ROLLERCOASTER (script)

Play opens with a woman, KIKE, in her dining room. She’s setting the table for three people. She does not look happy. Just then, two men enter the room. One is her husband, AYO, and the other is his friend, DELE. They are dressed in athletic gear, and seem to be returning from a gym. They are in the middle of a conversation.

DELE: Na wetin make am call me after two weeks? Na Val’s day naa... (laughs) She go wait small.

AYO: (laughing) you no go change, abi? You no wan marry?

DELE: (laughing) Coming from you? Abi na someone else dey talk am?

AYO: God punish you.

DELE: You wey don marry, wetin….

He trails off as he notices Kike in the dining room. He taps Ayo and gestures towards Kike. Ayo turns and notices her for the first time. He sighs. He is clearly not happy to see her. He signals to Dele to follow him and they head towards the door.

KIKE: AYO.

He stops, but does not turn towards her.

KIKE: Are you guys not going to eat? I’ve made food for everyone.

AYO: No, thanks. We have to go.

He walks out. Dele turns, waves awkwardly at Kike and follows Ayo.

Kike sits alone in the dining room and just stares into space for a while. Eventually, she hisses and stands up.

KIKE: (murmurs to herself) God no fit say I no do my part sha….

She empties the plates in the dustbin and goes back to the dining room. She sits and is scrolling through her phone when there’s a knock on the door. She sighs, gets up and heads to the door.

KIKE: Who’s there?

FROM BEHIND DOOR: Dispatch delivery, ma.

She opens the door and sees a young man holding a large package, a rose and a card. She smiles.

KIKE: Good morning, ma. I have a package for Mr. AYO ADUBA.

Her smile immediately drops.

KIKE: You have a package for Mr. AYO ADUBA? Ahn ahn? TO Mr. Ayo Aduba not from?

Glances at card on the package.

DELIVERY MAN: Yes, ma. It’s for Mr. Ayo Aduba. This is where it was addressed to. Is this the correct house?

Kike does not respond. She just stares at the package with a bewildered look on her face.

DELIVERY MAN: Ma? Excuse me, ma?

Kike suddenly looks at him. Then she chuckles quietly.

KIKE: Yes, this is the right house. I’ll take the package and give it to him.

DELIVERY MAN: (relieved) Thank you, ma. Please you’ll also sign for it, just in case.

KIKE: Of course.

The delivery man hands her a tab, she signs and returns it. Then he gives her the package.

DELIVERY MAN: Thank you, ma.

KIKE: No, thank you.

She closes the door and carries the package to the dining room. She drops it on the table, looks at it for a second and the bursts out laughing. She picks up her phone mid-laugh and dials a number. The line connects.

ON THE LINE: Hello?

KIKE: Janet. Janet, they’ve killed me ooo. Hayy! (she puts her other hand on her head in dramatic fashion) Janet, my husband has killed me. (laughs sarcastically) Janet, you need to come now now now…

JANET: Ahn ahn calm down nooww... wetin happen? Just relax first, and tell me.

KIKE: Janet. All the insults I’ve endured over the years was not enough for this… (breaks into sobs) …ahh God! It’s my fault sha… can you imagine Ayo is allowing his prostitutes to be sending gifts to the house? My own house, Janet?

JANET: Ehn?! Okay, wait wait. I’m not understanding… oya wait, I’m coming now now. Don’t do anything ooo, just wait for me.

KIKE: Better hurry.

She hangs up the phone, drops her head and sobs uncontrollably.

KIKE: (to herself) Ten years. Ayo, ten years and this is how you embarrass me? I will show you what embarrassment is. You don’t know anything.

Suddenly, there’s rapid knocking on the door. Then, a woman’s voice shouts from behind the door.

BEHIND THE DOOR: Kike! Kike, open the door abeg!

Kike runs to the door and opens it. She has tears streaming down her face. Janet walks in quickly and immediately embraces Kike.

JANET: Shh... relax, relax. Oya, tell me what really happened.

Kike points to the package on the table.

KIKE: From Ayo’s side chick. Sent to our matrimonial home. That’s what happened.

JANET: It’s a lie…

She walks over to the dining table and picks up the package, then drops it immediately. Then, she picks up the card and reads the inscription aloud.

JANET: ‘To the love of my life on this special day. I know things are uncertain right now, but always remember that I love you. We’ll be together very soon. I love you, AYO. From your Victoria… Jeeesssuuuusss Christ!!! (looks at Kike) In your house? Haaaayyyy wooo… (she puts her hands on her head dramatically)

Kike sits down and seems to be in deep thought for a while. Then, suddenly she sits up.

