SHELBY AND tHEiR WONDERDOG

"Good Boy," said Mom, and Charlie tilted his head into the behind-the-ear scratches.

"Tell me about that day again," said Shelby and folded into their chair, right next to Charlie. "One more time, pretty please, before you go senile and forget everything."

"I'll never forget that day," said Mom, fidgeting with her fingers like she does before she smokes one of her secret cigarettes. "He barely opened his eyes when I scooped him up and held him that first time. No more than a floppy, yellow lump of fur, all sleepy-eyed and lazy. I thought maybe, since he seemed like the calmest one in the litter-”

“Boy, were you wrong,” said Shelby. "Probably tuckered out from a recent trip to Looneyville." That's where Shelby says Charlie goes when he runs around making super fast circles, but you can do that almost anywhere.

“Dad practically lost his shit when he got home that night and saw the couch." Mom always gets tears now when she talks about dad. “But he came around, once Charlie got house trained and lost his appetite for chair legs.”

Charlie tucked his nose under a paw.

“Awe, it's okay boy. Don't be embarrassed.” Shelby leaned close and whispered warm breath into Charlie’s ear. "I wish I could remember him all little and squishy."

“You were too young, barely out of diapers yourself. Oh but Charlie Boy loved his Baby Shelby though. God help anybody that got between the two of you. I swear sometimes he thought he was the mom, the way he doted over you." Mom ran her nails along Charlie's back to that sweet spot, just above the tail.

"Do you remember that, Charlie?" asked Shelby. "I think maybe he does, Mom."

"I'm sure he does, Pickle. But he really was the cutest little puppy ever with his silly, wiggle-bum walk and sweet, puppy breath, despite his fixation with my damned shoes.”

"And underwear," said Shelby. "Let us not forget his famous underwear fetish."

Charlie pressed his backside into Mom's long nails.

"I'm surprised Dad agreed," said Shelby, resting their chin over their folded arms.

“Dad made that part easy." Mom's eyes went dreamy like they do sometimes when she talks about Dad. "I said, if every boy should have a dog, then every girl should get one too. After eight years of marriage and three daughters, I knew the feminist argument trumped all. Poor man had zero chance.”

“So binary, but I guess you guys didn't know back then,” said Shelby.

"Maybe not Dad, but I knew Shelbiekins," said Mom. "You just needed time to figure yourself out."

"I'm still kinda working on that," said Shelby and scrubbed their hand through the spiky side of their hair. "I guess with Charlie, at least Dad had another guy around to even things up, since my vagina was such a disappointment."

"God, don't say that. Do you know how that sounds?" Mom stopped scratching Charlie's favourite spot, but his eyes were getting tired anyway.

"Ew! That's not what I...Geez. Mind in the gutter much? It's only that you guys could have tried for one more. Dad wanted his boy and I have the smelly goalie pads and BMX scars to prove it." Shelby unfolded theirself and lifted their pant legs up past their knees.

"Dad loved you girls-"

"A-hem." Shelby folded their arms over their chest.

"Sorry, Shelbs. Dad loved you and your sisters more than anything," said Mom. "He would have given you the moon if you'd asked for it."

"Gabby figured that little tidbit out quick." Shelby nestled their face into Charlie's fur. "Didn't mind exploiting it either."

"Gabs will turn things around." Mom sighed. "You'll see."

"Yeah, and unicorns shit rainbows," said Shelby.

"She will."

"No, Mom, she won't." Shelby shoved their chair back and it scraped loud against the hard floor. "She's not just going to wake up one morning and magically be okay. This isn't Dr. Phil."

"All she needs is time." Mom sat down in Shelby's empty chair and started scratching that good spot again.

"Time heals everything, right? Or, oh I know a good one: God never gives you any more than you can handle," said Shelby in a rough voice Charlie didn't like. "That's all a bunch of bullshit. You oughta know that better than anyone." Shelby shouldn't talk to Mom like that. Charlie wished they could go, and find some cool grass so he could roll around.

"I haven't experienced the healing power of time yet, and I don't know what unicorn's poop looks like, and maybe I don't even know about God anymore." Mom's voice got raspy and Charlie thought she needed a nap. "What I do know, what I need to believe, is that Gabby is trying and that she is going to make it. Besides, I do think Rehab helped her even though she didn't finish the whole program."

