Positive.

Keira paced outside the closed bathroom door and checked her watch again. Why had she closed the door? Her roommate, Hailey, who was also her best friend since second grade, wasn't home. She couldn't hide from the test. She had to go back in there and see what it had to say. Today was the day after Valentine's day, she and Hailey had spent last night sharing a bottle of wine, and swearing off men forever. But after her second glass, Keira realized she felt sick, again. She couldn't remember her last period but that was nothing new, they were not regular and the birth control pills made them more sporadic. After digging around under the shared bathroom sink, she found a pregnancy test that Hailey had left over from a scare last year with her ex-boyfriend. Keira wasn't irresponsible and she wasn't promiscuous. She only had sex if she was in a serious relationship and she was careful about the men she chose to be in relationships with. But everyone makes mistakes. And Bobby ended up being a huge mistake. When they first met, he came across as friendly, charming, kind, and considerate. After four months together, his true colors slowly emerged and a new picture came into focus. Condescending comments about her appearance, insults disguised as jokes, inconsiderate behavior, and that was just the beginning of it. After calling off a date with her at the last minute because he wasn't feeling well, she and Hailey went out anyways. They stopped by his apartment to check on him but he wasn't home, when she called him, she got no answer. The next day he refused to answer when she asked where he was and instead got angry that she stopped by and called her a stalker. She felt ridiculous. Keira decided to end the relationship after asking for an explanation about some flirty comments left by a woman she didn't know on his Instagram. Bobby would only say she was a friend and Keira decided that she deserved more than a man who was still interested in other women. She didn't need or want a ring but she needed commitment.

So Keira kept pacing outside that bathroom door and thought to herself there was no way in hell she was pregnant. The throwing up happened once. No big deal. And she had a condition that made her ovulate irregularly so the doctors had told her it would be very difficult when she was ready to get pregnant. But she was NOT ready, for God's sake, she was 21! And she was taking the damn birth control, seriously! Ok, she missed like, maybe a couple of pills, here and there over the past few months, but she had been taking that stuff for years! That counted, right? Right!? She took a deep breath and opened the door and walked right up to that test, looked down at it, and saw both lines staring back at her. Positive.

Wow. Positive. Keira picked up the box and double-checked that the double lines really meant pregnant. It did. She tossed both the test and the box in the trash, put on her favorite pair of Nike running shoes, and headed outside. The greatest thing about living in Florida was that you could pretty much run outside year-round and Keira was an avid runner. Before she left, she wrote a quick note for Hailey, "I'm pregnant. Going for a run." The most incredible part of having a best friend since childhood was that she would understand immediately what this meant. First of all, she wouldn't try to find her because she would know Keira was running as a form of therapy and to clear her mind. Secondly, she would know how huge of a deal this was, Keira had just lost her dad a few months ago, she had no relationship with her mom or her brother, and the father of this baby would not want it. Keira was relieved she wouldn't have to explain all that, Hailey would just get it. Keira started to run and she started to think. She would need to go back to school right away if she wanted to keep this baby. Did she want to keep this baby? What if it was her only chance to have a baby? She was a front desk supervisor at a hotel in Winter Garden, the pay was alright but not to support a baby! How much did a baby cost anyways? She had insurance so that was good but she was alone. She could get rid of the baby, she could do it soon, she doubt it even had a heartbeat. When did they get a heartbeat? Did she even have to tell Bobby? She didn't feel prepared to deal with any of this. She was alone. Right then she understood why people got married before they had children, so they wouldn't make the decisions all alone. Well, first things first, decide whether or not to have the baby. She ran some quick calculations in her head and figured out she must be at least two months pregnant! Keira decided to cut the run short, head home, and call the doctor.

"Kiki! Oh my God!" Hailey screamed as Keira walked in the door. She let Hailey practically knock her over with a hug and they both made their way over to the couch. "How far along do you think you are? Did you have any idea? Holy shit! We were drinking last night! What are we going to do? What do we do next?"

"I know, I honestly didn't put it together until this morning, maybe two months? I can't be sure. I guess I should call the doctor." Keira answered and made the call.

****

"Ok Keira, I need you to remain calm, the baby is in some distress so we are going to take you back to the operating room now and prep for the c-section." Dr. Lowe spoke slowly and clearly but Keira was afraid. This was not how she thought it would happen, she thought she would be out for a walk at sunset and her water would break and she would call for Hailey and say "it's time!". This was nothing like that. This was painful and scary. The pain in her stomach came on fast, and her blood pressure spiked, but her labor never progressed. After 16 hours the doctor had told her the baby was struggling too so surgery was necessary. Whatever happened in the operating room was a blur, Keira remembered the doctors, the lights, so many lights, the time seemed to move fast, then a noise, a gurgling sound. She strained to listen closer, what was that? Then a cry, the baby was crying! The baby was here! Was this really happening? A nurse brought him up and held him by her face, she moved as close as she could, her arms were tied down so she couldn't reach out to touch her son, it seemed so unfair. Dylan, you look perfect, she thought, she couldn't speak. She didn't know if that was because of the emotion of the moment or the drugs she was on. The nurse explained they needed to take him to weigh and measure and bathe and Keira nodded her agreement.

