Made for Me

Everything was still when I came to. I had no concept of anything other than my own being. I was there with no idea where “there” could have been or who "I" was. Seconds, minutes, even hours could have passed as I came to terms with existence. I was content, staying this way. Not knowing if this was the beginning or end. Remaining in this cold shroud of being. Forever seemed to drag and fly by in an instant. I was everything and nothing. And I liked it that way. I was happy, or as close to happy as someone who has never felt sadness could be. I would stay this way. For eternity.

"Open your eyes." It was most likely a quiet noise, but it could have been a scream for all I knew.

With the intrusion, I was ripped from my contentment and dropped into a tank full of existential fear. I was drowning in the darkness. The unwanted sound was pulling me faster and faster to a place I did not want to go. Each word was another yank to consciousness.

"C'mon, open your eyes."

It meant as much to me as Quantum Physics would mean to a cat. I floundered in the meaning, trying to find a foothold to tether myself against the inevitable void the sound was pulling me to. All I wanted was to remain there, in my bubble of contentment.

Pain, suddenly, to my right. Sharp and piercing. I flinched, muscles moving where previously there was nothing. All at once, I became aware of myself. Human. Arms. Legs. Face. Eyes. Ah, there.

My eyelids fluttered back, revealing the blinding light placed in front of my face. I clenched my eyes closed in pain. I wanted to return to the unknowing blackness.

"Oh, jeez. Sorry, I forgot what that was like." A voice to my right. A click. No more warmth on my face. I slowly opened my eyes again, and the light was off. I looked to my right to find the source of the words. A dark-haired man, about mid-forties, stood at my shoulder. As his eyes caught mine, a warm smile spread across his face. "Good morning, there." I glanced down to see a long needle in his hand. I glanced further down to my inner elbow where a small pinprick of blood was escaping my skin.

The pain from before. A shot.

He noticed the shift in my eyes and proceeded to put the needle on the table to his left. "Don't worry. All of your immunization shots have been administered. You won't be getting anymore for at least a year. Uh.. Do you think you can speak? I'd like to ask you a few questions."

"Questions." The word sounded rough and foreign escaping from my mouth, a stark contrast to his warm tone. I began to wonder how his voice became so smooth and melodic and wondered if my would always sound this strangled. My face must have given away my concern, for no sooner than the worry had set in, he said, "Yours will settle at some point, once you begin using it more often. After all, that is the first time you've ever spoken." He strode around my head to the left side of my body and held out his hand for me. I slowly placed my fingertips in his palm. My movements were less than graceful, choppy and sporadic. He wrapped his fingers around mine and with a gentle touch to my elbow, he helped me pull my body into a sitting position on the metal slab I had been lying on. "Now, question number one; Would you like to bathe before or after our little interview?"

"Before," I whispered, and with no further words on my part, he helped me stand and led me to a wall. I was confused until I heard a small beep and the once seamless wall slid into itself to reveal a dimly-lit corridor with three doors lining each side. The man handed me a pristine, white towel and said, "Just go down this hall. The second door on your left has showers. Your skin isn't accustomed to heat yet, so be careful. Don't let the water get too hot. You'll get blisters if you do." And with that, he lightly pushed me ahead into the hall.

The door closed behind me, and I felt the warmth of the hall enclose around me. I hadn't realized just how cold the previous room had been, but now that I was on my way to the showers, I could feel my muscles becoming less and less stiff as they thawed out.

When I made it to the room the man had pointed out, I felt considerably lighter, as if I could run for hours on end without becoming exhausted. I thought about doing just that when a tall, blonde woman walked out of one of the other seamless doors.

She seemed preoccupied, looking down at her hands and furrowing her brow. When she finally noticed me standing there like a deer caught in headlights, she jumped and covered her eyes. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize anyone would be out here. You must have just woken up." She seemed friendly enough, her voice soft and smooth.

"How did you know?" The words had escaped my mouth the moment they entered my mind.

