say it before it’s too late

I once had a crush on someone in my class. I don’t know how or when I started to like him, but I know I did. Every time our eyes accidentally met, my whole world would begin to panic.

He wasn’t the typical high school crush. He wasn’t that tall, but he was definitely handsome, with moreno skin, and he took his studies seriously. He wasn’t loud, so whenever I heard his voice, I automatically smiled. He wasn’t into music, which is something I usually look for in a guy, but his music taste was so good. Above all, he was soft-spoken. Some might say he was nonchalant, but he wasn’t.

I liked him for over a year. I enjoyed our little interactions. I felt happy when we were in the same group most of the time. I felt happy whenever I saw him — and I felt happy when I saw him happy.

You might think that we talked, but no — we literally did not. We never had a long conversation. I liked him genuinely, to the point that I did not expect my feelings to be reciprocated.

On one random day, I felt the urge to confess. It was our Christmas party, and my friend took a picture of us. He even put his arm around my shoulder. After the party, we went to a classmate’s house. My friend kept noticing that he was looking at me. I got my hopes up — I thought that he liked me too. But no.

On that same day, someone else asked if she could take a picture with him, and they did. She was brave enough to shoot her shot. She messaged him. She made the first move. She pursued him — things that I could not do.

After that, I thought I had to move on, but it was hard. Even though we didn’t talk, the fact that I admired him for a year made it difficult to forget my feelings. I regret so many things. I regret that I was so cowardly back then. I always think, “What if I had confessed? Would I have had a chance?” But I can’t change what happened.

It’s hard to regret something that you didn’t even do.

Now, he is finally in a relationship with her, and I’m happy for him.

This experience taught me to be brave, to say what I’m feeling, and to take the risk — before it’s too late.