Pond

The waves came up over my head. I thought I was going to drown.

A faint voice in the distance of my mind screams for help and I can see a hand reaching up out of the water to grab something, anything. It starts to reach for me. As if the hand itself can see me. No, it knows. I want to reach out for it, I know who that is. Please don't leave. Please...

Moms car turns another corner and it creates another wall of water. The hand disappears as the wall of water falls back down to the ground.

She must have noticed the look on my face from the rear view mirror because the next thing I heard was,

"Don't worry, we're not going to fall through..." I hear her voice trail off. There was more to that sentence.

"This time...". I thought I had said it quietly enough so that she wouldn't hear me. I was wrong. I look up to see the smile on her face drop slightly. She definitely heard me.

"There wasn't anything that could have been done to avoid that. It was a mistake and we learned from it. And now it's time to move on." Her voice sounded strained. This was hard for her to talk about too. It had only been a year...

There was a silence that spread inside the car. We were on our way home from aunties place. She's been insisting on our visits and makes sure we come to visit at least once a week, more if she feels something is up.

I giggle to myself a little. Remembering the only time I had convinced mom that I didn't want to go and she actually caved. I had thrown a fit for a week. Refusing as much food as I could tolerate, staying up late to make myself look overly exhausted, draining every bit of life I could until she thought I would collapse. It had worked, but only the once. So we had stayed home that time. I got a hot bowl of soup and we watched all kinds of movies all day.

Auntie had called a little after 2 pm as that was when we would normally show up. She wanted to make sure we were still on our way. Mom had called her about not showing up at about 8:30 this morning, but of course auntie wouldn't hear it.

"Oooooh no. You're not skipping! We had a deal. Once a week minimally and nothing less! You can't just..."

"She's been throwing a fit all week long and there has been a lot going on for her so I just thought.." Mom was interrupted suddenly, I could hear auntie from the living room about 20 feet away.

"WE HAD A DEAL! NOW GET OVER HERE OR I'M COMING OVER THERE!".

Auntie hangs up first.

"Well kiddo. Looks like we didn't escape".

My arms cross and I try to sit in a hunched position. I must not have looked very upset because mom rounded the corner and started laughing.

"I don't think making yourself look like a gargoyle is going to change her mind. Nice try though." She's still laughing as she goes to get some warmer clothes on and I knew I had lost.

It's not like these trips were bad. Auntie is a lot of fun and she's always trying to make me laugh and even bakes a lot of goodies. Mom doesn't always approve of how much sugar she bakes with, but I don't mind.

We pull up into the driveway and pull into the now open garage. The rain is still pouring down like the entirety of Niagara falls is falling from the sky outside our house. As I step out of the car I just stare out of the open garage door and watch the water pool at the end of the driveway. No thoughts, no sounds, no motion. Just stillness and water. Mom pushes the garage door button and it begins to close. She's trying to get me to come inside. But before I turn around to head inside, I see something in the water. Pooling at the end of the driveway, it bobs up past the surface of the water again. My eyes widen.

I bolt. I take off and dart under the closing garage door. I can hear mom screaming for me but I can't stop. I have to. If I can just make it, I can get her back. She's not gone. I scramble to the end of the driveway. I saw her hand reaching for me. She's still alive! Please, I can save her this time. Give me another chance. I can save her this time...

I fall into the deep river that is flowing at the end of the driveway. I start splashing the water looking for any sign of her hand. Looking for anything to grab onto. Mom had made her way under the garage door as well at this point and ran after me.

"She was here! I saw her hand, she was reaching out for me! You have to help me find her! She's here. SHE'S HERE!".

I was screaming and crying and trying to find her as mom got to me. She grabbed me by both arms and tried to drag me out of the water. The water levels were rising and only getting deeper as we wrestled. The water came up past my hips at this point. I couldn't leave though. She was reaching out for me. I kept trying to dive under the water to find her, grabbing at anything I could.

