Sam

They live on the same street. One hangs a Pride flag from their stoop. The other flaunts Confederacy colors. Oh boy do they hate each other.

The slights were small to start with. One letting their dog shit on the other's lawn and not cleaning it up. The other blocking the one's driveway so they couldn't get to work.

Things escalated. Weren't long before one flooded the other's basement. Then the other started a fire in the other's house with their kids inside.

It's funny. I only egg them on a little. Not enough for them to notice, of course. Juts enough to make it fun.

"People used to look after their neighbor in this country," the one says, loading their gun. He marches right up to the other's house.

When they wrestle for this gun spittle flies from their mouths like a rabid dogs. I'm so giddy, I pee a little.

"The problem with this country is folks like you!" they say.

I wait until after the flash and pop. Then I show up.

"Hey y'all," I say.

The one who's left almost jumps out of their skin. I have that effect on people sometimes.

Now he's pointing his gun at me and he's thinking, "Uncle Sam cosplay?"

I laugh. "Look at you. Covered in blood, making this country a better place one corpse at a time. Nothing more American than that."

Then he wakes up to knowledge of what he's done. He looks around in horror. He starts trying to justify himself right there on the spot; I shit you not!

I barbeque his remains in his own backyard, and boy is it delicious!

I just love an election year, don't you?