Opposites Attract Suspicion

They say that opposites attract. That was crap.

It hadn’t been the strange things about her--the foreign, incomprehensible things that tied his mind in knots--that had attracted him to Frankie. At least not directly. For years now he’d come to realize it had been the possibility of changing them, that had really set his blood on fire. He thought he could ground her. Show her some sense. He thought he’d be good for her. And if she’d changed him instead, well, even that he could’ve lived with.

But for the last fifty-five years he’d been proved wrong about that. Neither had moved an inch.

Thaddeus stood in front of the mirror as he dressed, viewing the cracks in his skin that reminded him of a desert. He’d long stopped caring about them, but he’d never gotten used to them. It was odd to see his body be the only thing to change over twenty years--it was like watching a morbid time-lapse film.

As he descended the steps he could hear Frankie in the kitchen, humming something as she cooked, the bacon sizzling, the kettle brewing. Sounds of domestication.

He came upon her shuffling from one task to the other, no rhyme or reason to her dance, but constant chaotic movement. She was still in her robe and scuffing the floor with her slippers. Under one arm was a small brown puff package, but it seemed she’d forgotten it was there. Most likely she meant for him to put it out for her, since she hated leaving the house.

Upon seeing him, she pointed abruptly to a travel mug of coffee. He was meant to catch the 9:10 to the rec-center, so he diverted his steps to the travel mug and then turned to leave.

But then he remembered the package and offered out a hand. Frankie stared at him blankly for a moment, so Thaddaeus pointed to the parcel under her arm, and she looked down confused. She had forgotten. She handed it over promptly and went back to her cooking, and Thaddeus left, wondering if she would’ve held it all day.

#

That man.

Her mother had always told her marrying a man like Thad would drive her mad. And on days like this, he nearly did. All order, routine, structure, and yet some days--days like today--he proved himself the most careless oaf around.

Frankie peered out the window beside the front door, trying to see if anyone was out. There was a dog--and a vapid neighbor in association with that dog--that she tried hard to avoid. But it was mid-morning and the coast looked clear.

Unlatching the door, Frankie hesitantly stepped outside. The air was crisp, but not unpleasant, and the sun was bright. Maybe she would take her cuppa out on the back veranda today. Then she could tell Thad she’d been outside.

Then again, she was outside now, wasn’t she? And it was his fault. The lout had dropped his package right beside the mailbox. There it lay, flat on the ground, for anyone to grab; for a bird to poo on. Oh, she couldn’t wait to point that out to him. He despised all manner of defecation besides his own.

Frankie shuffled back inside and looked around. Where should she leave it? Somewhere he was sure to notice. Somewhere conscientious, and responsible. She flopped it down on the credenza next to the key bowl and turned to the kitchen.

Now for that tea.

#

Thaddeus’s fingers poised above the bowl, hovering with his keys in their grasp. What on earth was her package doing on the bloody credenza? He’d taken it out hadn’t he? His mind began to turn, retracing his steps. It was unlike him not to remember. Was it like Frankie? Sure. But not him. Their life continued to turn because of his iron clad logistical mind.

He’d remembered putting it on top of their mailbox, as it hadn’t fit. Perhaps she’d taken it in not realizing it was the same dang package she’d asked him to mail. Yes. That surely made more sense than him forgetting to mail it.

Thaddeus dropped the keys, grabbed the package, and brought it straight back out to the mailbox. He stuffed it inside forcefully, then popped up the flag and went back inside.

#

“Mrs. Hornmeyer? Mrs. Hornmeyer?”

A voice called from outside and drew Frankie to her front door. Knuckles rapped incessantly, disturbing her from the lull she'd created through her rhythmic knitting and television’s white noise.

“What is it?” she called through the window. But when it was clear it was their mailman Georgie, she opened the door a crack and showed her face. This was not something she did for just anyone--she barely liked to show it to herself these days. But Georgie was a good lad, and on more than one occasion she’d sent him home with biscuits for his wife and kids.

“Mrs. Hornmeyer, good morning, I thought I’d hand you your mail in person today, seeing as your box was stuffed full already. It’s a windy day and I didn’t want you lose anything.”

“Stuffed full? Why, whatever with?” Frankie said, opening the door a bit wider and looking beyond.

“Some package you received--or am I meant to take it? It’s just it has no--”

“As I live and breathe, what has gotten into him?” Frankie said, marching out abruptly and passing Georgie on their steps. She pulled her gown around herself against the windy morning and opened their mailbox. Sure enough, Thad’s package was sitting there, stuffing their box to the brim. She wrestled it out, a sick feeling creeping into her stomach.

