My Shadow Self

The sky was darkened by the gray clouds sweeping slowly across the sky as the rain continued to pour down around me. Wet leaves clung to my knees and elbows as I crawled on the ground looking for my prey. The wild boar had stopped to eat. The sound of the droplets hitting the leaves and under bush hindered the animal's ability to hear any of my movements.

There was a rush of cold air sweeping down from the mountains that made my hands chilled as I clung to my spear. I raised it above my head, let out a soft breath as I pulled myself forward while moving the spear back, preparing to throw it.

The boar lifted its head and its ears pricked up. It turned looking away from me, apparently sensing danger. It stopped grazing and stood in place glancing at a bush that was swinging back and forth.

I peered through the bush wanting to see what had disturbed my dinner. I noticed a black shiny nose, and then I saw the long drooling fangs moving. In the flash of a second, the boar took off with a squeal, trying to get away from this new predator that was chasing it. The predators long tail slamming into bushes as it ran after the squealing animal I was pursuing.

A clap of lightning brought me to my senses as I saw the boar getting away. I stood up and brought my spear up and behind my shoulder, then I plunged forward as I threw it. It soared through the air, striking a tree some mere inches behind the fleeing boar.

The boar squealed even louder as it changed direction, diving into a mass of bushes.

The predatory creature stopped, rain dripping down its black pelt. It turned towards me, its pure black eyes full of rage pierced through me as it opened its mouth, revealing its menacing fangs.

That’s when I realized it was not just any ordinary animal, it was Onyx. Anger struck in me and I know my whole face turned red with fury. I started screaming at him.

“Damn you!! Why did you come out?!” I shouted.

He growled again before jumping over the spear, chasing after the boar.

“You chased my game away and now I will starve! Damn you!” I yelled. I couldn’t believe what just happened. How could he do that to me? He never listened to me. He disregarded everything I said. I told him not to come out here.

I walked over to the spear, still rocking from my throw. I placed my foot against the tree and grunted. It had dug deep into the tree and didn’t want to come out. My wet hands slipped and I fell to the ground from the force I was applying to try and get it unstuck. I angrily stood up and pulled again, this time the spear comes loose and I swung it across my back into its sheath.

Having given up on the boar, Onyx growls as he approaches me. His anger was as hot as the steel the seer had used to craft my spear. Onyx’s hot breath swept over my back. I turned to face him, anger etched across my face. He replies with a bored look.

“Why did you come out?” I yelled at him.

Onyx keeps staring at me.

“Do you know how long it took me to track down that boar? What are we going to eat today?” I asked.

Onyx just grunted, turned and started to walk away.

“Yeah! Go away!” I continued.

Onyx turned back and walked towards my shadow, as he approached it his shape flickered and before I could blink he had dissolved, becoming one with the vague outline that was my shadow.

At this point I just gathered myself and started to walk back through the forest. The thunder was still roaring through the sky and the rain had made my blonde hair cling to my face.

I halted a foot away from a large rock, at its base were my sack and tunic. I lifted the large branch that partially covered my sack from the rain. I slid on my tunic, grabbed my sack and walked past the rock, hoping the hunt had fared better with the trap I had set.

As I approach the place where I had set the trap, a smile spreads across my face as I see that my luck had not been so bad after all. Dinner would still be hard tonight. Laying there in the pit was the boar that Onyx had chased away. Unbeknownst to it, he had run directly into my trap and fell onto the spikes I had set at the bottom. I pulled it from the pit and swung it over my shoulder. Now it was time to head back home.

As I was walking home, I could feel eyes watching and following me. This was not a new feeling, ever since I was young I had the sensation there was another person in this forest that would not show themselves. Now I knew who it was. Several years ago, I had finally caught up to them as he ran away. He was about 5’ 11” tall and had pointed ears and fair white wrinkled skin. He had moved with such grace it was pleasing to watch him.

When I asked the old man why he was running, he slowed down and without even turning to look at me he replied, “I don’t want to die,”

“You don’t have to be afraid of me. I am not going to hurt you,” I replied.

He stopped and turned to me and said, “I know all about you. I am the man who took your mother in when she was wounded and pregnant with you. When my family and the rest of the town found out that I had helped her, I was banished. I have had to live in the forest ever since. My brother does not forgive as easily, and he does not trust humans, he will never forgive me for helping you and your mother, even after all these years, and he will never trust you. If my people speak to you, or even worse, help you, they will be executed” he turned back towards the forest and continued “that’s why I can’t help you anymore.” Before I could reply, he had run off. I continued on my journey home.

I started to sprint, my muscular legs pushing off the ground in long strides. I leaped forward, dropping the boar while at the same time grabbing onto a branch and quickly climbing up the tree to which it was attached, moving higher and higher until I reached the highest branch that would hold me, I sat down and looked out beyond the forest at the desert. It was here that I remembered that I don't need anyone's help. The forest is my home, it was where I had peace and tranquility. The creatures are my friends, and that’s more than enough for me.

About ten minutes later, I got down from the tree and grabbed the boar and I took off running again.

As I came to a clearing, I slowed down to a brisk walk as I reached the entrance of the path that led to a waterfall pouring from the mountain’s edge. At the base of the waterfall was a beautiful pond surrounded by an exquisite array of flowers.

