove yourself from it. I am so impressed by that and without sounding too much like you’re my own daughter, I am so proud of you.

MARI: That’s the Ozzie I know. Great way of describing it by the way, physical actions.

OZZIE: I’m trying to remain unflustered by that aspect, to be honest.

MARI: Doing a pretty good job, although in this light it is hard to see if you’re blushing.

OZZIE: Did the council not help you out?

MARI: Good subject change. Took me a week or so to think of that, then around a month of going virtually every day, only to be told each time there was nothing they could do because I had made myself homeless.

OZZIE: What?

MARI: I walked out on my parents, and I walked out on her.

OZZIE: That’s ridiculous.

MARI: Totally. That’s about all I could ever say to them. Apparently, that’s not a convincing argument.

OZZIE: And being an adult by then wouldn’t have helped your case.

MARI: The only way I could make myself someone who would get help would be to get pregnant. Seriously considered that for a while.

OZZIE: And you have just been surviving ever since?

MARI: Totally.

OZZIE: How do you even do that?

MARI: You quickly come up with ways to survive. There are a few fast food places in town that let me have some of their food at closing time.

OZZIE: Stuff they were going to throw out anyway? That makes sense to be fair.

MARI: Yeah but I only tend to eat once a day. Apart from a few bits and pieces. Not the healthiest.

OZZIE: Actually there is research to support that three meals a day doesn’t suit us at all. Going back to cave men times humans would often have long spells between eating.

MARI: I love your gems of knowledge. They would always come out at random times.

OZZIE: Is there any social mixing amongst the homeless community?

MARI: You asking if I have any friends? There are a couple who have looked out for me. Tony an ex-military guy, he’s taught me a few combat moves to protect myself. He’s been to Afghanistan and Iraq twice each. I also get the impression he’s been on some missions that he’s not allowed to talk about.

OZZIE: You sure he’s not just making it all up?

MARI: Not gonna lie, I did wonder at first, but just about the only thing he carries around with him are some photographs from his military days. There’s Ben too who is fun to talk to, he has been mega loaded but lost it all when his last business venture went spectacularly wrong. He did some prison time for assaulting a bailiff and has been homeless since he got out about six years ago. Sad part is he seemed to have plenty of people around him when he was loaded, they all disappeared with the money.

OZZIE: Sure that’s far from being a rare story. What’s your biggest fear?

MARI: What?

OZZIE: What scares you the most?

MARI: That this is it.

OZZIE: That you’ll be homeless forever?

MARI: Yeah.

OZZIE: What else?

MARI: That any time I go to sleep I could be attacked.

OZZIE: Keep going.

MARI: That I could get ill and not be able to do anything about it.

OZZIE: That’s a fear for everybody.

MARI: What do you want me to say?

OZZIE: What truly scares you?

MARI: Rhona.

OZZIE: What about Rhona?

MARI: When she was here before she threatened to force herself on me. There was a part of me that wanted her to, because I miss her touch and how amazing she could make me feel.

OZZIE: Erm ok…

MARI: She has abused me, controlled me, ruined my life and I still wanted her.

OZZIE: The fact that you’re still attracted to her says nothing bad about you at all.

MARI: Still makes me feel pathetic, not gonna lie.

OZZIE: It really shouldn’t. Are you sure you should still be hanging around here?

MARI: I want her to find me again.

OZZIE: What?

MARI: Hate what she has made me into. I want to see her again, so I can kill her.

OZZIE: I know it’s extreme, but I would say that’s an understandable emotion after everything she has put you through to be fair.

MARI: It’s not just an emotion though I was picturing it. Stabbing her over and over again. Her blood pouring and spurting out. The look of shock and fear on her face. Being able to watch her bleed out then stand over her lifeless body.

OZZIE: But you didn’t do that when she was here before. Right?

MARI: No, no I didn’t. Even if she was dead she would still be controlling my life.

OZZIE: The past should remind you but not define you.

MARI: Knew you’d have a fucking quote.

OZZIE: I know they’re annoying at the best of times, but there is a great deal of truth in most of them, certainly that one.

MARI: You make it sound so easy.

OZZIE: It’s incredibly difficult, but you can do it.

MARI: How?

OZZIE: I used to think I could come up with a magic quote and produce a light bulb moment for the young person I was working with. But progress is slow, you can’t go from hell to heaven in one step. But it does start with taking the first step.

MARI: I feel more like I’m going round in circles.

OZZIE: You’ve followed some traumatic life events by having virtually nothing but alone time for a year. It’s not surprising if that has resulted in a vicious tornado of negativity inside you.

