Red - Ch2

The next morning, we headed over to the Inn’s dining room for breakfast. Being able to properly enjoy my food was another new experience. I was used to either eating in a hurry or not eating at all. We were both ravenous after the ordeals of the night before and ate with zeal, ordering the full continental breakfast. Our conversation was lighter than our previous one. We spoke of silly things, of dreams and hopes and our deepest desires. I made sure to get a few happy snaps to commemorate the occasion. We had known each other less than twenty-four hours and already we were fast friends.

Thrilled, we discovered that we had both booked the same tour for the day so, after breakfast, we met the shuttle bus that would take us to the Kuniya Walk to Muṯitjulu Waterhole. Our guide told us that the waterhole was the home of waṉapi, an ancestral water snake. It was fascinating! My finger clicked the camera button as I took pictures of everything.

Despite it being autumn, it was still unrelentingly warm in the Australian outback. The sun beat down in a fiery tirade and my hair became a sweaty mess underneath my hat. For all the heat though, it was a beautiful place. Finches chattered and flitted about and kestrels called out to each other from above. I tuned out for a moment and was suddenly overcome by the sensation of being watched. I glanced at the group, but all eyes were focused on our guide, preoccupied by cameras or phones. It felt like there was someone behind me, creeping up silently. The hairs on the back of my neck rose and even though I anticipated it, I still jumped when I turned to find a young Aboriginal man standing further back up the trail. He stood still, not moving a muscle. I lifted my hand to wave and he waved back. Jacqui caught my movement.

“Who are you waving to?”

Taking my eyes off the man for just a moment I answered, “Oh, that young Aboriginal man behind us.”

Jacqui looked. “Um, what man? There’s no one there.”

“Don’t be silly,” I laughed. “The man just…” I turned to point him out but she was right. There was no one there.

“Oh. He must have left.”

Jacqui looked at me skeptically. There wasn’t really any place he could have gone. It was all open.

“Maybe he ran over to those rocks or something,” I suggested, though I wasn’t entirely convinced of that myself.

“Maybe.” Jacqui’s tone suggested she wasn’t either.

Our tour continued. We meandered leisurely along the trail until we arrived at the waterhole. The same Aboriginal man was there, almost as though he were waiting for us.

Oh, good. I’m not going crazy, I thought. Surely everyone can see him now.

The guide didn’t even acknowledge the man. In fact, no one did. It appeared I was the only one who could see him. Don’t be silly Erin. How could you see him when no one else can?

Lifting my camera, I quickly snapped a picture then looked at the little screen. There was nothing in the photo except the landscape. Frowning, I shook my head. Impossible.

I studied this seemingly invisible stranger. He was tall, broad shouldered and muscular. Red and white paint striped his cheeks, bare torso, arms and legs, making him look like an Aboriginal warrior. His black hair hung in curls to his shoulders, held down by a red bandanna wrapped around his forehead. He was fierce in appearance, yet strangely, I was not afraid. Our gazes locked.

“Follow the red.”

I reeled back as the rich, masculine voice sounded in my head. There was no acknowledgment from the young man that it was he who had spoken. His lips had not moved, yet I knew it to be so. How was that possible? Maybe I am going mad.

“You are not going mad, Erin.” His voice was warm with the tone of wisdom and the hint of a chuckle. He was laughing at me.

“I am not laughing at you, Erin. Everyone always thinks they are going crazy when they see us or when we speak to them.”

I stared at him. Everything else around me faded into oblivion. It was just me and this mysterious being who could, apparently, read my thoughts.

“Who are you?” I asked silently.

“Who I am does not matter. What matters is that you heed my message. Follow the red, Erin. Red will always lead you to safety.”

“Ok, if you won’t tell me who, then, what are you? Are you a ghost?”

He shook his head slightly. “No. I am not a ghost. But we have already met.”

It was my turn to shake my head. “No. I am certain I would remember you.”

