Love Under the Glow of Vegas Lights

Juno first met Ted on Halloween under the smoky Moonlight illuminating the parking lot of the Holiday Inn in Sin City. Juno hailed from the Garden State and held her weariness of romance like a Badge of Honor. Ted looked like an E.T. cloaked in his Full Metal Jacket, but his Smile melted Juno's defensive walls.

“Don’t Scream!” Ted begged. “I promise I’m not a member of the Green Street Hooligans. I’m no American Psycho.”

A half-smile broke through his stubbled face and he giggled.

“You Can’t Buy Me Love,” Juno thought. “But I’ve never heard such a sweet, innocent laugh from a man who looks like The Dark Knight. He could Say Anything, and I think I’d want to hear more.”

Ted drew Juno in with his Deadpool humor, disarming her. They commiserated together about the Millions wasted in Vegas, deflating their hopes of What Dreams May Come.

Both enjoyed their short stint in the land of debauchery but found the chintzy glitz and glamour depressive. Ted declared Vegas “Zombieland."

“A zombieland full of Mean Girls, Inglorious Basterds, and Idiocracy. You know — The Usual Suspects. And we’re The Outsiders,” Ted cracked his large knuckles and shook his head in disgust.

Ted's Uncle Buck wasted his life on booze and gambling in Vegas, and he’d vowed never to travel the same downtrodden path. An Old School party boy with no time for the ladies, Buck died The 40-Year Old Virgin. He served as a cautionary tale for all of his nieces and nephews.

“Sorry,” Ted whispered. “Superbad memories.” Juno’s eyes brimmed with sympathy.

***

Juno’s warm, open face reminded Ted of A Christmas Story — full of hope and second chances. He brushed his curly brown mop from his eyes and wondered for the second time if this meeting was Serendipity.

“How long ago did you arrive?” he asked.

In exaggeration, Juno glanced at the non-existent watch on her wrist. “Approximately 127 Hours ago.”

“That’s 100 hours too long,” Ted replied. “Who ya here with?”

He hoped Juno was single. He yearned for a Crazy, Stupid, Love. to Crash into his heart, and had spent his entire Boyhood trying to find it. He usually settled for Friends With Benefits and shut his heart to the possibility of love.

“Love is such a Weird Science,” Ted thought. “And I’ve experienced Less Than Zero percent success in romance. But this girl is a Wonder. A Godsend, even. My perspective is always Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. The Blind Side of falling in love with the wrong person scares me. But it’s time I give love a Last Chance.”

He realized Juno was answering him and snapped back to reality just In Time.

“Oh, I’m just here with my best friend, Mary Poppins. We wanted to get a last round of Dirty Dancing in before she moves to New Zealand,” she said.

“But her boyfriend, Donnie Darko, showed up as a surprise, with his Stepbrothers in tow. They’re all Goonies. And Mary was pissed. She’s Out of Control already when she’s been drinking. Donnie and his brothers were all Gone Baby Gone on God knows what drugs.”

Ted patted Juno’s shoulder in solidarity as she continued.

“I’m sober and don’t feel like experiencing Adventures in Babysitting. My feelings of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas threatened to take over and ruin my Anger Management. So I just came back to the hotel.”

Juno rolls her eyes and also admits she hates dancing. She says she looks like The Mummy — awkward and stiff. When Juno dances, she could pass for the Beasts of the Southern Wild.

Ted pleads with her to show him. Tangled limbs and jerky movements ensue. A pleasant warmth races from his toes to his scalp, and he smiles at Juno’s disarming Frailty. He tells her he’s just in town to help his roommate, Michael Clayton, move. He spills out details about Michael — he is an ex-Navy Seals member who also pulled a stint as The Guardian — a U.S. Coast Guard nickname. But, he says, beneath the bravado, Michael has a true Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. He’s going to miss him.

He finds himself readily confessing while he is ready to leave Sin City; he is hesitant to go Home Alone to Washington. He fears living life Sleepless in Seattle. Juno listens with rapt attention and snuggles Closer to her new friend.

