November 11th and All the events preceding It.

I'm on the floor of a gas station, my body feels weak, If I lay still In the dark for 10 minutes maybe I'll have a moment of rest, I've been keeping things from you, your songs are flowing out of my earphones during this shallow respite, your career will let you shine, glow towards the public and I do not want my pain to hurt you , It's been a few months so I am willing to tell you why I have been far, absent ,away I guess.... I lost everyone my love , I am left to do this alone and I didn't want to do It this way, you have everyone, your family even made me clothes and shelter for me.

It's the month of September maybe even August who knows anymore, It's been three weeks of working 17 hour days through the day and night , I told a grandparent about the long term violence I faced, she couldn't hide anymore so I guess my new home Is this job, she says I can bath at the house If I still pay rent and It's 11 miles of a walk , 4 hours and 18 minutes, I attempt to sneak naps on the coach in the staff room, no one notices OR maybe they're not courageous enough to ask why a 19 year old Autistic individual is sleeping 3 hours a day every day here, I promise I never retaliated , I didn't understand she was hurting me all that time In years, I thought It was discipline anyway It was Tuesday September 13th You're my other life, our friends from Norway Invited me and you were there, I never told you why, I had walked home for a wash, I was getting ready to see you again but I collapsed from exhaustion , I wasn't there.

7:47pm

"Hey, she's here she's upset you're not here, the music producer said you were going to be here".

It's November I keep myself warm with the heat packs, I slept for 10 minutes maybe I'll get through this shift, I should have enough saved to move to London this month, I even have enough saved to purchase a ticket I can surprise her and our friends, It'll be worth It, 5 months apart may have been for the best, I've survived this, I can overcome EVERYTHING.

NOVEMBER 11TH

Hey It's so beautiful to see you, I know It's been a while.

"Oh I know I have missed you"

You're opening for her then

"oui oui of course, you're In the industry too right, we actually want to Invite you, like you can work with us on the tour In Norway, Europe and all"

*finally something after all this chaos!!*

Absolutely when Is It?

"next year starting February , Early March time, she's been waiting for you by the way, she's upstairs doing the rehearsal test"

I have to be honest, It's been a rough three months and I haven't told her a thing, I didn't want It to distract her from all of this career scenarios with the new music management.

This next part , I thought I did what was right but what If I was self deprecating, we saw each other but I didn't wait for her that night, I left her there with these Influencers and the music management, I remember this overwhelming sense that she would have the world In her palms and that the experiences I had endured were the start of a long enduring process, I was shamefully lonely and Intuitive, within the following months to 2 years everyone I loved had died or fallen away , everything had dissipated.

the year that followed 2020.

Nah fuck that no offence everyone, what If I could rewrite It, yeah, let's say that.

November 11th

I saw her, we united again, I accepted the tour offer, we got to spend the following two years on tour together, we were happy, abundant, free, I am Loved, WE ARE SO LOVED.

I wasn't totally honest from the start, the journey didn't start In a gas station, It started In around early August between 2 pm to 4pm, a phone call, actually scrap that, It doesn't matter does It, he survived after all but there were so many and I couldn't save everyone , would you understand that If I told you In detail, would you?, what do you think matters more, the journey of our story or the end of our cycles that can renewal ourselves throughout our rebirths, do we really get a choice?,

Is It predestined or somewhat Interfered with which contributes to our outcomes or our undoings as human kind, we talk about last moments but we never really know when that experience Is not until our last breaths that's why It feels so painful to let go of our perceptions of the present of our lives and why psychosis can come from holding on to our dreams for too long, It seems to be a violated thought process to understand to live in the present and move on fast , bringing ideas Into creative reality almost immediately Is a systematically designed privilege either for wealthy Individuals or abundant communities full of support so next time you find It hard to let go of those perceptions of 'last moments' , what Is or what Isn't , or your perceived past, understand If you have but only yourself you were systematically enforced to not let go of your pain and life circumstances and forgive yourself for you have been tricked, you deserve to Love and Live forgive yourself that It takes longer than you thought to achieve your dreams, to create, to develop, to learn, to heal, this life Is by design so you can always choose to redecorate or rewrite.