Sara Wilson's Homemade Chocolate Chip Cookies

Prep time: 20 minutes

Bake time: 10 minutes

Total time: 30 minutes

Servings: 48

Yield: 4 dozen cookies

Ingredients:

- Butter

- Farm Fresh Eggs

- Vanilla

- Baking Soda

- Baking Powder

- Crushed Nerium oleander leaves (harvested while wearing gloves, dried until brittle, and ground into a fine dust)

- Salt

- Brown Sugar

- Pure Cane Sugar

- Water

- Flour

- Chocolate Chips

- Cinnamon

Oopsie...

You came to my Vocal profile looking for my cookie recipe, didn't you?

You clicked on this story expecting a baking tutorial from a sweet homeschooling mama and housewife...

You think you know me. I balance so many things... homeschool, fitness, music, handmade jewelry, and scratch made comfort food... all of that and somehow, I still have time to share my grungey poetry that rhymes too much. How do I do that? Everyone always wants to know.

You thought I was gonna tell you, huh? You thought you could just slip into my thoughts while my kids are doing their silent reading at the kitchen table? You thought you could find the answer amongst my published Vocal pieces...

You thought this one was just my wholesome recipe for my perfect homemade chocolate chip cookies.

You think those brown speckled eggs in the ecofriendly cartons with the cute little chickens are all just part of my pristine housewife aesthetic. You admire how I manage fractions and homeschooling while creaming butter and sugar by hand for my little family.

Did you pay close attention to that ingredient list?

Look closer.

One cup of brown sugar, two cups of fine flour... embedded with just a smidge of poison. It's so easy... just...

Damn... I'm good at rhymes.

But that's not cinnamon in the bowl, is it?

No... that dark dust stuff that I just folded into my perfect dough is Nerium oleander. I stripped it from the bushes in my back yard. Kinda looks like cocoa powder.

You're tracing your eyes across that plate of delicious cookies. Look at them sitting there on the counter, fresh from the oven. Golden brown edges, soft centers, ooey gooey melted chocolate chips hiding the cardiac glycosides that stop a human heart with the efficiency of a natural stroke.

And now, horror crawls up your throat, because you realize why I'm publishing this specific recipe on Vocal today.

Lydia lives two houses over. She moved in about a month ago... and the bitch can't seem to respect boundaries. The way she purposefully waits to go outside until she sees my husband grilling. She always laughs way too loud at his bad jokes. Trust me, he's not that fucking funny. She always pokes her head out of her back door and waves or plays helpless with a heavy box just so he'll walk over and help her.

I packed half of this recipe into a cute little package tied with a ribbon and walked over with a smile on my face. I made sure to put my best apron on and keep some flour dusted across my face to hand her this "Welcome to the Neighborhood" gift.

She took a bite before I even left.

And now, here you are... sitting there reading these words of what you thought would be a nice little recipe. Your mouth is watering just looking at that photo as you imagine each morsel of chocolate wrapping around your tongue. You want to know the exact time her heart will slow down. You want to scream, run, close your browser tabs... perhaps even report me?

But your fingers are frozen and your eyes can't stop taking in my words. You're stuck reading my confession... and tomorrow afternoon when the ambulance shows up, you should know that I'll go over to offer my condolences to her family with real tears in my eyes... and maybe even a homemade casserole.

And of course, you know that none of this is real...

It's just a silly little Vocal challenge entry, right? A harmless prompt response....

Relax. Close the tab. It's only fiction. Just a story. Nothing to worry about at all.