On the Hook

I sat down and looked at the man, he was middle aged and attractive but not overtly. He wore long curly locks and had a mustache, which he fiddled with nervously. He was my first patient of the day and said he liked to keep an early schedule. I noticed he was wearing eyeliner and he had several piercings.

“James, are you ready?” I asked.

“Most people call me hook,” he said in a British sounding accent, lifting his right arm to show me a shiny metal hook where a hand had previously been.

“Is that what you prefer?” I asked.

“Uhh, it’s what I’m used to…” he said.

“You have it listed as your last name as well,” I said.

He laughed, “Yea, I usually do that so no one knows who I really am, I might tell you my real name if I trust you eventually.”

I knew his real name but didn't say so.

“You can trust me James, err hook, we talked about doctor-patient confidentiality remember?” I said. He squinted at me for a moment and looked down. I waited for him to start talking again when he was comfortable. Instead, he stood up and walked to the window, his leather pants swishing a little with each step. I turned and watched him rub his forehead with his hand. I noticed he had big rings on each finger, even his thumb.

“I don’t know where to begin,” he said.

“How about at the beginning?” I suggested.

He sighed and said, “Alright.”

“It all started when I was just a young sailor in the king’s navy, as a deckhand and nothing more. The Captain took special interest in me and taught me everything he knew. I was a mere child at the time, no more than fourteen. The captain saw something in me and promised I would be the greatest sea captain the kingdom had ever seen. I don’t know if he meant it but at the time my heart swelled with pride. The other members of the crew were jealous of all the attention I got. I remember running around doing all sorts of chores and they would make fun of me behind the Captain's back. I don't remember much before joining the crew, but I can still smell the salty air and feel the spray of the sea on my face."

He smiled a warm smile at me and stepped away from the window.

"You like the ocean?" I asked, encouraging him to open up more.

"I love the sea, being a sailor is in my bones, I've been doing it for so many years, I don't even... well we'll get to that later."

I took a few notes and nodded for him to continue, so he did, "Like I said I was fourteen and the other crew members were much older than I was. They were rough and tough and drank rum all the time and never let me have any. But I would sneak into the kitchen for some every now and then, just for a taste, to feel like I belonged."

"Did anyone know?" I asked.

"I got caught once by the Captain's first mate, he was the most jealous of them all, and much older than most of the crew, everyone said he looked like a duck, so he was nicknamed 'Smee'."

“One night on a mission we came upon an island mostly covered in bluffs and rocks. The captain didn’t want to get too close because it was dangerous, but we anchored offshore and some of the crew swam to the island to look for food and fresh water just to supplement our own supplies. It wasn’t unusual but something about it felt wrong and also special. I tagged along despite the Captain’s protests that I stay aboard. Smee led the crew to the island and we found a small beach to rest on once we got there. Half a mile of swimming is a long way in rough water, and it was risky for all of us, especially me, being so young. The island was so small maybe a mile across and two miles in length. We split up into smaller groups to search for fruits and fresh water. I was with Smee who was in charge of the expedition and said I needed to stay with him to be safe. Three of us went west on a cliff and tried to find any sign of something green but there was none. The whole island was sand, rock and saltwater. We climbed and hiked for an hour before the third crew member named Thomas, wanted us to give up and turn back. It was then that I spotted a cave and pointed it out.”

Hook paused and drew in a deep breath, so I said, “are you okay?”

He rubbed his scruffy chin and nodded, though his eyes were pained.

