Palingenesis

CONTENT WARNING: Suicide/Intrusive Thoughts/Heights

1

All of the usual noise from the street was far away. Far below. So high above the ground, the air was freezing, and the wind was violent. It would have been hard enough to keep his footing even if he hadn’t been shaking uncontrollably and almost blinded by the tears in his eyes. His heart was hammering as his already bleeding fingers struggled to find any purchase along the tenth storey window ledges. His ears were ringing with an inhuman whistle that was almost musical but also painful. It echoed through his head and summoned a conflicted cocktail of terror and an irrepressible desire to keep going, to push further. There was something waiting for him at the top, something that would make all of this worth it. He was so sure of it that he took a leap from where he was, directly upwards to grab the ledge above. His palms were slick with sweat, and his right hand slipped, sending his entire body swinging viciously to the left. He couldn’t help but look down and the sight of the street so far below made his stomach lurch. He almost let go of the ledge entirely in panic, but managed to keep his wits enough to maintain his grip and swing his right hand back up to anchor himself.

He scrambled with his feet, pushing himself upwards. The ringing in his ears grew louder and something close to elation burst in his chest. His body continued to be flooded with adrenalin and he was still trembling like he was terrified, but it also felt like his brain was somehow disconnected from the rest of him. All that mattered was reaching the top. Once he got the roof, it would be fine. Just one more floor to go.

In the back of his mind, he was vaguely aware of his muscles screaming in protest. He had never attempted anything this ambitious before. It would be so worth it, though. Even if he couldn’t explain why, every single part of him knew that he absolutely had to get there. It would be a hell of a lot easier if he could make himself stop crying and shaking as though he was being electrocuted. He wasn’t even really sure what was wrong with him anymore. In fact, he wasn’t really sure of anything except the driving need to press forwards. Upwards. It didn’t even feel like a conscious thought, more of an instinctive need that was utterly undeniable.

His left hand finally landed on the lip of the roof. He dug his cracked, ragged nails into the concrete block and pulled himself up with all that was left of his strength. His lungs burned as his body threatened to give up but as the noise in his hears reached fever-pitch, he finally managed to haul himself up to stand on the low wall that surrounded the flat of the roof. He wobbled for a moment and then quickly hopped down. H legs buckled, exhausted from the climb. He hit his knees hard on the roof and a blissful smile spread itself across his face. He made it.

***

‘So…suicide?’

‘That’s the official verdict.’ Standing on the street and looking up at the building made it look like the entire structure was leaning over them threateningly. Demi Jackson did not enjoy the sensation and so he turned his eyes to his sister instead. He re-oriented himself by just taking in her short, black hair that was sticking out from under the hood of her battered green parka coat, which seem to be defying physics to stay up as she craned her head to stare dubiously at the building through mis-matched blue eyes. As though she sensed his scrutiny, she turned those eyes on him. The permanently blown pupil in her left eye always made her difficult to read, but on this occasion, she wasn’t even attempting to disguise her irritation.

‘What are you looking at?’ She muttered, elbowing him and looking away again, gazing around the street. ‘Okay, so enlighten me; how does suicide fit our remit?’

‘Because I don’t think it was suicide, Leto. The guy scaled a twelve-storey building with no equipment and then just threw himself off? That’s a lot of effort for suicide, don’t you think?’ Demi explained and saw Leto tilt her head from one side to the other as she considered his words. He guessed that she didn’t consider them for very long because she quickly shoved her hands into her pockets and spun to put the building at her back, fixing him with a bored look.

‘I’m not convinced.’ She said plainly and Demi felt himself scowl, but he held himself back from snapping at her. He didn’t really blame her for being sceptical. They had been chasing this tail for weeks now and so far, hadn’t managed to prevent a single death. They were both frustrated and jumping down each other’s throats wasn’t going to get them anywhere useful.

‘Let’s just…go and have a look. Please? It can’t do any harm.’ He hated begging and he hated the way that Leto rolled her eyes at him even more. He could almost hear her grinding her back teeth together as she rocked back and forth on her heels several times.

‘Alright, fine.’ She said eventually and Demi let himself relax a little. He motioned for her to lead the way into the building. She threw him a glare but went ahead without actually protesting. Demi followed her after a brief hesitation. He really hoped that his instincts were right about this, because he was pretty sure that another day without turning anything up would lead to either he or his sister ending up with a serious bodily injury. Unfortunately, he was also pretty sure that it would be him.

The building itself was ordinary enough, just rented office, mostly for new start-ups. ‘How much do you suppose the owner makes on a place like this every month?’ Leto mused, pausing near the elevators to peer through one of the frosted glass office doors.

‘Actually,’ Demi pushed the call button, keeping one eye on his sister, ‘they usually take rent annually in these places.’ Leto wandered back over and frowned at him. He flushed a little and then looked away. ‘I know things.’ Was all he said, refusing to acknowledge Leto’s judgemental stare. He was grateful when the elevator arrived and hurried inside. Leto tutted after him, but somehow managed to hold back the ream of smart remarks that Demi was sure she was dying to make.

