Pas un parmi tant d'autres

Only so much is to be expected to happen for a young French woman of color, but some how I am always in the grace of God's blessings. I know that to have lived only sixteen years there is still so much more life to live, and yet, my life has been so full thus far. To be a domestiqué is not a role that one would usually choose to aim for, but any one would be beyond grateful to belong to Monsieur Pierre's staff. Especially me. Especially today.

My family has been a part of the staff at the Pierre Manson for generations. His family has shown appreciation for our hard work in more ways than I have ever heard of any white people displaying to people of color, but today, it was mentioned that a once in a life time offer would be gifted onto me, Arielle Antoinette Léonie, in honor of all of the hard work the Léonie's have provided over the years. A ticket. I had been gifted a ticket that people all over the world were scrambling and gambling to get their hands onto. Monsieur Pierre has insisted that I accompany the Madame on the Titanic tomorrow. Imagine that...the largest, most powerful ship known to man will be touching the bottoms of my shoes. Although I have a feeling this opportunity had fallen into my lap only because the Madame is with child and can not take the trip to her mother in Canada alone, it will be a glorious trip nonetheless. We are to set sail tomorrow, April 10th at 6:30pm from Cherbourg. Monsieur Pierre is to join us a soon after when he travels upon the Carpathia after his very important business meeting. His smile of reassurance seems to be keeping the Madame at ease, but I notice the crease above his brow.

The day has arrived, and I am sweating ridiculously over last minute run arounds for the Madame. Double and triple checking over her favorite furs, diamonds, and dresses because they are definitely a must for the Madame wether she is with child or not. She has always made a point of expressing the importance of a woman's look being her pride and joy. I guess I can understand when I think about how happy my books make me. I snuck two in the side pockets of my tiny black suitcase before hurrying to the Madame's side. Everything still feels unbelievable. As excited as I am, I know that I have to be attentive and alert the whole way through for her and baby Pierre. Monsieur Pierre would not want things any other way.

As we walk onto the dock, I realize there has been little to no talk of the conditions of the ocean waters, and I feel as though I am the only one concerned. Faith is in the elements being on our side, but only God knows. In my position, all I can do is wonder because there is so much work that my mind should be focused on. Not weather. At least that is what Monsieur Pierre would say. He has already given me the "be seen, not heard" speech, but I doubt that there will be anyone on board that I would want to speak to anyhow. A ship full of bourgeois white people is not my idea of a party, and I am sure that there will not be anyone on board that looks like me.

As we are heading down a beautiful hall to our cabin, I overhear Madame having a conversation with a Professor Beesley about the many wonderful amenities the great Titanic has for her passengers. He speaks of the enormous gymnasium he passed right before seeing us, the saltwater pool, and salon, yet he seems most excited about the library. I caught myself listening harder as he went into detail of the wonderful literature that awaits, but just as quickly realized that I will not be allowed near such things unless the Madame was to visit the library as well. She is clearly more interested in discovering her majestic cabin and Turkish bath, but Professor does not seem to notice. She gives me the look to politely interrupt with a reminder of "something important that needs to be done." As we enter the cabin, Madame asks if I notice that there seemed to be less lifeboats than necessary, but continues to answer as though she was speaking to herself. I simply nod, but am in deep thought trying to not think of the worse.

Over the past three days, I have noticed how Madame and Professor Beesley have became what I like to call "Shipmates". He has accompanied her in exploring the ship in its entirety so many times now that she seems to forget about making sure I am at her side. Having the little bit of time to sneak away has given me the chance to do some exploring myself. In my exploration of the library, I ran into a beautiful mixed woman by the name of Juilette LaRoche, who happens to pregnant as well. I tried to get Juilette to meet with the Madame so that she could have a pregnancy partner during the trip, but she responded stating that my innocence does not allow me to see the true nature of the Madame. Even though I am unsure of what that means exactly, I still admired Juilette for being so confident in how she spoke and carried herself. She had a type of air that I never felt come from a woman of color before, and I wanted to learn how to obtain the same. I noticed how Juilette was very supportive of her husband, and how it was reciprocated with love and support as well. I had never seen such a wonderful family. As soon as he found out how much I enjoy reading, he had Juilette send over a book about engineering. There were at least a million promises from my lips on how I will take perfect care of his book. I am excited to get started on it tomorrow morning.

This has to be a dream. There could not be yelling and chaotic noise ringing in the angelic halls of the Titanic. But there is, and now coming directly from the Madame's crazily opened mouth. "WE HAVE TO GO," she yells. Unsure of what is happening, but feeling that there is no time for questions, I instinctually grab her coat and mine. "WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST," is being bellowed over frantic screams on the upper deck. I assume that something is wrong with the engine because the crew is now pushing us onto the lifeboats. Someone further down yells something about an iceburg, but the Madame continues to state how it is impossible for anything to happen to this ship as we are being lowered down into the freezing dark ocean waters. The lifeboat seems to barely be holding on by the rope as were being lowered, and people are now jumping off of the Titanic. I try to calm myself by whispering a prayer to myself as the Madame is anxiously patting my leg, and I hear a woman in front of me comment about how I should have given my seat up for someone that matters. Dear God.