"Everything became mumbled at this point and I don't remember what was said, but I couldn't leave the water. I think an ambulance had shown up a after that. I remember seeing red and white flashing lights."

"Your neighbors....They were used to this sort of thing?"

"Yes, I am pretty sure they are the ones that called that time. It wouldn't have been the first time they called paramedics on my behalf."

"I see. And what happened next?"

I go silent.

My name is Nightingale, Gale for short, and I have been a patient at this place for a while now. Dr. .... hmmm... Who is this doctor again? Oh, right. Dr. Green. Dr. Green comes to ask me a bunch of questions and says he's here to make sure I am ok. He stays silent with me but doesn't look away. And he doesn't press on with questions immediately.

"I want to see my mom".

Dr. Green doesn't respond immediately. I've asked to see my mom several times. But he always says no.

"We've been over this Gale. We've been over this a lot. Do you remember? Do you remember asking this before?" Dr. Green goes silent this time as he waits for me to respond.

I hesitate, "Yes, I remember asking to see my mom. I don't remember why I can't though. All you have to do is call her. Just let her know I want to see her. She doesn't like to go shopping without me and..."

"Gale....." Dr. Green pauses. It looks like he is trying to find the words he wants to say, but he can't.

"If she can't come here then can I go to see her? I will be very well behaved so you don't have to worry about that. The nurses can tell you I am very well behaved and that I wont cause any problems. I just want to see my mom."

At this point it looks like Dr.Green wants to cry. His face gets red and his eyes water up. he's biting his lip, trying not to get emotional. I have never seen him get emotional about anything before. He buries his face in his hands and starts crying.

"Dr. Green?"

"Gale. I don't know what else to do for you Gale... I ... I ... Please. I need you to think back. Try and remember what happened after the ambulance had shown up. Just think Gale. What happened to your Mother...".

"Gale! She's not here anymore Gale!". Mom was screaming in desperation and trying to pull me out of the water. Why wasn't she helping me look for her? Why wasn't she worried? Her daughter was trying to ask for help and she wasn't listening again!

"Why won't you help her?"...

"I remember arguing with mom. That was a normal thing though." I replied to Dr. Green after a moment.

"To an extent you are right. Arguing can be normal. What happened next Gale?" I could tell Dr.Green was trying to be patient. But this means he was getting impatient...but about what?

"Well, I got kinda calm. I didn't understand why she didn't want to help her. And I knew she wouldn't hear me if I kept yelling. So I got calm".

"Good, that's very good Gale. And then what?".

"Well, I guess she must have thought I calmed down enough because she let go of me and let me stand up. But I wasn't really calm... not really..." I trailed off this time. I don't remember being able to remember this much before. More memories were flooding in as I sat on my bed in silence. Where did these come from?

"Gale, you're almost there. What happened next?". Dr.Green was trying to get me to speak. But I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to say it out loud. These can't be my memories. There not real!

I clutch my head in pain. Something is squeezing my brain!

"STOP IT!" I yell out. "NO ... NO MORE.... I'VE HAD ENOUGH!"

"Gale just a little bit..."

"NO! NOT LIKE THAT....not like that. I didn't... I WOULDN'T! WHAT DID YOU DO!?! WHAT DID YOU DO!?".

Some nurses rush in and try to hold me back from leaping out of bed. I'm crying and yelling and trying to grab at Dr.Green. He did something to me, he had to have done something. There's no way I would hurt her. Everything becomes too much for me and I loose consciousness. The last thing I remember is seeing Dr.Green at the door talking to some other nurses. They're not in the same uniforms though. Grey/ Blue? ................They look cold.

"Gale, darling... There's no one there.... There never was..."

"How can you say that?! Can't you see the hand? They're trying to reach out for help?! You have to help me!!"

"Gale..."

I don't want to remember this part. Please just stop...

I'm holding something under the water. There's a lot of movement.

Memories flood in and they wont stop. I don't want to remember any of this. I would never do anything to hurt anyone. I know there’s someone around me. As I lay here unable to wake. They’re saying something… what are they saying?

