One Wish

She came on the first day of June. That was the first time. I remember it was hot outside, some of the attendants were complaining. I couldn't feel it though. I could hardly even see the sun anymore; they put bars on my windows. For protection, but I wasn't sure if it was for me or them. They didn't tell me and I didn't ask. That was how it worked.

I wasn't allowed visitors. That had been apparent from the very beginning. Even the attendants made sure I was strapped down securely to a chair whenever they needed to enter the room. Though maybe I was always strapped down, I can't remember which. The attendants always made me swallow something or inject it in me if I refused. It made me sleepy. So when she walked into the room without a care in the world I thought I was hallucinating. No visitors. Ever. That was the rule.

"Call me Morgan," she said as she pulled up a chair.

It made an awful screeching sound as it was dragged across the floor. Morgan, it never sounded quite right. She didn't look like a Morgan. But I smiled and called her that anyway. She had inky black hair; it was always wet and dripping. I never asked why and she never explained. The attendants never questioned the puddles on the floor; I don't think they even saw them. She had black eyes too, like something made from the darkness. She didn't have a face either, not like other people had faces. Or rather she did but it never stayed the same. The moment you looked away and suddenly there was a new face, different from the last but just as unmemorable. The hair stayed the same though and her eyes, those things never changed. It shouldn't have been reassuring, but it was.

We talked for a while that afternoon about nothing, mundane activities, the asylum, my room with the bars on the window, and maybe even the weather. It was the moment when everything goes quiet that she said it, something that would remain the same each time. Her voice was a scratchy, croaking sound like an aging crow. And that's where it all started.

"Tell me what your heart holds dear, tell me what you've always wanted to come true. Tell me and it shall be yours. Just tell me one thing and I'll give you one wish."

It was the same words each time; they never changed, repeated like a mantra. I learned quickly that some things didn't count, like your birthday, your favorite food, or what grades you got in school. Those were useless things. I'd started with those things at first; I still thought she wasn't real. No visitors. Ever. I didn't think she was real until her frozen fingers wrapped around my neck and stopped my heart. Just for a beat or two, her eyes boring into mine like drowning in the abyss, it felt like a year. And then she let go and sat back on her chair, watching me, watching her, as if nothing had ever happened. There weren't even bruises the next morning.

I knew she was real after that. She came every day at the same time. She was never late or early and she never missed a visit. Ever. She'd always start with the mundane things, talking about her day and then mine, as if to get it out of the way. And then she'd say it again, the same each time:

"Tell me what your heart holds dear, tell me what you've always wanted to come true. Tell me and it shall be yours. Just tell me one thing and I'll give you one wish."

I learned quickly what kind of things she wanted, the kind of things she liked. They had to be important to you, in particular, the news didn't count. They could be a secret but it always had to be something special.

"I drank my way through college and did drugs on the side. Every kind I could get my hands on I took them all with some vodka to wash it down. They kicked me out junior year. I was failing every class and picking fights in-between. A lot of people were surprised it hadn't happened sooner. I was too." That was the first important thing and that was the first time I saw her smile. It was not a pretty smile but it wasn't an evil one either, it just was. She held her hand out to me as if asking for my one wish, with that smile still on her face.

I thought over a thousand and one wishes, a thousand and two. But in the end, it was always the same; just like her mantra, I had mine.

"I want for no wishes today."

A sad smile and a slow shake of my head and her fingers would close over an empty palm and withdraw. Her smile though always got bigger than the last. It should have been terrifying taking up that abnormal amount of space on her face, but it wasn't.

"Tomorrow then." Would close the visitation and she would leave.

The attendants would come in and give me the sour pills that made my head go fuzzy. And the next morning we'd start again.

She always wore red; it was not a pretty red. It was the color of blood on a battlefield and seemed to move. Phantom mouths were pressed through the fabric in a silent scream. It didn't seem to bother her though, and I got used to it. We'd talk of other things sometimes before it was time for wishing. I'd ask her things and she'd answer, but it was never the answer I wanted. Sometimes she wouldn't say anything at all.

"Do I even exist Morgan? I've been here alone so long I can't remember. Am I even real?" I asked her once; she never gave me an answer.

I don't think she thought she needed to. I wish she had. I didn't feel real but the straps tying me down to the chair did and she did. Perhaps it was just me that didn't exist? I didn't have time to dwell on it as she asked again.