He let out his breath and continued, “I wish I’d kept my mouth shut but we continued. Smee wanted to look into it, so we did. The cave was dark, we had nothing to light the way with but in the distance Thomas saw a light, a torch. We followed Smee to the light and on a rock almost shaped in the form of a table was a book with strange symbols on it. Smee was captivated and took it instantly. As soon as he picked it up the ground started to shake and the three of us took off towards the exit as fast as we could. The cave was falling in around us but by the grace of God we made it out alright. If we had been even a bit further in, I doubt we could have made it. Smee and Thomas found a flat rock that was light enough to lay the book on to keep it dry and carry it back to the ship as we swam. The Captain wasn’t too pleased that none of us had found anything useful. He looked over the book demanded Smee throw it overboard, calling it heresy and evil, but he refused saying he wanted to keep it for a laugh. It was a book that talked of magic spells and impossible worlds. Smee found a spell that was said to get rid of unruly children and teased about using it to get rid of me. Or at least I thought he was teasing. No one else believed the book was really powerful but Smee looked at it with a glint in his eyes, hopeful. I was the only child on the ship surrounded by full grown men so a spell against children was a scary thought to me. A few nights later, late into the night while everyone was sleeping I was awakened by a strange sound. I rubbed my eyes and saw Smee standing over me with the book in his hands, but he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking towards the small window of the sleeping quarters as though he was entranced. I turned to see what had captivated him and there in the window there was a terrifying little green light. I would have thought it was a firefly, but it had a human form inside what almost seemed like an orb. It danced across the room and bounced over and rested on my chest. I started to scream but the little creature inside somehow made me unable to speak. I was so scared that I wet the bed and Smee laughed at me quietly, as not to wake the rest of the crew. Just when I thought I couldn’t get more frightened I saw ‘him’.”

“Him?” I interrupted, captivated by his tale.

“The shadow,” he said, “Pan’s shadow.”

I didn’t say anything and let him continue: “The night was dark, there was no moon, and no lanterns were lit but there it was, the shadow of a little boy just a bit smaller than I was. The shadow came and took me by the hand, and I started to float. The sprite followed us out the window which I shouldn’t have been small enough to fit through, but I did. Then as if by providence I saw the captain on the ship, he grabbed onto my ankle and instead of pulling me back down, his grip caused the whole ship to start floating. In my amazement, I started to think I was dreaming. The things I saw couldn’t be explained to the human mind so I will skip to the island. The shadow brought us through what can only be described as a portal to another world and we landed on a sea just near a small island. Once there the shadow let me go and he and the sprite flew off. I grabbed the captain and hugged him and the rest of the crew by this time we were on deck. The captain asked me who had caused this, and I yelled, “SMEE!” and Smee came running. He claimed he didn’t know that it would work, he was doing it as a joke. I know that he wasn’t. The Captain demand he go and get the book and hold it as he walked the plank. Smee begged but the Captain was so angry. I knew I should have been the angriest, but I was still in so much shock over what had just happened that all I could do was look around and wonder what world we were in. Smee was halfway down the plank but was interrupted because the attack happened so quick.”

“Attack?” I asked.

He nodded and continued, “mermaids and little boys of all ages with swords and weapons. The mermaids rocked the boat and made it impossible to stand still or get your bearings. The boys, just children climbed aboard from a small raft and all of them had some sort of weapon. Some had swords, others had clubs and slingshots. They attacked like wild animals and yelled and made horrible noises. We all tried to fight them off but the Captain was holding his own with particularly fast boy who seemed to float around, bouncing from side to side as though gravity didn’t apply to him. He had a sword and after the mermaids caused one last terrible wave I saw him loose his balance as the floating boy lunged so I jumping in front of him. The sword felt hot as it went clean through my wrist and my hand thumped to the deck, lifeless. I screamed and held my arm as I fell down and backed away. The Captain distracted by trying to keep my hand from going overboard was stabbed through the heart by the boy. The boy picked up my hand and used it to wave at me before laughing wildly. I looked around and everyone was dead it seemed, so I backed against the side of ship and resigned myself to bleeding to death. As I lay holding my bloody wrist the boy who’d took my hand picked me up with one hand and lifted me into the air. We flew through the air and I looked down and saw one person left alive on the ship, it was Smee. He must’ve made a deal of some sort and I vowed to get revenge. I wanted to be mad at the flying boy, but he hadn’t betrayed me like Smee had, he was a monster but that was his nature, these boys must’ve been animals and savages, I thought. We flew to the island where my stump instantly healed, though leaving me still without a hand. The boy spoke in plain English surprising me, he told me he was the protector of the island and the leader of the “lost boys”. It was Pan.

