Part 2: Renzo & Piper's NYE Party: The Surveillance Tape Edition 📼

Hi All, It's Doll Mommy here!👋🏾

Happy Mother's Day to all of you Sassy Senoritas out there! 💐👑

Sorry that I've been slacking on my gossiping duties lately, but I'm back!!!🥳

I still haven't told you guys what my number one spy, Kylah Travis, and I found on the secret surveillance tape of my doll kids on the prowl at Renzo & Piper's joint New Year's Eve/Birthday Fiesta.🎉

Chile, I had to reach for my life alert button when I watched the tapes because it was looking like straight-up Babylon up in there, up in there!! Lol 🤣

Jaliyah Haughton, the inspirational singer and first cousin of the late, great, R&B songbird Aaliyah Haughton, graced the stage at Renzo & Piper's New Year's Eve soiree, but of course a few of her bandmates decided to show out and raise Doll Mommy's blood pressure! 😤

Apparently two of Jaliyah's male band members started having menopausal hot flashes during the middle of their NYE performance. They had the nerve to take their shirts off, citing being too hot, but it was not even that hot in there, according to my favorite spy, Kylah, who confirmed it. In fact, she said that the club had just installed a new air conditioning system and that it was working so well that she had to put on her white fur to keep warm. Those rowdy-butt Strippendale band members need to go sit down somewhere. Take a look at the overheated band members in action: 🙄

I taught my girls how to spot players from a mile away. If he owns and rocks a pair of 90s-inspired 'h-town-body-rocking-knocking-tha-boots-boots,' like the band boys in the clip above it's a no-go. I guarantee you if he owns a pair of those, he will leave you broken-hearted and drowning in a monsoon of tears without an umbrella. Gen Z girlies, if your crush has a pair of these suckers on, run like the gazelle that you used to be when you were running for the ice cream truck in your neighborhood as a kid. 🥾😁

You know what's interesting? I was worried about my oldest girls' potential antics without me in the spot to supervise, but it turns out that I should have been checking on my third to the youngest daughter, Emi, because, to my dismay, I learned that she had her 14-year-old embryonic behind at Renzo and Piper's party that night with a fake ID. 

And this little girl is bold. The ID is mine doctored up from when I was a freshman in college, but I'm 180 shades more chocolatey than Emi. My daughter Emi and I are twinsies feature-wise, but she is butter pecan in coloring and I am chocolate. There is no way security could have mixed us up. Who let my baby in the door? It was probably another one of Jaliyah's strippendale band members. Go figure.

Take a look at the fugazi ID:

Emi is barely 14 years old. Why did she have her tadpole-esque behind up in a 16-and-up club knowing how great of a sleuth that her momma bear is? She should have been home watching Pup Patrol, playing with her blocks, and drinking from her sippie cup. She better go somewhere and sit down with her Play Doh. She can date when she's 55. Right now just enjoy your free time on the monkey bars without any commitment, baby. But I digress...

Back to the tomfoolery. Emi had the nerve to bring my 7-month-old infant doll sons Chase & Josiah (whom she was supposed to be at home babysitting, by the way) to the club.

Lord Jesus, I need air. My baby boys could have developed scabies from all of the heathen sweat that has been saturated by that place over the years. I should know I used to frequent Club 707 back in the day, when I was eighteen.

Take a look at my infant doll boys in this clip with Jaliyah:

In other news, Emi and her twin besties were at the party with the Tate triplets. I hear the Tate triplets are more circular than square. Therefore the girl's romance will be ending promptly tonight! Lol

Emi and her besties Raspberry Plum & Tangerine Bliss Rollins even had the nerve to be propped up on these lads' laps like they didn't have any home training. They each had sultry, just-married hair and pouty monalisa smiles plastered on their faces. Looking on the bright side, at least Emi didn't look like a delirious smiling sloth on vacay in this pic like she did in her school photos this year. Tyj! 😆

Take a look at Emi, Tangerine, Raspberry & the Tate triplets chillaxing:

Hold up! Where were Chase and Josiah during this photo shoot? Inquiring minds want to know!?

I definitely need to have a chat with the Rollins girl's parents about their 9th grade twin daughter's dating preferences, but I better wait for a weekday for our talk because based on Tangi & Raspy's first names, I suspect that their parents may be hardcore weekend ravers. 

Next up is Promise-Poo!

