Reclaimed: Land + Heart

The sound of rushing water was at first like an audio mirage... a sound we had longed to hear for weeks, months, years... And how many times throughout our voyage had we actively focused our thoughts on finding a pure, flowing water source? Most days, the hope of this was the only thing that kept us going, kept us moving, despite being nearly out of the supplies we had carried from our bunker, when we finally felt secure and capable enough to leave it, 74 days ago.

I have been counting the days, and keeping track of everything, in case something were to happen to me. We've already been confronted several times; everyone is on edge, not trusting anyone else, and “making friends” has not yet become something people are comfortable trying. We are foreign to one another. The majority of all civilization and societies had been totally destroyed; most areas were still decimated when we passed through them, and seeing others is a rare occurrence. It is also keeping me sane, documenting the sunrises, storms, sunsets, moon phases; I am connected in a new way. This feeling is a vast difference from the lost years underground, not really having any idea what day or time it was, and it not even mattering. I lost the entirety of my youth down there.

We survived. Because we had hope. And because we had been prepared! It had been said authoritatively, that the very act of living would be our demise, and was what would kill us.

My parents did not believe that. Instead, they created an underground “oasis” to the best of their ability, a cozy hideout, where we dreamed, laughed, and played, in as many moments as possible. That is what kept us alive. Living.

But back to discovering the water. Water! Our skin hadn't touched water in weeks; the layer of grime felt like part of our new identities, but that quickly subsided as soon as we saw the abundant water careening, splashing against bulbous rocks, and feeling welcomed into the most inviting opening for us to undress and submerge ourselves, becoming fresh and clean once again.

My body became new in that water... It felt alive, and that aliveness encircled me, like waves of electricity running through my veins. That feeling has only persisted...

What is it about this place?

My heart vibrates and beats differently, more rhythmically, and everything feels familiar, although I have no recollection of ever being here before we arrived in this spot just a few days ago.

Solo exploration has quickly become my new favorite hobby. Oh, how I savor solitude, the sound of my own thoughts (or the absence of them), the luxury of feeling the warm sun on my face, listening to the breezy trees, and planting my feet in the soft, mossy ground. There are creatures here I have never seen or heard of before; large white whirling birds with a siren-like song, tiny sparkling beings with whispering wings, and fast-moving fluffballs that I catch darting from the corner of my eye, but have yet to truly witness.

Within the swirling mist of the forest, I found a well overgrown path... It was as if my feet took me there knowingly, and I had the sense of being slightly dizzy, in a partial dream state. Was I walking, or was I floating? Blossoms swirled around me, and their scent tickled my nose. I know this fragrance! But what is it? The only thing I could see ahead of me was green – luscious green! I felt propelled forward, and my feet couldn't move fast enough for the compulsion, so I began to run. A buzzing in my right ear – a dragonfly! A very large dragonfly, flying through the forest with me, showing me the way...

Then I saw it. The clearing. A majestic opening into the most incredible garden, of bountiful wildflowers, ponds, and sculptures that had over time woven together in the most welcoming way, revealing the footpath to an ancient stone structure. A dwelling! As I approached, I noticed the ornately carved and placed stones of the walls, instinctively traced the grooves with my own hands, and could see that someone had cared for it quite lovingly in the past. My heart swelled, connecting deeply with the amount of care they had for this beautiful homestead... and the tug downward of knowing that they must have been forced to leave the land they loved so very much.

And then the strangest thing happened. I heard a voice, a woman's voice, distinct, calm and direct. I could hear her inside of my head! She said, “You have arrived. Now you must search for the capsule.”

Capsule?! Where am I? What is going on? Why do I feel like I have to do as she says? I'm not sure. I just do. So I will. (And I did!)

I remembered something that my mother had told me, many years ago while we were stuck underground. It was a powerful story my grandmother had told her when she was a young girl, and I hadn't thought about it since then. We never had a garden... although I had dreamed my whole life about having a garden of my own, studied all of my parents' books on plants, and imagined how they all felt and smelled. So until this moment, my grandmother's voice had been lost, an echo of a past memory, because I hadn't felt that I could relate.

I walked into the middle of the garden and stood where there was a small ancient stone slab, amidst the sea of wildflowers, and I closed my eyes. Placing my hands on my heart, I took three deep breaths, in and out, and then with the deepest reverence and sincerity, I asked within my mind to be shown a sign from the garden spirits. I stated that I must find the capsule, and that I required assistance. I imagined a pulsating white and golden light streaming from my heart and spreading out into the garden, giving every part of it my equal attention. My hands lifted up and assisted in the transmission.

