Salubrious part 40

Charlie was on damage control. He wanted so badly to feel normal again. The events of his life, especially the last two to three months, were especially traumatic and chaotic. But, because of one thing, he felt like it was all very worth while.

“Allan,” Charlie said aloud. He also said it in his head every morning, in his heart every night and in his very posture with his every sleep.

“Yes, Charlie?” Allan whispered under the pillow.

They had been watching reels, videos, TV and just resting since the night the ceiling fan collapsed near their bed. Charlie and Allan both threw away the fan. They didn’t want a replacement.

“That fan had its own villain arc,” Allan sagely said as Charlie tossed the last remnants of it in the Dumpster.

Charlie tried to make Allan breakfast but burnt the eggs. Allan was appreciative of the effort, he ate it anyway.

Sunday was almost over. Monday was quickly approaching. Also, the real world too and work.

“Hon, we gotta get you some fresh air.”

Allan grumbled. “No-uh. Hold me. I don’t need ta get stupid air.”

“Dude you’ve been sufficiently busy hiding in between my thighs the last twenty-four hours, like, hehe, don’t get me wrong I really like that… but, we need to get out of airplane mode brain-wise and get back to some good old-fashioned kicking ass. You know? You get it.” Charlie rambled with a flushed face, feeling things getting out of his control. Allan sunk deeper into the blankets. “God I sound like one of the muscle heads that hasn’t fully figured out they’re queer. Agh, Allan, what can I do for you?”

Allan laughed, stretching out. “But, Charlie… You’re not fully queer. Just gay for me.”

Charlie laughed sarcastically. “Oh hardeeharhar.”

Allan sighed. “I’m officially moved in to our home now. I thought you’d appreciate all my extra physical addd-ten-ceeon to your body.”

Charlie blushed. “Yeah. Cool. I guess I already said that I did. But, still. Look, Allan, I don’t know what your plan is but tomorrow I have to go back to work. Do you wanna talk about anything?”

Allan shook his head. “No.”

“Okay. Yeah. I.. listen,” Charlie frowned, sitting on the bed. Allan stretched upward, getting out of bed and sat down next to him.

“God your body is unbelievable, Allan, you just looked curvy like a goddamn red question mark and it’s… wow. Gorgeous.”

Allan blushed. “You’re not so bad yourself. You’re my chubby, muscly man.”

Charlie blinked. “Um, what?”

“You heard me.”

Charlie sighed. “Anyway, I think since we found out.. that you know who is out of jail, we need to start getting back to normalcy here. Like don’t get me wrong, this has been hard. But, we should try. I’ll help you.”

Allan looked straight at Charlie but said nothing. His eyes looked like a deer in headlights.

“Allan, I know it’s been hard. I think the stress of everything has been so bad I don’t know how I can take it.”

“I… I don’t want to think about that,” Allan said weakly. “I just want to hold you.”

He leaned his head against Charlie’s shoulder.

“I won’t go nowhere, Allan. I’m here. You know I’m all in with you, dude.”

“I’m going to bed. I’m tired. I’m so tired, Charlie…”

Allan lazily laid across the bed, his expression looking blank and bored.

“You are coming into work tomorrow right?”

Allan shrugged.

Charlie sighed in a slightly frustrated way.

“I can’t think. I just… exist,” Allan said somberly.

“That’s cool. But you alphabetically arranged everything in the freezer and fridge, babe. I don’t mind it really, and yes, we agreed that we won’t edit each other of course. Especially since we officially agreed to move in…”

“We’re advanced roommates,” Allan said blankly.

“Yeah, but advanced in the sense that we share shit together, like, you can use my toothbrush and I can share our towel after a shower,” Charlie lightly touched Allan’s foot, rubbing it gently.

“Oh, that tickles.. hah, stappph-uh!” Allan laughed. He sat up and looked at Charlie with a soft expression. “That sounds really gross, though,” Allan added.

Charlie took in a breath, taking his hand. Allan squeezed his back.

“But you can use my toothbrush. I don’t care. In any case, I can tell when you are organizing things for fun and when you’re doing it because you’re spiraling.”

Allan took in Charlie’s words, still holding Charlie’s hand.

