Sello

On the 13th of August, when everything seemed normal, my sister placed a pregnancy test in front of me. We were going back and forth, the truth refusing to ever leave my mouth and when it finally happened - when it was finally revealed, my world changed forever.

We hurriedly walked, hands intertwined, to the nearest clinic. She wasn’t angry, she wasn’t shouting. We just walked, arrived and got rid of it. I never apologised to her. I never should have lied to her. I never thanked her. We never spoke about it again.

She smiled and laughed with mama, and I felt awkward knowing what had happened. How was she so calm? So relaxed, so her. I couldn’t bring it up, she never let me. I had to smile, laugh and hope that there wasn’t a void that was once filled inside me.

On the 13th of August, when everything changed, I noticed my sister crying in the middle of the night. We had gotten rid of it. It was somehow finally over but she wept with her eyes tightly closed like the same void that was within me was in her.

I didn’t fall back into sleep, I couldn’t fall back into sleep. I laid there and wept silently with her. We didn’t look at each other, we never held each other. Our backs and feet were all there ever was to contact as they faced each other.

She eventually fell asleep and I wanted to but I couldn’t. It was then that I felt that it wasn’t ever over.

On the 18th of August, when everything felt like it was back to normal, mama walked into my room and slapped me across the face.

She had tears, uncontrollably running down her face and my sister followed behind her with no sign of any emotion on her face.

“O setlatla!” the words rang in my face. I blocked all the other words that came after and stormed out, feeling the walls sucking me in.

She promised! It wasn’t verbal but she acted like it never happened. She laughed! She smiled! We never spoke about it!

How was she so evil? So vile, so her.

On the 20th of August, when everything was completely shattered, I watched my sister pour water into the bathtub.

She was humming softly and without thought, I smashed her head. I placed the brick back on the floor, immediately stopping the door from shutting.

The blood came quick. Everywhere, all at once.

I walked out the bathroom and stood still. Watching, watching and watching until I just couldn’t.

“Boitumelo!” My mother’s voice was loud. I ran into the bathroom, pushed the brick further in and shut the door.

What had I just done? So stupid, so unlike me.

On the 25th of August, when everything was no more, I screamed as loud as I could, hoping that someone would save me.

I kept seeing the blood everywhere, all at once in the jail cell and I couldn’t stop it. It wouldn’t stop.

It felt like she was there. Screaming, begging like I was. Wondering what she had done to deserve such a cruel death.

“O setlatla!” the words kept ringing as if mama was close by.

She promised! It wasn’t verbal but she did! And she had broken it! She hummed! She showed no emotion! She lied!

On the 30th of August, when I was barely hanging on, I dreamt of my sister and a little boy I had never seen.

She wasn’t angry, she wasn’t shouting. We slowly walked, hands intertwined, to a bench close by. I wanted to apologise to her, I wanted to hold her.

She picked the little boy up, placed him on her lap, smiled and held my hand.

“Sello o tla dula a nale wena.”

The End.