Loving You Loudly

austin

"You can't keep doing this," my teammate Joc sighs. I hear the disappointment in his voice, but at this point, I've become immune to it.

He's always checking up on me, and always scolding me when he sees another girl leaving my apartment.

It's been this way for almost two years now - ever since news broke that the LA Kings rookie was dating someone new; someone that I recognized well.

I've never been able to get over Emerson, and at this rate, I never will. It's been four years since we spoke last, but when you love someone as deeply as I love her, it doesn't just go away.

"Put the beers away, god damn it," Joc scolds, "We have to be at the stadium in an hour. You can't be drinking on game days; you know that."

I stay in my curled-up position on the couch.

"Aust, c'mon man. This has been going on for too long now."

I ignore him, pulling out my phone and looking at the screenshots of texts we'd sent each other almost half a decade ago.

Pathetic. I know.

I never should have left. I regret it every day. I majored in chemistry. I never needed baseball. I could've provided both of us with an amazing life; a life we could have spent together.

"You love her man, I get it," Joc says, sitting down next to me, "but she's moved on. She's been moved on It's your turn."

I sigh. It's not that easy. I love that girl so much. The whole time we were together, she was my pride and joy. I loved introducing her to my family and friends because, like them, I was also in shock that I had found a girl as amazing and perfect as Emerson.

When we broke it off, I always thought it'd be temporary. At the time, I knew for a fact that we loved each other enough that we would find our way back to each other.

When I was traded to LA, the first thing I did was call her, but she didn't answer. I texted her a couple of times, thinking she was just waiting to text me back.

She never did though, and for the first couple of months, that confused me. Then the news broke about some hot shot hockey rookie's new girlfriend and low and behold, the girl on the screen was Emerson.

Then I understood. She didn't need me anymore. Who knows how long she'd been ignoring my texts before she even got this new boyfriend. I stood no chance after that. Maybe I never did.

We used to talk about our future everyday. I was going to be a star baseball player and she was going to be an Olympic softball player. We were goging to be the powerhouse couple that every one turns their heads to.

Maybe our love was always only a fleeting college romance. We loved each other, but I guess I'm the only one that held on to that love.

"Maybe now's not the best time for me to tell you then," Joc speaks up and I turn towards him.

"Tell me what?" I ask, my mind spinning with all the different things it could be.

"The Dodgers teamed up with the Kings their breast cancer awareness fundraiser. The Kings players wives and girlfriends are the ones throwing out the first pitches. The coordinator sent out an email to each of us to tell us which wife or girlfriend we got."

I grab my phone and open the email Joc was talking about. Sure enough, right next to my name, read Emerson May.