Montana: Part I

“Be mine.” was all Montana ever wanted to hear.

She had waited years to hear these words, she had gone through her awkward stages, she had gone through puberty (slowly but surely). She had faced rejection and humiliation. She had bullies that she had to face everyday.

Montana was well known but by no means popular. She had some of the same desires like we all do at 14. She liked boys. She wanted to be popular. She desired many friends. She wanted to fit in and not be weird.

There was Simon, her very first crush. Simon was tall, he wasn’t the cutest but she really liked Simon. She would talk to Simon occasionally as they were in the same social circle. It was clear Simon did not like her back but she was 14, any attention was welcome even if it wasn’t interest. Simon did not even care to speak to her but she would intitiate conversations. She was the one carrying their ‘relationship’ and she didn’t care.

After a few months, Montana decided to to just be his friend. She had given up all hopes of getting together with Simon. And he was non the wiser. He did not know that she liked him and if he did, he was very good at ignoring her romantic advances. Montana had given up any hope of Simon liking her back but if he changed his mind at any point, she would be ready.

Seven months later, Simon decided to talk to her away from the party they were at. She was pumped, this was it. She was finally going to have Simon as a boyfriend. After all the work she had put in, she showed up at the right party, wearing the right outfit and she was finally going to get her epic love story. They hung out and it was amazing and she was on cloud 9 after 5 minutes of attention from Simon. Simon quickly went back to the party afterwards and so did she. As happy as can be, she partied with her friends and they both seemed to enjoy the rest of the party.

She was absolutely crushed when Simon showed no interest after this and was into another girl. What had she done wrong?

She wasn’t the ideal girl to boys her age but she wasn’t hideous. She attributed his rejection to her appearance. If only she looked like the other girls that the guys seems to fawn over, then maybe she’d have Simon. Maybe Simon would have liked her back.

She so desperately wanted to be loved like in the movies. Montana wanted to be desired like those around her. She had held a torch for Simon for so long, she truly believed this was her chance even if deep down she knew she deserved better.

Simon had hurt her, and her friends had encouraged her to move on. The next week, another summer party was being held and she met another. They had only known each other in passing and briefly hung out that night. She didn’t like him and she definitely did not care if he liked her. If it was easy for Simon to do it, then she’d do the same. He was history before he was even her present.

The following week, a friend had a yard party. Small, intimate, and everyone knew each other. A friend she had become acquainted with had taken a liking to her and she honestly had not even thought about him in that way. She was oblivious because she was rejected by Simon and had her guard up. He was just Sebastian and she was cordial to him because he was a mutual friend. But Sebastian seemed to like her that night and they ended up hanging out that night and something about him, she clung to. She now liked Sebastian.

She always liked the chase, she liked having a crush, even if it was the same one for multiple seasons. That was okay with her. She never thought of even speaking to her crushes in real life before this. She only had conversations in her head but she would never actually speak to one of them.

This summer changed everything as she was now in contact with boys like Sebastian. She had never had this kind of attention or excitement before. She was feeling very confident. Though things didnt always turn out how she wanted it to, she had high hopes for her relationship with Sebastian.

Montana and Sebastian would message and call each other back and forth and she thought they had a lot in common. She was convinced that this was going to make up for Simon’s rejection. Sebastian was the guy she never saw coming and he would be her future husband (dramatic much?).

Sebastian was sweet to her, he would make her laugh and they were so similar, they were destined to be together. He would talk to her for hours and he would text her when he needed her. They got along really well and they were really growing on each other.

With all this love in the air, why did he look at her with such disdain around his friends at a party? Why did it feel like the subtle version of Simon’s rejection? Simon never liked her and she knew that even when she had hopes in the end. But… Sebastian? He liked her right? He never actually said it but, it was assumed right? They liked each other. How could he treat her like this in front of all these people? Why were his friends looking at her like they knew something she didn’t?

Her fears became reality when a girl from her school, was making out with Sebastian at a secluded section at the party. Her Sebastian and another girl. They were hand in hand. One of the girls that was looking at her crazy when she was interacting with Sebastian earlier. How could he do this?

What did she have that Montana didn’t? Why was she a better choice? Why wasn’t Montana ever enough? He had ridiculed her in front of all his friends and his new girl. She began to wonder if she had made up their connection. She was clearly delusional, right? Nobody would treat another person like this, right?

She couldn’t believe this was happening to her but what was she to expect? Van had offered her so much more and she had done so much worse to him.