"Tell me what your heart holds dear, tell me what you've always wanted to come true. Tell me and it shall be yours. Just tell me one thing and I'll give you one wish."

A different face each time, but the same croaking voice and the same eyes like the void. And a different special thing would spill from my lips each time.

"I was visiting the lake with some friends. I don't… really remember most of it. I don't remember a lot of things it seems. One of them was drunk and had dragged me onto the boat. He fell overboard and I didn't help him. I watched him drunkenly flail around until he drowned. I could've saved him, but I didn't. I just stood there, I just stood there and watched."

And then she'd hold out her hand again and once again I'd tell her no. I never agreed to anything. You never agree to something with eyes like that. I knew this much at least, maybe I was testing her. To see if I refused her each time would she come back? I wasn't allowed visitors. Ever. I wasn't allowed visitors and yet they let her in any way. I didn't want her to go. I didn't want to be alone. Not alone in the dark with only the voices whispering around. I couldn't tell if they came from the walls or my mind. I wasn't sure if it even mattered that much in the end.

"Something is lurking here you know. I think…. I think it's in me, in my head. But… but it isn't me. I don't know what it is but it isn't me." I had whispered to her once. It had been a bad night, full of night terrors and screaming. I wish that was the thing that I couldn't remember.

"You could wish it away. One wish and it will be gone forever. You won't have to worry about the demons in your head." Was her only response, she didn't blink. I don't think she ever blinked.

I gave her a sad smile, with my tired eyes and sore throat and whispered, "But then I'd be alone here and that would be far worse."

It was October. The asylum was chilly with the cold stone floors and the walls like ice. My room was especially frigid, but Morgan didn't seem to mind. Neither of us had jackets, but I was the only one who was shivering, making my whole chair shake. I wasn't allowed a coat, there was a reason but it didn't seem important at the time, I should've paid better attention. It began like it always did, unimportant things, how the day went and how chilly it was getting. I was surprised her wet hair hadn't frozen. It seemed cold enough, but it kept drip-dripping onto the floor. It was comforting in a repetitive way. It soon reached the wishing hour and the mantra started again.

"My parents left me when I was four. They just vanished leaving me alone in an empty house. I think they knew. Knew what was in me and knew it was bad."

Her hair kept dripping. I could see my breath. This was perhaps the deepest secret yet. I never told anyone. I never told anyone how alone you feel in a house by yourself, walking empty halls and finding no one. I hated being alone.

"More," she hissed, voice like water on hot coals, "tell me more. That was not nearly enough." It was so different than her usual croaking tone; I thought I imagined it at first.

"I can't. I don't remember them. They left before I woke up."

My voice cracked and my throat felt too tight. Soon enough tears rolled down my face and I was sobbing. Openly, uncaring. She never said a thing as two sets of dripping hit the cold floor.

I was starting to get headaches, bad ones, always in the early hours of the morning. Never when she came to visit. But the twitches and spasming happened when she left. My muscles had atrophied long ago, but they still locked up and jerked to a rhythm all their own. I couldn't feel anything for over an hour afterward, I couldn't tell if that was a blessing or a curse.

I could've wished it all away, the spasming, the headaches all of it. I could've had the world if I wanted it. Anything I wanted with just one wish.

I didn't use the wish.

"I could give you the world you know," she had said one afternoon. "One wish and it shall be yours."

She was trying to tempt me I knew; I'd held out for months, refusing a wish every day. And what a grand temptation it was, most would've agreed in a heartbeat. Giving anything to achieve the dream of ruling the world. I was sorely tempted. Say yes, one wish, and I could rule the world. One wish and I could feel the sun again and feel the snow. One wish. I said no.

"I don't want the world though, what would I do with such a prize?" I lied.

I wanted the world. I wanted to be able to have it, if just for a moment. I wanted the feeling of having it and I wanted to leave this place. But I didn't want to be alone. No visitors, all except one. And with one wish, I'd never see her again.

"Then I could raze it for you, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, isn't that how it goes?" Her smile was a touch malevolent this time as if she would truly relish in wiping the world clean for one wish. Maybe she would have, maybe I would have too.

It wasn't worth one wish.

"What would I do with hands full of dust? That's a silly thing to spend a wish on."

That's a silly thing to waste a wish on, a terrifying thing for someone who doesn't want to be alone.