Almost like an electric shock, I felt a jolt fly through my body, beginning in my heart, and I was immediately able to scan the garden with new eyes. With my eyes still closed, I could see currents of energy underneath everything, all at once. I began to search for the capsule, although I had no idea how, and yet somehow I was relaxed enough to trust what I was being shown.

The currents were mostly yellow, darting as I shifted my attention. Then a bit in the distance, to my right, I could see a reddish glowing light coming from the ground. I made my way over to it, with my eyes halfway open, seeing both the physical reality and the energy flowing beneath it all.

There it was, a glowing mossy mound, the thickest moss I'd ever seen... Again, I felt a jolt in my heart. A knowing in my gut. This must be the spot! There was no way I could dig through that moss and dirt with my bare hands...

Just then, a golden glow appeared in my peripheral vision, through the thicket of wildflowers and thorny bushes, hovering above what appeared to be an old handmade birdbath. Within the basin were the largest clam shells I had ever seen! There were pointed edges, perfectly suitable for digging through thick moss, and the shells fit snugly into my hands as if I had used them as tools before.

Excitedly, I ran back to the mossy mound, but paused before beginning to dig. What was in this capsule, compelling me to find it? And why me? Everything felt new to me, above ground, but this felt... different. A burning, rising, fiery, all-consuming electric rush of – what's the word for it? Purpose. Yes, purpose. More of a sense of purpose than I had ever felt, spending my whole life in a season-less void, where living through the present moment was the only way to make it to the next moment. I had not ever allowed myself to fully dream, I realized, as I could have never previously imagined a magical life similar to this one; I had not even known of the power I held inside. With this sudden realization, I collapsed over the moss, sobbing, my tears pooling rapidly, filling the clam shells and spilling over, onto the mossy mound. I let it all go.

I felt the release of the suffering I had held inside of my body, the pain of not knowing if I would ever have a future worth speaking of, let alone write about; it was the release of my past and the acceptance of my present. It was the beginning of renewed hope for my future. A peaceful emptiness.

With as much intention as I could pour out from my mind and heart, I grasped a shell in each hand, and began to dig. The soil was damp from my tears, and the shells seemed to do most of the digging for me, as the hole got deeper and deeper. I let myself get lost in the search.

My arms were reaching down as far as they could go, and I was about to stop, when the shell in my right hand made a “clink” sound, striking a metal object. The capsule! My heart leapt in expansive joy.

Using only my hands now, I felt my way around the cylindrical shiny treasure, and pulled it out from the hole. The capsule was oxidized, purplish-green, cool to the touch, and smooth – but there did not seem to be a way to open it. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and pulled the capsule close to my chest. Intuitively, I raised my arms above my head, and imagined a bright white light shooting up from the ground, throughout the length of my body, gleaming out of the top of my head, and directly into the capsule, witnessing as the white light surrounded it completely.

When I lowered my arms and looked again at the object in my hands, I saw that a heart-shaped button had appeared on one side. Iridescent and sparkling, it was asking to be pressed...

My pointer finger reached for the button, and the capsule flung open! A luminous cloud enveloped my field of vision, spreading out from the secret slot, radiating the most comforting energy I had ever experienced. It was the feeling of being unconditionally nurtured, provided for, held; an all-encompassing feeling of being complete within myself, and an understanding of all things. I was one with the sky, the trees, the animals, the plants, the water, the dirt, the air, every human left, and all those who had gone before... I found myself allowing the terra firma to support me, and I gently eased into that feeling, waves upon waves of gratitude.

The voice spoke again, “Welcome home. We have waited patiently for your arrival. All of this is yours, Pure-Hearted One. It is time. From here, you will lead The New Earth.”

I gazed down at the opening to the capsule, and within the chamber was the most magnificent heart-shaped locket! Naturally, I put it around my neck, where it belonged. My heart swelled beneath it, vibrating, pulsating – love energy amplified! The locket swung open.

Sparkling magenta and copper light swirled out from the center, revealing an intricately placed pattern of crystals, and instantly, the memories began flooding back... Flashes of who I had been, the version of me who knew all the hidden wonders of this land, and the hidden landscapes within each one of us.

“Everything is beginning now,” I thought.

A fluffball halted mid-jaunt, turned to look at me, and smiled.