MARI: Vicious tornado of negativity? Do you plan these speeches?

OZZIE: No they just, well yeah some of them I do to be honest, but I promise that one just came to me.

MARI: I’ll believe you.

OZZIE: You know you want to change your situation, but do you have somewhere you want to be?

MARI: Anywhere but here.

OZZIE: Away from motivation can work at times, but I think you really need towards motivation.

MARI: Not gonna lie, no idea what you’re talking about.

OZZIE: I think you’ll be better working towards something rather than just running away from something.

MARI: I still imagine the future.

OZZIE: What do you see?

MARI: A small house to myself. Working a job that I’m proud of, maybe for a charity. Having friends over whenever the hell I want.

OZZIE: Sounds good.

MARI: Also I really want to do something to help with the homeless situation. Whether it’s just a few projects, working for a homeless charity or even setting up one of my own. I don’t know how to fix the problem right now, but I’m sure I could do something.

OZZIE: That sounds amazing. You always said you wanted to do something.

MARI: Totally. It’s the getting from here to there I’m having trouble with. Feel like I need a break.

OZZIE: Don’t get caught up in lottery syndrome.

MARI: Do you even expect that to make sense?

OZZIE: Being ambiguous is my trademark.

MARI: But it’s also fucking annoying, and remind me what ambiguous means?

OZZIE: It means unclear.

MARI: Just say unclear then.

OZZIE: But that would have stepped all over my point and we would have missed out on that wonderful moment of irony.

MARI: Anyway…..

OZZIE: Oh yeah, lottery syndrome. That’s when people wait around for a lottery win to make their life better.

MARI: Is that syndrome like a real thing or…

OZZIE: Oh no, I made it up, it only exists in my head, to be honest. But you’re forever hearing people say, “when I win the lottery”. Other than buying a shed load of tickets they can’t do anything to significantly improve their chances.

MARI: Oh does this go with your control the controllables speech?

OZZIE: You remembered.

MARI: Totally, that one stuck. Not too many things I can control right now though.

OZZIE: I suppose if I say enough shit some of it will stick to be fair. Whatever the situation the principle remains the same. What do you need to change your situation?

MARI: A job.

OZZIE: You don’t necessarily need a job, you probably need money.

MARI: You suggesting I should sell myself?

OZZIE: I’ve only just got over the spanking references with Rhona, don’t bring that into it.

MARI: Not gonna lie, it wasn’t just spanking.

OZZIE: As I was saying, you need to generate some money, then you can get a place to say, once you have a place to stay and a contact address then getting a job becomes so much easier.

MARI: Can we skip the bit where you get me to come up with the answers.

OZZIE: Knocking on doors and finding out if there is anything they would pay you to do. You could wash cars, clean houses, do ironing, cut grass, maybe even walk dogs.

MARI: Can’t see many people saying yes to that.

OZZIE: Neither can I to be honest, you’ll get way more rejections than not. But you only need a few people saying yes each day.

MARI: You have planned this speech.

OZZIE: To be honest I have thought about this one over the years.

MARI: Again you make it sound like it’s easy.

OZZIE: Then I’m telling it wrong. It will take an incredible amount of hard work to be fair. But what have you got to lose? It will take up a lot of time, but what else would you have been doing that day?

MARI: If you’re going to resort to logic then I can’t argue with you.

OZZIE: If you want to appreciate the view you have to climb the mountain.

MARI: A metaphor for every situation. Wait was that a metaphor? Not gonna lie, I’m never exactly sure what one is.

OZZIE: Don’t ever tell anyone this, but to be honest neither am I. I think it might have been more of an analogy.

MARI: You have a way of describing things, let’s say that. How was it you described me that time? Something to do with chocolate.

OZZIE: A Crème Egg, hard on the outside but soft in the middle. Of all the young people I’ve worked with you were the ultimate crème egg.

MARI: Still not sure it’s a compliment.

OZZIE: Are you kidding? Crème eggs are awesome!

MARI: True.

OZZIE: And there is nothing wrong with being soft in the middle.

MARI: Are you soft in the middle?

OZZIE: You’ve seen me cry.

MARI: That was four year ago. Your facial expression has hardly changed all night.

OZZIE: Sorry, old habits die hard.

MARI: Your turn to cut the crap. Not even jokin.

OZZIE: What?

MARI: Don’t give me that shit about youth worker poker face. Four years ago you would have been crying yourself right now.

OZZIE: Like I said a lot can happen in four years.

