Overheard: A Boy Mom's Bedtime Story

While the bedtime story is often a source of wonder, for some parents it is a source of love, laughter and constant derailment. In a suburban home, in a neighborhood just like yours, a tired mom was putting her two boys to bed in their room. We were able to get a transcript of the story that transpired:

Mom: Time for bed, boys!

Son 1: Five more minutes!

Son 2: Please!

Mom: Nope, it’s past your bedtime and you have school in the morning.

Son 1: A story then!

Son 2: Yes! Story! Stoooooooreeeeeeeee!!!!

Mom: Okay, since you got in your pajamas so nicely and we have a few minutes, a story. Which book should I-

Son 2: Made up!

Son 1: Yeah! Those are the BEST.

Mom: Okay, here we go. Once upon a time, there was a-

Son 2: Gummy bear!

Mom: Okay, once upon a time, there was a gummy bear. His name was-

Son 1: Poopy Fart Face!

Mom: Poopy Fart Face the gummy bear lived in the lollipop forest. His best friend was a-

Son 1: Vampire!

Mom: His best friend was a vampire who liked to drink the juice out of the mangoes on the mango tree.

Son 2: No vampires! Too scary!

Mom: What about a fruit bat? They’re like vampires or at least kind of like vampire bats.

Son 1: Lame.

Son 2: No! I like bats!

Mom: Poopy Fart Face could ride the bat? Then it could be fun…

Son 1: Fine. He’s a fruit bat.

Mom: Okay. So Poopy Fart Face the gummy bear would go for rides above the lollipop forest on his friend the fruit bat, who was named?

Son 1: Voldemort’s Butt?

Son 2: Yeah! Yeah! Voldemort’s Butt! (pause) Wait… What’s a Voldemort?

Mom: You’re not old enough to read Harry Potter yet. You’ll find out later.

Son 2: Can I at least talk about his butt?

Mom: You can tonight. Moving on. So the gummy bear and the bat liked to fly above the forest. One night, they decided to have an adventure. They decided to go to-

Son 1: The bathroom?

Mom: They were like you guys, they went to the bathroom before they left the house. Now they get to go somewhere else.

Son 2: A mountain!

Mom: Which mountain?

Son 1: Mount Everest! To find a yeti!

Son 2: I like yetis!

Mom: So they left the lollipop forest and headed toward the Himalayas, which is where Mt. Everest is. It was a long journey, and soon it got too cold to find mango trees for Voldemort’s Butt. They went looking for other food, and they were able to find…

Son 1: A ghost pepper!

Son 2: What’s a ghost pepper? Is it what’s left after you eat a pepper?

Son 1: No! It’s a pepper that turns you into a ghost after you eat it.

Mom: I don’t think they’ll get to Mt. Everest if they’re ghosts. Do you want them to be ghosts or should they avoid the pepper?

Son 1: Okay fine. They find a lime.

Son 2: At a grocery store!

Mom: So they go to the grocery store, and the fruit bat Voldemort’s Butt got a lime. Since Poopy Fart Face is a gummy bear, he doesn’t need to eat. So he just watches his friend eat. Then they go on their way again.

Son 1: I want them to find a lonely skeleton who wants to be their friend!

Son 2: In Coco land!

Mom: That’s the underworld. Do you want them to find it in the underworld?

Son 1: Yes! Actually, no. No. No.

Son 2: Coco LAND! Coco LAND! Coco LAND!

Son 1: Coco was a good movie!

Son 2: Mommy, can we watch Coco again tomorrow?

Mom: We’ll see if you get your homework done.

Son 2: (Yawn) Mommy, I’m tired. Can the story be over now?

Mom: Yes, it’s pretty late. So the bat flew his friend the gummy bear and underworld skeleton to see the yetis. They all danced a jig together until sunset when the bat flew everyone home just in time for bed. The end.

Son 2: ZZZZZZZZZZZ

Mom: Good night, sweethearts

Son 1: Mom?

Mom: Yes, sweetie.

Son 1: Your stories really are the best. Thanks. I love you.

Mom: I love you too. Good night.