"Whatever. She's a bitch and a liar and I fucking hate her."

"Shebiekins, language." Mom stood up. Mom never stayed in one spot for long, but she's still a good Mom. "Anyway, say what you want. I know deep down you still love your big sister."

"I still love my big sister, Amy," said Shelby and they sat down again next to Charlie. Mom pulled Squeaky out of her big bag where she hides Charlie's toys.

"Shelbs," said Mom, holding on to Squeaky, very tightly. "Can't you try?"

"Try what? Gabs has always been a bitch to me. It's not like I care how she treats me anyway. It's how she treats you." Charlie's ears perked since treats was one of his favourite words. "We could've done something good with that money, like that art class for me, or a family vacation, or oh I dunno, paid the electricity bill. That place wasn't exactly free. I looked it up; I know what it cost you. How are you even going to pay for everything now? You can't, that's how."

Then Mom cried and nobody said anything for a long while. Charlie may have closed his eyes, just for a second.

“Remember that time at the beach?” said Mom, her voice all scratchy the way it gets before she's had her coffee and takes Charlie for a walk to the morning park.

"The tacos?" Shelby laughed a little out her nose, and then Mom laughed too, right out loud, like she used to. Almost like that.

“Not just tacos,” said Mom, shaking Squeaky in the air. "Dangerous beach tacos."

"Don't open it!" said Shelby in a loud, deep voice like they was trying to sound like a big human. "You never know what could be lurking inside a suspicious cardboard box."

“Poor Dad got so embarrassed when that security guard opened it,” said Mom, wiping the backs of her hands across her eyes. “God, I loved that beach.” Mom’s voice went soft. “I should have made him wear sunscreen.”

“You couldn’t have known.” Shelby got up and squished Mom. They did that a lot lately.

“But you got us through it, didn’t you Charlie Boy?” Mom scrubbed Charlie under his chin with both hands. Charlie loved it most when she did that.

"Honestly, I never would have survived any of this without him," said Shelby and scrubbed their hand between Charlie's ears. Tears started to trickle down their cheeks. Charlie wanted to lick them off. When Shelby got sad, it was Charlie's job to protect them. He could usually make them laugh, or at least smile. But Shelby didn't seem able to decide if they wanted to laugh or cry or yell lately.

Frustrated, Charlie whined, so Mom pulled his blanket up and tucked it around his neck like a cape. He had felt a little chilly.

"Remember agility training?" Mom chuckled.

"Shelby and their Wonderdog," said Shelby, but they still sounded sad. Then they pumped their fist over their head and shouted, "Wonderdog!"

"Ridding the world of evil," shouted Mom.

"One supervillain at a time, da da da," shouted Mom and Shelby together, throwing their arms in the air.

"Probably the only dog in history to fail kindergarten." Mom laughed. "But the capes were friggin' adorable."

"Mom, language," said Shelby. "Charlie just didn't like sitting still. Besides, we weren't that bad." Shelby wrapped their warm arms around Charlie's neck. "Were we, Wonderdog?"

"Um..." said Mom.

"Okay, maybe we were sorta bad." Shelby lifted Charlie's chin and looked at him with their big, sad eyes, so warm Charlie wanted to sink himself into them. "But you were the cutest, most sweetest doggie in that whole dumb class, with your floppy ears and wonky, wiggle walk."

Charlie smelled something not nice when the door clicked open. But then Shelby kissed his nose and pressed their head into his, and said "It's okay boy," which always made him feel safe. “I miss him already,” said Shelby. And then they cried, a lot and folded theirself right on top of Charlie.

"Yeah," sighed Mom. "Me too, Pickle."

"We'll get each other through this." Mom tucked Squeaky under Charlie's chin and wrapped her arms around Shelby and Charlie. It hurt his back a little because they were squeezing so hard, but he didn't mind since it seemed like it might be helping them.

"He won't feel anything?" asked Shelby, their salty tears dripped onto Charlie's face. Charlie tried to lick them off, but his eyes were so tired. "Will he?"

"Not a thing," lied the man in the long coat.