Re-Entry

"Aren't you happy, Ms. Adams?" asked Doctor Sheridan.

"Very much so."

He tilted his head to the side. "You know, you'll likely live another thirty years. At least. Ms. Singh in Sector B--she'll be a hundred and sixty-two next week."

"Yes. I know."

He scanned her face. "We can increase your collagen injections, make them biannual?"

Lilly laughed. "Doctor, I'm fine. I feel fine. I look fine--at least I think so. It's not that."

"Then why leave?" The doctor spread his hands, indicating the comfort and security of the underground Complex.

"I want to see it."

"The Surface."

"Yes."

"No one's been up there in centuries."

"Exactly. I need to know what's out there."

"Elected Leader Keita--"

"--has already okayed it. It's my decision, after all."

"And what does Pearl have to say?"

Lilly shifted uncomfortably.

"You haven't told her," said Sheridan disapprovingly.

"I will," said Lilly. She smoothed her thick gray hair, avoiding his gaze.

"It's not safe, Lilly," he persisted.

"Maybe," Lilly sighed with exasperation. "But isn't there more to life than safe?"

Sheridan shrugged, defeated. "We won't be able to monitor your vitals. Your internal sensors won't communicate with our readers."

"I know. That's why I'm here. Keita asks that you do what you can."

"Very well." He shook his head. "I don't support this--at all--but I'll do what I can."

Lilly would be the first to open the heavy steel doors of the Entrance since the war. Keita had wanted a celebration, but Lilly had asked him not to publicize it. Pearl was taking it hard.

"I'll make it back. I promise," Lilly told her.

Pearl didn't speak. Tears streamed down her face.

"Ready, Ms. Adams?" called Doctor Sheridan.

All the officials were looking at her expectantly. Lilly had been given a radiation suit and respirator, water and food rations. Now Sheridan was approaching, holding something metallic in his outstretched hand.

"It's a portable monitor," he said, draping it across Lilly's wrist. On the bracelet was a small, heart-shaped locket.

"A heart," said Lilly. "Nice touch."

Sheridan chuckled as he opened the locket, revealing a digital display with several lines pulsing across it. "It's linked to your vitals. It's not as accurate as our readers, but it should let you know when something goes wrong. If it does--"

Lilly nodded.

Sheridan smiled, but his eyes were troubled. Lilly squared her shoulders. She glanced back at Pearl, stony-faced among the onlookers, and signaled the technician to unseal the doors.

Lilly must have walked for hours in total darkness, following the rock walls with her fingers. The way had sometimes arched upward at such an incline she'd had to scrabble. She was so tired that she didn't notice the cavern opening outward until she was already emerging from the Entrance into open air.

It was night. Lilly's eyes landed first on the Moon, a half-circle of brilliant white in the indigo-colored sky. And oh--the stars! Millions and millions of them, filling the heavens. She lay down and stared skyward, transfixed. All she had learned, all the pictures she'd seen hadn't prepared her for their glittering panorama. She watched them until they began to disappear into the graying sky.

She picked up a handful of red-brown soil. It ran through her fingers like sand. Low, jagged mountains, lavender in the dawn light, rose up on either side of the Entrance. Lilly stood, brushing dirt from her radiation suit. If she wanted to see beyond this valley, she'd have to climb.

She pinpointed the lowest peak and set off. The land was mostly dust, but as she neared the mountains, low wiry bushes and spiky grey-green plants appeared. She took off her gloves and held their spines between her fingers, brushed her hand against their branches. It felt wonderful.

As she started climbing, warmth began spreading slowly across her back. Turning, Lilly was blinded by the rising sun. She gasped and fell backward, instinctively raising a hand to shield her eyes. When the spots had cleared from her vision, she stood and gazed sidelong at the light streaming into the valley, turning the earth fire-red. Then she heard a noise.

She froze, terrified, fascinated, and heard it again, thin and musical. The suit muted it, distorted it--without thinking, she tore off her hood. Her ears were free, and at last, she could hear it all: a chorus of chirps, metallic clicking sounds--insects? She'd seen documentaries about the fauna that had once existed here--but nothing had survived.

Her ears told a different story. The singsong howl came again--high, long, whistling--and she knew from her school days that it had to be an animal. There was something out there.

Lilly had to get higher, see more. She climbed eagerly, but the faster she went, the harder it was to breathe. The sun was high now, shining onto her scalp. Lilly was hot, hotter than she'd ever been. Halfway up the slope, the little heart around her wrist started beeping. She checked the monitor--her pulse was high; temperature, too. Must have been the heat. She took a few sips of water and continued.

Lilly scrambled over ridge after ridge, panting. Finally, gasping for air, she reached up and unclasped her respirator. A raw, mineral smell hit her immediately. A light breeze blew past and she inhaled it, feeling her lungs expand. The air was different here. Different, but breathable.

Lilly closed her eyes. They were wrong. About everything. The Surface was alive. Laughing, she peeled off layers until she was wearing nothing but her t-shirt and shorts. She held her arms out toward the sun and marveled at its warmth on her pale skin. Lilly was feeling something she had never felt before. Lilly felt free.

She tied her sweat-drenched hair back. The beeping was coming faster, but she couldn't stop now--she was too close. The sneakers that had only ever known concrete were useless against the gravelly ridges. Lilly fell, scratching her arms and legs, but she didn't mind. With every step she could see more of the valley. What might there be on the other side?