MARI: Totally, no offence but you look like you’ve hardly slept in those four years.

OZZIE: Do I really look that bad?

MARI: I’ve been on the streets for a year and you look worse than me.

OZZIE: That’s called age to be fair.

MARI: It isn’t that long since I’ve seen you. So how come you’re not a youth worker anymore? And don’t give me that bullshit about wanting to make a big difference.

OZZIE: What?

MARI: You heard.

OZZIE: It’s not BS.

MARI: Oh come on, I saw how much you loved being a youth worker.

OZZIE: To be honest I guess it caught up with me eventually.

MARI: What did?

OZZIE: Looking after everyone all the time. Guess I was just all cared out.

MARI: So you became a foster carer?

OZZIE: It’s hard to explain. The mental and emotional energy required is different.

MARI: Not gonna lie still think this is BS.

OZZIE: I just can’t be there for everybody all the time.

MARI: That’s not what I’m asking.

OZZIE: I can’t help you Mari.

MARI: What?

OZZIE: It’s killing me, but I can’t help you.

MARI: You have a false sense of what a youth worker is if you think I was expecting you to stop me being homeless.

OZZIE: Of course, it’s just a pathetic little job of playing pool and table tennis, just a glorified scout leader.

MARI: What the fuck? That’s not at all what I’m….

OZZIE: They wouldn’t let me carry on fostering if I had someone your age living with me.

MARI: I don’t expect you to offer me a place to live. Right now I’m actually worried about you.

OZZIE: You’re not supposed to be worrying about me.

MARI: We don’t need to do the one way worrying thing now, you’re not my youth worker anymore, haven’t been for ages.

OZZIE: I really need to finish that walk.

MARI: Ozzie don’t.

OZZIE GETS UP OFF THE BENCH AND SETS OFF WALKING OFF STAGE. MARI GETS UP TOO AND TAKES A FEW STEPS AFTER HIM.

CURTAIN.

ACT II SCENE 1

OZZIE IS SAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FRONT OF STAGE, FACING THE AUDIENCE, WITH HIS LEGS HANGING OVER THE STAGE. MARI ENTERS FROM STAGE RIGHT, CARRYING HER BAG. OZZIE DOESN’T NOTICE HER. MARI STOPS STILL AND LOOKS AT HIM. THEN SLOWLY TURNS AWAY AND HEADS OFF STAGE. A COUPLE OF SECONDS LATER SHE COMES BACK ON STAGE, TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND WALKS UP TO OZZIE.

MARI: Jumping off a bridge? And you used to call me dramatic.

OZZIE: Go away.

MARI PUTS HER BAG DOWN AND SITS NEXT TO OZZIE.

MARI: Not gonna happen.

OZZIE: You followed me?

MARI: What else have I got to do tonight?

OZZIE: Seriously Mari I need to be alone right now.

MARI: You’ve been looking out for other people for so long you don’t know how to handle it when someone looks out for you.

OZZIE: I can’t handle anything anymore.

MARI: Ozzie can you please move back a bit because I’m scared you could slip off.

OZZIE: You’re worried about me slipping?

MARI: Right now yeah, you’re so close to the edge.

OZZIE SHAKES HIS HEAD BUT SLIDES BACK AWAY FROM THE EDGE A LITTLE BIT.

MARI: Thanks. It’s ok to need a break. No one can be positive all the time.

OZZIE: Faking positivity is exhausting.

MARI: You were faking the whole time?

OZZIE: Don’t even know anymore. If you pretend anything for long enough it can start feeling real.

MARI: No way, no way were you faking the whole time.

OZZIE: Maybe I did truly love it for a while.

MARI: Why did you really leave?

OZZIE: Like I said, just all cared out.

MARI: Fuck off Ozzie.

OZZIE: What?

MARI: There’s no way that is all there is to it. If you’re about to kill yourself, you may as well tell me.

OZZIE: One of them never came home.

MARI: What?

OZZIE: A girl killed herself on residential.

MARI: Oh God.

OZZIE: I tried to carry on, but nothing was the same after that.

MARI: That’s so bad.

OZZIE: I just couldn’t go on doing the same residentials, watching the same activities, making the speeches and having the chats.

MARI: Must be impossible to forget.

OZZIE: No matter what I was doing I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

MARI: How did she do it?

OZZIE: Does it matter?

MARI: Sorry, guess not.

OZZIE: By far the worst I’ve ever felt, never thought anything could make me feel that bad.

MARI: I’ll let you feel sad about it, devasted even, but do not be feeling guilty. You can’t read minds, it just sometimes felt to us that you could.