I wake to Dr. Green sitting at my bedside. He’s holding a book but I can’t see the cover. The room around me is fuzzy at best.

“Gale, Gale, can you hear me?” Dr. Green notices I’m awake.

“I don’t want .. to talk to you anymore.” It’s all I can manage. I feel strange. Like I’m here, but I’m not in control.

“Gale. Please, I have something to show you. Your mother dropped this off this morning.”

My eyes open wide. Dr. Green sets the book he was holding at my side on the bed and gets up to leave. But before reaching the door, he turns to face my direction.

“It’s just a misunderstanding Gale. You’re going to be ok.” Dr. Green turns to leave and closes the door to my room behind him.

What does he mean? A misunderstanding? And he mentioned mom. She’s ok? As my mind races with all of these new thoughts I drift back to sleep. I don’t feel very tired though.

I wake again, but this time it’s night. The light is on in my room. Since I’m not allowed to have lamps they’ll leave the lights on sometimes. I don’t feel as wierd as I did earlier. I try to sit up but my body doesn’t feel like moving very well. My bed has buttons to move so I use them to sit up.

I rub my forehead as I realize I have a pretty good headache. They usually leave me water bottles to keep from getting too thirsty so I start to reach around for one and my hand comes across something hard. It’s the book that Dr. Green left earlier. My head throbs even more as I remember him setting the book on my bed.

“You’re wrong Dr. Green. I didn’t do anything.” I mutter to myself. I feel like throwing that stupid book across the room. I don’t care. I pick it up to throw it and get a glance at the cover. I freeze with the book in mid throw.

“The Pond, I’ve read this book before.” I bring to book closer to me. Feeling the cover and running my hand across the picture on the front. The girl in the picture looks like me. I don’t know why I’m feeling nastalgic but it’s making my headache worse. I want to open it. I want to read it.

I don’t notice Dr. Green in the doorway with my mom. They’re watching me read through the book.

It’s about a young girl who lost her sister in an ice skating accident. They were practicing on a lake when she went over a thin patch of ice and fell through. She tried to save her sister but her mother pulled her back. She had nightmares for months upon months as she tried to live with that. Her family tried to be strong but started to fall apart and she was admitted to a hospital and……

Mom enters the room. “Sweetie, Gale. It’s mommy. Do you remember me?”. She’s walking to the bed slowly and cautiously. Like she’s trying to gauge my reaction.

I look up and tears start welling in my eyes.

“You wrote a book about what happened to us?! How could you?!” I yell out at her. She pauses with a look of confusion.

“Gale, your mother didn’t write this book. The author of this book doesn’t know you.” Dr. Green chimes in.

My mother looks at Dr. Green, as if she’s not sure how to continue. I join in the confusion.

“Gale, years back when you were younger. Your mother was sitting at your bedside reading this book to you when a tree fell on top of your house. She must’ve just finished it. You were badly hurt and for a long time couldn’t remember your own name. We’ve been working on getting your memories back since you were admitted. After going through all the notes on everything you remember…. It matches the book almost word for word. You didn’t loose your sister Gale. You’re an only child.” Dr. Green tries to explain.

“You always loved dramatic books Gale. I never once thought this would happen. And when the tree came down on the house I thought I lost you! You didn’t remember me and started calling yourself Alice. Like the girl in the book. I didn’t understand at first, but after talking with Dr. Green…. Everything your remembering is from the book Gale. It never happened”. Mom came to sit at my bedside. Tears in her eyes as she grabs me for a hug.

“Wait. It’s not real? I didn’t hurt you?” I manage to say in into moms shoulder.

“What? Wait what?! No! None of it actually happened Sweetie! You were remembering the book. It was all in that book!” She hugs me tighter and her tears make the back of my boulders wet. She can’t stop crying.

I sit silently for a minute. Just processing everything. None of it actually happened, it was all a dream. A memory that wasn’t mine.

What an interesting way to read a book.