I felt like I was in a daze or a bad dream. Pan and the “lost boys” danced and hollered around a bonfire for most of the night. I sat back against a tree and tried to become invisible. Pan brought me some food and something to drink and said, “you’re one of us now.” I sneered at him but ate and drank. Once everyone finally fell asleep, I set off to get back to the ship. I wanted away from the island and Pan but mostly I wanted revenge on Smee. I started off the beach but was met every time by the damn mermaids. They tried to drown me, and I barely made it back to the beach alive. I tried going to different spots on the beach but every time they were there waiting. Then I tried going inland to look for a way to get out to the water without being detected and found a lagoon and a brook. I started in but was met by a giant crocodile. Swimming off the island wasn’t going to happen so I started off to the other side of the island. Every way that I went I kept ending up back at Pan’s camp so eventually I gave up for the night and went to sleep.

The next day Pan asked me why I tried to run away, just to let me know that he knew. I didn’t speak to him or anyone else all day. After several nights of looking for a way off the island I was punished. Pan took me to the lagoon and showed me that he had my severed hand. “I was going to give this back to you… if only you’d have behaved.”

I cried and begged him for my hand back, but he just laughed and threw it at the water. The crocodile jumped out of the lagoon and swallowed it whole. For some reason that hit me the hardest, that crocodile and the loss of my hand permanently is what made me lose all hope. Pan told me if I pledged my loyalty to him he would make me a hook to replace my hand, I agreed because I had given up. The lost boys followed him blindly, the mermaids were just evil and would do anything to hurt someone for any reason or none. The crocodile and mermaids kept me from escaping to the ship, what other choice did I have as a fourteen-year-old stuck on an island with no one but a bunch of feral brats.

After what could have been weeks or months, who could tell on that island. I was done fighting and started to feel less and less like myself and more like a part of the mindless drone of little boys. One evening Pan took us all to meet the other inhabitants of the island. The natives, who were all the way on the other side. I told him that I had been trying to find the other side but always ended up back at his camp and he just laughed at me. I didn’t question it because I was becoming one of them. It’s like I was lost, I barely remembered who I was.

We went through a waterfall and I locked it into my memory as best I could, I didn’t even know why at the time, but I felt it was important.

We got to a small village of people who dressed different than anyone I had ever seen. They had elaborate clothing and tents bigger and sturdier than any in Peter’s camp. His were made from leaves and sticks but these were made from animal skins and were painted in beautiful patterns. We sat down and a big man with feather’s coming out of his head came to us and greeted us in a different language. Then he spoke to Pan about our business there. Pan told him he wanted to get us away for a while to keep us from going stir crazy. The tall man looked down at him displeased as though he didn’t like him, but he sent some men away to get us some food and drink and welcomed us as guests. After we ate and drank things that were way better than the stuff Pan gave us, a girl came and sat near me. She whispered for me to sneak away with her, so I waited until Pan was distracted to take off with her into the forest. We hid behind a tree and she smiled and told me that her name was TigerLily, and she was the chief’s daughter.

She told me I was different along with a few of the others she knew we were meant to escape from Pan. She gave me a pipe and a list of names of boys she wanted me to smoke the pipe with when Pan was asleep. She said the stuff in the pipe would ‘wake us up’ and I asked her what she meant but she just said I’d understand once I smoked it. I hid the pipe in my tunic and went back to the campfire, as Pan eyed me suspiciously. I was able to avoid him for the rest of our visit with the natives and soon we headed back to camp. I managed to keep the pipe and the list she had given me a secret from Pan and when he went to sleep I awakened all the boys on the list. I explained what was going on but they didn’t seem to understand so I just started smoking the pipe and told them to do as I did. After I inhaled the sweet smoke I felt like clouds were breaking up in my mind and things became clear again. I remembered who I was and what had brought me to the island. One by one the boys did as I told them and some of them even started crying as they remembered themselves. They asked me what to do next but I didn’t know what to tell them so I suggested we all go back to bed and pretend nothing was different to see if TigerLily had a plan. If she didn’t come to us in a few days I would find her again, then knowing how to get to her camp through the waterfall. In the middle of the night a girl came and woke me, it was TigerLily, we gathered up the rest of the boys she had told me to awaken. Then we made the treacherous journey across the island to her village.