OZZIE: I could have made her feel more comfortable talking to me, comfortable enough to open-up.

MARI: No one would have done that better than you.

OZZIE: Wasn’t good enough for her.

MARI: What was her name?

OZZIE: Cindy.

MARI: I know I wasn’t there but I’m sure Cindy wouldn’t blame you. Did she have any friends on the trip?

OZZIE: Her best friend was there.

MARI: What was her name? Was it a girl?

OZZIE: Yeah, Maddison. She was there when it happened.

MARI: Does Maddison blame you?

OZZIE: No.

MARI: Of course she doesn’t.

OZZIE: She still messages me now sometimes when she’s struggling.

MARI: Doesn’t surprise me at all.

OZZIE: I’ve never done CPR on a real person before. She was almost certainly dead by the time I got there but I had to do something. Ambulance got there quick, but there was nothing they could do.

MARI: What a horrible experience for everyone on the trip.

OZZIE: It had been such a good week, that was the last night. Telling the group the next morning was something I could barely handle, definitely couldn’t do it again.

MARI: It’s just so sad.

OZZIE: I stayed up with Maddison that night talking, mostly listening. She eventually fell asleep after six. And when I got back to the club the next day the main thing they want to talk to me about is me leaving myself one on one with a young person for so long. Can you believe that?

MARI: I suppose I can sort of see where they’re coming from, especially with it being a girl but…

OZZIE: Are you kidding? She’s just seen her best friend kill herself, what was I supposed to do? Send her off to bed with a cup of Horlicks? Or get a group of youth workers around her so we can take turns quoting text books? She didn’t need a youth worker, she needed a human.

MARI: Totally. I was going to say, but I totally think you did the right thing and if I had been in Maddison’s place I can’t think of anyone I would rather talk to that night than you.

OZZIE: We were in a massive staff room as well, with centre staff never far away, it’s not like I took her back to my bedroom. Then they brought up the time from two years before that when I took a girl to hospital in my car, she had drunk a full bottle of absinthe in less than half an hour. I thought getting her to hospital was a good idea. But apparently I should have had a staff meeting and read through some policies first.

MARI: Is that why you left?

OZZIE: They didn’t fire me or anything. But I was just fed up of it all. On top of the all the feelings about Cindy, I just had to get out.

MARI: Did you have counselling? Let me guess, you made sure everyone else effected by it got some, you’ve obviously unofficially counselled Maddison and probably a few other people. But never saw anybody yourself.

OZZIE: I did have a couple of sessions. But then I started getting depressed about the fact that I was having counselling.

MARI: What is it with your generation, especially the males?

OZZIE: Here comes the rant.

MARI: Why can’t you acknowledge when you need help?

OZZIE: So much easier said than done.

MARI: If you were in a room with three other people and four chairs that needed moving, you would carry the four chairs whilst asking the people if they’re okay. You must have had so many opportunities to open-up, to let people know that you are struggling, but you’ve probably never done it. Now here you are sat on a fucking bridge. Don’t give me the ‘no swearing’ look. Not even jokin.

OZZIE: I gave up trying to stop you swearing four years ago.

MARI: Some things make sense to give up on. But don’t give up on life. Imagine how your family and friends would feel. You’ve seen all the sadness that Cindy’s suicide caused, surely you don’t want to do that to people in your life.

OZZIE: The guilt trip really isn’t helping.

MARI: Sorry, not gonna lie I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing. I just really think you should carry on living.

OZZIE: I haven’t got the energy anymore to be a foster carer. If I don’t have the income from that I can’t afford the mortgage on the three-bedroom house. I really need a break, but I can’t afford one. And there’s no way I could handle living on the streets like you.

MARI: Whoah, slow down. You’re getting way ahead of yourself. Just give yourself a little bit of time and I’m sure you will be ready to foster again. If not, there are like a million other jobs you could do.

OZZIE: I just can’t.

MARI: I’m trying to remember that boxing metaphor you told us about, the one that linked to mental health and self-care. Something about counting to eight. It was so good.

OZZIE: When a boxer gets knocked down, if they try to prove they are not hurt and get up too quickly and start fighting too soon, they often get knocked out properly. What they should do is have the composure to stay down for a count of eight, clearing their head and giving themselves as much time as possible to recover before fighting again.

