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Remembering to Love

The gift of truth

By Loren WhitePublished 3 years ago 11 min read
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Death leaves a stain on our spirits that no amount of rain can wash away. It clings to our hearts. It takes away the brightness in our eyes. It makes of us the walking dead.

I sighed at the thought. I wasn't even good company for myself these days. No wonder most of the others stayed away from me.

Taking a long drag from the cigar I routinely borrowed from Kintz I looked around our local bar.

Most everyone came out because our population was a mere 53. We all worked together because there weren't more folks in about 60 miles or so.

We also tried to steer clear of the city. You were only asking for trouble if you were a townie going into the city.

Which is why everyone thought I was crazy. I was the supplier. If someone needed something we didn't have here in our settlement they'd ask me.

What they didn't know was how I got things without money. Our settlement wasn't one of the lucky ones after the virus crisis of 2031.

Sure we all got checks for 2000. But with most of us being forced to leave our homes, our jobs and losing people it was far from enough.

Most of us lost our whole families. If not to one of the viruses to people who simply lost their minds.

Literal madness spread like a disease. Whether it was a side effect of a virus or that people just snapped. There were now a merry band of murderers roaming around. Killing, stealing just because they could.

Some part of me felt as if the madness was a result of the death we all seen. Like the collective force of all that sadness.

There was less than 50 million people still alive in the so our government tells us.

If that’s true I haven't a clue. Since the Virus Crisis I haven't ventured out far. Nor do I really want too.

Getting lost in the thought I didn't recognize Cody standing behind me. He cleared his throat causing me to cough on the cigar and curse under my breath.

His blue eyes went round at my colorful speech. "I'm sorry Ma'am. Aunt Lauria, I mean Ms. Porter."

I gave him a side eye but waved it off. "No problem kid. What do you need?"

At 19 Cody was hardly a kid anymore. Still we all had a hand in raising him since he was ten.

I was the one who had found him outside the city. The boy had buried his own family. He had a strength to him that couldn't be swayed.

Case in point, now I knew what he was about to ask because he'd been asking it since I found him. So before he could even get it out, I answered him. "No Cody."

When he started to protest, I walked away. Everyone watched, knowing what Cody was asking.

"I'm a grown man Ms. Porter. I can handle the city. I can handle myself."

Anger poured into me at his words. So before he knew what was happening I turned back and kicked his legs from under his feet.

He fell hard, back hitting the ground. His breath coming out in a wheeze.

Graham the barkeep cursed and rush over helping Cody up. When Cody refused, Graham put his hands on his sides giving me a glare.

He was the eldest in our group at 63. Cody and Misha who was 16 were the youngest.

"Lauria you didn't have to harm the boy."

I scoffed, "I didn't harm him. But if he wants to go into the city that’s what will happen. He'll get hurt or worse and you'll all blame me."

I could feel my heart pounding beneath my breast. The cold of my mother's heart shaped locket reminding me to be level headed.

She’d given it to me on her death bed. It was before the Virus Crisis and I had been 14 at the time.

I remember how frail she looked. But her dark brown eyes were full of strength as she held out the locket to me.

Inside it was a picture of me and her when I was a baby.

“Remember to keep calm and keep your heart light baby girl. For a heavy heart, quick to anger, will end up alone and heartbroken.”

Now I sighed, as that memory filled me with dread, tears filling my eyes. "None of you understand what happens there. What I have to do."

Graham agreed, "I guess its about time you told us then Lauria. We've let you carry the burden long enough."

He looked around, "Is everyone in agreement?"

A few short minutes later I sat at the bar. Graham poured me a pint of his self made lager. He knew I hated it but right then and there I also needed it.

Everyone else had their attention on me. And for the first time in years I acknowledged that they truly did care about me.

Most of them didn't particularly like me. But I did what I knew a lot of them couldn't do. I protected them and if not for me the place wouldn't be as it was.

We didn't have a leader here. But when things hit the fan they came to me, Graham and Tammy who ran the diner/market, and who also was our resident doctor.

I never asked for the responsibility. I just knew I could do it. Because of my upbringing and my background in the army.

Now I had to tell them what the city was really like. And I knew they'd never look at me the same.

"As all of you know. I have a free train pass into the city. People like me from other small settlements receive them because of the work we do in exchange for goods.

"The work we do, isn't really work as you'd like to think of work as. Once I get to the city and with my credentials they'll give me a list of Elites who have jobs.

"Once I pick an Elite I'm taken to them and given a job assignment. Sometimes I will only meet an assistant. Or the spoiled brat offspring.

"But the jobs are usually similar in nature."

When I stopped speaking the room tensed. And beside me I felt a hand. I looked over seeing Tammy.

