Reasonable Assumption

A knock at the door alerts the household. None of the three occupants are expecting a visitor or a package, and yet there is someone at the door. The mystery is elusive and each of the guys struggles to manage their excitement at the prospect of receiving actual, real-life, adult-style post. They each run for the door, Tony from his bedroom upstairs bounding down, shaking the house on its already poorly constructed foundations, Aaron from the kitchen, rubber gloves still on from doing the washing up, and PJ lagging behind after rushing off the toilet, stumbling towards the front door still doing his flies up. Each has a similar running commentary on what could be outside their own front door. Perhaps it is the hot pizza girl, "accidentally" delivering to the wrong address again. This had already triggered numerous arguments over who she truly wanted to sleep with when in reality she simply worshipped chaos and saw the fragility of this households combined ego.

Maybe it was a solicitor, coming to inform one of them that an estrange wealthy relative had died and as their only living heir had left the fortune to them, akin to winning the lottery. Or perhaps it was simply the postman with a clothing catalogue, essentially spam, due to the subscription that Tony's ex had left addressed to their place. Regardless, the possibilities were endless and that moment of anticipation is priceless, so despite each of them rushing to the door, no one was particularly eager to be the one to open it.

Eventually Tony decided to open the door, to which the found no person delivering a package or good news, but merely the package itself lying on the doorstep. A small box wrapped in brown paper, simple and innocent looking but with no name, no address, no indication as to what it could be or who it may be for anywhere. Tony picked up the box with cautious optimism, turned around and closed the front door behind him. After a moments pause he began tearing at the paper, taking it upon himself to open the package.

"What do you think you're doing?" Aaron said, finally breaking the silent anticipation.

"I'm opening the package."

"Who said it was yours to open?"

"Well someone has to open it."

"Does it have your name on it?" Contested PJ.

"Well... no."

"Then you should probably give it to me." PJ stated with a sense of self-assurance.

PJ snatched the package from Tony's frail grip, but was swiftly intercepted by Aaron, who grabbed it from PJ and held it close.

"No." Aaron simply stated.

"No?" PJ stared at Aaron with bemusement. "I get the most packages, it's more than likely to be mine."

"We all get packages, but this was hand delivered, unless one of you was expecting a delivery then I'm going to open it myself." Affirmed Aaron in an attempt to seize the power vacuum in this situation.

"Were you expecting a package?" Asked Tony accusingly.

There was a moments silence.

"Yes." Said Aaron, hesitantly.

"You lying rat, you just want it for yourself." PJ yelled.

"I never get packages! I don't care who it's for, let me just open it!" Aaron now succumbing to the pressure of his peers.

"But it's not for you!"

"We don't know that." Tony admitted, "It could be for any of us, so how are we going to decide who opens it?"

"Is this not a bit petty? It's just a package." Said Aaron.

Tony and PJ stared with disbelief at Aaron who only moments ago was himself making a claim to the package.

"Don't try and play the bigger man you snake, you want it just as much as me." PJ hissed.

"Let's calm ourselves, we can sit down and talk this out, work out which one of us is most deserving." Mediated Tony.

Aaron and PJ glared between themselves as they were led to the dining room table by Tony, who laid the package down on the table and gestured for each to sit evenly spaced around it. They looked at each other, waiting for one to take the lead.

"Well, I guess I'll make my case first?" Tony said, breaking the tension. Each of the others huffed though we're open to hearing Tony's case.

"As you know I've recently suffered quite the trauma, I've had a really rough time of it, spent a lot of time alone in my room trying to process everything, opening this package would serve as a way for me to remind myself that I'm not alone and people do care. Even if it's not for me, it'd be nice to have a moment to pretend."

"Are you joking, your girlfriend broke up with you, get over it." PJ contested.

"You can't milk that cow forever Tony, you'll have to come up with something better than that." Agreed Aaron.

"Alright then, you make your case."

Aaron hyped himself up. Tears starting to well in his eyes.

"I grew up poor, every knock at the door was either the landlord looking to evict us or repo men looking to take away my bed, my toys. We never had nice things let alone deliveries, and although I am in a better position now having dragged myself out of poverty, I'm still poor, and every delivery is like a birthday or a Christmas, even if it's not for me, it is a connection with the outside world and the underlying knowledge that right now, I have feasible access to luxuries. I can have things I couldn't have before and if it's not for me, I can give it to whomever it belongs to gladly just to see them smile. Please let me experience the joy of Christmas, for the sad little child in me."