MARI: Time for you to take your eight count. There have been so many times over the last year or so when I have thought about killing myself. Whether it started with God or a big bang life is a miracle. All the things that had to happen for me to be born when and where I was, to those parents, that’s another freaky miracle within the miracle. I have no idea what the point of it all is, but I have decided that I am not going to waste all that magic that has gone into creating me, I’m not going to end it myself. Then I think of the lousy parents, the abusive girlfriend, all those people who have physically or verbally abused me on the streets, the ones who give me looks like I’m so far beneath them and even the guy who raped me. They all think I’m worthless. And there is no way I am going to let them be right. Is a nice guy who helped plenty of people then killed himself really the way you want your miracle to end?

OZZIE: I just don’t see the point anymore.

MARI: Of course you don’t see the point right now, you’re depressed. If you had a broken ankle you wouldn’t be able to walk right now. But one day you would be able to walk and run again.

OZZIE: An attempt at a metaphor, really?

MARI: I learnt from the best. This is a dark time, but it will go away. When I saw you tonight that was the happiest I have been for at least a year because I knew you would make me feel better.

OZZIE: But I can’t help you, I can’t give you somewhere to live.

MARI: Oh my God, you already have helped me! Stop feeling like you need to save everyone. You helped me by sitting down on that shitty park bench.

OZZIE: It is a bit shitty.

MARI: I can’t begin to imagine the impact you had on those twins by fostering them. And I bet when Maddison feels at her darkest she messages you because she knows that somehow you will be able to lift the gloom, maybe just a little bit, but enough.

OZZIE: When I’m feeling like this how can I be helping other people?

MARI: You don’t need to be perfect all the time to be able to help someone. That’s like saying only Whitney Houston can be a singing coach.

OZZIE: Are my metaphors this annoying?

MARI: Was that banter?

OZZIE: Suicidal people are often in an upbeat mood just before the moment.

MARI: Banter followed by a gem of knowledge. Sounds like a youth worker I once knew.

MARI GETS HER BALL OUT OF HER BAG. HOLDS IT UP BRIEFLY THEN THROWS IT OFF THE BRIDGE.

OZZIE: What you doin? No!

MARI: It’s a fucking ball Ozzie! You care more about a stupid ball than you do about yourself. You’re not all cared out, you’ve just forgot to care about you.

OZZIE: You’re good.

MARI: Can we please turned around and stand up? My arse is getting numb.

OZZIE LETS OUT A LITTLE LAUGH AND SPINS ROUND AND STANDS UP OFF THE BRIDGE. MARI SPINS ROUND AND STANDS UP IMMEDIATELY AFTER HIM. THE TWO OF THEM ARE FACING EACH OTHER.

OZZIE: Thanks Mari. Can’t believe how calm you were.

MARI: Calm? I was fucking shitting myself!

MARI WHACKS OZZIE ON THE SHOULDER THREE TIMES. THEN THE TWO OF THEM HUG.

ACT II SCENE 2

MARI IS SAT ON THE PARK BENCH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STAGE, HER HEAD IS BOWED. RHONA WALKS ONTO STAGE UP TO MARI, WHO LOOKS UP AT HER.

MARI: Not now.

RHONA: Tough night?

MARI: You’ve no idea.

RHONA: Aww poor princess.

RHONA SITS DOWN ON THE BENCH.

MARI: Seriously why are you here?

RHONA: Do I need a reason?

MARI: To scare me? To show you can still turn me on? Or is this your sick way of trying to win me back?

RHONA: Bitch please. I’m sick? Is that how you describe me to people?

MARI: Not gonna lie, that’s one of the more flattering ways.

RHONA: Hurts me so much to think that the homeless community in this town will have such a low opinion of me. I’ll be spending several sleepless nights worrying about how a bunch of drunk, drug addicts see me.

MARI: Don’t pretend you give a shit about what anyone thinks of you, homeless or not.

RHONA: I used to care what you thought of me.

MARI: You never gave a shit about anything I felt or thought. You pretended you did for a while.

RHONA: You think I was pretending from the beginning, that hurts.

MARI: Seriously who are you trying to convince? Yourself? Whatever you came here to do whether it’s to fuck me or just beat the crap out of me are you going to get on with it any time soon?

RHONA: The fear doesn’t come from the bang it comes from the anticipation of it.

MARI: So you are trying to scare me? Or is scare me not enough, do you need terrified? You need me crying and begging?

RHONA: I do miss those days.

MARI: That’s what all this is about isn’t it?

RHONA: Trying to analyse me? Bitch please.

MARI: Power. Control. Making me do something I don’t want to do. If I said please Rhona fuck me right here, right now. That wouldn’t work for you would it?

RHONA: Oh stop.

