Rooted in My Next Life

I never believed in reincarnation.

See, in my last life, it never clicked with me. I do good things and bad things, and the balance between the two determines what I am in my next life? It was stupid to me. No reason for it. Nonsensical.

God, was I- sorry; Universe, was I wrong.

* * *

My first day of my new life was much different than when I was human. This go around, I peeked out of something dusty and was staring into the sun. I felt only grass and dirt around me, touching my face.

Face. We’ll get to that later.

My view was strictly the blue sky above me, with the occasional bright, white clouding passing by. I’ll admit, I was dying to see some action. I couldn’t tell if it was Heaven or some kind of purgatory. Granted, it was as boring as you could imagine. The only interesting thing to happen was it would get darker and the sun would leave. Then it became black and you could see the moon. Insane, right?

The weird thing was, the sun and moon were the only things I could remember from my past life. Seeing the two alternate above me reminded me of these vague, familiar memories from my past life. I remember there being a sun and moon back then, too. It’s hard to explain.

It’s hard to look at the sun and moon all day, too.

After the first couple days, I noticed I was slowly coming out of the ground. Below me, I could see grass and a little to my right I saw what appeared to be an oak tree. Just a small sapling. A light wind was making us sway an amount. I tried looking around to get a sense of where I was, but could only see the grass and the oak tree. This went on for a couple weeks.

After settling on this view for now, I realized something about the afterlife. I can only think about what’s in front of me if I can remember it from my past life. The first day, I saw the sun and knew what it was. During the night, I saw the moon and could recognize it. I couldn’t recall what an oak tree was, however, until I saw one beside me a few weeks later. The same thing happened this morning.

I was gazing into the grass and oak tree, my usual for now, and felt a soft, wet sensation crashing onto me. It got louder and louder for a while, then died down.

Rain.

Glorious rain. Now I recognized the rain and it felt good on me. Universe, it felt great on me. Better than the sun and the wind. My initial thoughts were justified, now. I can only identify something from my past life if it’s unfolding in front of me. There it is.

This revelation calmed me down. Now, all I had to do was wait and I would eventually piece together exactly where I was. It felt more like Heaven than Hell, but, then again, I’m only a couple weeks old. I’ll have to wait and see what’s really going on.

For the next couple months it was the same cycle of sun, moon, rain, and grass next to my oak tree friend next to me. But everything changed on a particularly gray-skied day.

In my peripheral vision, I could see a branch coming out of me. An oak tree branch. I swear to the Universe, it was coming directly out of me. My “eyes” were still stuck, positioned to only see what’s in front of me. This was my only sign of any claimable appendage. At that moment, it clicked with me.

I’m a tree.

I’m really a tree.

An oak tree with another oak tree right next to me. Great.

Panic settled in and I tried moving, but I felt my roots trying to tug around inside the Earth. Nothing was happening. I tried to yell, but no sound came out. I tried moving my body, but it was a tree, for Universe’s sake. My face was bark. Everything was. Within this episode of mine, I started to feel dizzy. Nothing felt real, but I was quickly proved wrong.

I suddenly saw my body from a third-person angle instead of my POV of nature. I saw myself as a tree, with branches slightly swinging back and forth. I saw many trees around me and it was freaky to look at. Trees as far as the new angle would let me see. After a minute of this, I returned to my normal view and the dizziness was gone.

My epiphany ended and my gaze into the grass felt more strained. More memories were coming back to me, from what could only be my past life. I remember a blurry vision of myself as a person, running through woods similar to what I’m now a part of. I can now remember all different kinds of trees, and forests and leaves, all reminding me of my current state.

How could this happen?

No, why did this happen?

What in Universe’s name did I do?

These were the only thoughts and revelations I had for years after that moment. Nothing new came for the rest of the year. And nothing in an entire year after that. And a couple years after that; no new action. Just the elements I was introduced to in my first couple months of this new life, and what the epiphany brought. Nothing for so long.

* * *

It’s easy to keep track of things when your life amounts to so little. It must have been a decade after that third-person view where everything clicked. It all looked the same, in case you were wondering.

All the trees around me got bigger and bigger. Now there were shadows on the grass and leaves falling some of the time. I would hear animal noises from birds and squirrels and be reminded of the vast forest from my past life. With every new creature I heard jumping or crawling around, I would get a glimmer of something from my past life with the forest.

But what did I do there? Was my whole life spent in the forest, too? I mean, honestly, was I a different kind of tree in my past life or something? Is that how it worked?

Maybe I was bad at being an evergreen tree. The Universe struck down and turned me into an oak tree for this life. It’s all so stupid. Why can’t everything just turn pitch black? I would have no conscience, and everything would be- well I don’t know. I wouldn’t be there. I wouldn’t even know I’m dead. At the very least, I wouldn’t be stuck as a tree for who knows how long.

Years of cycling through these thoughts made me feel crazy at first. After what must have been a million revolutions of the sun and moon, things felt final. My boring life as a tree seemed like it would go on forever. All I saw these past years was the same natural elements with no recollection of anything else from my past life.

Maybe that is Heaven, though. That which I don’t remember. The absence of everything except all this nature. At the same time, it felt like Hell the way everything was so painfully slow and unexciting. Or maybe this could be a transitioning period. Like this is some gateway to-

RUH-RUH-RUH-RUH-RUH!

Holy Universe, this was not an animal sound. In front of me, the oak proudly standing tall was making the loudest noise I’ve ever heard, just at its bottom. I gaze a little further down and see woodchips flying everywhere. At the base of the tree, a thin, spinning, metal plate was creating a line clean across the thing!

A million thoughts go rushing in my head and I finally get it. All my visions from my past life come to me all at once. Back when I was human and all the things I did. It all came and struck me as I saw the destruction in front of me. Now I remember, I used to call this a chainsaw.

I remember now. In my past life, memories of me walking through the woods with that same kind of chainsaw. I was in a human body, in uniform, and sweating. I was cutting down every sturdy tree I saw with the chainsaw. I remember turning fully-grown oak trees into logs. And I would get paid for it.

It made sense now. I should have never done any of that. I wouldn’t have done if it meant this result. A life as a tree. Now I see someone doing the same exact thing. If only I could take it back. I swear, I would. Anything to avoid whatever reincarnation this is, now.

I want to get out of here.

The noise finished, and the tree came crashing down. A bearded man wearing the same exact uniform I had was towering over the stump, looking at the destruction. He looked around at all the other trees, then came to me. He looked me up and down. He slowly nodded. Then he stepped over the stump and moved up to me.

I need to get out of here.

That was my very last thought before I felt the sharp stinging of a thousand blades cutting through me.

Now it’s just pitch black and nothing.