Peace Offering

Lexi’s father was a narcissist of magnanimous proportions. He had raised her and her sister, seemingly alone, though her “mother” was part of that, yet he never credited her with any role in rearing his two girls.

Lexi’s mom was neither biological nor adopted, but a woman he had fallen in love with and wooed into lying to his daughters about being their mother. Their relationship was toxic at best and, in no small way, caused a lot of trauma and drama.

Joe, Lexi’s dad, used his single-parent status to his own advantage. You’d be surprised how many women are drawn to the man with two daughters. Each notch on his belt would eventually see him for what he was and move on as quickly as possible.

Lexi had had a full life with this man, his selfish, self-centered ego, and his outbursts of cruelty, whether verbal or physical. When he punished, he did so with the passion of a hunter who enjoys the kill. He did so with repressed hostility toward the woman who had been their biological mother, the deserter of his budding family.

Lexi never felt she could give her true mother credit for freeing herself from him, because while people should applaud leaving a toxic marriage, her mother abandoned her two little girls with the monster. Not exactly charming, was it?

Throughout her life, she knew she disliked her dad and often found herself hating him. Yet at times, she also felt sympathy for him. She understood from an early age why he was the damaged person he was. He was first abandoned by his mother, and then by his mother and his sister’s mother, so he harbored an intense hatred for women, especially those raising their children.

Each time their dad physically hurt them, Lexi and her sister saw the hatred he had for their biological mom being taken out on them. She would hate her dad at those times and pity him as well. This was a confusing, recurring paradox for her.

As these two girls grew into adulthood, Lexi moved as far away from him as possible and lived her life without seeing him too often. Her sister stayed close by, could never say no to him, taking advantage of his parental connection to her. She was a people-pleaser as well because, out of fear of abandonment, Lexi’s sister always wanted to make everyone happy. Lexi guessed she believed that if she made everyone happy, no one would punish her or abandon her.

Joe never seemed to see what he had done to his daughters. He went through life blaming everyone and everything for his misery. He took advantage of them for decades, spending as much of his fatherly currency as he could to get what he wanted. When he didn’t get what he believed was his due, he just took it.

Once, he stole his sister’s Social Security number and opened charge accounts he knew he would never pay off. Unfortunately, his sister did nothing about it and, unimaginably, continued to keep his company.

Later in life, when both sisters had their own families, Joe had become ill from age and unhealthy living. Doctors diagnosed him with cancer, and he was now nearing his reckoning.

Lexi was still living far from her dad, but as the date drew closer to his last, she needed to see him one last time.

She flew out to see him and encountered a frail little man, which shocked her. He was so broken and emaciated. She had never seen him like this, and she felt compassion.

She treated him sweetly and with respect.

Often, Lexi would see him staring into the distance, as if pondering his life. One day, he spoke to her in a weak whisper. Her father spoke of his regret for how he had treated them and for many of the things he had done. Lexi could not contain her tears. He had finally seen it: the pain and anguish he had caused. Finally, he was remorseful. He asked for her forgiveness that day.

Lexi sat there for a moment and thought about giving him her anger rather than her absolution, but then thought of the bitterness that anger had caused her over the years.

She gave her father the forgiveness he asked for, lifting the tremendous burden from her shoulders and freeing herself from rancor.

Some of her last words to her dad were loving, telling him she held nothing against him. “Rest in peace and let your spirit be calm and at ease, Dad,” she told him. He stared into the distance again, and they didn't speak further on the subject. She didn’t need to say anything else. Forgiveness without letting go of painful memories isn’t forgiveness. She let it all go that day.

A week after Lexi returned home, her father died. She did not cry, as most would have expected, but she found peace for herself and for her father. She had granted him reconciliation and freed herself to be at peace as well.

#everyone #family #forgiveness #peace #healing