She had red, curly, long hair and kind grey eyes. I'd never heard a bad word from her. In her early forties she looked not a day past 30.

"We all know what you do for us Lauria. We could never see you as less," she said softly.

Around us everyone muttered agreement's and it swelled my heart.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly let it out and continued the dark truth.

"Basically we're entertainment to them; the Elite. Some jobs we're forced to dress up and go to fancy parties to get propped up like slaves to be looked at.

"Other times we're made to fight each other."

I looked down at my rough hands then back up.

For the next part I looked directly at Cody. "Most of the time, especially with someone like me with combat training.... I'm fighting or I'm hunting down and killing people who've gone mad and who’ve murdered innocents.

"There's a problem in the city with mad people attacking folks and robbing them. So I track them down and deal with them. It usually ends in death."

For a time no one said anything. The silence was thick, so thick my throat felt like it couldn't form anymore words.

Feeling small and ashamed I stood up from the bar. But before I could walk away, Tammy threw her arms around my shoulders sobbing.

Shocked, I glanced around seeing that just about everyone was crying.

Cody came over shaking his head. "I'm sorry Aunt Lauria. I didn't know," he said anguished.

He threw his arms around both Tammy and I. His considerable height helping him.

I hated showing emotions. But I'd been with most these people even before the VC (Virus Crisis).

They were my family.

Later that evening I sat alone outside my trailer. Staring into the clear night sky. I was exhausted in every way.

Now they all knew the ugly truth. That I was a cold blooded killer.

Somehow it eased the tension I been holding in my shoulders.

I never really cared what anyone thought but I still wanted to be cared for.

Hearing someone approaching I relaxed seeing it was Tammy. I scooted over giving her room on the step beside me.

She sat easily down not saying a word.

"You always smell so good," I remarked without thinking.

She chuckled, "Do I?"

I nodded. "Like fruit."

She playfully nudged my arm. "Well I do make homemade pies everyday. I would hope I smell like fruit."

I smiled, then tensed as she took my hand into hers, lacing our fingers together.

Not saying a word she just leaned her head on my shoulder. Once I finally relaxed, placing my own head against hers, she spoke.

"My husband knew who I was, even before I did. I had lost my virginity to him, so I just figured it was my inexperience.

"He never said anything until he got sick. As you know, that is when everything went to hell.

"He told me he felt guilty because he'd taken my time knowing there was someone else out there who I could enjoy my time with better. Yet he loved me. And I loved him. It was never about the sex you know?”

She leaned up turning to face me. "I didn't understand what it was like to really like someone until you came into my life Lauria.

"Every time you leave I get this pit in my chest. After finding out what you face and go through alone, I can't waste my time anymore."

Searching her eyes I saw compassion and something I couldn't explain that made me hurt within. "I'm broken Tammy. I don't know if I can give you back what you need."

She raised a soft hand to my face wiping away a lone tear that fell. "Don't you see you've already given me everything? Given us all? Its my turn to give back.”

Taking my hand in hers, she pulled me up with her. "Let me spend the night with you, Lauria. You're going to the city in the morning and you shouldn't spend tonight alone."

Not waiting for my answer she just walked to my front door, my hand in hers.

When morning came I woke up in the bed alone but I smelled fresh eggs and bacon. And heard her soft singing.

I couldn't help the smile I had upon seeing her in my tiny kitchen. "Shouldn't you be at the diner?" I asked standing in the doorway. Liking too much how she looked in one of my t-shirt’s.

She laughed, walking the plates over to my dining table. "I asked Rachel to cover for me. Everyone knows what they're doing. Now you come eat."

I didn't disobey and joined her quickly.

She seemed so carefree in a way that mesmerized me.

She met my gaze taking a sip of her orange juice and blushed. "I wished I'd done this years ago," she said happily.

I ate a piece of bacon grinning. "I wish you did too."

Breakfast passed by bitter sweetly. We both knew I had to leave to catch the 9am train to the city.

Dare I say, that it was the best morning I'd had in years though. And when I went out to leave. Our whole settlement was out waiting for us.

My heart gave that deep ache then I laughed when Tammy joined me and they cheered knowing what happened no doubt.

"About time!" yelled Graham high fiving a couple others.

Tammy blushed but wrapped her arms around my waist lovingly.

Cody stepped forward. "We just all wanted to thank you for everything Aunt Lauria. We didn't know what you go through but we knew it was bad and we should've been more supportive. Now we promise we will be."

At that they all cheered.

I knew then in my spirit, as my mother’s locket lay warmly against my chest, that even if I died today. I wouldn't be dying of a broken heart. And I wouldn’t be alone.

Short Story
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About the Creator

Loren White

I've been writing for as long as I can remember. I love words and the endless possibilities of story telling. It is a part of who I am. Who I'll always be.

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