The man smiled an enigmatic smile. He shimmered slightly, as though he was out of focus. Slowly, the image began to rearticulate only, it wasn’t the same form. Standing in his place was the little old woman from the supermarket. My eyes widened in shock as she winked at me.

“What are you? Who are you?” I was demanding now, yelling the thought at her.

“I am whoever you need me to be, Erin.”

“What does that even mean?” Why couldn’t she just answer my questions?

“You will find out soon. You are not ready to know just now. All you must know is to follow the red. Remember. Follow the red and you will be guided to safety.”

“I don’t understand what you are talking about.” I was getting frustrated. It seemed she was talking in riddles and I’d never been any good at riddles.

“You will.” There was sadness in her voice, a regretful melancholy. “Just remember. Red will keep you safe.” With that final reminder, she vanished.

I stood there, as though rooted to the ground, staring at the now empty spot.

“Hey, Erin. Earth to Erin.”

“Huh?” I blinked a few times as reality came rushing back. How much time had passed? It seemed like hours. I panicked when I saw that Jacqui was the only person left.

“Where is everyone?”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for the last however many minutes. They have gone on ahead.”

“Oh, I didn’t even notice.” I was still staring at the place where the Aboriginal man/old woman had stood.

Jacqui raised her eyebrows. “Clearly. Where were you anyway? You were completely zoned out. Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yeh.” I gave myself a shake. “Sorry. I was just thinking, daydreaming, you know. Enjoying the feeling of being free.”

But am I really free?

The thought came unbidden to my mind and the uneasiness that still clung to me gave a tug at my insides. I felt like vomiting. Instead, I swallowed hard, threw my hands up in the air and spun on the spot laughing, trying my hardest not to let the inner turmoil show on my face.

Jacqui watched me, a frown creasing her brow. I spun up to her, grabbed her hands and began to spin her around with me. Her frown turned into a grin and then laughter as we spun about in circles until we were dizzy. As we staggered off to rejoin the group, my eyes were drawn back again to the place the ambiguous being had stood. Already, the event seemed surreal, fluffy and blurred around the edges like a dream. Had it really happened? I couldn’t be sure, but I did know that I would be keeping my eyes wide open for the rest of the trip.

*******

Two weeks passed and I didn’t see any sign of the strange visitor. I was ready to dismiss the whole thing as a vivid daydream, probably brought about by my need to feel safe and secure. Jacqui and I had become best friends. We were inseparable. I was slowly gaining confidence and had even made a few more friends. The two other ladies staying in the room with Jacqui and I were lovely. Jill, the spunky sixty-year-old, became the mother hen. She was a bit rough around the edges but had a heart as big and bright as the sun. Her hair was short and almost all grey, and her blue eyes always had the look of mischief about them. She gave amazing advice and she gave it to you straight; no pink-frosted icing, no beating around the bush. I liked her a lot.

At nineteen, Ruby was the baby of the room. She was also the smartest in the room with a genius level IQ. Astronomy was her favourite hobby and she was currently completing her Bachelor of Science, majoring in Astronomy and Astrophysics. Her goal was to get a job at NASA and I wouldn’t have been surprised if she achieved this. She had a quietly assiduous way about her. A book travelled along wherever she went and she always seemed to be working on something, usually “space stuff,” as we eloquently dubbed it. If it wasn’t space stuff, it was puzzles; crosswords and Sudoku mainly. She said it relaxed her, helped to quiet her mind. If she had nothing to do, she would get anxious and start heading down the rabbit hole of panic attacks and way too much analytical thinking.

Then there was Dale. Dale – the attractive thirty-four-year-old with his unruly mess of dark brown hair, usually hidden under an akubra that shaded cheeky, hazel eyes. Dale – with his lean, suntanned, muscular body, strong masculine jaw with just a hint of stubble and a dazzling smile. His rugged good looks fit in quite well with the desert landscape. He was a Jackaroo on his family’s ranch in Queensland and was in the Northern Territory for both business and pleasure.