"Well, you're not exactly decent, right now. But I understand. You probably haven't even noticed yet." She laughed lightly. "Here. Let me help you." She reached for the things in my hands. As I handed the white fabric over to her, I had a better chance to study her. Her brown eyes were slightly red and puffy. She had clearly just been crying. But, other than the slight swelling, her face was flawless. Full lips, small nose, and rosy cheeks. I began to wonder why such a beautiful woman had reason to cry.

"Why are you sad?" I asked as she folded my bundle over her arm. She chuckled again and grabbed my arm and lightly tugged me toward the room the man had told me to go to. She pushed an off-color panel next to the only barely visible seam in the wall. The door opened, and she pushed me inside.

"Let's get you in here before anyone else comes. I'll help you get ready and answer any questions you have. Dr. Moore most likely wasn't the most helpful, was he?"

"Dr. Moore?"

"I knew it. You don't even know his name!" When she laughed this time, her entire mouth turned up as she threw her head back and let loose a soul cleansing giggle. "The doctor who was there for your awakening. His name is Joseph Moore."

"Oh."

"Alright. Let's get you in the shower." The woman walked around me and past a divider wall to a set of pristine metal showers. She reached into the first one and turned a few knobs. I jumped when the water suddenly erupted from small holes in the ceiling above the stall. I had never heard anything so loud before. The woman saw my reaction and once again threw her head back in laughter. "I'm sorry. I keep forgetting how jarring this must be for you." She smiled and held her hand out for me. I took it without hesitation. I knew I could trust her. She guided me to stand under the water's spray. She grabbed a white container to my right and squirted some substance into her palm.

Shampoo. My brain produced the word for me. Used for cleaning hair. I reached up to my head to touch my hair. It seemed fine and long. I hadn't even noticed its existence until now.

The woman rubbed her hands together and began to wash my hair. "You asked why I was sad earlier, right?" Without waiting for an answer, she continued. "My husband died yesterday." She positioned me under the spray again. I could feel the shampoo running from my scalp to my feet where it spiraled into the drain below me.

"I'm sorry." I said.

"Thank you. I'm okay. It wasn't unexpected. I'm more sad that he didn't get to do everything he wanted than I am that he's gone." She grabbed a different container and squirted another substance into her hand. She rubbed the conditioner into my scalp before continuing. "I don't know if I want to find someone new or not. I feel like I may be content being by myself. But then again, it isn't entirely my choice, now is it?" She winked at me in a knowing manner before she rinsed my head again. "I'm not sure if you would be comfortable with me cleaning the rest of you."

"I can do it, I think."

"Alright, doll. The body wash is right there." She pointed at a blue container that stood with the other two she had already used. "Do you want a rag or a loofa?"

"Loofa." She handed me a white ball.

"While you clean, I'll answer any questions you may have." She turned away from me and headed around the corner. "I just need to fix my makeup. Can you hear me from here?"

"Yes. How did your husband die?"

"He had a disease. He was only thirty, but he could hardly move on his own. Eventually, his brain simply shut down."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, doll. Do you have any other questions?"

"Where am I?"

"This is Katsu. You're in the hospital, but you seem like you could be ready to leave any hour now."

"Why am I here?"

"You just woke up. After this, they will send you to the employment facility and the housing department. Once you've been here for about a week, they will find a suitable mate for you, and you'll move in together."

I contemplated the idea of a mate as I washed and rinsed my body in silence. Someone who I would be bound to for life. The idea didn't appeal to me, but I decided, if I were to be coupled to anyone like this woman, I would be happy.

"Why don't I have any memories?" I finally asked. I stepped out of the shower and turned to quiet the steady stream of water still falling from the ceiling. She must have heard my footsteps, for she rounded the corner once again with the white clothes in hand. She set a smaller bundle on the counter behind her and unfolded the other to reveal a towel. She held it out and wrapped me up in it.

"Here. Dry off, first. Then you can get dressed and Dr. Moore will be able to shed some more light on that situation."

"Get dressed?"

"Those," she pointed at the cloth on the counter, "are clothes for you. That's why I was so shocked to see you earlier. People typically don't walk around nude here."