KIKE: You know what? I don’t need this nonsense in my life. Not anymore. (shakes head and stands up)

JANET: Kay, wait. Sit down first.

KIKE: Noooo… mmn mmn. Janet, no. You’ve talked me out of it before, but not this time. Ahn ahn! This is too much disrespect now… after all the rubbish I’ve been putting up with from his parents? And then to find out that he’s been doing this all this time? I can’t abeg.

JANET: Okay, wait. But you know…

KIKE: Know what?

JANET: You know now… I don’t think I have to say it. You know you’re not innocent...

KIKE: Wetin you dey ta….??

JANET: (raises her voice slightly) You know say you don do your own too, now? Na me and you wey know am, but you know…

KIKE: (cuts her off) Ehn ehn! Abeg, I no do reach this one. Plus, mine was six years ago and it happened only a few times… AND there’s no way I would have something like this to happen. House wey I dey sleep, dey wake up; na the house you wan send my own husband gift on val’s day? E mean say she no rate me at all now, and na only Ayo fit make her bold reach that level.

JANET: I get naaa…. Ahh but Ayo sef! Kai…men shaa… So wetin you go do now?

KIKE: I’m going now now now… since nobody respects me in this family, I will just leave it for them jeje. Let Veronica come and stay with him. She knows where the house is, abi?

JANET: Have you called him?

KIKE: Call him? ME? I will never call that good-for-nothing man again. God knows… Anyway I’m sure the person that sent it has called him to tell him. ME sha, I’m going.

Kike storms into her room and can be heard moving things around hastily. She comes out soon after with a large suitcase. At the same time, Ayo and Dele walk in. Kike stops in her tracks, and Janet stands up nervously. Kike and Ayo stare at each other, then Ayo glances at the suitcase, Janet and then at the package still on the dining table. He looks confused. Dele lingers in the background.

AYO: Kay, what’s going on? What’s that? (gestures towards the package) Where are you going?

KIKE: (pauses first, then answers quietly) What does it look like?

AYO: (angrily) I’ve told you to stop answering my question with another question. Who is sending you Valentine’s gifts? (points to package)

KIKE: (shouts): SENDING ME??? IT’S FOR YOU! So, what do you have to say now? Oya talk now!

AYO: (looks confused) For me? Ahn ahn… from who?

KIKE: Ask me again. Jane, abeg make we dey go.

Jane moves towards Kike and they turn towards the door, but Ayo blocks their exit. Dele moves towards the exit as well.

DELE: You guys should try and calm d---

JANET: (cuts him off) Abeg abeg! Wetin consign you for their matter? Why you dey chook mouth?

DELE: Ahn ahn…you sef, wetin consign you for th---

KIKE: (cuts him off) Please, please, please! (To Ayo) Please move. Let’s not fight today. Me, I just want peace in my life. Call Veronica na; let her come and stay with you.

AYO: (looks even more confused) Who the fuck is Veronica??

He looks at Dele, who also looks confused. Dele answers a call and steps outside.

KIKE: Continue to ask me. I’m going sha.

She heads for the door but Ayo stops her once again.

AYO: Kike, we might not be friends right now but I promise you, I don’t know who Veronica is. I swear.

KIKE: You swear? You swear?

She drops the suitcase abruptly and rushes to the dining table. She grabs the card on the package and brings it very close to Ayo’s face.

KIKE: It is literally addressed to you! Your name, to our address from… (looks at card) Oh, it’s even Victoria, not Veronica.

AYO: Doesn’t matter what it is. I don’t know who that person is.

He takes the card and looks at it closely for the first time. After a moment, he lifts in head up, still confused, and goes to sit down as everyone watches him. He drops his head.

KIKE: So do you want to keep lying or you’re ready to talk?

Ayo slowly lifts his head and looks up absent-mindedly.

AYO: I don’t… I honestly don’t know what is going on. I don’t know who sent that gift.

KIKE: See, it’s your shamelessness that really gets to me. Even after the evidence is in front of you, you are still lying.

JANET: Hmmn. (folds arms and looks down)

AYO: (Quietly)… You’ve been looking for an excuse to leave.

KIKE: Don’t even try to turn this on me. Don’t try it. All those years dealing with insults from your parents, did I leave? Did I—wait, is this because of your parents?

