Saturn and the Traveler of Dreams

“Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say.” I hear one night from my radio. I like to listen to the Space Hour Show after a long day at work.

I finally sit in the tub of soap and warm water and sink my tired toes in, letting the bath sting my skin for a few minutes. I breathe in and out while clenching my teeth, holding onto the side of the bathtub, and forcing myself to get used to the temperature. I just wanted to sit in complete stillness and forget about the day I experienced.

Today felt like stinging pain after bumping into a wall. It left a writhing pain and it felt worse with every second. I wanted to just lay on the floor and not move until the pain went away. But, instead, I worked through it, sweating through my worn shirt and letting my mind race. My mind seemed loud and fast, causing me to breathe heavily while I worked.

Work usually has its hard days, but this day felt long, hot and stressful. Every once in a while, I would take the time to observe my co-workers face. Their expressions painted their faces with exhaustion.

I’ve always hated working a usual 9-5 but the experience of working as a barista made it feel new and exciting. It wasn’t like my previous jobs where I would handle groceries that customers would purchase. Even though at time, I still get the same kind of customers who tend to be annoying from time to time.

I did notice that my work environment isn’t the best. Theres cliques of people who constantly talk shit about each other. It almost makes me think if that’s the reason why we struggle to work together as a team.

The gossip can sometimes be tempting though and I immediately get sucked in. I can’t help it sometimes, the tea is too hot not to take a sip. But, what if I'm a part of our work environment issues? Funny thing is, I didn’t ask myself this question until I saw the haunting look on Ashley’s face.

Ashley is a co-worker of mine that has never done anything wrong to me. Well at least to my face.

She has already been very attentive, patient and even efficient when it came to even our most busiest days. But lately, she’s been the topic of the hushed whispers of gossip between other co-workers.

According to Olivia, who’s another co-worker of mine, she said that Ashley and my shift supervisor Erin have been secretly dating, despite him being married. The gossip was hot and ready and I just wanted a small taste, but know looking back I realize I should have suppressed the appetite.

Seeing her hurt reaction made me feel horrible. Ashley was never rude to me, she’s the sweetest person ever. She’s helped me in times where I thought could never improve. And even at times, she would appear with the upmost love and patience to me. How can I say sorry to someone who met eyes with me while I stabbed them in the back?

I pursed my lips as I continued to feel the stinging of the hot water. Maybe this was the exact feeling she felt. Maybe I deserve to feel this pain.

I finally get used to the heat of the water and let out a big exhale. I stare at the faucet as it drips water into the bath. I look at my breasts and try to lower my body under the water to let them be covered by the bubbles like in those cliche movies. But, as I put my my arms to my sides and slid down, I felt myself tighten around the sides of the bath. Well, I guess that's mission failed. It was silly for me to expect that from a movie.

I did learn something today. According to my parents, my name was given to me because of the time I was born. It was bad enough that I was teased throughout my school days for having such a weird name. But finding out that I was given the name because I was born a Capricorn made me experience a new kind of embarrassment.

Hearing my parents laugh about how they thought of the name made me blush as they shared their stories of being in Woodstock coming up with names for their future children while on psychedelics.

I hate the name specifically because I didn't feel as pretty or big as the planet. Instead, I felt like the name was a sick joke. I was a shy person who hated even the littlest bit of attention. Pluto would have been a better name for me.

I let out another sigh and lean my head back. I stare at the ceiling and see a small spider that's decorating its web in the far upper corner of the bathroom. Maybe being an animal or insect was better than being a human, you didn't have unnecessary issues. You just existed.

After sinking down into the warmth of the bathtub, I imagine my body floating. It felt almost as if I was being pulled out of my skin, like astral projection. I just wanted a way to escape, a way to let go and just disassociate from this day. From even this reality. Just for a few minutes to not have to think about the next day.

I finally find my center, close my eyes and fall into a deep sleep.

I wake up to see a tall pale woman with emerald green eyes staring at me. Her stare was intense as if she was concentrating on my movements while I slept. She smelled of vanilla and her white paper skin shined at the sun hit her face. She wore a silk dress that draped beautifully from her shoulders to her ankles. Her arms were covered with silver and gold, making them look robotic.

Despite her beauty, I slowly started to panic as she stared. Where am I? Who is this woman?

I stare at her, trying to tighten my face to show no emotion. I try to keep myself calm to prevent any physical altercation in case this was a kidnapping. I see her analyzing my face, her eyes looking at my lips as they twitched with nervousness. She places her hands on her chest and closes her eyes.

"Hello, Saturn. My name is Amynda." I nod in response, trying not to show my anxiousness. My mind was starting to race. Am I dreaming?

"How did you know my name?" I asked. Before she responded I quickly look around the unknown room and see a blue door. Underneath showed a bright light. That must be the way out.

