Smile

Smile

Cause no-one cares about your pain

Smile

Cause you help others but people get so uncomfortable when you cry out for help

Smile and play along

Cause the moment you let them know you know

You're ridiculed

Bullied

Told you have to be faking it

Cause there is no way that someone could be doing what you do to help others and smile and be upbeat if they were in need of healing themselves

So you keep going

Keep smiling

But a little more of your smile chips away

As your darkness festers unchecked, unheard

Slowly burning it's black handprints into your skin

Your smile being chipped away

Until there is now a permanent smile etched into your ever darker growing features

Creepy, wide and teeth bared

Eyes wide, unblinking and slowly turning red

That is what others see

When you say no

Cause everyone only wants themselves taken care of

They don't wanna know about anyone else's problems

But the moment you give them that energy back

Suddenly you're vile

Evil

Narcissitic

Selfish

Every abomination under the sun

And you do care

You really do care about others and wanna help

You couldn't sleep at night knowing that you could've helped but avoided it. You could never abandon anyone.

It would just be nice if people didn't abandon you in return

Bare minimum, huh?

But nowadays even that is too much to ask for

Some may help, but they have to put it up on social media

There has to be photos, the hashtags, everyone has to know cause they need to be validated

Why?

Everything is so public

Yet no-one can be called out publicly

Cause then your "loved ones" will drag your ass through the mud

You just need a break

someone to take care of you now

What if there is no-one?

What if you're on your own?

Would there be any point to keep going?

Cause your name is already getting dragged through the mud cause you no longer do what everyone wants

Maybe just giving up is an option

But no that's selfish too

You know what?

To hell with it

Maybe selfish, but fuck it, let's be selfish!

If setting a much needed boundary for your own mental health and wellbeing, if taking care of yourself to better take care of others and if refusing to deal with actually selfish and mean people makes you selfish, let's fudging go!!!!

If they can put themselves first, so can you.

They can get a therapist

You need to focus on yourself

Prioritize yourself

Let it all out

All the anger, hurt, tears

Hopefully you still remember how to

Hopefully it isn't too far gone to try and take yourself back from the darkness that's been consuming you for so long

You definitely need a therapist

But you don't want to go through trying to talk to another person again

Cause you don't want to burden them

Maybe just run away

Become a hermit

Never see the light of day again

Cause you just *have. no. energy*

And everything is pointless

New city

New friends

New family

You just need a brand new start

Cause you are so lost you don't remember who you are

And if you're in a new city, it'll make it easier to build your boundaries, limit the contact

But should you?

Or should you just keep taking it?

Why start the drama?

But if you don't

How long are you going to survive?

How long before you turn into the monster they act like you are?

Or are you actually one?

And they're right, you're just too self-centred to notice?

Victim complex

ARRRGGHHH, what are you supposed to do? Take care of yourself and lose everyone or let yourself die and keep everyone?

What are you supposed to do?