SMART Friendship

Work and life were one for Sylvia. The assertive Personnel Manager had the same inane habits in person.

She believed precision-clinical precision- solved problems: structured feedback, precise documentation and SMART — specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound outcomes.

One day, her long-time best friend Nancy Lee found a curious SMS invitation to their favourite restaurant. It came with an equally mysterious attachment.

She opened it, and her eyes widened.

Friendship Evaluation Form

Sylvia HAD to be joking. 25 years of friendship and —

THIS?

Then, in the almost inconspicuous top-right-hand corner —

A deadline.

Nancy met Sylvia at the cafe, where the latter produced a folder.

Nancy’s friendship appraisal form was an apparently stellar evaluation.

Crisis: Exceeds Expectations

Confidentiality: Exceeds Expectations

Restaurant selection: Outstanding

Birthday Memory: Meets Expectations

Sylvia clicked her pen with professional enthusiasm, then showed her friend the Areas for Development section.

Nancy’s left eyebrow began an ascent.

QUICKLY.

She had recorded Nancy:

Coming late for one of their appointments;

Sending twenty-minute voice messages;

Responding to messages with just a ‘like’.

Nancy remained stoic. Sylvia interpreted it as professional maturity and recorded it as ‘receptive to feedback.’

Nancy didn’t raise a single objection.

With a smile, she straightened up in her chair.

“Thank you for your feedback.”

Sylvia beamed.

Until they next had coffee.

Nancy slid into her seat, her own folder in hand.

Much thicker than Sylvia's.

She had performed a 360-degree Friendship Assessment--

With the help of stakeholders.

Sylvia stopped stirring her coffee.

Her brother supplied that she was " unnecessarily finicky"

The salesgirl at the corner minimart mentioned her being " fussy."

Her neighbour said that she complained over trivial matters--

Shoes clicking on the pavement.

" The neighbour can't have stakes!" Sylvia began a vehement protest.

Nancy had seen the response coming.

She pointed to--

Appendix B.

As expected, Sylvia's friends heard about the review--

And loved the idea.

A little too much.

Sylvia's friendship group soon became a tightly run organisation--

For Sylvia Fault Registration.

One raised the point that she never said thanks when he gave her lifts to work.

Another mentioned that she never remembered birthdays.

Yet another told a tale of her constant nagging.

One more reported her too-loud stereo.

The system continued to metastasise.

A member of the group suggested that she use Friendship KPIs.

Birthday responses were timed.

Coffee invitations were acknowledged —

But no one was sure what that required.

Then Sylvia received her final assessment.

OVERALL FRIENDSHIP EVALUATION: NEEDS IMPROVEMENT.

Her jaw dropped.

Not because she had been late.

Or had forgotten someone’s birthday.

Or had selected a restaurant with poor reviews.

Nancy pointed to a piece of feedback, written in small font at the corner of the assessment sheet.

Sylvia had evaluated friendship, but forgot that her own could be as well.

There was a long pause.

Then, Sylvia nodded slowly.

“Perhaps friendship doesn’t need KPIs.”

She tore up the original assessment sheet she had created with a flourish.

No SMART targets.

No reviews.

No stakeholder surveys.

She looked at the sea of faces before her and apologised.

Nancy accepted.

They drank coffee without discussing a single outcome.

Then, Nancy laid a single document on the table.

To Sylvia’s synchronised groan.

FINAL FRIENDSHIP EVALUATION —

Friendship renewed.