Fiction logo

Rite of Passage

Age of Innocence

By Anthony ChanPublished 3 years ago Updated 3 years ago 4 min read
2
Photo by Dan Gold at Unsplash.com

Life begins for most with the age of innocence. It is a time when we feel protected and insulated against many of the harsh realities of life

Growing up in a low-income household, I truly believed that my life was close to perfect. I felt I had everything I needed and that my parents would do everything in their power to protect me from the adversities of life.

I loved animals and plants. As a result, my parents made sure I owned a baby Parakeet and a mini pear tree. It was amazing that while others grew up in better neighborhoods with more wealth, I never felt that I needed more. My mom always taught me that everyone should be happy for those blessed with more and grateful for whatever we had. Whenever I asked my parents about long-term goals, their answer was always persistence and hard work.

She always said, “believe in yourself as we believe in you, and with persistence, there is no limit as to what you can achieve.” With these magical words, I assumed that there were no barriers and nothing that could ever stop me while always remaining grateful to my parents.

That innocence was transferred to my pear tree, whom I watered regularly, and to my pet parakeet, whom I taught to speak, fly on top of me on command, and socialize with family members whenever they visited. My pear tree was also a source of pride for me as it grew taller and taller.

What more can a young child at the age of 6, ask for out of life? My lifestyle was full of optimism and joy for many years. Yes, we were poor, but it was never something that ever crossed my mind. My dad worked hard as a waiter, but he would take me to Central Park, to local museums and even to the Bronx Zoo. All these amenities were free to the public and gave me great joy.

My mom would tell me bedtime stories she often made up leading me to wonder why I was so lucky to have so much love from my parents. My dad worked nights and always picked me up from school before going to work and bring me home in time for my mom to arrive from her office cleaning job. I was rarely separated by more than one parent at a time

All this came to a screeching halt one day when I waited for my dad to pick me up from school. Perhaps, he had overslept I thought but probably not, since he had never done so. Well, after waiting for over an hour, I decided to walk home alone and wait outside my apartment after knocking several times for my mother to come home.

She arrived on time as always. My first thought was, “at least one of my parents was on time.” But when we opened the door, a cold silence seemed to engulf our apartment. How could that be since my dad would need to be getting ready to go to work? I soon learned that he would not be going to work that night or any other night.

He laid on the floor just outside of our family bathroom in the hallway between both of our rooms. He had succumbed to an aneurysm that ended his life. I didn’t know it at the time, but that was the exact moment that I lost my innocence. Life would never be the same.

My mother did not handle my dad’s loss well and even considered committing suicide. She no longer seemed strong enough to offer me the protection I was used to growing up. I looked at my pear tree and my parakeet differently now. They would also have to lose their innocence as they would now have less than my full attention.

No 10-year-old should have to take on the responsibility of preventing a parent from committing suicide. But all I heard for the next 12 to 18 months come out of my mother’s mouth was, “I want to die and join your dad because I know he needs me.” She even asked me if I wanted to join them. Of course, I quickly said no because I hadn’t attained any of the dreams.

I can’t believe that my mom followed up by saying, “think about it in case you want to change your mind later. I had made up my mind and told her in no uncertain terms, “I want to live.”

I am not sure how I survived those first 18-months after losing my dad, as I had to suppress all mourning and remain strong to keep my mother alive.

I did it by relinquishing my age of innocence at an early age.

Short Story
2

About the Creator

Anthony Chan

Chan Economics LLC, Public Speaker

Chief Global Economist & Public Speaker JPM Chase ('94-'19).

Senior Economist Barclays ('91-'94)

Economist, NY Federal Reserve ('89-'91)

Econ. Prof. (Univ. of Dayton, '86-'89)

Ph.D. Economics

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.