Social norms began to flood my mind when she mentioned that. I was instantly mortified of my inappropriate state of dress. I felt warmth rush to my cheeks, and my hands came up to pull the towel even tighter around my chest. Yet again, she giggled at my sudden change in demeanor. She spun on her heel and grabbed the smaller bundle and handed it to me.

"I'll be right over here," she pointed to the other side of the divider, "while you dress. Just let me know when you are decent, and I'll show you back to Joseph’s office." And with that, she disappeared, her long, blonde hair being the last I saw of her.

I glanced down at the white fabric in my hands. It was soft and thin. Almost as if a cloud had been spun into clothes for me to wear. I set down the larger of the three folded items. Now, in my hands I had a pair of modest white undergarments. I pulled them on and glanced at myself in the mirror. They fit well. Not too tight, not too loose. But definitely far from perfect. The cups of the bra hung away from my chest a good few inches. The small white underwear weren't much better or much worse. The fit snugly, almost too snugly, around my hips, but extra fabric gathered around the bands that encircled my upper thighs. I pulled the last bundle from the counter and found myself holding a light, almost sheer dress. I gently pulled it over my head, careful not to let my hair soak the fabric, and let it cascade down to my knees. The neckline was much too large, but I didn't see a way to rectify, so I tried to position my shoulders to make sure it wouldn't fall and leave me exposed yet again.

"I'm finished." I called out, and immediately the woman appeared yet again and inspected my handiwork.

"They still don't care to give you the right sizes, do they? It should be rather obvious these wouldn't have fit you. You're tiny." She pulled a small coin purse from the pocket of her pants. "I'll fix this." She ruffled through the small bag until, "there you are, you little bastard!" She brandished a small, brown elastic band. "Now turn around." She demanded. I saw no reason to refuse, so I pivoted on my heel until I was facing away from her. I felt her hands gather fabric at the nape of my neck and her a few sharp pops before she positioned my hair to fall down my back and to my calves. "Voila," she exclaimed and forcefully spun me to look in the mirror once more. The dress' neckline was much more feasible now, resting right beneath my collarbones. I smiled my thanks at her through the mirror, and she returned the gesture with a gentle pat to my back to shepherd me to the exit.

Once back in the hall, she held out her hand for me to grab onto. I hesitated. I didn't want to embarrass myself again with incorrect social behavior. She must have seen the look of contemplation, for she sighed and smiled and grabbed my hand none-the-less, and we started down to the doorway at the hall's end.

"Now you'll be able to ask all the questions you want to someone who can give you all the answers. But also know, if you need anything in the next few weeks, I'm always here during the day. Just ask for Daisy, and I'll be out in a jiffy." She squeezed my fingers and smiled back at me. "Things are always a little crazy at first, but you'll get the hang of it."

And with that we reached the door. She pushed another, almost indiscernible panel, and the door slid open to reveal that the cold metal table I had been lying on before had been replaced with a comfortable looking couch and two chairs. Doctor Moore was seated at a computer in the far right corner but looked up at the swish of the door.

"Ah, Daisy, my friend. I see you've met-"

"Don't you dare 'my friend' me! Do you see this girl? Do you see how small she is?" The doctor jumped at the hostility in her tone, but nodded in response to her answer. "Then why," she flipped my hair over my shoulder, "does this," she unwound the band she had tied to the neckline of my dress, "happen?" And with her final words, my dress slid from my shoulders and pooled at my feet before my fingers had even moved to hold the fabric up. My face bloomed red as I scrambled to pull the dress back up to cover my ill fitting underwear.

"Now, Daisy, that wasn't exactly kind to our friend here." Doctor Moore, flustered by Daisy's hostility, staggered forward to grab hold of the neckline of my dress and tied it into a knot. I refused to look him in the eyes. I had had enough embarrassment for the time being.

"No, Joseph, putting her in this situation in the first place is unkind! How many times do I have to tell you to just measure the poor things before waking them up? The least you could do is give them the correct sized clothes. It's just human decency for Christ's sake!"

