On the 6th Day

Genesis.

And on the 6th Day, God created Man in his own image.

So, God decided Man would be in the simplest form. Being the creative genius he is, he figured Man should be given complete autonomy and free will, no matter the consequences. Man should also really have some say in how he could live on Earth, and in Eden.

God created some buffalo, had some coffee, then wrinkled some dust into a spirit-like form, and tossed it towards Eden. And Adam came into being.

Adam was excited to be a ghostly sprite, and went flitting off into the nether. And by nether, I mean the 5th dimension. Of course, Adam had no idea he was in the 5th dimension, and he didn't go further because he really couldn't have understood the 6th and 7th dimensions, either. Of course, Adam didn't realize he was in the 5th dimension anyway, because his brain was literally the size of a pea.

Adam was unaware of his position in the universe. He had only just learned about Eden, and light and darkness a short time ago. God tried to explain to him how it was "sort of" light 16 hours a day, and "sort of" dark the other 8 hours of the day. This was dependent on what season it was, and where on the planet he was. There were places where it was always light or always dark, and they usually switched halfway through the planet's revolution. Some places would be dark and gloomy no matter what, even if the sun was directly overhead. It was complicated.

And then God had mentioned "eclipses", which Adam just dismissed as God trying to show just how much Adam couldn't understand yet. So, when Adam thought he had "learned" about light and dark, he meant that in the vaguest sense of the word.

Adam twisted his legs up and to the right, and slipped back into the 4th dimension. Whatever, wherever he had just been going was a little weird; looking at everything in 5D was hard to get used to coming from a mostly 3D world to start. He leaned towards a tree to steady himself, though he was still just a spark.

God saw he was frustrated, and had recently finished creating sheep and goats, so he came alongside Adam to speak to him again.

God watched him coming back into 3D space, struggling, and said, "You know what, Adam? I think you should stay in 3D and 4D space, and I will just give you hands and feet to steady yourself. Up till this point, Adam was just a cloud of dust and glowy stuff, so it would be a big change for him, but he would feel safer.

"I'll give you eyes that can see well in 3D, but not other dimensions, so you won't clip into the other dimensions. I'll have to expand your brain, because that pea brain just isn't helping.

At this point, Adam is running around, (with his feet and legs that God just gave him, but didn’t tell him about), looking around at all the flora and fauna, with his new eyes.

God was thinking, “I created Adam in my own image, but his pea brain couldn’t handle it. What was I supposed to do? I had to give him a bigger one, and confine him to the physical 3D world for him to comprehend it.”

Meanwhile, Adam sees all the stuff in Eden, or so he thought, and went running off to see other places. God was watching, but he didn’t want to interfere, so he wasn’t reading his peanut brain. All of a sudden, he realized Adam was just wasting lots of time running everywhere.

God pulled Adam back to Eden and asked him, “Where were you going?”

“I built this paradise for you!”, he exclaimed.

Adam looked at him and shrugged his hands, (because he didn’t have shoulders yet.)

God, thinking about Adam enjoying the sights, sounds, tastes, & smells, in the garden, decided he would give Adam special organs to experience them. God just experienced those things with his large intellect, and he had just thought Adam would too.

Giving him a mouth, he decided to give him the ability to speak. Adam had only been responding to him telepathically, but he wasn’t sure Adam was even aware of what he was communicating. He then had to give him a much bigger brain, because he had to add a “speech center” too. At this point Adam’s brain was about avocado sized.

Finally, Adam responded, maybe because he figured out the voice box. “I was going to go check out South America. I think I was halfway there.”

“Adam, you’re only using 5% of your brain, why is that?”, God asked him.

“I’m still trying to get used to running around on my feet and balancing with my hands, and using my eyes to navigate.”

“Well, now your ears should help you with balancing. You need to get it together. I’m serious. You haven’t experienced anything for real yet.”, God told him.

Adam tried to explain, “I’m working on it. There’s a lot to see!”

God let him know, “Stay in the area for a while, I may need your help, later.” He wasn’t going to need Adam’s help for anything, He was just trying to make Adam feel better.

“There isn’t much to do.” Adam decried.

“Well, I just gave you the ability to smell, taste, and hear, so go out and experience everything in the garden again. You should find it all completely new and fascinating!”

Adam went running off, excited, saying, “I’ll go through Eden again!”, and he was gone.

He went out into the garden and there were lots of beautiful flowers and trees. The thing he noticed next were the brightly colored fruits hanging from the trees. He tasted quite a few and hoped they were all ok to eat. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to spit the fruit back out or take it into his stomach. He chewed on it some more, but did end up spitting some of it out.

He heard God calling him again. “Adam, what are you doing?”

“What?”, he asked. “I wasn’t sure what to do with the fruit, so I spit it back out on the ground. I thought that was a good idea.”

“You’re supposed to eat it.”, God told him. “I’m going to make you feel hunger, so you understand the meaning of food from now on.” And he did. He wasn’t originally going to make it so Adam had to eat all the time, because then he would have to drink lots of water all the time.

“I could have not asked.”, Adam replied.

“Meanwhile…. I’m going to make you think you’re smarter than you are, so you stop asking questions all the time, and maybe start figuring some things out for yourself.”

So, Adam ran off again

God created some horse, river horses, and camels, before he realized he hadn’t heard from Adam in a few minutes. Then he felt his presence in his periphery.

“Adam, I was kind of busy in Africa, what is going on?”

“My stomach hurts. I think it’s too full.”, Adam told him.

“Well, that’s because you can’t get rid of it with bodily functions, yet.”

“I don’t know what that means, either, but of course all the food I put in has nowhere to go. I mean, I don’t think it does.”

“Look Adam, you’re going too fast and you need to flush that out, so from now on, you will have to squirt out the liquids and solids periodically, and that will hopefully keep you close to the bathroom.”

“I don’t know what that is, but hopefully that solves all my problems.”, Adam replied, quite happily.

Then God created woman.

“Let her deal with him.”, he said, sighing after a long day.

Then he rested.