MARI: If I said Rhona hurt me while you fuck me. You wouldn’t. The thrill would be gone wouldn’t it?

RHONA: Don’t do psychoanalysis bullshit on me.

MARI: You don’t even find me attractive do you? Probably never did.

RHONA: Bitch please. Now you’re talking crazy.

MARI: You think you’re tough. You’re just a bully. Like any bully you’re weak and insecure and so far from tough. You had to take away everything from me that you could, my friends, my college, my job, my future and my independence.

RHONA: Oh stop.

MARI: Then the demonstrations of what you think is toughness cranked up. You can beat the crap out of me on this bench, you could rape me right here. You would still be just a pathetic bully.

MARI REACHES DOWN SLOWLY INTO HER BAG AND PULLS HER KNIFE OUT, KEEPING IT DOWN TO HER SIDE. RHONA IS STARING STRAIGHT AHEAD AND DOESN’T NOTICE THE KNIFE.

RHONA: You’re just a spoiled little princess that doesn’t have a fucking clue what they are talking about.

MARI: Spoiled princess? What the fuck? Yeah because take a look at my Palace.

RHONA: Bitch please, you’ve no idea how lucky you are.

MARI: Sorry just let me take this silver spoon out of my mouth before I reply. My parents never gave a shit about me, then disowned me because of my sexuality. Then I lived with an extremely abusive girlfriend for a year.

RHONA: Oh stop with the extremely abusive crap.

MARI: Crap? You really think what you did to me wasn’t abuse?

RHONA: Bitch please, you have no fucking clue what real abuse is.

MARI: You have no clue how much you’ve affected me.

RHONA: Real abuse is cracked ribs and broken fingers.

MARI: Abuse doesn’t have to be physical.

RHONA: Physical, emotional, sexual and neglect. Fags being put out on you. Being whipped by a leather belt until you bleed. Not being bought any new clothes after the age of twelve. Having to make your own meals for as long as you remember. Being told to sleep outside. Being told you’re a worthless whore and that your existence is a mistake. Guys taking turns raping you from the age of thirteen. Being made to drink alcohol until you pass out. Having your head held under water until you think you’re going to die.

MARI: What the….

RHONA: The worst thing being that the guy doing this is your own Dad and some of his mates. You want to protect your younger sister, so you start pissing your Dad off as much as you can so that his attention stays on you and not her. No one gives a shit about that so why should anyone give a shit about you?

MARI: I asked you about your past so many times, but you never let me in, not even a glimpse.

RHONA: I’m sure it would have been such a turn on hearing that about your girlfriend.

MARI: If you think that would have made me leave someone, then you don’t know me at all.

RHONA: So many pathetic do-gooders in the world, why does no one help me?

MARI: Because no one gives a shit. Why would they? People might pretend to like you, but only because they have seen how you treat people you don’t like. People are attracted to your charisma, but no one goes beyond that. If you really needed help, how many people could you call on?

RHONA: I’ve got on with my life. I’m successful. I did that. No one did me any favours.

MARI: You’ve done that despite your past, not because of it.

RHONA: Bitch please. I did it because of my past. Most people want to make their Dad proud, I just wanted to prove him wrong. I’m not worthless.

MARI: How are you successful?

RHONA: Three promotions in four years. One of the youngest advertising and marketing executives in the country. Earning over forty grand a year at my age.

MARI: Anything outside work?

RHONA: Oh stop.

MARI: Why are you here?

RHONA: To, to, show you how pathetic you are.

MARI: Why are you here?

RHONA: Couldn’t sleep so thought I would come back and piss you off some more.

MARI: Rhona, why are you here?

RHONA: Because you’re the only one who’ll listen.

MARI DROPS THE KNIFE DOWN TO THE FLOOR.

MARI: So that’s what your voice sounds like when you’re being honest.

RHONA: I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

MARI: Not gonna lie, sorry is not going to get it done with me. But you need to sort yourself out.

RHONA: I opened-up to Edele last week and she didn’t want to hear it. I was lying naked next to her in her bed, crying, telling her that I had been abused as a kid. And she told me it was time to go. That her husband would be back soon.

MARI: She is married with kids, she never wanted you for anything more than a fuck.

RHONA: She literally said that in a text the next day.

MARI: So the bitch you cheated on me with, really is a bitch.

RHONA: I thought you might understand, more than anyone else.

MARI: Why? Why on earth would I be the one to understand this?

RHONA: Because you know what it’s like to be abused.

MARI: No shit.

RHONA: I grew up with no control, no control whatsoever over anything. I couldn’t stop the things he did. When I finally got out I wanted to control everything in my life.