****

"Kiki!!! Kiki!!!!!" Dylan sang out through the house. Keira busted out laughing and popped her head out of her bedroom.

"I thought you were still napping goofball! And that's Mama to you!" she said. Keira had fully embraced motherhood, in the past two years since Dylan had made his dramatic appearance in her life, everything had changed. She enrolled in college to get her bachelor's degree in business management, thank God she had Hailey to help watch him while she studied. She and Haley moved into a new apartment last year when Dylan turned one and Keira thought he needed his own room. Dylan was a beautiful little boy with brown curls, bright blue eyes, and a big smile. He seemed to always be happy and wasn't prone to the normal fits you see with the "terrible two's". Keira had exactly one conversation with Bobby about Dylan, she called when she was around six months pregnant to tell him she was having his baby, as predicted, he said he didn't want it and she better not try to come after him for child support. She hung up and prayed the baby never needed a kidney or anything else from that man. Keira was the happiest she had ever been, every minute she wasn't working was spent with Dylan and she loved it! She was soaking up every minute of his toddler years, while some people talked about them like they were torture, she felt just the opposite. It was her and Dylan against the world! She hadn't started dating again and had no interest. Hailey had just met a very nice guy that things were getting serious with and Keira was optimistic about this one.

****

"Ok, you good baby? You got everything? Got your book bag? Lunch money? Got it all?" Keira asked Dylan as she nervously brushed his hair with her fingers for the third time sitting in the car outside the elementary school.

"I have everything Mom. I'm ready. Caden is my class! Did I tell you that?"

"Yes! And how cool is that?" she exclaimed, " Have the best day my big kindergartener!"

But it was all fake cheer, fake smiles. She walked Dylan into the school and found his classroom and his seat. Just like they did at the practice night, but this time she had to give him a quick kiss and leave. She drove to the park that was closest to the school, parked, and completely lost it. She sobbed harder than she did when her dad died. She could not understand how that little baby was already almost six years old and in school. The time was rushing by, he was already growing up and doing so much by himself. Life seemed so unfair again, she wanted him to stay small forever. Her favorite thing in the whole world was Dylan, if she wasn't his mom, who was she? What was she? He was all she had in this world. This was a hard day. The years were slipping by.

****

Keira took the day off from work and sat outside of the school, waiting for Dylan to come out. It was his last day of fourth grade and he wasn't expecting anything other than the usual ice cream celebration at the local place down the street. She spotted his brown hair and bright orange t-shirt, even from quite a distance. The baby curls were long gone but the eyes were the same beautiful blue. At nine years old, he had the same infectious laugh and the same good natured way about him, she truely had been blessed. Throughout his school years, his teachers had commented on how soft spoken and polite he was, never a star student but he tried hard, and he was never in any trouble. Keira walked up and slipped one arm around his shoulders, grateful that he wasn't quite old enough to be embarrased by that yet. It made her feel sick to know those days were coming sooner rather than later. She couldn't believe her sweet baby was growing so quickly. She would love another child but the right man hadn't come around. She had gone out on a few dates over the past few years but nothing really lasted more than a few months and she only introduced one of those men to Dylan. Hailey had gotten married last year and was expecting her first baby. Keira couldn't be more excited for her, Luke was a hard working and hilarious guy who had impressed them both when they met him at a hardware store right after Keira bought her house. Watching the two of them together and then seeing how happy Hailey was getting pregnant really made Keira wonder if she should try harder to find someone. Maybe give Dylan a real family, a father figure and some siblings.

Dylan hopped into the car and Keira handed him the envelope. He looked confused. "What's this?" he asked.

"It's a surprise. Open it!" she urged.

Dylan pulled out two plane tickets to Ohio and a pamphlet on Cedar Point and then screamed! For the last two years, since he had become obsessed with roller coasters, he had been asking about going to Cedar Point. When you grow up in Florida, going to big amusement parks all the time, you want to ride the best coasters and he had been watching some YouTube videos on how you had to go to Cedar Point to ride the best ones. They hadn't taken a big vacation in a few years and Keira had never seen the Great Lakes so it seemed like the perfect time. Plus, just seeing that look of childlike wonder on her son's face was so worth it.

He threw his arms around her and thanked her a million times. Keria laughed and kissed his cheeks. "And we are still getting that ice cream" she said. As she pulled into the lot at Sandy's Frozen Treats, the best ice cream spot and where all the kids go after school, she was still smiling ear to ear. They got in the way-too-long line and prepared to wait when she heard a man's voice say "cute kid" in her ear. She looked up and saw Bobby. For a moment everything froze, she couldn't move, she couldn't hear anything, she didn't breathe. But then he just walked away and caught up to a woman and a small child. He never looked back. Not at her. Not at Dylan.