AYO: No! I told you I would never do that! Our fertility issues are between us. I would never bring another woman to the house just to have a child. Doesn’t matter what my parents want.

KIKE: …And you are still lying. (lowers voice) Anyway, it’s you that has fertility issues, not me.

AYO: And what’s that supposed to mean?

JANET: Kike….

Kike looks at Janet and Janet shakes her head quickly. Ayo sees the exchange. Just then, Dele who was outside on the phone comes back in.

DELE: You guys, please let’s relax now...

KIKE: Me, I’m relaxed ooo. I’m very relaxed. I’m just shocked…anyway, birds of the same feather flock together, abi?

DELE: …. Ahh Kike, please…

JANET: (quietly) Kay….

Ayo looks at Janet, who quickly looks down. He looks at Dele, who tries to avoid meeting his gaze, and then finally at Kike. Kike has dropped the suitcase, and is standing with her hands folded across her chest and looking upwards defiantly. Ayo is confused once again. He turns towards Janet.

AYO: Janet, what is it? (to Kike) Kike…??

He walks towards Kike, and Dele moves towards them as well.

DELE: AY, Just chill…

AYO: (to Kike) What is going on? The doctor said we didn’t have any fertility issues, so what are you talking about?

Kike laughs sarcastically and claps her hands together dramatically.

KIKE: Ask your friends, don’t ask me.

AYO: My friend? Who… Dele?

He looks at Dele, who is visibly nervous. He looks at Janet who has a similar look on her face. Realisation finally begins to dawn on him. He looks back at Dele, who immediately turns around and puts his hand on his head.

JANET: Kike, make we dey go now. No need for all this…

AYO: (interjects) Dey go where? You’re not going anyw—Kike, what is going on?

He looks at Kike. She hisses at him. Then, he turns to Dele.

AYO: Dele? Wetin dey happen? Del—

He grabs Dele’s shoulder to turn him around and Dele bolts out of the house.

AYO: Dele! Ahh! Dele!! (Turns to Janet) Janet...? (Janet looks away) … Kike?... and Dele?

KIKE: You are very mad. You have refused to admit your own that is right here, and you want to be asking me nonsense? (hisses and turns away)

AYO: (voice breaking) Ahh, Kike! I didn’t know you hated me like this ooo! Hayy! (dramatics)

KIKE: …And you still won’t admit what you’ve done, abi?

AYO: For Christ’s sake! I don’t know who sent that package. Now, I’m even wishing I did. I wish I had left you and your barren womb a long time ago, like my parents said! I’m sure I’d have my children by now.

KIKE: (laughs) Uhh, you really are a fool. Are you not understanding what I’ve been saying since? Oya, let me say it clearly. (Gestures towards the door) That your friend wey abandon you just now, ehn? He don give me belle one time before… even more than once sef. Na me go remove am because I don already know say you no fit.

JANET: (shouts) Kike!! (She goes to Kike and tries to drag her away, but Kike refuses.

KIKE: Ehn ehn, Jane. No. Make everything just come out now now. NO need to dey hide anything again. (To Ayo) I’m not a coward, like you.

Ayo looks stunned. He slowly sits back down, without saying a word. All eyes are on him. He drops his head and begins to sob gently.

JANET: (whispers to Kike) But you know say no be like this you suppose do am…

KIKE: Abegi!... Ehn please, let me start carrying my load out…

There is a knock on the door.

KIKE: Who is that again? I hope it’s not that unfortunate Dele. (loudly) Who is there??

A man’s voice responds from the other side of the door.

BEHIND THE DOOR: I’m looking for Mr. Aduba, please.

Janet opens the door and blocks the entryway.

JANET: He’s indisposed at the moment.

MAN: Okay… umm, good afternoon. Maybe you can help me. I’m guessing you’re Mrs. Aduba?

Kike comes to the doorway.

KIKE: Well, I’m Mrs. Aduba for the time being…

MAN: Ohhh…okay… Well, this might sound funny to you but I think my property was delivered to your house. You see, I just moved to one of the flats upstairs and I think my fiancé got the address mixed up. We’re at 21 and she says she sent it to number 12.

Kike stands in silence, and looks confused and a little scared.

KIKE: Umm… I don’t… I haven’t gotten any package sent to anyone other than my husband today.

MAN: (smiles) Yes, that’s the thing. My name is AYO ADUBA, just like your husband.

JANET: (shouts) Hayyyyyy!!!

END OF PLAY