Matt's Dilemma

Matt

I wake up again. It's the same thing that's jolted me awake. Every time. I've told my wife it's sleep apnoea and she seems to have accepted it. She's made a comment about going to the doctor but I've managed to stave that off, for now. I don't need a machine muzzling me every night. That's not going to stop the nightmares.

It never changes. Never. It's a strange dream my brain produces. You'd think that I could squash this after all these years of keeping that day secret but my conscience must be at the control panel, steering my dreams. Because the guilt...

The nightmare is always the same. I'm back there, clear as day. Luke, Mark, Laney and me. At the quarry. Only I'm not me. I'm Laney.

I always jolt awake at the moment that I start to plummet and roll down that rough quarry slope.

I don't know how I feel about Mark. I'm not one for searching my emotions and all this self-awareness crap but I feel lighter for knowing that he's gone. And I feel a shit for feeling that way. But it's the truth. Relieved in a way. I don't know why.

I mean, I could leave this alone and not tell Luke but I feel like whatever I choose to do, the truth will rise to the surface. It's inevitable. And with anything like this, there'll be repercussions. We should have told someone. But we were just scared little boys. It was better to keep quiet, for Mark's sake. He'd have had the fallout, for sure. Poor bastard. His old man? He was the worst. Pretend to be this happy-go-lucky gent, full of humour and then as soon as the front door was closed and the spotlight gone, he'd change. Spiteful and handy with his fists.

Nasty as fuck.

He had it tough, Mark. But that doesn't change what happened that day. I wish we'd never gone to the quarry. We should have listened to Luke. Good old sensible, cautious Luke. Maybe it was sixth sense that day.

So do I tell him? Luke? I want to. Or do I let it die with Mark?

***

365 words

What is Matt debating telling Luke?

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