I wait till she’s done talking and suddenly run to the door and open it. A heavy wind blows through me, making the chimes in the room scream in resp0nse as they swept with the wind. I immediately closed it. I start to panic again, wondering where I was. I was no longer in Florida it seemed. It looked like I was in the middle of nowhere. I turn to the mysterious woman staring at me with curiosity by the bed I woke up in.

"Whatever you’re gonna do, please don’t do it. Please have mercy.” I felt my bottom lip quiver and try my best not to cry. I start to breathe heavily and clench the door knob, trying to think of what to do.

She smiles and reaches her hand towards me. She caresses my face, trying to get me to calm down. She then takes my shaking hands and leads me to the edge of the bed to sit down. I still held my guard, my shoulders felt heavy, as I tensed them towards my neck. I try pulling back, hoping to avoid what she's leading me to.

"I promise I won't hurt you. You probably don't remember arriving here. You projected yourself to this room."

"I was in my house before." I start to say. Then I start to remember feeling light and airy before I fell asleep. Is she trying to say I came here myself? How is that even possible?

I convinced myself that it was just a lucid dream and decided to go along with what was happening. It probably wasn't really happening, and it was probably was. Either way, I just wanted to get an idea of where I was.

"Where am I?" I finally ask.

She takes my hands and sits me down on the bed I woke up in and closes her eyes. After some time has passed, she sits next to me. "We're in a place you created in your dreams. It's called Celestia. You used to come here a lot when you were younger. I haven't seen you in almost 15 years." she waits for me to respond as a deafening silence suddenly is between us.

I look around the room and see the frames on the wall glisten. The chimes and crystals in the room sing and dance in the hazy sunlight. The air seemed to have a dust and old book smell, mixing with the fragrance of Amynda's vanilla scent.

"I made this place?" I asked.

She nods in response. "You made it when you were around 7 years old." Suddenly images of my past flickered in my brain like a motion picture. My heart starts beating fast as I remember the days I would return from school with dried tears on my face. But I don't remember even coming here. I look back at her, wanting more answers.

"You made this place to escape the reality you currently live," Amynda says., reading my face. She then pulls out a heart-shaped locket from her pocket. As she opens it, a bright light emerges, causing her to squint.

"Go ahead and take a look." She leans closer to me and shows me the locket. Inside it shows me in the bathtub sleeping. My arms are at my sides, stopping me from slipping into the water.

"I look so tired." I analyze the bags under my eyes and the fatigued look on my face. My eyebrows relaxed but showed almost a sad expression on my face as I snored.

I wonder if everyone else saw how exhausted I looked.

"So did I create this room to just escape and relax?" After closing the locket, Amynda gets up and opens the door. As she pulls the door open, the smell of grass floods the room. I get up and slowly walk outside. I tip-toe outside the door and slowly take the outside view in.

Seeing how saturated the place looked I cringed. I creep back into my room and close the door. The brightness of the sky and greenery made me a bit uneasy.

"It feels like I'm in an episode of Teletubbies. The grass and sky look so vibrant." I open the door again and peek my head out. As I look around I see a small town below.

"What is that place?" I ask Amynda. She looks out the door and nods. "That's the town of Celestia." It's actually a lot bigger up close. That's where you travel through dreams."

"I can do that?" I listen to the wind as it passes through the trees, making the grass emit a deep soil smell. I take a deep inhale and my mind starts to flood with memories of me being at my grandmother's house. The grass smelled just like this. She used to give me coconut bread and caress my back while I sat next to her watching cartoons. She smelled like cocoa butter and old library books. Her face brightened up whenever she talked, like a bright yellow sun. She was just a beautiful soul entirely.

As I'm reminiscing, I look up to see a smiling face in the sky. The face was painted yellow and glowed as it smiled.

"Why hello Saturn." I analyze the face to later realize it was my grandmother's face.

"Grandma?" I asked. I bring my hands to my eyes and cover them. After I take a deep inhale. I close my eyes and shut the door. I've had enough.

"What's going on?" Amynda asked.

"I'm going to bed," I replied. It was probably those shrooms I ate a few hours ago that's making me see weird shit like this. I refuse to believe my dead grandmother manifested into a trippy sun.

I pull the covers over my head and close my eyes. I feel Amynda sit next to me and rub my back. "I know it's a bit overwhelming. Would you like to come back another time?"

I didn't respond. Tears were starting to stream down my face. I bit my lip to keep myself from sobbing.

I felt Amynda stand up from sitting next to me. I hear her open a door and shut it. I was alone in the room. Thank Goodness. I pull the covers off my head and slowly tiptoe to the door. I close my eyes and give myself a moment to take in the ambiance. Hearing the sun beaming through the window and the chimes as it made its occasional sound.

I stepped outside, my eyes closed tightly, and closed the door behind me. I slowly opened my eyes and walked towards Amynda, who watched me carefully.

"So what now?" I ask. I was curious to know what I could do in this world, I felt a bit uneasy but ignored the feeling. I was curious. What else could I do in this strange world?

Amynda reached her gold hands towards me and smiled. "It's time for you to dream travel. We've been waiting for you Saturn."