Romance was not something I had expected on this trip, but the first day I met him, I could hardly keep my eyes off him. Not only was he unquestionably handsome, he was also extremely talented with a guitar and had a beautiful voice that sounded kind of like Keith Urban mixed with a bit of Diesel. To top it off, he could cook a mean roast. He was the epitome of male perfection. My heart could barely contain itself within the confines of my ribcage. It wanted to leap out and attach itself to his. I can’t honestly say it was love at first sight; more like lust at first sight, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, as Jill pointed out.

“We all need a good root every now and then. More of the now than the then,” she added with a chuckle. “I tell you, me and my husband, boy could we give it a good go!”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or blush. I’d never heard anyone talk that way. She was right though, in saying that lust at first sight wasn’t a bad thing. It gave me hope. I hadn’t thought it would ever be possible for me to feel anything remotely positive towards another man. This proved to me that I wasn’t entirely broken and that maybe Simon hadn’t damaged me beyond repair.

Simon! I’d completely forgotten. He would be back from his business trip by now. My fear intensified as I couldn’t help wonder about his reaction to my absence. Could he find me here? Would he even try? I succeeded in working myself up into a hysterical mess.

“Calm down, love.” Jill sat at my side rubbing my back. Jacqui held my hand on the opposite side and Ruby gave me a paper bag to breathe into. Her practicality and calm common sense soothed me.

“Don’t let him ruin this adventure for you when he isn’t even here,” Jacqui said emphatically. She knew how I was feeling, much more so than the other two. It was advice she had given herself many times. Even now, though it was years later, she was still trying to learn how to put it into practice.

“Jacqui’s right, Erin. Worrying about it won’t change whether it happens or not. Breathe, Erin or you will hyperventilate.” Ruby brought the paper bag back up to my mouth.

“If there is one thing I have learned in my life, it’s to live in the moment, in the here and now. Why waste time and energy thinking about the past. The past is the past. It’s over and done with. The future hasn’t happened yet, so why waste time and energy wondering about all the what ifs? Erin, look at me.” Jill took my chin in her hand and turned me to look at her. Her eyes were serious for once. “Right now, Simon is thousands of kilometres away. Right now, he can’t hurt you. Right now, you are here with three sexy ladies and one incredibly sexy cowboy. You couldn’t possibly be in a better place!” She winked at me and I giggled. The mischievous Jill was never far away.

Later that night, Jacqui and I left Jill and Ruby playing a game of cards and headed outside. The night sky was a cozy blanket of resplendent, infinite stars.

“There’s Orion,” Jacqui pointed out. I wasn’t the only one who had learned a thing or two from Ruby.

“I always called it the shopping trolley. I had no idea it was part of a constellation.”

“Neither did I. I always thought it looked kind of like a saucepan.”

“Hmm, so it does,” I agreed.

We fell silent, listening to the sounds of the desert and admiring the heavens. At the thought of heaven, the image of a young Aboriginal warrior leapt abruptly into my mind.

“Jacqui?”

“Mmmmm,” she replied lazily.

“Do you believe in Heaven?”

She pursed her lips as she considered my question. “I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it. Maybe, I guess. I mean, it’s kind of depressing to think that once we die, we’re just left to rot and decompose in the ground. It doesn’t give much meaning to life.”

“Yeh,” I murmured. “There has to be something more than that.”

Jacqui turned to inspect me. “Do you believe in Heaven?”

“I think so. Believing that there was something better out there is what kept me going. I thought to myself, I have done my time in Hell here on Earth so, when I die, I should be recompensed. But then I thought, well, if there was a God and there was a Heaven, why was I even in Hell to begin with? What had I ever done wrong to deserve this, you know?” I’d never had anyone I could discuss this type of thing with. It was kind of a relief to be able to pour it all out. I think Jacqui felt the same. We had come to know each other quite well.

