Ralph's Shoe Store

My name is Gordon Bradshaw. I’ve lived in this city for fifteen years; I’m a professor at the university here. But it was only recently that I made quite the startling discovery about this quaint little town. When I found out, I was absolutely beside myself. I had no idea such a thing was going on in this seemingly innocent little town! Well...innocent apart from all the muggings. But still, I was shocked to discover that such a thing had been going on all this time, and I had not been any the wiser.

It all started when I had noticed that my dress shoes were starting to look a bit worn out. I figured I should go buy some new ones. I can’t very well teach my classes with old, worn-out, scuffed-up shoes. The students wouldn’t respect me. Or would they? I didn’t want to risk it.

I normally buy myself shoes whenever I visit my mother back in Little Rock. Of course, I can’t very well drive all the way to Little Rock just to buy a new pair of shoes. It wouldn’t be practical. Who’d respect an impractical professor? Anyway, I asked one of my colleagues where I could buy myself a decent pair of dress shoes. He told me to go to Ralph’s downtown.

So, the next day—I had to wait till I had a day free; luckily, the next day was Saturday. The next day, I walked downtown to Ralph’s Shoe Store. It was a nice enough day out. It wasn’t freezing, anyway. So, I walked down to Ralph’s and that’s when I made my shocking discovery: Ralph’s Shoe Store pipes oldies music out of their outdoor speakers! I couldn’t believe it! I initially thought I was hallucinating when I heard “Dream Lover” blasting out from the distance. But as I drew closer to the store, I realized that the music was genuinely playing out of their speaker. It had been decades since I had heard that song. I wasn’t all that fond of it back when it first came out. But standing there outside the store, it was like sweet ambrosia for my numb little ears. I walked in to find, much to my chagrin, that the music was only being piped to the outside and not inside. Disgusted, I went back outside.

I changed my mind very quickly, however, and went back inside. My curiosity had been piqued. I wanted to know why they only piped music to the outside. Luckily, a salesman was free. He walked up to me and asked, “May I help you, sir?” And I asked him why they only piped music outside and not inside. He explained that they have a radio for the inside and they only use it during the weekdays, and only until four, an hour before they close. As for the music outside, that was on a playlist that plays automatically and is completely separate from the radio.

Satisfied with his reply, I thanked him for his time, wished him a happy day, and went along on my way back home. While on my way home, I saw a Sacagawea dollar on the sidewalk. Naturally, I bent down to pick it up and put it in my pocket. As I looked down to pick up the coin, I realized I had forgotten why I had gone to Ralph’s in the first place: I had forgotten to buy myself a new pair of dress shoes. Ultimately, I just decided to wear my tennis shoes to work and not worry what the students think. I could have never made a wise purchase in a silent shoe store, anyway.