It was January. Things were getting worse. I couldn't feel my toes or my fingers; I think my lips turned blue. The headaches turned into monsters of their own making. I'd lost weight and I couldn't stop twitching or perhaps I was shivering. They all blended together sometimes, indistinguishable from each other. My memory was getting worse. I couldn't remember when the attendants came to give me the pills, I couldn't remember when they changed to shots when I started throwing them back up. I remembered Morgan though. I remembered when she came to visit, never late or early. It was my only solace between pain and darkness and I clutched onto them, never wanting to let go.

It was March. I couldn't control the spasms, they happened constantly. It felt like I was always sleeping. Lost in the void of my mind. Lost in the demons that lived there with me. The headaches seemed to last for hours at a time, everything hurt and if it didn't hurt I couldn't feel it. I wasn't sure which was worse at this point. My eyesight was failing, I couldn't see anything out of one of my eyes for days at a time. Morgan knew more about me than I knew myself at this point. A thousand secrets for one wish.

Her visits were getting shorter and shorter, or perhaps I was just losing the memories of them. I always remembered to say no though, always say no. One wish, something… something was wrong with me. One wish, I only got one. That was how it was. Always.

"What's death like?" I asked her one day, my head felt fuzzy and I couldn't focus.

A headache was beginning to form behind my eyes; they were becoming more and more frequent. I didn't want to think about what that might mean. I couldn't control my fingers again; they kept spasming as the rest of my body trembled. I couldn't see either, blurry, grey shapes and her. The red was the only thing that stood out, the only way I knew she was there when she was silent. I didn't want to be alone. But when she left that's all that there was, even the voices in the walls had disappeared.

"Everything dies," she had said instead of answering.

I don't think she knew or if she did, she wouldn't tell me. I probably didn't want to know anyway, not as I teetered on the edge of existing. I couldn't even remember my name anymore, or if I had one at all.

"Even you?"

"Especially me."

We never talked about it again. She knew better than I did, that I was running out of time. She never said anything though and we continued like we always did. Every day for months. I couldn't remember a time without her; my secrets were slowly dwindling. Soon there would be nothing left. She'd leave; no more secrets and she'd take my one wish with her. I didn't want to be alone. I couldn't stand it. It plagued my nightmares constantly, I felt like I was drowning in it. No escape to be found. I had one last secret and it was by far the worst one. One last secret and one wish. I was running out of time, I could feel it constantly beating a tempo inside my skull. I didn't want to be alone. One last secret then, for one wish.

"Tell me what your heart holds dear, tell me what you've always wanted to come true. Tell me and it shall be yours. Just tell me one thing and I'll give you one wish." Her voice was as croaky as ever, but I felt like I was hearing it underwater.

I couldn't see anything except the dark. But she came like she always did. Always on time. Never late or early.

"I loved someone once. I loved her until she died. I just didn't expect it to be so soon. I suppose no one ever expects to die. But even less expect to be the killer. I don't even remember doing it."

"More, all of it or none at all," She rasped.

"I slept well. Can you believe that? One of the best nights of sleep of my life and she was lying there the whole time. There was so much blood on me, on the sheets, on her. I slept well, but I never expected to find the kitchen knives buried in her stomach. I-I slept well and my girlfriend was lying dead right next to me."

"There was more than one?" A simple question it shouldn't have torn me up inside so much though.

"There were six," I whispered brokenly, pulling against the restraining straps and rocking a bit. I couldn't seem to stop.

"There was so much blood. I killed her, I killed her, and I don't even remember doing it!"

I cried out brokenly, the second time, the last time, I cried in front of her. She never made to stop me or provide comfort, she wasn't like that. It would've been weird if she had. There were all my secrets spilled out in front of her. There was nothing left, nothing worth mentioning.

"All of it, all of it or none at all," she rasped again.

All of it. All of it or none at all.

"W-we had company coming over that afternoon," I choked out, tears still streaming down my face. "it was her siblings. We were going to have dinner and c-catch up. Her sister was the one who found her first. I-I never moved, sitting on the bed and staring at her all morning. Looking at all that blood, it didn't seem like it should fit, all that blood inside her. But it was covering everything including me. E-especially me." I coughed out.

I didn't want to finish. I didn't. One secret for one wish, I had to. I had to.