She got Dylan his ice cream and she managed to get her heart to stop pounding. She felt sick the whole time, very few times over the past nine years had she wondered about Bobby. By the grace of God, Dylan looked more like her and her father than he did Bobby. The child he was with must be five or six. It suddenly became clear to her that Dylan was going to school with his half brother and they didn't even know. Bobby just walked past Dylan like he was nothing. What a heartbreaking thing that was to have witnessed. One day she would have to explain all this to Dylan.

****

Keira stretched out on the most comfortable chaise lounger in the world. She opened her eyes breifly to admire her beautiful wedding ring on her left hand, the pool at the Vegas hotel that her new husband Darren had chosen for the trip, Darren and Dylan, a strong and athletic thirteen year old now, splashing around nearby and she glanced down at her slightly swollen pregnant belly. She had gotten incredilbly lucky when Hailey's huband Luke had come over to the house one night to fix a plumbing issue but hadn't had time to drop off his buddy Darren at home first. Turns out, Darren used to work at the same hotel she did before she got pregnant with Dylan. That spark of reconnection was all they needed, Keira had always had a crush on him back then and neither had ever been married. Things moved along quickly, and even though Dylan did take a little while to warm up to the new man in his mother's life, he did really like Darren. And Darren went out of his way to include Dylan in plans he made and to make him feel special. Keira knew after the six month point that this was the man she had waited for and when Darren propsed after they had been together for a year, she said yes! This baby wasn't a surprise at all, they started trying right away. Keira went to the doctor and got on fertility drugs as soon as they got engaged to improve their odds of conceiving. She was 34 now and she wanted to give both herself and Darren every chance possible of getting a baby. Three months later, Keira felt absolutely miserable and decided to take the pregnancy test. She was overjoyed to see the plus sign after the two minute wait was over.

****

Some people might have slept in on Saturday mornings, but in the Lewis House, only Nate slept in. Darren and Dylan, now 18 and about to graduate high school, hit the gym by 8 a.m. to get in the ring and box it out. Dylan started battling issues with anxiety around the age of 15 after one of his half-brothers reached out to him on social media. Keira had been honest with Dylan about his father, and it had hurt him but he had always accepted it. His brother, Henry, confessed that Bobby had cheated on his mother, and had gotten that woman pregnant. A few months of talking to Henry had taken a huge emotional toll on Dylan. Keira pushed him to talk to a therapist and Darren started taking him to the gym. Two years later, he was coming out the other side of it and preparing for the next chapter of his life.

Early morning on Saturdays was a good time for Keira to fit in a run, even if it was a treadmill run before Nate got up and expected breakfast. Nate was a handful, he went full speed ahead, from the second he woke up until he literally passed out at night. Keira was obsessed with him and devoted her days to keeping him occupied. He was five now and would be starting kindergarten in the Fall, but this time, she was able to homeschool. She had already done his pre-school the year before and they both took right to it.

Nate was the kind of kid who loved everything and wanted to do everything. He wanted to play every sport and be a gamer and have a YouTube channel and do science experiments but also be a doctor and own a gym and work at Chick-Fil-A. So, Keira and Darren tried to do as many things in a day as they could. They put him in sports and ordered cool science kits on Amazon and they started that YouTube channel. Nate was a lot of fun. Keira often looked at her boys and wondered about the differences and the similarities. For the most part, she wondered how she got so lucky in this life. There were stresses, yes, tons of them. And some days, she was flat-out exhausted. But she also felt like she was living what was sure to be the best years of her life.

****

"Babe! Your doctor is on the phone!" Darren called out the patio door. Keira set down her glass of wine and ran inside.

"Sorry, forgot my phone was charging. Can you watch Nate around that grill? "

Keira answered the phone call. She listened as the doctor explained the scan had shown something. They couldn't be positive yet about what they were dealing with but she would need to come in for more tests, another scan.

Not positive. She kept repeating that in her head, over and over, as she looked out the patio door. They are not positive. She looked at Darren laughing at something Dylan said while he flipped the steaks on the grill. It had to be steaks, a little inside joke of Nate's "no steaks? no thanks!". She looked at Nate as he dribbles the basketball around Dylan and shoots. Dylan rebounds the ball. I need this. I need them. They need me. Dylan just met a girl, he's 22 now, what if he marries her? What if they have kids? I can't miss that. I can't miss my grandkids. Nate is only nine. I can't miss everything.

Keira was positive she had to be here. She thinks about her life, losing her father and how difficult that was, losing her mother, even though she was still alive, and losing her brother to his drug habit. Mostly, she thinks about those two lines on that pregnancy test that she never expected. Positive. She never expected life to go this way. She knows she will fight for herself and for her boys. She's positive.