Ready for a Really Hot Time?

Dear Michael,

I am writing you to inform you that I am aware of all your indiscretions via the internet and I am prepared to expose them to your wife and both your families.

Allow me to explain. I am what's known as a hacker, and I was able to gain access to both your laptop screen and web cam. I have recorded your activities on various websites and the disgusting acts you performed on yourself while watching the videos they offered. The clips that featured BDS&M were particularly revolting and, it seems, very stimulating for you.

I'm sure you can imagine the reactions from your loved ones when I expose your deprivation. Rest assured, I have researched your background thoroughly and have gathered all the necessary contact information. I've also taken steps to cover my tracks, so don't bother trying to trace my identity. Please know that if you try to go to the authorities, I will know, and the videos will immediately be released to your loved ones.

Fortunately, you can prevent this. You have 24 hours from the time you read this letter to send $3,000 in Bitcoin to

Okay, okay, wait - I just can't. I'm cracking up, imagining the look on your face right now. I'm just fucking with you, buddy. It's me, your old pal, George. Yeah, the one that died in that nasty car crash last year. Don't try to figure out how it's happening, just accept that it's possible to do all kinds of things from down here.

Yeah, I'm in that place. Turns out there really are penalties for things like cheating on your wife and lying on your tax return. Trust me, it's not any fun. On the other hand, it's not quite as final as advertised. There are ways to -pardon the expression – redeem yourself, and you, my friend, are my project.

Beelzebub, or “Bub”, as we like to call him (not to his face, of course, which by the way, you really don't want to see up close) assigned me to haunt you. Sucks for both of us, I know, but it is what it is. You're my shot at getting out of here. But keep in mind, I'm trying to save your ass, too.

So here's the bottom line, buddy. Get your shit together. Get off the porn sites and find something else to do with your free time. Do I really have to say, “or else”? Don't make me sink any lower than I already have. (Pun intended.)

See ya! (It's up to you where.)

***

My last-minute entry to this fun challenge:

Thanks for reading!