Aaron wiped away a tear among the sense of awe within his peers. The table was silent, broken only by a long sigh from PJ. Tony looked with mortification at PJ, who simply rolled his eyes.

"He's full of it. Absolutely completely full of it. He grew up in a council house but it's not like they couldn't afford food. He's fine." PJ insisted.

"Alright then, give me your rubbish then PJ."

"Okay, are you ready?"

"Yes, go ahead."

"Just get it over with."

PJ took a deep breath in and simply spoke "I want to open it."

"Is that it?" Tony asked.

"Yepp." Replied PJ, "Need I say more. I just want to open it? Give it me."

"Not good enough pal." Aaron stated.

"I think Aaron should take it." Said Tony.

"What?!" PJ exclaimed.

"He made the best case! It doesn't matter if it was a lie or not, he made the effort and that's worth rewarding."

Aaron shot a smug look at PJ.

"That's utter sh*t, but whatever. I don't care, Aaron just open the stupid thing so we can get on with our lives." PJ sulked.

Aaron slid the package over to his side of the table and took a moment, resting his hands on it.

"I'd just like to say, that story was all bullsh*t but I appreciate the outcome."

"I respect the hustle but I hope it's for me." Said Tony.

Aaron started at the tear that Tony had caused, gradually revealing a cardboard box underneath the brown paper. Aaron tore the tape from the box and opened it, revealing to himself the contents.

"Well, what is it?" Tony asked.

PJ leaned in curiously in an attempt to see for himself what was inside. Aaron reached into the box and slowly pulled out an identical, slightly smaller box also wrapped in brown paper. He went to tear the paper of this box too but was stopped when PJ grabbed his arm.

"I don't think so pal. You just opened it."

"But it was just another box, I still don't know what was inside?"

"To be fair, we only said you could open the box, we didn't say anything about the contents nor did we say you could open two boxes." Stated Tony.

Aaron rolled his eyes and shook his head in frustration.

"You gave this right to me fair and square. We had a system, I earned this. Let me open the damned box!"

"We need to reassess the situation clearly! You have no claim to the contents of the first box and by the looks of things, the second box is much the same. No name or indication of ownership. Maybe we need to try another angle?" Tony suggested.

"Like what?"

"Like who it's most likely for. Who gets the most packages, who is most likely to receive a hand-delivered anonymous package?"

"What if it's a bomb?" PJ asked.

The group looked careful at Aaron, still holding the box, as he slowly and gently set it down in the middle of the table.

"Who is most likely to have a bomb delivered to them?" Asked Tony.

PJ immediately pointed at Aaron, "For sure Aaron, he sleeps with all kinds of people and never calls them, I bet it's a crazy hookup."

"Shut up PJ you rat, you're the most unlikable guy I know, my nan would probably send you a bomb if she met you." Aaron retaliated.

"I'd like to take this opportunity to formally withdraw my name from this-" Tried Tony, but was interrupted from a combined "NO" from both Aaron and PJ.

"How likely is it that this genuinely might be something bad? I'm not saying a bomb, but like, a turd? Anthrax?" Asked PJ.

"I've been on my best behaviour, I swear." Stated Aaron, albeit hesitantly.

"It'a totally for Aaron. That kind of good looking jock type attracts all kinds of resentful weirdos." Tony justified.

PJ nodded in agreement.

"This is rubbish, I don't want to die just because I called a kid a dork in school, Tony you were eager earlier, you open it."

"Absolutely not, I've completely lost interest. A package with a Russian doll system can't be good news, plus I'm like the invisible man, I stay out of social circles for this exact reason."

"Sure, you have no friends by choice." Mocked PJ, inviting a scowl from Tony.

Aaron slammed his hand on the table, triggering everyone to stare at the package with horror, expecting it at any moment to explode or release a deadly neurotoxin.

"Why do any of us need to open this? If no one was expecting a package, then it's unaccounted for and thus suspicious, therefore I say we just throw it away. Be done with it. Forget this whole mess of an incident and go about our day." As Aaron said this, the room fell silent. It had occurred to no one prior to this that they simply let the package stay unopened and yet right now, it was the best course of action.

"I think he's right. We don't know who sent this, it could be anything." Tony said.

"That was the fun of it though! If we throw it away we'll never know. I have to know!" PJ insisted.

Aaron rested his hand on PJ's shoulder, "At the expense of your life? Really? Honestly bud it's not worth it."

PJ looked mournfully to the ground.

"So who's going to take it out to the bin?"