My Place In the Galaxy

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Another start up, another annoying YouTube ad. Somehow I managed to fight the urge to click the link and lose another few hundred on another castle in Spain, or to be precise, another dodgy covid UV killing mask. There were a lot of annoying little things the pandemic had to answer for: Losing £300 on a mask that never materialised, losing my job at the travel agents, way too many streaming series that started out brilliantly, petered out into mediocrity and then just became annoying.

On the bright side, the pandemic's how I ended up with my job as a house sitter. Doesn't pay much, but at least my living costs were covered, and it was a nice house in Knightsbridge. Note, house not flat. Also house, not mansion. Small two bedroom terraced cottage really, old stables conversion. One of the regulars at the agency had bought it as a pied a terre, and, when the lock down hit, decided he wanted someone staying there to keep an eye on the place and discourage squatters while he appreciated the fresh air and open spaces in New Zealand.

Another bonus: free streaming services. But not YouTube.

Which meant ads. Lots and lots of ads. The skip through after 5 seconds was fine, it's the 18 seconds followed by a second ad, and then, after you've been worn down, they put up their free month long trial offer. Giving you a taste of the freedom from interruption. The smooth viewing experience of the BBC in the UK and streaming. It's free, free for a month. Free, absolutely nothing to lose. Except I know me, I know how organised I am, it will be at least three deadlines for stopping it I'll miss and then I'll be lumbered with yet another subscription. Also, once I've tasted the riches of ad free YouTube, would I be able to go back? Probably not. I'll also improve my quality of life with less irritation from annoying ads. Lower blood pressure, probably a longer life. That's definitely worth the subscription... but then..., what if there's an ad for something I actually need, but don't know it yet, something that would be a greater improvement to my quality of life. What if one of the trailers was for the best film/series I will ever see? Hmmm, I would be paying for a shorter life. That just goes against so many of my principles.

Some of my friends might call me tight, I would characterise it as best utilisation of limited funds. Take my surroundings. The guy paid a small fortune for the furnishings in this place, the kitchen alone was in the hundreds of thousands. Me, when I first walked in and saw the light minimalist look, I thought he'd gone Ikea. Virtually identical kitchen would have cost about eight grand, including installation.

Ok, so the Ikea cupboards can't hold 15 tonnes and survive a nuclear explosion but really, who has serial boxes that weigh 15 tonnes? If there's a nuclear explosion you've got more worries than whether the kitchen is still standing in the centre of a wasteland, and you probably won't be sitting in your pyjamas eating a bowl of cereal. In fact, then you will be more grateful for having that money in the bank. Or possibly in diamonds buried somewhere might be a better idea if we've got nuclear explosions going off.

That said, the coffee machine is really good and not too heavy for an Ikea work top.

I pressed home again on the YouTube page. So a selection of Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, funny cats or Hi Fi reviews on gear I could never afford, and watching them would just make me miserable.

I clicked on the Hi Fi review.

It was then when I heard the sound of the impact of the body first on, and then, through the glass roof of the conservatory. As I ran to the the noise I couldn't get out of my head that the owner had probably way overpaid on that glass, no way should bodies be falling through it. On it, sure, through it? No way.

I got to the entrance and saw the body, wrapped in what looked like a cloak, in a heap on the table, one arm dangling over the edge.

I didn't know at the time it was the owner.

Nor that he was still alive.

Oh, when I say owner, I didn't mean the owner of the house, I meant the owner of the planet. Which, I suppose, would include the house.

Technically.