Open Heart and Empty Heads

You know what I hate about living in a post-apocalyptic world? Most people would say it’s the zombies, but personally, I don’t see what the big deal is. First, zombies are really slow and they’re always moaning, so it’s not like they can sneak up on you. Second, one bullet in the head and they’re down. As long as you don’t panic and do something stupid like tripping when you’re running away, zombies aren’t so bad. They’re definitely not as bad as those motorcycle gangs in bondage outfits that are always looking for “juice” for their vehicles. If the dopes didn’t spend so much time driving around, they wouldn’t need so much “juice”. But again, they mostly have little crossbows, so as long as you’re armed, not much of a problem. Actually, last time I saw some of them I said they could find “juice” in an area that I knew had zombies. I figure, two birds with one stone.

Anyway, the worst thing about living after the nuclear war that destroyed society is the stupid names for everything. Even the way we talk is called “NowSpeak.” We can’t just say “we’re getting married”; we have to say “it is time for the bonding.” We can’t just call government officials mayors or governors or whatever. We have to say, “Those Who Lead.” I could go on and on but I don’t have the “time-interval” to go into it now. What I wanted to talk about was this locket I found when I was digging around in one of the “cities from the before time.”

The locket is a pretty, heart-shaped pendant. It’s gold with a matching chain. Of course, gold isn’t allowed anymore. It’s too closely associated with money and apparently it was greed that led to the apocalypse. So, we’re not supposed to care about gold, but I liked the thing so I put it around my neck and tucked it in my shirt.

That night I showed the locket to Belton 5, “he to whom I am bound.” I just call him Belly and say we’re married, which is why Belly says I’m a troublemaker. That’s also what he said when I showed him the locket. “Are you mad, Zita 7?” Belly asked. “If the Elders should see this forbidden trinket, we could be banished to the Zone of the Forlorn!”

I love Belly, but sometimes he’s way too uptight. “When did we start calling them Elders?” I asked. “I thought we were still using Those Who Lead.”

“Do you not pay any attention to the InfoTron Announcements?! They changed the title back to Elders last month! But that’s not the point. You are in clear violation of the Fourth Edict!” Belly was always quoting the Nine Edicts. They were these rules that someone came up with about 200 years ago after civilization collapsed. Some of them were pretty good, like the Second Edict, “You must not kill unless the other person really deserves it.” But number four, “Wealth is the cause of all evil,” was just too vague. Where was the evil in someone wearing a little necklace?

“Look, Belly, no one will ever see it. I’ll only wear it once in a while and keep it under my shirt. I promise.” Belly still scowled at me. He really hated it when I didn’t take the Edicts seriously. Finally, he just shook his head.

“All right,” he said. “But if you end up being sent to the Re-Education District for a long time-interval, don’t blame me.” I knew that was hard for Belly to say, so I gave him a kiss. Of course, he immediately backed away. “Zita 7! It is not the accepted mating interval!” Belly is such a stickler.

Ok, I admit the next part was my fault. I made the mistake of trusting my friend Decepta 13. I call her Dee, and she calls me Zee, so I always assumed she was someone like me who wasn’t so stuck on rules. I showed her the locket and she really liked it. “Wow,” she said. “It’s really nice, but aren’t you worried about the Fourth Edict?”

“What’s to worry about? As long as we keep it a secret, nothing will happen,” I said. “You can even borrow it sometimes if you want.”

Two days later I’m at home sorting through some other things I had scavenged. This stuff didn’t violate any edicts, so I had it spread out all over the floor. There was a knock at the door and when I opened it there was a cyborg cop there. “Look, I already gave to the Cyborg Cop Benevolent Society,” I said. I started to close the door but he stuck his big robot foot in.

“Citizen! While I am grateful for your donation, that is not why I am here,” the cyborg said. “Citizen Decepta 13 told Citizen Squealo 11 that Citizen Zita 7 had illegal wealth in her possession. Are you not Zita 7?”

“No, I’m not,” I said. I could almost hear the gears in its semi-robotic head spinning. Cyborgs don’t like it when you lie.

“That is untrue,” the cyborg said. “I have scanned you and determined that there is a 99.92% chance that you are Zita 7.”

“Then why did you bother to ask?” It’s so easy to mess with cyborgs.

“Irrelevant!” he snapped. “Zita 7, you will come with me for questioning.” I wasn’t about to go with the cyborg. There’d be a trial with the Elders and then they might throw me in the “Pit of Justice” or something. I had to run, but first I had to get past the cyborg.

“Sure, I’ll go with you Mr. Cyborg,” I said. “Before we go, I want to tell you something. Everything I say is a lie. Now listen carefully: I am lying.”

