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Mr.McFluffyMittens, Cat Detective

First Day On The Force

By Ellen StedfeldPublished about a year ago Updated about a year ago 3 min read
Hot on the trail of the latest crime

A few police officers were gathered around the crime scene, taking notes, making sure it was blocked off from the public, but they were becoming increasingly distracted by the special agent who had just arrived.

"Does he always do that?"

"Is he... mentally sound enough to work this case?"

"Yeah, apparently that's his schtick. He pretends the animals are telling him stuff about what happened. It looks crazy, but it works. He's brilliantly solved some cases that way. Guess this method helps him process the details of the scene or something. Like a mind trick for productivity."

"Uh-huh, uh-huh," the special agent nodded his head at the cat then turned to the commanding officer. "So what I'm hearing from the witness is..." he trailed off when his colleague's face twisted into a baffled expression.

"Did you just meow at me?"

"Ahem. Excuse me sir, switching between languages can be a bit of a challenge sometimes. What I'm hearing from the witness is - "

"Right, the witness."

" - is that the perpetrator ran through the alleyway, knocking over these trashcans in his hurry to get away, and accidentally dropped the weapon here - "

He lifted the metal lid with a gloved hand, and sure enough the bloody knife was lying underneath.

One of the officers nudged his friend. "See that? By bending down to see things from the cat's point of view, he could figure out the trajectory of where the criminal ran, and by imagining the scene that way, probably noticed those drops of blood on the ground that we'd missed before, leading him right to that spot. It's odd, but ingenious."

The cat meowed and hissed at them in cat-ish-ese. "Oh great, giving humans all the credit again."

"We could get you a badge if you want one," the agent purred at him.

"Why would I sign up to spend more time with you pesky humans than I already have to? Not like I'd get any more respect. Just more nonsense and headaches."

"Think it over. A warm bed, a nice suit. Endless food and belly rubs."

"It's tempting..."

"Regular access to my opposable thumbs, for opening bags of treats."

"Hey wait, why are you listing these things as if they're perks to bribe me with? Humans have lost all sense of their place in the world. Your very purpose of existence is supposed to be serving us cats!"

"Yes, oh Great Fluffy One."

"Don't you get snarky with me. I'm solving this case for you. Making you look good. And don't you forget it. By the way, your bad guy ran to the right, and tossed his blood-splattered jacket in the dumpster, where you can get some DNA off the snotty tissues in his pocket. Last I knew, he's behind the laundromat across the street, having a smoke while pretending to be an innocent bystander. You can catch him if you hurry."

"Yowsas! You're one smart kitty."

The agent hailed the commanding officer, and within moments they had the critical evidence obtained and the and criminal suspect under arrest. He was so shocked, he confessed immediately.

The officers escorted their perpetrator into a waiting vehicle. "Yep, what did I tell you, this guy knows what he's doing."

The commanding officer got the attention of everyone at their site to raise a cheer for the team, but especially for the special agent who had wrapped up their case so neatly. Amidst their clapping, he delivered his reply:

"Thank you everyone, but I could not have solved it on my own, without all the preparation and attentiveness that you brought to this work..."

"And the cat!" shouted a voice that was pretending to sound like his. "All the credit goes to the cat who watched the situation unfold and followed the bad guy, and alerted the proper authorities, and deigned to put up with your silly human ways - "

The agent cut in, "and who I suggest be promoted to Detective, and my partner on the force." Holding out an arm to his fluffy companion, he added "that is, if he will do me the honor, and deign to accept."

The crime-solving cat jumped up to perch on his shoulder and muttered into his ear, "What are you doing? They'll think you're ridiculous." He murmured back, "They already do. Besides, you shouldn't have to stand up for yourself. I've got your back."

"And a delicious fish dinner as a reward?"

"Whatever you'd like, my liege." He gave the cat a rub on his fluffy cheeks. "You deserve every bite. And by the way, welcome to the team."

The cat purred in approval. "What did you ever do without me?"

Short StoryHumor

About the Creator

Ellen Stedfeld

Perpetually immersed in drawing, illustration, and creative experiments, at live events and @EllesaurArts.com

Community arts in NYC/Queens -- LIC Arts Open festival May 15-19th 2024

Love participating in challenges to motivate new work!

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    Ellen StedfeldWritten by Ellen Stedfeld

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