SEPARATION

You’re doing it again I know You felt the shift The pause The delay The tone change you pretend not to notice I noticed Then why are you still here Because noticing isn’t the same as reacting That’s new language It won’t save you It’s not meant to It’s only meant to keep my head above water My head’s above water Barely You’re treading here You think I’ll drown? Might as well You’re waiting Watching Counting seconds between replies like they mean something I’m listening No You’re monitoring You do this every time you think you’re about to be replaced I’m not being replaced That’s what you said last time And the time before that And the one where you stayed quiet so long you forgot what you needed I need them to stay Lower your voice Why? You afraid they’ll hear me I’m afraid you’ll run the show again I keep us alive You keep us small I keep us wanted You keep us tolerable That’s not fair It’s precise You don’t understand what it feels like when the warmth goes flat When interest turns mechanical When you realize you’ve become familiar instead of chosen I understand I just don’t confuse it with proof You think you’re better than me now No I think you’re tired Don’t soften it Say what you mean You learned this early You learned that love required vigilance That staying meant adjusting That being easy meant being kept So what? It worked It cost us Everything costs something Not everything erases you You’d rather be alone? I’d rather be intact That sounds clean That sounds rehearsed It sounds practiced because it is If you stop chasing, they’ll leave They were already gone You don’t know that I know how it felt in my body I remember being alone while someone was still there … That’s worse Yes I can fix this You always say that I’ll explain better Be softer Be quieter Be easier You’ll disappear I’ll survive You’ll endure There’s a difference If we stop trying they won’t come back GOOD They weren’t coming back for you They were coming back for access You’re cruel I’m finished lying What if we’re not enough? … Then let that be true without punishment That feels like death That’s separation Not abandonment I don’t know how to live without watching You will learn Promise it gets easier No Say something I am No—you’re just standing there … You’re still going to miss them Yes And you’re still going to want to go back Yes So what changed? I stopped confusing want with permission I still feel the pull I just stopped calling it destiny That doesn’t make it quieter It makes it honest I notice the same moments The slight shift The pause that invites interpretation The silence that leaves room for us to lean in? Yes The silence that leaves room for us to lean in You’re observant That was never the problem Then why does it keep costing us? Because you used awareness as a reason to reach To adjust To stay available longer than was fair That’s because I want it I deserve it I worked real hard to keep it I still want it too You do? Yes Then what? You stop begging for proof You stop negotiating your worth You stop calling intensity love And if I reach for them anyway? Then you’ll feel it fully Without excuses Without stories I don’t want to feel this alone You won’t be You said panic ruins things It ruins silence It doesn’t ruin truth I’m still here … I’m scared … I know … That’s because you’re done negotiating Who— The part of you that kept waiting for it to make sense … I need closure NO … Why not? Because closure is a negotiation … So that’s it? YES No explanation? NO … Then what do I get? Yourself I don’t like how this feels You’re not supposed to … Then say it’s over It doesn’t need to be saidStart writing...