This behavior was not like him. In fact, it was so out of ordinary, that she was beginning to worry. First dropping it, forgetting it, now trying to mail it? It was the same package wasn’t it? Yes, she recognized the color and the corners and everything else about it.

“Everything all right, ma’am?” Georgie asked, joining her.

“I’m not sure Georgie,” she said, taking the rest of the mail off his hands and leaving him on her path to go inside.

#

“What the…”

Thaddeus nearly stumbled back onto their bed when he saw it. There it was. Back again. On the top of his dresser, beside his watch. If he were a suspicious man, he would have been experiencing all manner of ill feelings at the moment. If he were an erratic man, he’d be doubting his own soundness of mind.

But he was neither of those. Right?

He picked up the package with hands that shook against his own stead-fast will. She was trying to make him feel he’d gone mad. That’s what this was all about. He could see it plain as day now. Well, he would get to the bottom of this, mark his words. Even if he had to take it to the post-office himself that afternoon and be done with it.

But that’s when he noticed. A small, though fairly crucial detail, that in his brevity he’d neglected to notice before.

What was wrong with this woman? She was insisting that he mail this package, all the while having forgotten the bloody address! And all her subtle, condescending hints that he’d neglected his job--leaving it by the keys, his shoes, by his oats one morning, and now his watch--that package had haunted him for a week, making him feel insane! Well, that was just tops. And the last straw. He could not live with this flighty woman a moment longer.

Thaddeus marched down the stairs in a huff, his frustration and rage boiling over as he did, words forming on his tongue that he couldn’t wait to unfurl.

“You befuddled old woman, you,” he began when he came upon Frankie. Her eyebrows shot up and her body immediately went stiff.

“Excuse me?” she said, her jaw thrust in offense.

“You didn’t even put a flaming address on it!”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“An address! There’s no address!”

“The package?”

“What else would I be talking about?”

“Why do I need to put an address on it?” she asked, looking at him with worried eyes.

“So, it can get to where it needs to go, Frankie. Are you that daft?”

“Thad, you’re not making any sense, isn’t it already where it needs to be?” she asked.

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“Are you going senile? The package! Just open it and be done with it already!” she said, her worry turning to frustration.

“Why on earth would I open it? I don’t need to know what’s inside!”

“You already know then?”

“How would I know?”

“Well, you won’t unless you open it!” she nearly screamed.

“Why would I open it?”

“It’s your package!” both Thad and Frankie screamed at the same time.

Silence rang out as both heard the words from each other’s mouths and the truth began to dawn on them. But before they could truly process the words that had been spoken, a knock sounded from the front of the house.

Thaddeus and Frankie turned their eyes to the door, suspicion abounding from them both. Perhaps the package was an ill omen after all, for both knew in their hearts, that the person at the door, was there about this very same thing.

Together they walked down the corridor. Frankie took a breath and clung to Thad’s arm as he turned the knob. It swung open with a creak revealing…

“Marsha?” Frankie asked startled, staring at the small woman from next door.

“Hey there, Mr. and Mrs. Hornmeyer, sorry to bother you.”

“Not at all,” Thad said rigidly, his mind still on their mystery package.

“I got a shipment about a week ago, but it was supposed to come in two parcels, only I didn’t get the second one, and I was wondering if it got brought here by mistake? It might have had my name on it, but might not if it got separated from the original package, and any ways if you did open it, it was a small winter coat for Noodle. I just thought I’d check cause the winter is well on its way and I have to know if I need to re-order--”

“Here it is,” Thad said, thrusting out the package, and closing the door on the woman’s exclamation of thanks.

Both Thad and Frankie turned to each other in the hush of their house, and in an instant, both erupted in laughter. It was a raucous laughter that lasted long after Marsha had left their porch and gone back to her house.

“You were about to leave me weren’t you?” Frankie said among her fits of laughter.

“You were about to have me committed!” Thad re-joined.

“You were acting like me!” Frankie said, “an ill sign indeed. I suppose I should’ve just said something.”

“Now that has me written all over it…unlike that package you daft woman.”

The two managed to catch their breath and move to the stairs where they sat down, their bodies tired from expounding so much energy.

“How about a cuppa?” Thad said, pushing back hair from Frankie’s eyes.

“I hear the veranda is nice this time of year,” she answered, leaning in and kissing the wrinkles on Thad’s cheek.