“Girl, I get you. I held that thought for so long it turned me bitter. Lemons had nothing on me. I was so angry with life, the universe, God, whatever it is that’s out there, that sometimes all I could do was scream.”

“I mostly cried. Quietly. And alone of course. I wasn’t the screaming type.”

Jacqui’s voice took on a playful tone. “Maybe you should give it a try.”

“No thanks. I’ll leave that to you.”

“Come on. Like this.” She got up on her knees, took a deep breath and exhaled out in a loud, guttural roar. I couldn’t believe such a noise could come out of such a tiny person.

“Whoo! That felt good!” She laughed and grabbed me by the hand to pull me to my knees. “You’re turn,” she grinned at me.

I sighed. “You’re not giving me a choice, are you?”

“Nope! Come on. Isn’t this supposed to be a journey of breaking the old habits? So now is the time to stop being a crier and become a screamer. It’s fun, trust me.”

I did trust her, and she was right. Perhaps it was time for me to come all the way out of my shell. I took a reluctant, deep breath and let out a quiet little noise that sounded more like a dog yapping. “I don’t think I am ready after all.”

“You can do this!” Jacqui encouraged. “Come on! Put some effort into it. Let all your anger pour out.”

“Ok.” I gave myself a shake to rev me up then took another deep breath.

I thought about how Simon made me feel, about how my parents and brother made me feel. The scream built and built, starting from the very soles of my feet. I could feel it moving up my body, a boiling hot mass of emotion, finally escaping in a roar so loud that Jacqui covered her ears. But I didn’t stop. With tears cascading down my cheeks I kept roaring until I collapsed, completely out of breath.

“Yes!” Cried Jacqui, laughing. “That’s it! You go, girl!” She roared again and this time, I joined in. We roared and roared until we were utterly spent and came crashing down in a fit of hysterical laughter. The sound of running feet came up behind us and we were soon surrounded by several concerned faces.

“What on Earth is going on?”

“Are you alright?”

“Is someone hurt?”

Trying rather unsuccessfully to stifle our laughter we managed to explain what we were doing and reassure them we were quite fine.

“Crazy cats.” Jill shook her head, but she was smiling too.

“Maybe you should all try it,” Jacqui teased, causing everyone to quickly disappear.

“Are you sure you’re both alright?” I almost died of embarrassment when I heard the deep, slightly husky voice of Dale.

“Ah, yes. Yes, we’re okay,” I managed to stammer.

I chanced a peek at him from under my lashes. He was looking right at me. I was glad it was dark otherwise there would have been no hiding the blush that bloomed across my cheeks. Starting to get up, I accidentally tripped on the rug and went straight back down again, landing heavily on my behind. My cheeks felt they would burn clean off.

Dale held his hand out to me. “Want some help there? Wouldn’t want the status changing from okay to not okay,” he teased playfully.

My face was the sun. It was a wonder no one else could feel the heat radiating from it. I took his offered hand and let him pull me to my feet. “Thank you,” I muttered.

“Any time, darlin’.” With a smile, he strode off.

Darlin’? Did he really call me that?

“Do I detect sparks?”

“Hmm?” I was too preoccupied with watching Dale’s retreating back to hear Jacqui’s quip.

“Oh yes, definitely sparks. Make that mutual sparks.”

That caught my attention. “What? Really? No. You think?”

“I do think. Every time he is near you, he can’t take his eyes off you. You wouldn’t notice though because you put in every effort to avoid looking at him.”

“Well, I don’t want to make it obvious. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’ve never really been in this situation before.” I clenched my hands nervously.

“Just let it play out and don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

“Right. Easy. I can do that.”

“Besides, I think he will make the first move. Quite soon I imagine.”

I laughed sarcastically. “Yeh, because I’m such a catch.” I rolled my eyes but inside, in the deepest recesses of my heart, a small flower of hope began to blossom.

Click below to continue on to Chapter Three - Starlit Date.