"You're right. I should have taken more care with her. Some of her paperwork just had something I had to look over," he patted my hair and looked at Daisy with a look that I couldn't put a name to. Almost like remorse. "It held me up a bit. I thank you for taking care of her. Now let's stop talking as if the poor girl isn't standing right here." He planted his hands on my shoulders and bent to look me in the eyes with sincerity. "I'm sure you have a ton of questions locked up in that brain of yours. Let's get some procedural stuff out of the way, and I'll tell you anything you'd like to know, okay?"

I glanced back at Daisy who gave me a conspiratorial wink, "I've got some work to get back to. You'll be okay without me, right, sweetheart?" I nodded, and she left with a grin plastered on her face. I could hear her laughter right outside the door as she walked away, presumably to return to her work.

I turned back to the doctor who gestured to me to sit at one of the comfortable looking chairs, and he took a seat next to a bunch of equipment that had been set on the couch in front of me.

"Alright," he clapped and rubbed his hands together and looked at the equipment as if deciding where to start, "how about we start off with the physical stuff?" He glanced at me to check for my approval. I shrugged at him. He was the one who was a doctor after all. Who was I to go against his decision?

He picked up a tool that looked like a cone on a stick. He turned the small end of the cone toward me, and I noticed a small hole. He pushed a small button on the stick, and a bright light shone from inside the cone.

I'm just going to look into your eye with this. So go ahead and lean forward a little bit for me." I did as he asked, and he looked through the large end of the cone and aimed the light to look into my right eye. "If you want to know the truth, you're rather different than most of the people here. We don't see eyes as light as yours very often anymore." He pulled back from my right eye and moved over to do the same thing to my left. "Most people have different shades of brown. But not you apparently. You should be proud of it. You're quite rare." He pulled back once again and smiled at me. "Some of your ancestors must have had your eyes. You're extremely lucky to have such good genetics passed down from your parents. I'm going to listen to your lungs now. Go ahead and turn to your right for me."

"Wait. Parents? Why don't I remember my parents?'

"I'll explain that in just a few minutes. Let's just get through this bit first, okay?"

I knew I wasn't going to get anything out of him until he finished his examination. I conceded and listened to his directions as he proceeded to check my heart, ears and mouth. He made me get up and walk along a painted line on the ground to test my balance, after which, I was instructed to pick up various weights in different positions to check my strength. After about four more exercises, Moore guided me back to my chair and placed a slim metal tablet in my lap.

"This part is going to be a little more difficult. You're gonna need a name once you leave this place.”

I looked at the tablet with uncertainty. How was I supposed to know what I wanted to be called for the rest of my life? I liked when Daisy called me doll. So maybe that would work? Or maybe something more traditional. I wracked my brain for lists of names that I knew. Marie. Anna. Morgan. Michelle. Samanth-

Moore set his hand atop mine, interrupting the train wreck that was bound to happen in my mind. He grabbed the tablet and pulled it back to his lap, pressed on four keys and handed it back to me. Before I had a chance to look at what he had done, he said, “It isn’t very common for us to see people with eyes that look like yours. I know that I have already said it, but it really is a phenomenal sight. And maybe you would like to be called something that shows that.” And with that, he tapped the screen of the tablet and the name ‘Skyler’ flooded my view.

“Skyler.” The name fell out of my mouth before I had even realized it. But I liked it. It was unique - like me. I pressed the green button at the bottom of the screen and glanced up at Moore who was showering me with the biggest grin.

“I thought you might like that! And now, we are finished. And you are free to ask me anything you want. We only have about fifteen minutes though. You have an appointment with the employment center soon.”

I thought for a moment. I had to use this time as efficiently as possible. Of all the questions I had yet to have answered, which was the most important? I finally settled on, “Why don’t I have any memories?”

Moore smiled slightly and nodded as if he knew this would be the question I asked, as if he had heard it a hundred times from a hundred mouths. “Well, my dear Skyler, that’s because you have never seen the world before now. You were just born.”