“Why don’t we make a deal? Um, why don’t you take the week off, stay here, nest in our home. Nest like one of those doves you see on those nature docs, you know. I’ll talk to our boss about it. Do you have any PTO saved up?”

Allan looked thoughtful, “Hmm. Maybe about two-hundred and twenty hours.”

“Woah. Damn. That’s pretty good. Does that rollover to the next year or does the boss make you restart it?”

Allan shrugged. “I guess it rolls over. I don’t really keep track of it.”

Charlie nodded, looking at him closely. “You didn’t keep track of that? That’s like, totally out of character for you man.”

“Well, I don’t have to keep track of every-thing under the sun, do I? Do I Charlie?” Allan playfully jabbed Charlie’s arm, making them laugh.

“Guess not, dude. Guess I can be the anxious accountant now and you can be the beefy idiot that makes lame jokes.”

Allan laughed harder. “My body is still too small compared to yours to be beefy and like an idiot.”

“Wait so my body type is automatically an idiot? What about yours?”

“It’s my body so it’s smart.”

“Yeah it is. Really smart. Ergonomic and shit,” Charlie teased.

“Oh stop. You are so charming when describe me like a comfortable office chair that has lumbar support…” Allan said seriously.

“I guess… that’s what I meant. I don’t know,” Charlie said with a chuckle.

They relaxed a moment. Charlie checked his phone while Allan looked at the ceiling. The empty area where the mount was located made Allan shiver.

“So, you want me to stay home?” Allan asked calmly.

Charlie put his phone down. “No. I just want you to feel safe. Do what makes you feel… good.”

Allan sat up, “That’s the problem. I don’t think anything makes me feel safe anymore. I don’t know what to do!”

Charlie frowned, biting his lip. “Dude I have no idea either. I am not good at this. I just… don’t want you to be suffering for no reason. Like, that’s the whole reason I keep bringing up suggestions.”

“I don’t know what will help. Maybe I don’t want anything to help. Maybe I just want to rot here in bed.”

Charlie sighed. “That’s what I was thinking. Like, you seem like you want to just be like a corpse that’s just barely been reanimated… or something..”

“Charlie, the courts apparently just let a creepy psychopath out into the general public again… I … ugh. I don’t.. Charlie, even if we do everything right like you are saying, go to work, get back to normal, get a stupid restraining order. What makes anything special?”

Charlie paused, thinking a moment. Allan looked at him quietly, sighing. Their eyes met for a moment and Charlie felt his heart flutter.

“You’re right. You’re absolutely correct. This shit doesn’t matter. None of it changes shit,” Charlie said with a clarity that made Allan sit up straighter. “What matters is..” Charlie suddenly got close to Allan’s face, holding Allan’s hand, pulling him up into his arms from the bed.

Allan almost lost his balance, “Dude I am not actually a ballerina. I’m an uncoordinated giraffe!”

Charlie laughed as they got closer, making sure Allan didn’t fall but they almost tumbled on the floor at one point. “I love giraffes. They have cool, long necks. They can reach tall heights and cool shit like that.”

“What.. what were you ju-just saying?” Allan said out of breath.

“Um, I lost my train of thought.”

“Oh, that’s okay.”

Charlie hugged him close. “I just want you… to be happy. I want… I want us to be good. I don’t care about anything else.”

“But… life is not just sappy love stuff.”

“Why not? Why the fuck not, Allan? Who says its about toiling away until you turn into dust?”

“Everyone says.”

“No. I don’t accept that,” Charlie said seriously, kissing his cheek. “I won’t accept it.”

Allan chuckled. “You’re ridiculous sometimes.” He sighed. “I always believed you were a hopeless romantic deep down.”

Charlie grinned. “I bet you are too.”

“Nah. I’m a surly cynic. I hate love. It’s a bad, stupid thing that everyone should ban!”

“That sounds like me in our first season,” Charlie joked. Allan blinked, looking at him weirdly.

“Our first season of what..” Allan said but was cut off with a deep kiss.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s you, Allan. For me, it’s you.”

Allan kissed him back. “Same here. It doesn’t matter. It’s you, Charlie.”