Runaway Journey

Train #07C0 // Station 000 :: DEPARTED

The train announcement etched brightly awaking my mind. The words slowly faded away leaving me in the darkness with endless questions:

Who is the conductor?

Did he form these words in my mind?

Where is the final destination?

But the last question was the most frightening:

Who and what am I?

Train #07C0 // Station 036 :: CANCELLED

As if on cue, a low humming replied ending with a loud click. Although shocked by the sound, I immediately listened carefully for any other hints of my surroundings. After a long silence with nothing than the occasional squeak of wood, I continued with my most concerning question:

A god? I dwelled on that question for a moment and immediately doubted it; I would probably know if I was.

A demon or monster? I am within the darkness yet this darkness seems foreign to me

A moral? maybe but of what flavor? Some sort of animal? A human? A reptilian?

I desperately racked my mind for any details of my past; it seemed that I have retained some knowledge, but strangely without any memories. My consciousness and questions faded in, faded out like unsorted vegetables bobbing in a thick soup. Resisting from drifting into the darkness, I focused to remain in existence.

Train #07C0 // Station 068 :: CANCELLED

With some alcoholic vapor, a musty odor floated heavily in the air; I paused and noted that I did not smell anything previously.

Is this an illusion or a simulation? If this is not reality, are all my efforts for nothing?

Probing deeper brought me back to a time before the darkness; before I was shattered into this new reality. I struggled to remember those clouded memories, but only unlocked more questions.

What other senses do I have? Why I cannot access them?

When one loses a sense, one loses a fragment of reality. They had been suppressed to hide from the many fears of the darkness instead of facing the truths. As I regain my other senses, they can verify my reality.

Even though I know I exist, does anyone else?

Train #07C0 // Station 07C :: CANCELLED

The air tasted of seared beef with a hint of raspberries; perhaps I was in an old pantry car alone.

How does one know another one's existence? Do all exist because I exist or I exist as all?

The fear of being completely isolated is overwhelming; however it might not be for all eternity and my senses does not prove that so far.

Yet what if they were false? Falsified by whom?

"If by others, at least that proves I am not alone"

Is talking to yourself an inkling of insanity?

Perhaps by speaking out loud, one is trying to convince and confirm themselves of their statement; a cry for help to no one.

"Hello?"

Train #07C0 // Station 0EE :: CANCELLED

Cancelled again; with a slight chill, I worried that this train will never stop; stuck in an endless cycle with no purpose.

What purpose do I serve on this train or in this universe for that matter?

Logically starting with the first part of the question would be easier; I felt around myself for my ticket or a train schedule or a station map. No luck; no answer. After deciding to feel out my surroundings, I established this was not the train engine but a bulkhead flatcar with soft flooring.

In the center was crowded with unorganized cardboard or plastic boxes; each filled random items including books, coins, and stamp collections. Reaching the opposite end of the flatcar, there were several statues of bears and dinosaurs. Since all their nameplates were engraved in unknown languages, I was unsure of their purpose.

The flatcar was surrounded by corrugated tin walls. Although they felt weak and hasty constructed, I refused to remove them fearing what is beyond them.

Train #07C0 // Station 122 :: CANCELLED

Beyond the clutter, the outlines of a door and a touchscreen glowing neon salmon suddenly appeared on the front bulkhead. Approaching this potential exit, I heard groups of incomprehensible voices and whispers behind me. I instinctively hesitated deciding if they were friends or foes; after what seemed to be decades, I took another step forward. The voices and whispers intensified full of mockery and misguidance forming unending questions:

How can you understand the beyond the beyond with the limitations of your mortal mind?

How matrices are within matrix within matrix within matrix...

No control of time; everything must cease regardless what is done or how long.

"No no no"

The tin walls began to violently shake and shudder. By trying to visualize and answer all these questions in my mind simultaneously, the questions were slowly driving me insane.

How to stop these questions?

Forfeit your existence and all the questions will cease.

"STOP!!!"

Placing my face into my hands, I searched my mind long and hard and single words appeared above the others: infinity; eventuality; limits. These words calmed my mind through understanding. Calculus without knowing calculus. Limiting the number of questions in my mind, I refocused on the answer laid before me.

I reached out and activated the touchscreen changing the outlines to a neon blue before hissing open. I listened one final time: the train did not seem to be slowing down.

With pure determination, I stepped through the darkness arriving into the beyond the beyond.