MARI: And you had to control someone.

RHONA: You didn’t deserve it at all.

MARI: No one…

RHONA: I know, I know, no one deserves that. But you know what I mean. Actually, I’m not sure no one deserves that. Some people deserve a whole lot of pain and more.

MARI: Your Dad?

RHONA: He’s dead now.

MARI: You didn’t?

RHONA: Kill him? No, I was too scared for that back then. If he was still alive now I would kill him.

MARI: When did he die?

RHONA: Just after my nineteenth birthday. A heart attack never looked so beautiful. I just couldn’t seem to remember the phone number for an ambulance at the time.

MARI: Where was your Mum?

RHONA: She left him not long after Millie was born. No idea where she is now. I can understand her leaving a monster like that, but why on earth did she leave her daughters with him? Did she think that even he wouldn’t do stuff to his own daughters? Or is she just a heartless bitch?

MARI: No way of knowing I suppose. How’s your sister doing?

RHONA: Okay I think. After he died our Uncle and Aunty took her in. They seemed to have looked after her well enough, she’s at uni now.

MARI: You not see her much?

RHONA: I think she feels guilty because of how much I took for her, and I just never want to think about any of it. It’s so awkward when we meet up. Keep in touch with her via text messages now.

MARI: Did you ever get professional help?

RHONA: I’ve tried it off and on a few times. But I’ve opted for the pretend it never happened approach.

MARI: I’ve noticed that.

RHONA: Even after he’s dead he is till abusing me. He’s turned me into the bitch that you know.

MARI: Not gonna lie, I don’t think bitch is a strong enough word.

RHONA: Can’t argue with that. Why would I make someone else feel so bad when I know how that feels myself?

MARI: A cycle of abuse. I’m sure it’s horribly common.

RHONA: I bet you’ve not gone around abusing people.

MARI: Only myself. I didn’t say everybody did it, just that it happens a lot.

RHONA: How can I stop it?

MARI: Looking for a longer answer than – ‘stop abusing people’?

RHONA: How can I make it right?

MARI: You can’t change the past. Trust me. And if it’s forgiveness you’re looking for then you’re going to have a long wait. Not going to happen. Not even jokin.

RHONA: Even I’m not crazy enough to expect forgiveness.

MARI: You wanted to prove him wrong? The best revenge you can get on him is being better than him, way better. God knows what happened to him in his past, but probably some shit happened. He could have chosen to end the cycle, but he passed it on to his own daughter. Now you can end it.

RHONA: To this day I can’t bear it when a guy touches me. I can’t trust anyone or see the good in people.

MARI: All stuff that can change.

RHONA: I can’t have kids, even if I wanted them.

MARI: Not gonna lie, might want to swerve motherhood for now anyway.

RHONA: Probably right there. I just don’t know how to act any other way.

MARI: You don’t need to turn into Giselle overnight.

RHONA: Who?

MARI: Sorry Disney reference.

RHONA: Bitch please.

MARI: Guessing you haven’t started watching them over the last year. She’s the incredibly happy and optimistic Princess in Enchanted.

RHONA: I couldn’t do that.

MARI: Totally. That’s what I’m saying. People who know you would be totally freaked out by that. Just stop looking to assert your dominance all the time. Stop putting people down.

RHONA: Stop being a bitch?

MARI: That would be a start.

RHONA: I didn’t want to be the victim anymore.

MARI: There doesn’t have to be a victim. Life isn’t about choosing whether you’re a victim or, or a erm…

RHONA: Perpetrator.

MARI: That’s the one.

RHONA: I was just so desperate to attack.

MARI: Because you thought that was the best way to make sure you were never attacked yourself.

RHONA: Am I that transparent?

MARI: Totally. Even a college dropout can see it.

RHONA: I’m so fucked up.

MARI: I think you need a break.

RHONA: Starting again would be good.

MARI: You don’t mean us getting back together? I have PTSD because of you, flashbacks, nightmares, paranoia. Not gonna lie, if you think there’s even the tiniest chance we can get back together then you really are fucked up.

RHONA: Bitch please. I was thinking of work. But good to know where you’re at.

MARI: No surprise there. You going somewhere else?

RHONA: Same company different country.

MARI: Really? Where?

RHONA: Qatar. They are opening a new office there and want me to be part of the team that helps set it up.

MARI: That’s amazing. They really do think highly of you. Wait, Qatar?

RHONA: Yeah.

MARI: Pretty sure being gay is illegal there.

