Round

Don’t forget the red door, Hannah! Don’t forget the red door…! Don’t forget… red… don’t… the door… forget….

A shiver rakes through my body, making me quake and feel instantly ill. I don’t feel right… almost like when you’re in a moving car and you’re waking up after falling asleep. Everything feels wrong, even the heaviness of my eyelids as I try to open them. There’s an odd metallic taste in my mouth, and my body feels achy and sore as if I’d run a few miles before laying down suddenly. I let out a tired moan of pain, and the sound surprised me as it echoed.

My eyes pop open suddenly then, and all the fuzziness in my head seemed to flee in an instant. My vision was hyper clear, which felt odd… unexpected. I also find I’m strangely aware of all the sounds… the clack! Clack! Clack! and rumble of a train’s metal wheels rushing over the tracks, the distant giggle of a child… the sudden, stark cry of an infant. Everything was so loud for just a moment, and I felt overwhelmed, covering my ears, but the sounds invaded my fingers…

“STOP!” I screamed at the noises… and then, as if someone lowered the volume on a television, the noises quieted to a low, distant hum. My vision even seemed to normalize again so I wasn’t seeing every fiber on the wool and polyester blend covering the seats across from me in the train compartment. I was alone in here, yet there was a coat folded in one of the seats, a sketchbook sitting open on top of it, a well-used pencil that rolled off the edge of the seat, stuck between the plastic of the box and the fabric. The strange thing about the sketchbook was the detailed drawing scrawled on the page… it almost looked like a large keyboard for a computer, there was a circle around three of the gray and black keys they’d drawn in. What a strange thing for someone to draw…

Was someone else in here with me before or were these items mine? I don’t even remember getting on the train… where was I going? I couldn’t seem to remember anything from today… or of anything from my past. Yet… with all my lack of memory… there was a distant thought that kept nagging at me, begging me to recall it.

The door to my compartment was open a hair, and down the hallway I could hear a rich male voice calling out to passengers as he knocked on glass and wood, “Tickets! I need to see your tickets, please.” The ticket attendant said, and I could even hear the husbands and wives pulling out paper from purses and pockets.

A shiver of panic brushed over me, and I felt in the pockets of my jeans, I didn’t find a ticket, but I did find an old-fashioned door key—of all the things to have. I looked all around, but I didn’t seem to bring anything else along with me in the compartment—no purse, no coat, no bags. I even snooped through the items that had been left behind opposite me, but they didn’t seem to have left a ticket either. I could hear the ticket attendant’s shuffling feet getting closer, his knocks echoing into my soul, causing a deeper fear to hit me. I tried to be cautious and quiet as I pushed open the compartment door, looking both ways to make sure the man wasn’t looking towards me, and then I hurried in the opposite direction than he was pointed.

I still had that nagging feeling like I was forgetting something incredibly important, but I just couldn’t recall what it would’ve been. I kept one eye on the approaching ticket taker, and found myself running into a hard body. “Whoa! Whoa… where are you going in such a hurry?” his voice was icy yet filled with a hypnotic timbre. I slowly looked up into his coal-black eyes, and I was confused by the hostile sensation growing inside of me. It was as if there were warning bells going off inside my head, recognizing him in a way that I just couldn’t understand. It was like something in me knew him deeply and knew him to be the exact person I shouldn’t see right now.

His grip tightened on my arm, and instinct told me to get away from him, yet his gaze seemed it was daring me to try. The strange thing, though, was there was an unexpected ache in me to pull him closer. I pulled in a steadying breath and let it out slowly, schooling my expression, “I’m so sorry sir… I was just trying to get to the restrooms. Someone told me there was one in this direction.” I explained as pleasantly as I could, even though my heart was pounding like a drum. His gaze shifted, his eyes filling with easy recognition along with frustration at seeing me.

All the noises around me seemed to be amplified again, the air heavy and hot. I looked out the window and noticed we passed a passenger station, and yet the train didn’t even slow though it had looked like there were people waiting on the platform. And was it my imagination or was the train’s clank! Clank! Clank! speeding up their rhythm?

I turned my attention back to the man, and I was surprised by the sudden concern in his eyes… almost like when someone was caught in the act of doing something they knew was wrong. I tilted my head at him as he gulped in a quick breath, “They’re back the other way. There’s nothing for you this way, Hannah.” He replied harshly, pressing by me.

That name stopped me in my tracks, because it awakened something in me… Hannah… don’t forget!

“How did you know my name?” I squeaked out, and he froze instantly. He hadn’t meant to say it, that was clear… but he had. He knew me… and he knew what was happening. “Why am I here? What’s going on?” I whispered towards him, grasping his arm this time.

He looked down at my hand as if it was something he knew he needed to push away, yet also something he wanted desperately, “If you don’t remember… there’s nothing I can do to help you.” His tone suddenly turned gentle and warm, “If you’ll excuse me…” He replied, brushing me aside decidedly. He sounded oddly relieved by my forgetfulness, a grateful smirk on his lips—it unnerved me.