The sun was in her eyes now, and the beeping was incessant. She wished the stupid thing would just shut up. She pulled out her flask--empty. She was almost there, but her skin felt like it was on fire, and her head was pounding. She had to make it to the summit. Just a few more steps--

Something moved. Her vision blurred. A shadowy figure was coming toward her. Just before Lilly collapsed, she saw a dark, wrinkled face, heard familiar but foreign words. It was soft where she fell. Her eyes closed.

Stay awake, she told herself. Something important is happening.

She forced her eyes open. She was on the ground now, her arm extended. Some kind of tool was coming down swiftly toward her hand. Her body jumped weakly, expecting a blow, but none came. Silence. The beeping had stopped. The world felt wet, and dark, and quiet.

Stay awake.

She was moving now. Her body hurt, but she felt cooler. The world was jumping, jostling. It was night. She was passing stone houses. She thought she saw--yes--people. Children, running in and out of her vision. Elders, more distant. She glimpsed a side street, winding upward, houses as far as the eye could see, lights in the windows.

Stay awake, she said again, but the motion was too pacifying. Stay awake, she pleaded.

The beeping had started again. She opened her eyes. Where were the houses, their lights like stars? Where had the children gone? All she could see was white. Perhaps she was dead.

"Lilly?"

Lilly could feel her heart pounding as she moved her eyes down the white ceiling, past the monitor displaying her rising pulse, to the careworn face of her longtime partner. As their eyes met, Pearl burst into tears.

"I thought I'd lost you," she sobbed.

Lilly looked down at her hospital gown, the tubes in her veins, the familiar, antiseptic surroundings. Pearl took her hand, kissed it. Lilly couldn't respond, fearing she would betray the panic growing inside her. Why was she back here?

A door slid open. Lilly looked up and saw that they were behind a plastic barrier. Sheridan stood on the other side in full hazmat, smiling through his face shield.

"Welcome back!" he said loudly. "I saw the spike in your vitals and wondered if you might be awake!"

Lilly stared at him, trying to understand. "H--How--"

"Ah! So she didn't tell you?" he smiled at Pearl.

"I didn't want--" Pearl began.

"Once you'd been gone a few days Pearl decided she was going up to look for you. That's a brave woman you've got there!" He winked.

Lilly turned in horror to Pearl, who smiled lovingly. Lilly averted her eyes.

"Speaking of brave," continued Sheridan, "Keita is talking about some kind of medal for you--perhaps even a holiday!" He opened his tablet. "In the meantime, we'll keep you busy while you quarantine--the researchers will want to know all about soil quality and whatnot, but what I'm curious about--"

"People," said Lilly.

"I'm sorry?" Sheridan squinted over his glasses.

"There were--people."

Sheridan smiled indulgently. "I can't imagine what hallucinations you endured before Pearl found you. That toxic air---it's a good thing you never ventured further than the Entrance!"

Lilly looked from Pearl to Sheridan, confused. "But--I did. I saw people. A whole city. There, on the surface."

Now Pearl was smiling too, sadly. They thought she was lying.

"The air isn't toxic. It's fine."

"Ms. Adams, I'm sure you believe that--"

"It is!" said Lilly, sitting forward. Her head was starting to spin.

"Ms. Adams," said Sheridan kindly, "You've been through a lot. You've suffered severe burns, perhaps heatstroke--we'll know more soon. It's perfectly normal in these circumstances for the mind to...play tricks. Perhaps," he said carefully, "you saw what you wanted to see."

Tears clogged Lilly's throat. "No," she said quietly. "I saw them." But now there was doubt in her voice. Was it possible? Could she really have imagined it all?

"We can conduct this interview later, when you're feeling better," said Sheridan, opening the glass door. "It's a pity, really, about your monitor. We could have used those readings! Rest now."

The door closed behind him. Lilly looked at her wrist, the steel chain still clinging to it. Slowly, she turned it over to see the heart locket that had screamed its warnings as she climbed over the desert, into the mountain city beyond.

Its dented metal door hung askew, circuitry and crushed glass exposed within. It looked just like it had been smashed by a hammer.

"Wait!" cried Lilly. She tugged at the tubes in her arm, attempting to stand.

Pearl tried to restrain her. "You're not well, dear. Please."

"It was real!" Lilly shouted, fighting with all her strength.

"Doctor!" Pearl cried.

Hearing the commotion, Sheridan returned, tablet in hand, adjusting Lilly's IV.

"Let me go!" said Lilly, pushing Pearl away. "I have to--" Lilly suddenly felt woozy. Her strength left her. "I have to go back--" she muttered.

Her eyes closed.

Pearl sank into her chair, wiping away tears.

"Don't worry," said Sheridan, pressing his hand against the plastic drape. "No one's ever going back up there again."

"Good," said Pearl, shuddering at the memory of the too-bright red world beyond the darkness. She swallowed hard, pulling what she'd seen there deeper inside her, locking it away.

Lilly, there on a handmade pallet; waxy, sweet-smelling salves on her skin, jugs of water at her side, fresh drops on Lilly's lips.

The girl who'd darted away from the Entrance just as Pearl arrived.

The men outside, standing watch until Lilly and Pearl were out of sight.

No, no one was ever going back. Pearl would make sure of that.

Sheridan gazed thoughtfully at Lilly, peaceful now. "I still don't understand how she survived out there."

"It doesn't matter now," said Pearl, stroking Lilly's arm. "She's safe."