Magnanimous

The morning I woke up and discovered I was deaf was bewildering at first, then terrifying. It was like a bubble had been formed around me overnight.

I can remember breathing quickly and was conscious that I could feel it, due to the expansion of my chest, but I couldn't hear it. It did nothing to lessen my panic.

Where was Ruth, my wife? We usually woke together so her absence was magnified with my condition and the cold space in the bed. Perhaps she had slept in the spare room because of my snoring, but she usually tells me. I didn't remember murmuring to her in the night. But then, I could have been deaf...

I bellowed then and I knew that it was loud because my throat hurt with the effort.

I didn't know if she was coming because I couldn't hear anything. I'm not ashamed to admit I started to cry and then felt immediately ashamed. What would Ruth think? She'd been living without sight all of her life, without complaint, just stoically getting on with life as it had been handed to her. I was glad that I was able to collect myself before she got to me.

I quietened down and waited and eventually a bleary-eyed Ruth entered the room.

She was speaking to me. I couldn't hear! What was she saying? I told her "I can't hear you" and then, I saw the most astonished expression on her face as she rubbed her eyes.

"Ruth! Ruth!" I said. "Help me!"

But she continued to look shocked and blinked rapidly, like a kid at Disney, full of wonder and surprise. I was startled by this. She was not acting normally at all.

And then, like a thunderbolt from Zeus, I remembered our dinner conversation last night. I had been feeling particularly romantic. I love my wife. She is my world. We were discussing how things could be different for her and I magnanimously stated, "If I could give up something of mine so you can see, I would."

Because there was no doubt that she could see. And I had lost something in return.

My god.

What cruel mischief is this?

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