I stood and watched as beautiful golden fish swam in the pond. I was captivated by its pleasing glistening surface, the pond was teeming with peaceful frogs sitting on the edges and playful fish that never bored me. When I was young I would sit at the water's edge and stare into its surface while thinking about my father and mother. Always wondering where my father had gone and how different my life would have been if my mother wouldn’t have died while I was so young. What would it have been like to know a mother’s love.

I left my sack in the grass before sliding off my tunic and jumping into the water with the boar under my arm and swam towards the waterfall. I held my breath while I dived beneath the waterfall, the weight of the rushing liquid pushing me down. When I surfaced I saw small candles with beautiful colors reflecting off the blue crystals forming on the walls and ceiling of the hidden cave.

I throw the boar out the water before pushing myself onto the cave floor that was decorated with animal bones tied to long black dyed lengths of animal sinew hanging from the ceiling. Nestled in the center of the cave sat a large wooden table. Scrolls and potions lay on a single chair next to it. Standing next to the wooden chair there was the old lady. She never told me her name. She had always been ‘the seer’ or the ‘old lady’.

She was like a mother to me. Her age never shown on her elven face, her skin was still untainted by wrinkles, her long white hair was as smooth and beautiful as ever and a white mist clung to her now blind eyes. She had taken in my pregnant mother shortly after she was chased out of the old town. She had helped my mother birth to me and had raised me after my mother passed away. I was only four years old when she died from the same wound she had gotten while wandering in the forest.

When she heard me, she turned to me smiling with her pointy ears twitching and asked“How was your hunt, Catherine?”

I placed the boar on the table before speaking. “Onyx came out without my permission again!” I say with a raised voice while flailing my hands. “He doesn’t listen and I can’t control him.”

“Child,” she whispered,“Come here my child, sit down.”

I walked over to the wooden chair and sat on the floor, crossing my legs and leaning back as I looked up at her.

Still holding onto the chair, she placed her cane on the table, slowly sitting down on the chair after sweeping everything off it. Leaning back she looked at me putting her hand over my heart making me feel safe. Her unseeing eyes seeming to study an invisible something I could not see. She smiled and said“Your shadow is a part of you. It is a mirror of who you are. It is hard for him to trust you and you don’t trust yourself or anyone else. I know you have never met anyone other than your mother and me, but you must learn to let him in.”

Then placing my hand in hers continued, “You have so much to learn my child. Your mother often told me that your father was a powerful man who did many great things, and you are his daughter. I may not have known your father, but I know you. The world outside this cave and forest has many things to teach you. your journey must start soon, and you will have to leave this forest. You have a great deal of stuff to learn my child, and Onyx will be your guide when I no longer can.”

I looked away. I was not going to trust a creature who continued to spoil my hunts, and never listened to what I had to say. Why trust something I couldn’t control? Something so… spontaneous.

Her hands tightened around mine, as if I had angered her. I looked up and gasped. Her eyes were a deep black, just like Onyx’s.

Her hands shook as she spoke. A voice not her own came trembling out, “A child comes forth to protect the twin fires. Not all that is seen is clear as snow. A ghost of the past stands by her. Words from the past bring forth a new light. A dragon’s breath will break the shadow. The morning falls with the knight. The key to freedom is the arrow.”

She let my hand go with a gasp, leaning back on her chair panting. Her eyes turned back to normal as the darkness disappeared.

“What was that?” I finally managed to ask.

“A prophesy. One I cannot discern, but I sense darkness within it.” she said as she grabbed a piece of parchment off the table. “Tell me what you heard?”

I told her exactly what had been said, not missing a single word even if everything had confused me. “Who or what are the twin flames?” I thought to myself.

“Get ready to leave my girl,” she whispered still writing. She had never called me ‘girl’ as far as I could remember.

“Go where?” I demanded.

“Do as I say girl!” she yelled, still writing anxiously.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up outside the cave by the pond, and she was standing at the edge.

“You were just a girl when your mother died.” she whispered when she heard me stand up. “Your blue eyes were so innocent and clueless of the real world which caused me to accept your mother's request. You clung to your mother’s little finger while crying, not wanting to let go, she wept as she pried your finger from hers.”

I quietly stared into the distance, as she continued.

“We elves can not understand love like you humans. Our minds follow a collection of rules we have come to establish over the centuries. I could not understand the sadness your mother felt when she left you under my care, and yet, now that you must set out on your journey, I can truly understand her sorrow.”

She whistled a strange and beautiful melody and out of the forest strode a beautiful horse, white as snow with a long smooth mane. Its sheer presence calmed my nerves as it neared me.

“She will carry you to the nearest kingdom,” she said, placing her hand on the horse’s snout, “and he will guide you two as well” she spoke as a large owl emerged from her shadow and came to rest on her shoulder. Its head turned to me and its large eyes met mine. It had long black feathers and a black beak.

At that moment, I knew it was my time to leave, and swing myself up on the back of the horse. Then she walked away, not turning back as the horse extended a pair of massive white wings that flapped and lifted off the ground as I clung to its neck, trying with all my strength not to fall as we flew towards the desert, away from the forest.

Away from home