RHONA: It’s only for six months, I’ll just have to control my urges. And make sure the vibrator has plenty of batteries.

MARI: Six months of controlled urges, that would be a fresh start for you.

RHONA: Oh stop. You know me so well.

MARI: Seriously I think it will be great for you. Plenty of time to yourself to get your mind together.

RHONA: That’s what I’m hoping.

MARI: I’m guessing it’s all expenses paid?

RHONA: Yeah they have sorted out flats for us. So I can keep the mortgage payments going out while I’m gone without any extra costs.

MARI: When are you going?

RHONA: Fly out in a couple of days. Do you want to stay in my house while I’m away?

MARI: What?

RHONA: I can understand if you don’t want anything more to do with me, I just thought it made sense.

MARI: Not gonna lie, I really couldn’t live in that house again.

RHONA: I’ve moved. No traumatic memories for you in this house.

MARI: Seriously?

RHONA: Look I know your pride might not want to take a hand out from someone you consider to be the devil. But there’s going to be an empty house in town for six months and you’re going to be living on the streets in that time. Call me an ice-cold bitch if you want, but surely it makes sense for you to live there.

MARI: I promised myself I would never be in a situation where I was reliant on someone else again, let alone you.

RHONA: Bitch please. Think of all the things you can get done if you have a house and an address for six months. You can apply for jobs, night school courses and maybe reconnect with old friends. All the bills will be paid anyway, you’ll have a bed, heating, TV…

MARI: Oh my God I could have a bath.

RHONA: You could. I was worried about leaving the place empty for six months anyway, thinking it would be likely to get broken in to.

MARI: It does make sense, just seems a bit…

RHONA: Too good to be true? I could give you a house for life and I would still owe you so much. This is me being selfish, if I can help you out it will make me feel a tiny bit better.

MARI: Where is it?

RHONA: Location, location, location, is that really going to affect your decision?

MARI: I was just wondering.

RHONA: It’s one of the town houses near Queen’s Gardens.

MARI: Oh right in town centre, those houses look cool.

RHONA: Is this a yes?

MARI: Yeah I think so.

RHONA: I promise you won’t see me if you don’t want to. You can come in after I’ve headed off to the airport and be gone by the time I come back. I can leave a set of instructions about how everything works and anything you need to know. Wait you’re not just going to trash the place are you? Couldn’t blame you I suppose.

MARI: I did want to kill you.

RHONA: Never been so happy to hear the past tense.

MARI: But no, I’m not planning on wrecking your house.

RHONA: That’s good.

OZZIE WALKS ONTO STAGE.

MARI: Oh my god Ozzie. How you doing? Are you okay? You sure?

OZZIE: Yeah, yeah I’m fine, I’m fine.

MARI: You promise?

OZZIE: I promise.

MARI: Ozzie this is Rhona.

OZZIE: Rhona? The Rhona? Are you okay?

MARI: Totally. Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Long story, but things are okay between us, sort of anyway.

OZZIE: Really?

RHONA: I’m guessing she has told you all about me. Believe every word, in fact knowing Mari she has probably watered things down. I was worse. Wait is this Ozzie the youth worker?

MARI: Yes!

RHONA: She mentioned you quite a bit, sharing your inspirational and wise words.

OZZIE: Did she now?

MARI: You made a big difference to a lot.

OZZIE: Hope so.

MARI: Oh my God I can’t believe we have been chatting for almost a minute and I’ve not told you.

OZZIE: What?

MARI: Rhona is going to work in Qatar for six months and I’m going to live in her house whilst she’s gone.

OZZIE: Seriously?

MARI: Totally. Not even jokin.

OZZIE: That’s awesome. That’ll be more than enough time for you to get yourself sorted and back on your right track.

MARI: Hopefully.

OZZIE: It will be. Qatar though? You realise homosexuality is illegal over there?

MARI: Yeah we’ve done that. You don’t have to take every opportunity to share knowledge, you can let some of them go by.

OZZIE: I’ll try to remember that. And if I foster a girl again I will be coming to you for help and advice, you could be her cool older buddy.

MARI: You going to foster again?

OZZIE: Not sure right now. Just going to have couple of weeks off, doing absolutely nothing.

MARI: Not gonna lie, that’s going to be so hard for you.

OZZIE: I know, but I think I’ll manage. Anyway this has been blown out of the water completely by Rhona, but I’m going to give it to you anyway.

MARI: What?

OZZIE REACHES INTO HIS POCKET.

OZZIE: I got you a new ball!

MARI laughs and gives OZZIE a hug.

CURTAIN.