We went right past the campsite that Pan had taken us to and I looked at Tigerlily.

“Pan doesn’t know where our real village is, we don’t want him to know,” she said.

“But we showed up unexpectedly today,” I said.

“Did you?” she winked.

She didn’t explain but I wondered how much went on that Pan didn’t tell us about during our stupor. We got to the real village that didn’t have tents, there were actual houses. She led us to the biggest one where her father, the Chief greeted us warmly.

He had a big bottle of purple stuff he wanted us to drink. I took it apprehensively and thought of the pipe TigerLily had given me. That one had helped us, so I took a small sip and instantly regretted it. I started choking and fell to the floor. It felt like my insides were on fire and my whole body shook with the most intense pain I’d ever felt. It seemed like hours later it stopped and I looked down at myself. I was in an adult body. My hair was longer, and I felt a tickling on my nose, I gently touched my face. I now had a mustache and beard. I looked around and the lost boys were staring wild eyed. I looked at TigerLily and she smiled, “that wasn’t so bad was it?”

“It was AWFUL!” I shouted in a voice I didn’t recognize.

“It’s the only way Pan can’t recapture you,” the Chief said, “the pain lasts for twenty seconds at most.”

“That was twenty seconds?” I asked, they all nodded, even the boys so I knew it was true. I realized I had to make the other boys drink it too because it was their only chance to truly escape so I said, “it didn’t seem like that long.”

Tigerlily smiled knowingly and came and kissed my cheek.

“You’re too young for me now,” I said.

“And I always will be, no one on the island grows older without magic,” she said.

“Then drink it,” I handed her the bottle.

“Not today maybe someday,” she winked and took the bottle and poured a small amount into little cups and handed them out to the other boys who all looked at me. I nodded and gave them a little smile knowing they would all be angry at me in a moment.

“We are peacekeepers with Pan, we don’t like him but we stay friendly to avoid a war, you and your men will be at war with him and we will stay neutral, we came here to avoid death thousands of years ago, long before he came, we don’t interfere with him and he leaves us in peace,” the chief told me.

“Then why me? Why did you help us?” I asked.

“Your friend from the boat offered us all the gold on the ship for your safe return to him?”

“My friend on the boat? The Captain is alive?” I asked.

“The only man alive on the boat, is that the Captain?” TigerLily asked.

“No…” I said, “the only man Pan had left alive was… Smee.”

They sent us all out in canoes to the ship while it was still dark. It was almost too dark to see the ship, which was a good thing because it was better cover from Pan. Now that we were physically adults he couldn’t entrance us again but no one was armed and the canoes were unstable. We got to the ship and climbed aboard. Nostalgia and grief for the crew hit me all at once but I had to stay brave in front of the others so I channeled my sadness into anger. I yelled, “SMEE!!!”

The man who had seemed so much larger the last time I’d seen him, coward out of the Captain’s cabin toward us.

“Wh-who are you?” he sniveled.

“Don’t say you don’t recognize me,” I taunted, ready to kill him with my bare hook.

He squinted in the dark and realization set in, “James?”

“Call me Captain, I’m taking over this ship and getting us out of here,” I said.

Ready to slit his throat I stepped toward him, my new crew behind me. I expected resistance of some sort but Smee dropped to his knees in front of me.

“What the bloody hell are you doing?” I asked.

“If you spare my life I will serve you completely until the day I die for what I’ve done, but Sir you are justified in taking it as well, it’s your wish and I accept my judgement,” he said.

I remembered what the chief had said about Smee wanting us to be rescued, in my anger I hadn’t stopped to think about the fact that Smee wanted me to come to the ship. He did it knowing I would probably kill him. So, I relented. And after that, well I think most people know the rest of the story even though it’s told from a bit of a bias perspective.”