My name is Hannah… at least one mystery was solved… but it seemed to add to the mystery of my being here. That man knew me, and yet he was pretending not to… he seemed so happy that I didn’t know him. Why…? And why did he want me to go in the opposite direction than I was going now? I turned my gaze from him, so I was staring back at that darkened hallway he’d come from. This is where I needed to be… I was certain.

I moved quietly through the hallway, but I was aware of that man’s voice behind me, “That woman was acting very strangely… and it appeared like she was trying to take my ticket… I wonder if she’s a stowaway?”

I gritted my teeth and ran for it. Suddenly a garbled voice came over the speakers, but I didn’t stop, “Hello everyone… this is your conductor speaking. I apologize for the delay in this announcement as I know many of you have been asking why we haven’t stopped yet…” He sighed deeply, sounding utterly defeated though he was trying to appear positive, “There is an issue with our braking system and at this time we are unable to stop.”

It was strange to me that the conductor was so calm… in fact everyone I’d passed to this point had been so painfully normal. That’s when the screaming started… as if from hearing my internal concern at the silence. This all felt familiar… like I knew the outcome even though I couldn’t recall it right now.

I stopped then, looking up towards the speaker nearest me… this wasn’t a coincidence. That man from before had come from this direction, and that’s when the train had sped up— it was somehow his fault. Beyond that, though, I knew in my soul that it was my job to fix this. I begged my memory to be restored as I continued forward as frightened passengers ran past me in the opposite direction, utter chaos erupting all over. I didn’t let it stop me, though I didn’t really know what I was looking for or what I was running towards.

There was so much noise, like earlier when the volume had been on high inside my head, and that’s when all the sound stopped at once though everyone continued moving and screaming silently as if they’d been put on mute. In front of me was a dark red wooden door… it was as if I’d seen it in my head when I’d been sleeping before. I knew this door… this was where I needed to be. I tried the door, but it was locked. I almost felt the defeat creeping in, but then I felt a heaviness in my pocket—the key. Everything felt as if it were moving in slow motion as I pulled it out. I tried the door again, and at first, the key didn’t turn and I felt like I had failed… but then it twisted, creaking as the old internal gears clinked into place.

As the door opened, the hectic sounds of the room resumed, though one voice stood out—the man from before. He was shouting, his feet pounding against the thin carpet of the floor, “Hannah! No! It’s not what you think! Stop!” He hollered.

I turned towards him, confusion filling me, but the door swung shut of its own accord behind me, locking instantly. A shiver of panic washed over me, and I turned around fearing there was someone else in here with me, but instead all I saw was a massive keyboard or command board with large monitor, like what I’d seen on the sketchpad before. A feeling of unease and déjà vu captured me entirely. I felt like I had taken these exact steps before, watched as the blackened screen brightened, audibly saying, “Hello Ms. Thomas. Welcome back.”

Was that me…? Was my name Hannah Thomas…? Why would a computer be programmed to greet me?

I went towards the keyboard, and recognized the keys that had been circled on the sketchpad earlier… I just wished I could remember why all this mattered. Was I making a mistake by following all these natural clues that had been left for me? This felt like the right thing to do, but it also felt oddly wrong. I could hear the man from before banging on the door outside, but it sounded as if he were pounding on metal—hadn’t it been made of wood.

“Please type in the code to terminate the program, Ms. Thomas.” The oddly cheerful robotic voice said, and a shiver of doubt caught me off guard. This wasn’t right. It wasn’t adding up, or maybe it was… but it all seemed too easy. I took a step back, “Ms. Thomas, you need to input the code immediately to terminate the program.”

I should just do it… I should just type the keys that had been circled in the drawing… but why had they been there? Was someone trying to help me, or were they trying to destroy me?

I pulled in a sharp breath and let it out quickly as I moved back to the monitor. I typed the first key, and the machine began to whir, the monitor turning red. I typed in the second key, and it changed to yellow. I felt the train seem to quicken beneath my feet and the panic covered me as if it were another person.

The man was still pounding outside, “Hannah!” I could barely hear him, “It’s not real! It’s not real, Hannah! Don’t finish the keys! Don’t!”

I pulled my hand away then, utterly confused, but it felt true. What will it do though? To type in the code… what would it do to finish it? He had not seemed like a friend… he’s the reason the train won’t stop, right?

I shook my head and typed the final key.

I heard metal screeching loudly, my body flinging hard into the closest wall. I fell to the ground, scraping my knees on the raised metal plating—I didn’t remember this… wasn’t the floor carpeted a moment ago? I looked back toward the door and it was wooden again. I didn’t understand… what was happening? My vision went dark, and my chest was screaming in pain.

In my mind’s eye, I suddenly saw the man from earlier, his expression softer than what I’d seen before. His tone was urgent but kind as he brushed his fingers over my cheek in a familiar way, “Hannah… don’t forget the red door. Don’t go into it this time. You can’t… please remember. It won’t end until you do something different. Please remember, Hannah… I won’t be able to help you once you’re in there.”

“I won’t forget.” My voice replied fondly.

But I did forget… and I was about to forget again.