"Her sister called the cops. I don't blame her I would've done the same. M-my fingerprints were all over the knife. I don't remember touching it. Let alone going to get it from the kitchen! They didn't believe me, the evidence won. Her brother wanted me to get the death penalty; the death penalty or he'd kill me himself. A life for a life, it seemed fair." I choked out a laugh; it felt like I was suffocating, there in the dark.

"Her sister was far crueler. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will rip right through you. And she made damn sure that it tore me to pieces."

"The words."

"I-I can't-"

"You will."

"She told me how much her sister loved me and how cruel of me to throw it back in her face. A betrayal of the worst sort 'A monster with a human face, killing it won't do any good. It'd be merciful and he doesn't deserve mercy. I want him to pay for what he did, for a long, long time.' She was talking to the police and her brother. She didn't forget me though. I wish she had. 'You're a murderer and you dare to look at me and say you didn't do it? Well, I think we should help you remember. You're crazy anyway so the asylum sounds like just the thing. You can stay there and rot for all eternity. And no matter what I will never forgive you.' They took me away then, not fast enough, I still got to see the body bag. She looked so tiny in it, so very small. I didn't think anybody could be that small." The words were threatening to suffocate me, my head was pounding and I was flying blind. I didn't want to say it. This one was so much harder than the rest of them. The months upon months of secrets that had spilled out. All for one wish.

I took a deep breath in, trying and failing to cover the pain, the tears, and the sobs that seemed to echo through the room.

"She left me here to rot," I whispered. I didn't want to say it. I didn't want to finish. "she left me here to rot and I deserve it." It was a bitter laugh that tore itself up my throat. "I'm not allowed visitors, no visitors. Ever."

My laughter was becoming a bit hysterical I couldn't control it. Everything was spinning together to the point it was dizzying to even try and feel it anymore.

"I have to stay restrained. Always." I pulled at my restraints again, it didn't do any good, and it never did any good. Trapped here forever, forever and alone. Except for her. Except for Morgan who was not supposed to be called Morgan. She was all that was left, all that I had.

Morgan and my one wish.

"I'm psychotic, they said, and clinically insane. 'Keep him locked up so he can't hurt anyone else!' I'm a murderer. I'm a murderer and I don't even remember doing it! How pitiful is that?" I was screaming I knew, screaming my throat raw.

The attendants would be here soon, come and inject more drugs into my veins until there was nothing left of me here. Nothing but Morgan and my one wish.

I couldn't see anything; it was dark, like the void. A place with no stars or light, like Morgan's eyes. I don't know how but I could tell her hand was reached out, palm upwards, asking for the wish. It was the same each time, it never changed. That at least I was thankful for.

"I'm dying you know. My time's running out. I'm scared. I-I don't want to be alone. I hate it. I hate being alone. I'm scared." The words came out in a rush, I couldn't hold them back if I tried. I wasn't trying.

"What's your real name? I know it's not Morgan. What is it?"

"Is that your wish?"

"No. I just wanted to know if you would tell me."

She wouldn't though, I'd never told her my name either. Even before, before I started to forget. Now though, it was lost to the wind. Probably just like Morgan's real name was.

I was stalling and I knew it. She never said anything just waited and waited. It was my last chance. My last chance for one wish.

"I'm dying. I'm dying and I don't want to be alone. When I die, will you go with me? Show me the way? Don't leave me here all alone, please." I felt like I was begging, I knew I was. Anything but being alone, alone in the dark.

"I wish that I won't ever be alone, not in the g-grave or anything else."

I think she was smiling, I know she probably was. One wish for a thousand secrets. A crow screamed and sealed it. Cold fingertips brushed along my forehead and she was gone. Her replacement was something with feathers, it sounded like a crow and it never left. The attendants didn't see it, otherwise, they would have shooed it away. It was comforting, a warm presence to chase away the loneliness. She didn't come back the next day or the next or the next.

She came on the first day of June. This was the last time. They'd moved me to a bed. I was restrained as always, it didn't matter I could hardly lift a finger let alone fight off restraints I'd lived with for so long. The bird never left, even when my sight didn't come back and my headaches knocked me unconscious more often than not. It only left when cold fingers brushed my forehead. The familiar drip-dripping of water hitting the floor. She came back. She kept her promise and she came back. The smile I gave her was blinding, I had a feeling she was laughing at me. She came back though and that was all that mattered. I was fading fast and we both knew it.

Cold lips touched my forehead.

"What a silly wish."