Salubrious part 44

The spring morning air was crisp, a bit chilly, so Charlie put on the new tiger jacket Allan bought him, holding his boyfriend’s hand as they ran to their car.

It had been a hard week. Allan was in the process of recovering and returning back to work after a two week mental health break. Work was steady but a bit slow, as Allan had been focusing more on fiscal documents, taxes and other expense reports. Charlie remembered that spring meant more people going out and being social, like Allan had said, “Seasonal depression melts away when the snows starts to melt.”

Charlie saw that people smiled more often when it was sunny than when it was cold and outcast weather. That always meant his job was pretty much slim pickings, if anything at all most days.

Allan had a few mental spikes that weren’t as severe or as complicated after the sour yogurt issue. These typically were more about keeping their house clean and organized rather than internalizing appliance outages as stalking and sabotage and their car having a bad tire as an attack on his whole person.

They were making it, but it was by the skin of their teeth.

Charlie told Allan about his dream a few days after, the Saturday that Allan’s father would be in town.

They had just finished breakfast and Allan was starting the dishes.

“Allan? You wanna know something kinda cool?”

“Yeah, what’s up?” Allan started unloading the dishwasher.

Charlie walked over, helping him put away the dishes.

“Thanks,” Allan said.

“No worries,” Charlie replied as he pulled the cups out of the top rack, “I had a whole ass dream about us.”

“Um, I do too. Often, where you usually act grumpy and kinda funny. It’s a normal occurrence for me too, Charlie.” Allan gave him a curious look. “When was this?”

“Oh, man. So you were making sandwiches for a picnic,” Charlie started, blushing lightly.

Allan said, “Yeah. Sounds like me.”

“Pretty much. Hah. And… well we were in a big field of these purple flowers that smelled like lavender. Pretty dope field,” Charlie continued.

“Hmm, was this the other night?”

Charlie nodded. “A few days ago, why?”

“I used lavender scented sheets when I warmed up that comforter for you. You were shivering.”

Charlie smiled. “That’s why I dreamed of lavender flowers! That’s insane how the brain translates sensory signals into dreams. Dang that’s crazy.”

Allan gave him a funny smile, “What else happened?” He started washing his hands as the dishwasher was loaded and he started it.

“Well, you were shouting for the kids to come get their lunch,” Charlie said softly.

Allan froze, his hands still wet, and he gave Charlie a strange look of thoughtfulness.

“The kids? What kids?”

Charlie laughed, giving Allan a paper towel. “Um? So I dreamed we had two kids, like future tense. That was it. That was my dream. I can’t stop thinking about it. That’s stupid though, kinda weird right?”

Allan dried his hands, sitting down.

Charlie went over to sit down next to him.

“Kids, Charlie?”

“Um? Yeah. Have you ever wondered how great of a dad I would be?” Charlie joked, and Allan laughed but then looked seriously at him.

“Did you know?” Allan blurted out, then stopped talking.

Charlie looked at him seriously. “Know what?”

“Nothing,” Allan said quietly.

Charlie scooted his chair closer to Allan, taking his hand. “Dude tell me. I’m freaking out. Please?”

Allan sighed. “You knew? Did you know that..” he looked down. “What do you know about my species?”

“I mean, I’m half human and half humongous, I mean.. Homunculus… hehe. You’re… a person? A critter person? Right?” Charlie rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m sorry I’m not good with biology.”

“Humongous?” Allan teased, giggling, as he squeezed Charlie’s hand.

“You knew what I meant. Jeez.”

Allan nodded. “Sorry, it was cute.”

“Aha, funny,” Charlie replied. “I feel like you’re trying hard to not tell me something.. what is it?”

“Ok, but only because you gave me this promise ring. I trust you,” Allan said, taking in a breath.

Charlie gulped. “I.. I’m freaking out but I’m kinda excited.”

Allan sighed. “Charlie, just relax, please.”

Charlie nodded. “That promise ring has a real silver plating with a real rare emerald from the Spamtopia mines, like those awesome caves they have? That’s what I got you. Only the best.”

Allan smiled, looking nervous, “It’s so handsome. Handsome… Like you, I love it so much.”

Charlie leaned into kiss Allan’s hand. “You’re welcome. You deserve it.”

“Okay, Charlie, listen.. I have amphibious ancestral DNA from my mother’s side.”

Charlie nodded, looking like he was processing things a few seconds behind.

“So, my dad never like.. he didn’t actually go into the whole thing with me as a teenager but he sorta told me that men in my mother’s species carried, ehh, dormant reproductive tissue. From both developmental paths, like…”

“Male and female?” Charlie asked.

Allan nodded, taking in a deep breath. “It’s so rare, Charlie. So, it’s not like… a lot of conditions need to be met before anything matures or changes. Like a, hormonal disruption or developmental triggers.”

Charlie’s face went from soft, to curious, to very surprised… then…

“What? WHAT? You can have babies? What!!!” Charlie yelled, standing up to lean in and hug Allan.

“Dude, listen! I love that you’re so passionate about this but… it’s not like I’ll be a full female overnight. My body carries these structures, it’s just not something that normally develops.”

Charlie started jumping up and down, “Oh Gosh, oh my goodness. Shit, I can’t believe this. Allan, ALLAN! Can we do this? Can We… oh jeez. I.. we aren’t even married yet, fuck I’m so stupid. We need to…” Charlie frantically kept talking, kissing Allan’s cheek. “Will this actually happen?”

Allan shrugged, holding onto Charlie’s hands tightly, “Maybe, I’m not sure. Do you… you aren’t disgusted by this? By me having female characteristics?”

Charlie stopped, giving him a serious look. “Never. I’d never be disgusted by you. I just… you’re it for me, Allan. I don’t want anyone else. Male or female. I want you. That’s it. Nothing is gonna change that.”

Allan lowered his body in a softer manner, his shoulders relaxed, “Oh, man, I was so scared. I knew … I had a strong feeling you’d be happy but… I never.. I’ve never told anyone this before.”

“Dude, I would never be… you know me. I love you for who you are not what you are.”

Allan burst into happy tears and kissed Charlie deeply. The force of the moment made Charlie almost fall back, and he held onto Allan tightly.

“Dude don’t we need to go see your dad now, are we late?” Charlie said after several breathless kisses.

Allan’s eyes widened. “Yes. Shit!”

Charlie put on the new tiger jacket Allan got him. It was chilly outside as they both left to meet Allan’s dad at a restaurant.

The week had been hard but they were healing.

There was something so powerful and profound about healing even while you’re still hurting, stepping forward even when you feel frozen. And that was Charlie main thought as the odd couple raced to the car, thinking in colorful whirls about their potential future together.