“You can’t fool me with such a simple logic paradox…” it started to say, and then I hit it with a chair. It fell on its back and struggled like a turtle to get up. I stepped over it and took off.

I didn’t know where to go, so I ended up at the abandoned city where I had found the locket. It seemed as good a place as any. There was an old food store there so I figured I could find some canned goods. There were also a lot of places to hide if they sent anyone after me. I did feel bad that I had left Belly, but he wouldn’t have been happy living with someone who violated the Edicts.

I’d been in this city for about three days, and things had been fine, but just my luck, a pack of Youthlings wandered into town. I was so focused on scavenging that I hadn’t noticed them and they captured me pretty easily. Youthlings are these tribes of young kids who don’t allow anyone over 18 to stay with them. As soon as one of them reaches that age, they kick them out or kill them. Looking at this group I had to believe that either they couldn’t count or a lot of them were lying about their age. About half of them seemed to be pushing 30, and I swear, one guy who was trying hard not to be noticed must have been over 40.

“You have been captured by Pack 16 of Sub-Group 21 of the Great Youthling Tribe of the South East Lands. I am Krelgor, leader of the Pack.” Krelgor was wearing animal skins, like all the others. They all had dirt smeared on their faces and carried spears. I don’t know why they didn’t just scavenge clothes and weapons like sane people. “You must tell us your true age. If you are not sufficiently young, we must put you to death according to the great laws of the Young Elders!”

Krelgor was probably about 25, himself, and at the time I was 28, so I said, “Oh mighty Krelgor! Please release me! I am but a mere girl of 17!” Youthlings are almost as easy to mess with as Cyborgs. I mean, what could he say? Even at 28 I probably was younger than almost half his pack.

“Very well,” Krelgor said. “We will release you.”

I was thinking, “that was easy,” when some woman in the pack who looked to be about 35, shouted “Wait! She does not speak the truth! Krelgor, as your bonded one, I say you must kill her!” A bunch of other Youthlings mumbled agreement, but Krelgor silenced them by raising his spear.

“We will learn the truth through combat!” Krelgor said. Everybody got all excited about that idea. “Luta, as you are the one who doubts the stranger, you must face her.” Luta seemed pretty happy about that. I think she was just worried Krelgor might be interested in the new, younger girl so she needed to get rid of me. Everyone made a circle and someone handed me a spear. Almost immediately, Luta charged at me.

I’m not a good fighter, but Luta was awful, which was surprising considering she carried a spear all the time. I dodged her charge and knocked the spear out of her hand. I wasn’t planning on killing her, so I dropped my spear. Luta lunged again, but I knocked her down, then got on top of her and choked her a little. I just wanted her to yield. As I’m doing this, I hadn’t noticed that my locket had come out of my shirt and somehow popped open. “Stop!” someone shouted. “She wears the sacred sign!” Everyone gasped and even Luta wriggled away from me. The guy I said looked really old was the one who had shouted. I’m not kidding; the man’s beard was half white. He was pointing at my locket. I had never been able to open it, but inside there was a small piece of paper with the old money sign and then the number 18 written on it.

“Step forward, Young Torlov,” Krelgor said to the old guy. “Tell us all what this means.”

Torlov reluctantly stepped forward. “Her golden heart holds the sacred number 18. This cannot be coincidence. We must free her lest the gods be angered.”

“That’s right, old-timer,” I said. “You better let me go, if you don’t want that angry gods thing to happen.” They all stepped away from me and I held out my locket so that they could all get a little scared.

“Forgive us, bearer of the sacred number. What may we do for you?” I didn’t know what to ask for, but I had noticed that Luta wore a necklace made out of string and a walnut. Who knows why anybody would wear such a thing, but I asked for it. Luta reluctantly handed it over and in exchange I gave her the gold locket, which surprised her. It was starting to turn my neck green anyway.

“You are now the keeper of the sacred number,” I said to her. “Now all of you be gone! It is time for my nap,” They all kind of backed away and then started running. It all worked out ok.

In the end, I went back to my village. I was summoned before the Wise Ones, as they were now calling themselves. I showed them the walnut necklace and explained that Squealo 11 must have gotten confused when Decepta 13 told her about it. The Wise Ones were satisfied with this explanation and for hitting the cyborg they only sentenced me to a month of extra zombie lookout duty, which frankly, I love. Pickin’ off those brain-eating baddies is fun for me. And Belly was happy to have me back home. I promised him I wouldn’t violate Edict Four again. That’s why I don’t plan on showing him this cool gold ring I found before I left the abandoned city.