Promise is my 4.0, late bloomer, bubble gum pink-haired doll child. She and her best friend Earthie were at Renzo & Piper's powwow looking extra, extra grown that night. Both girls initially left the house looking like they were going to a middle school dance.

Take a look:

But once they arrived at the party, they transformed into two soul train-cabaret-midnight-ballerina-pole-dancers!

Check out these scandal-inviting o-fits:

Earthie is spending the night with Promise tonight; therefore, she'll be getting a lick from my switch right along with Promise and Emi tonight.

Parents, we really need to bring back SHAME because right now it is a scarce commodity and our kiddos are out here looking hella-crazy.

Doll fam, do y'all remember Fatima, the gold digger? Well, she was at the birthday fiesta with a new sucker on her arm, an Aussie golf star named Luka Brentwood.

Kylah's entail exposed that Luka even paid for the jewelry that Fatima was rocking that night. Poor Luka should have paid for some pants that fit for himself instead. Sadly he was a sight for sore eyes when he came to the party in a two-piece hoochie daddy shorts ensemble. His shorts were clearly from his toddler baby brother Jackman's wardrobe.

Take a look at the new couple as well as Luka's questionable wardrobe choice:

The footage also revealed that Fatima better watch her back, though. Apparently popular plus size swimsuit model Symphony Lee recently went on a date with Luka and has claimed him as her own. Symphony is a little rough around the edges, and she and her baby sister Nostalgia Lee will scrap over any boys that they like in a heartbeat. 

Additionally, the tape confirmed that the Lee sisters (aka the Blasian baddies) come to fistfights prepared. They don't mind removing their earrings and plastering their faces with Vaseline with the quickness to prevent ear splits and facial scratches while fighting.

Apparently the tape also showed the Lee sisters confronting Fatima sometime during the night as well as warning her to stay away from Luka or risk receiving a butt kicking.

Then, shortly thereafter, apparently Fatima ran to the bathroom in tears, fearing for her safety.

Take a look at the Lee girls and their intimidation tactics. They are a scary duo:

In other news, Fatima's twin sister Fresshka was there as well with her pro baller beau, Antwan. From what I witnessed on the tape, Fresshka should have actually been named "Kleptomania" because she definitely has sticky fingers. 

Is that my $20,000 one-of-a-kind cake slice 🍰 purse that I allowed Promise to take to the birthday party in Fresshka's hand? WOW! By George, it is! Boy, is this little pop tart bold! Take a look at the incriminating clip:

You best believe that when I finish this text I'll be calling the local authorities.

Additionally, I'm sad to report that my doll sons did not make it out of this story unscathed. 

Sebastian, the Red Velvet Mac is up next. I told Bastian to leave his crush Sophie alone, but what do I see on the footage? Bastian & Sophie cuddled up all night.

Sophie is bad news. She always looks like she's been drinking too many spiked jello shots and eating too many funny brownies. From the video clip, it even looks like she consumed too many funny brownies before the party, and they gave her a horrible stomachache.

Take a look:

Bastian's head is as hard as Plymouth Rock, but don't worry, friends. I embedded a GPS tracking device in the left insole of his favorite tennis shoes so that I could keep an eye on him. 

Guess what else Kylah's video tape revealed, ya'll? The birthday boy Renzo Ribisi has resorted to grifting as a wildlife rehabber so that he can rizz up girls with his pet squirrel Freedom as his wingman.

Apparently Renzo brought Freedom to the party and used him to reel in the ladies with his cuteness.

I think I'd better become a wildlife rehabber myself so that I can rescue Freedom from the debauchery.

We don't need any playa-playa-Georgie-porgie-pudding-pie-kissed-the-girl-squirrels-and-made-them-cry male squirrels roaming around town breaking female squirrels' hearts.

Take a look at Renzo and Freedom in action while his sister wives-ballerina-dates were in the restroom. The gal in the pic looks as if Renzo's game is giving her a massive headache: 

Welp y'all, I'd better go. I have to report the theft of my bag to the proper authorities; then my doll kids and I will be going out to dinner, their treat because it's Mother's Day.

Don't worry, fam; I used to date the captain of the police force in college, and we're still on good terms, so I'll have my purse back in no time!

TTYL Friendz! 💖🫶🏾😘

Sincerely,

Your favorite girl, Doll Mommy

P.S. Text me tomorrow morning before work, my friend. I'm going to need help with developing punishments for these sneaky youngins.