***

As they finally reached the roof and Leto had kicked the door open, they were blasted by icy wind as the wide, flat space offered no cover from the elements. Leto let her gaze quickly scan the little there was to see. A few ventilation fans, a lot of dead leaves, a discarded garden chair and an old bird nest at one corner of the low wall that ran all the way around. ‘Well,’ She announced sarcastically, ‘clearly this is going to blow the whole thing wide open.’

‘You know, you don’t actually have to verbalise every thought that comes into your head.’ Demi seemed to have aimed for lightness in his tone, but there was a distinct bite behind it that Leto could easily detect. She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth but decided not to comment. She knew that she was testing his patience lately. Of the two of them, Demi definitely handled stress better but even he was starting to crack. Leto watched him closely as he approached the wall and gazed down towards the street. ‘It looks even further from up here.’ The wind carried his voice without any need to raise it and Leto moved to stand next to him. She cast her eyes out at the skyline.

‘Hell of a view, though. I can see all the way to the river from here.’ Shak her head, she turned her full attention to Demi, who was still looking down with a thoughtful expression. ‘Alright, we’re here. I’m not seeing how this helps.’ She prodded and when he scowled, she held her hands up in a signal of surrender, ‘I’m not being critical, I just don’t get what you are hoping to find.’

‘Maybe nothing.’ He admitted after a pause. Leto suspected that this was one of those moments when she should say something encouraging but nothing came to mind, so she sat down on the wall instead, letting her legs dangle over the edge. ‘Okay, since we came all the way up here, why don’t you do the thing?’

Demi finally looked at her and his expression was deeply puzzled, ‘What thing?’

Rolling her eyes, Leto glanced up at him, ‘You know, that thing where you go over everything we know and break it down into tiny pieces that even my miniscule brain can understand.’

A grimace crossed Demi’s face, but it was followed by a slight smile, ‘You don’t give yourself enough credit.’

‘On the contrary, little brother. I take all the credit for raising you to be a total genius.’

‘No pressure then.’ Demi muttered good-naturedly and Leto simply shrugged in response. Demi came to sit beside her but faced inwards with his feet planted on the roof. ‘We don’t really know much, to be honest. The guy’s name was David Clark, 32-years-old, unmarried, lived alone. He worked as some sort of executive at the stock exchange.’

‘Nice work if you can get it.’ Leto murmured, picking at a loose thread on one of her cuffs.

‘Sure, if you don’t mind a ninety-hour work week and piss-poor diet of caffeine and cigarettes.’ The corners of Demi’s mouth turned down in a grimace and Leto screwed up her nose in sympathetic distaste, though neither of them said more on the subject. They weren’t particularly well situat to pass judgement on a poor work-life balance. After a long pause, Demi continued, ‘From what I found, he was apparently big into extreme wall-climbing.’

Leto let out a short sharp laugh that took both of them by surprise. She cleared her throat and waved a hand, ‘Sorry. So, um…what exactly is ‘extreme wall-climbing’?’ She avoided Demi’s eyes, though she could feel him watching her.

‘Basically, climbing sheer surfaces without any safety gear.’ He explained in a tone that suggested he was choosing his words with extreme care. Leto could practically feel his eyes boring into her and she lifted her chin to frown at him. ‘Like a twelve-storey office block, for instance?’

Demi nodded, but his face continued to look troubled. ‘It just doesn’t make sense.’

‘I dunno.’ Leto disagreed, ‘you hear about people in these stupid high-pressure jobs snapping all the time.’

‘True, but it’s the method that bothers me.’

‘A climber, climbing to his death? Sounds apt to me.’ Leto caught the sharp look of disapproval that Demi shot her and shook her head. ‘Are we absolutely sure he didn’t just fall whilst trying to climb the building?’

Demi nodded and held out his phone so that she could see the news story that he had pulled up. ‘He was seen standing on this wall, visibly distressed, before taking a swan dive.’

‘Jesus.’ Leto breathed, gazing down at the ground and pondering the small, intrusive voice in the back of her mind that wondered what would happen if…

She swung her legs around and stood up, walking away from the edge. ‘Did you find anything on his mental state beforehand? Had he spoken to anyone, or shown any worrying signs?’

‘No, but suicidal people rarely do.’ Demi didn’t elaborate on how he knew that, but his tone was firm. Leto considered him for a long moment. She was almost certain that she was missing a huge red flag here, but as she often reminded herself, she wasn’t actually his parent.

As she shifted her weight, something crackled under her boot, drawing her attention. Shee glanced down, expecting to see an old leaf and was surprised to find that she had stood on a strange-looking feather. ‘Well, that’s not from a pigeon.’ She murmured and crouched down. She picked it up carefully by the stem and held it for Demi to see. ‘I think you might be right about this, Dem.’

He stared with wide, hazel eyes at the dark brown feather, speckled with scarlet dots that looked a drops of blood. The tip of the feather reflected silver as she turned it slowly between her thumb and forefinger. It was exactly the same as the others they had found at the past three incidents.

‘So, here’s a question,’ Leto said thoughtfully, straightening up, ‘what kind of creature has feathers and enjoys murdering humans?’