Saving Jacob

Lilith stared out the kitchen window absently running her fingers along the chain of her necklace. She was watching two young neighbor boys chase each other in the adjacent yard firing toy cap guns at one another. It had been three weeks since Andrew’s funeral. Her beloved boy. Her first born. Even the best morticians in the metropolitan area couldn’t reconstruct his face so they could have an open casket. Her poor, sweet Andrew.

“Maybe I’ll just start drinking myself to death, too.” Said Jacob, her youngest son, as he reached for the nightly gin and tonic Lilith had mixed her husband. She snapped from her reverie and slapped Jacob’s hand away from the glass “Don’t! That’s your father’s! Go wash up for dinner, he’ll be home soon.”

Jacob paused to look his mother in the eye as his own began to well with bitter tears. “How can you just make him dinner and mix his drinks after what he did?!” He snapped. “You just don’t even understand…” his voice broke off as he fled from the room.

Lilith wiped her eyes, took a deep breath and steadied herself as she heard the familiar sound of Walter slamming the front door and dropping his keys on the desk in the entry. “You wouldn’t believe the bullshit I’m dealing with at work.” Lilith smiled weakly as she handed him the gin and tonic. “These bleeding heart existentialist types, looking at me like I’m a monster, screwing up my projects on purpose. I did my duty to this country by turning Andrew in! It's not my fault what happened! I taught him better, he did it to himself!”

“Drink your tonic, dear, you’ll feel better.” Lilith said as she went about setting the table.

Walter took a long draw from the tall glass and sat at the head of the table. “Damned hippies. Telling me I’ve voted for the devil for years and that’s why I lost my son. He was no son of mine! Damned queer…” he muttered into his drink as he drained the glass. Ever the obedient wife, Lilith took his glass and went to mix him another tonic.

“Where’s Jacob?” Walter demanded.

“Washing up for dinner, dear. I’ll get him.” Lilith handed Walter his second drink as he turned on the news without so much as a glance at his wife. “These so-called protesters are just spreading lies about the government.” one commentator bloviated. “These camps are for the good of, not just the country and our values, but for the individuals taken to these camps to be properly rehabilitated.”

Lilith made her way upstairs to the fading sound of a counter argument from a human rights activist and her husband cursing at the television. “It’s alright,” she told herself, breathing through the pain in her chest, “it’s all going to be alright.”

She opened the door to Jacob’s room to see him furiously pulling clothes from his dresser and shoving them into a suitcase before slamming it shut. Her hand went back to toying with the silver chain of her necklace as she closed the door with her other hand. “Jacob, sweetheart, I know it’s been hard…”she started.

“Hard?! Hard?! He sent Drew off to that awful place! Sent him off to his death! And you just let him do it! You just!” He stopped. The tiny heart shaped locket had slid out from beneath her blouse and caught his eye. Lilith tried to quickly replace it and compose herself, but Jacob crossed the room in hurried strides and ripped the necklace from her neck, his face tormented and angry.

“You kept it? What makes you think you have a right to wear this?! This… this damned thing that condemned Drew to whatever they did to him, this fucking….” Jacob broke down in sobs and sank onto his bed.

Lilith cautiously moved toward Jacob and sat on the bed next to him. “You’re right.” she said as silent tears began to stream down her pale cheeks. “I should have done something about your father when he found that locket. I should have known he would love his precious leader more than his own son.” she said with disdain. “I knew those camps were awful, I knew they hurt people, no matter what your father says, no matter what they all say. I don’t care who your brother loved, and I don’t know who that young man in that locket is, but I’ll never let your father find out either. Jacob, I promise you…”

“Carmine.”

“What?”

Jacob sniffed hard, opened the locket and wiped his face. “His name is Carmine. And I love him, mom. Me.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Lilith breathed.

“Drew was just protecting me. It’s my fault he’s gone! If I hadn’t been too fucking scared to…” he broke off, standing up and sniffing hard again. “I’m just going to tell dad. He can try to turn me in if he wants, but I’ll be halfway to..”

“No!” Lilith stood up and ran to the door to block Jacob’s way, but before Jacob could open the door, they heard of a loud scuffle downstairs and the sound of breaking glass. There was a confused pause before Jacob shoved his mother aside and pulled open the door.

“Jacob, don’t!” Lilith screamed running after her son, but Jacob made it to the dining room before she could stop him. “Jesus! What the?! Dad?! Oh my god! Is he dead?! Oh my god!”

Walter’s eyes were wide and lifeless, his face contorted in a wretch of pain, bile and vomit around the corners of his mouth and on the floor. His bowels had loosed, either during the fit that ended him or after his heart ceased to beat. Jacob backed away from the horrid scene and his gaze moved to the broken glass of gin and tonic scattered on the linoleum, then to his mother.

“Honey, just go upstairs to your room and get your things.” Lilith said, gathering all the stoicism she had left.

“What is this? What…”

“Just go upstairs and I’ll handle this.”

“What did you do?”

“I told you. I should have done something about your father.” Lilith swept over to Jacob and pulled him away from the wretched mess and out of the dining room.

“Sweetheart, just pack your things,” she said as she pushed him towards the stairs.

“What?” Jacob stammered, floating in shock and turning to see his mother pulling a small, faded cookie tin from behind the china hutch.

“Honey, just get your things. Take this,” she said, handing him the tin. “Take this, and go find Carmine and get away from here. I’ll wait a few days to call the police, you’ll have plenty of time to get to the border.”

“Mom,” Jacob interrupted, stunned. “Mom, no…”

“It’s enough to get you both started, somewhere new, somewhere you can be together and be happy, be safe.”

“Come with us, you can come with us,” he began to plead.

“No.”

“Mom, you’ll go to prison.”

“I don’t care!” She said, grasping Jacob’s hands and the tin he now held in them. “I didn’t save your brother. I won’t lose you both!”

“Mom, I love you, please..” Jacob cried softly.

Lilith brushed the tears from his cheek and smiled. “And I love you, too, sweetheart. And I’m so, so sorry.” She threw her arms around him and squeezed him tight. When she let go, she took his head in both hands and kissed his forehead.

“Just go. It’ll all be alright.”

Jacob stared at his mother for a moment, then ran up the stairs for his suitcase. Lilith was still standing at the bottom of the stairs when he came back down. He set down his suitcase, took her hand and placed the tiny heart shaped locket in it, folding her fingers around it and pressing her hand closed. “You keep this.”

“Tell Carmine to take good care of my baby boy.”

“He will.” Jacob embraced his mother for the last time, picked up his suitcase and made his way to the back door.

Lilith, ever the obedient wife, took a deep breath, wiped her face and composed herself, then went about tidying up.