They lean against a dented light post in the middle of the parking lot together before A Mighty Wind rips through, followed by a Tropic Thunder — unheard of weather for Vegas. Both wonder aloud if their fated meeting has caused a weird, unstoppable Butterfly Effect. Ted suggests making The Hundred-Foot Journey to his car.

Juno settles into the passenger seat as Ted reclines in the driver’s seat. A sweet and comfortable silence sparks between them.

“Let’s get out of here!” Juno exclaims. Ted thinks her wild, hopeful look beams Sunshine. He pauses, wanting to freeze-frame the moment. A Shine spotlights Juno’s wheat-colored hair, transforming her pixie Jane Eyre and Elf-like looks. She is Elsa from Frozen. She is 500 Days of Summer, healing his heart with her blinding sun.

“You sure?” He asks. “I get it if you wanna Split. I don’t want to Walk the Line between a love interest and a creepy stalker. I mean, we just met.”

Juno fills his heart with her smile.

“Drive. We are Leaving Las Vegas,” she replies.

Ted nods and peels out of the parking lot like Talladega Nights. He’s no Baby Driver. He feels at ease Behind the Wheel.

They pass the glaring billboards, promising the Best in Show. They pass the hidden Pulp Fiction grit and grime adjacent to the Strip. They leave the Bright Lights, Big City behind, and venture Into the Wild. Their journey is a Midnight Express to everywhere, anywhere.

***

The Conversation flows and hours pass, melting into the inky black Splendor of the desert roads. They swap stories of their childhoods — she in The Concrete Jungle of Hoboken, NJ; he in Suburbia, WA.

He tells her of summers spent with Grammy and Pop-Pop and his cousins in the rural town of Brokeback Mountain, Montana.

Ted gushes as he shares how he and his cousins called themselves The Boondock Saints after they rescued stray dogs. “Catch Me If You Can!” they’d call to each other as they scurried across desolate emerald meadows. The Boondock Saints snuck into abandoned barns to play. But the fun came to an end after they super glued shut all the mailboxes on Revolutionary Road — the main thoroughfare through their grandparent’s mountain town.

The next year, Ted’s grandma pulled him aside on the first day of summer vacation.

“I Know What You Did Last Summer. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll just help grandpa with chores this year,” she barked through gritted teeth. However, her threat was lessened by the offer of a brownie.

Before long, Ted knows of Juno’s childhood pet Firefly. She spills tears as she remembers poking holes in a mason jar for the “pet” she called Harvey — he didn’t even last 48 Hrs. Her proud Lion of a dad even helped her build a matchbox coffin caked in pink glitter before they buried Harvey in the Pet Semetary.

“Harvey looked so Pretty in Pink,” she cried until they both laughed.

***

They pass a sign for La La Land — 157 miles away. Juno suggests driving to Hollywood. Ted replies that LA is basically Viva Las Vegas — only with vegans, and makes a U-Turn off the next exit. He’s worried he’s sabotaged the Inception of their relationship but finds Juno agrees as she puts her head on his shoulder.

Juno confesses her need to return Before Sunrise. They are both reluctant to leave The Spectacular Now but naively hope for The Sweet Hereafter. As the Strip grows nearer, the magic of the night fades.

Both Ted and Juno have a growing Primal Fear of what could possibly come next. They live 2000 miles apart, and any real potential for commitment feels Up in the Air. But, both reflect on their No Strings Attached night as the best time they’ve ever shared with anyone.

***

The Majestic dawn desert skies paint the car in swaths of oranges, pinks, and blues as Ted parks the car and walks Juno to her room. He presses his forehead against hers as they sweetly kiss, Eyes Wide Shut. They agree to meet again, 28 Days Later — this time in Chicago. They both have family there and love the Windy City. If they find Love, Actually exists between them, they can pick up where they’ve left off.

Neither Juno nor Ted Doubt the spark between them, or that their only night together was As Good as It Gets. So they depart with The Long Kiss Goodnight, and, both secretly hope Chicago is the beginning of their Never-ending Story.

An earlier version of this story appeared on Medium.com.