Love's Arena

Night's euphoric glow in the long breath of stillness. A sharp, still air that hangs, as my voiceless words stumble in my throat. I am out of place here, a cut out, pasted down onto love's arena: a tournament of a woman, abandoned by her lover.

If I step back, I can see my profile, prepped to begin my challenge: a troubled soul, hair flailing in the air; my hazel eyes squinting under the sharp street lamp lights. A short dress clings to my skin, like its trying to hold me into place in this disconnected world. My quest: I must desperately keep moving and to find a way to get our time back on track.

We once beat in sync together, our cold breaths fogging out across the open, boundless plains. We sat in a silent unity, wrapped in the cocoon of time's love, which wound us up and set us ticking across the world together. There was a gentle power in that time, a quiet confidence that even when you were absent, we were in tune.

Turn my image around 90 degrees. I am facing the petrol station, which shakes in the wavering fog. It is an obscure vision, a blurred photo collage of colours, neon and reflective, giving it an eerie vibe. I review the memory replay of this time, observing the wind shake and tremble as a dark red B.M.W. rolled in. Revving and heated, its exhaust fumes protruded into the sharp, silent air. An elevated tension ascended within my soul, pounding insanely.

Cigarette smoke protruded from the driver's windows, an assaulting billow that set my eyes watering. I stood still, anticipating the moment the car door would open ... and in slow motion, you appeared. It was the first time we met. Time shook for a moment, as our two worlds collided, setting it out of sync in its beats. Your thin, wistful smile wiped away the entire setting, rendering it in a poster of sparking, golden stars infused by a deep purple sky. Its dark unfamiliarity set my heart shaking at an irregular rhythm. The world I knew was tearing itself apart, yet it made me tingle with excitement inside as I tried not to fight off my attraction to you.

In the trembling, aroused energy, I observed you move. Your body, a sketched animation that flexed and stretched; your deep blue gaze that turned sharply to meet mine, rewriting my history and present; setting time for a single moment in its discordance; dropping my heart to my knees. It was dangerous, electrifying, yet also very appealing.

Pressing my body firmly against yours; our breaths fogging up the back windows of your car. Your hands stroking my wired skin; my mouth hungry for the taste of your lips. Lying back, losing myself in the moment of deeply aroused time: our rhythms completely heightened and in sync.

Dropping to the floor, lying on my back and staring through the sky window that towered above me later that night. A single black clock silhouette ticked madly on high, a jet lag in my natural pace. I had merged into the world of your time and its ticking madness. It stirred and writhed within me, pounding with an ambition that was not within my grasp to comprehend. Was this love? My cut out frame was out of place and flapping about on the grassy floor, trying to catch a breeze of familiarity. Yet, there I stayed, my gaze sharply returning to that sky window, watching closely. I felt wired, uncertain, yet dangerously alive.

Your sketched frame rose high up into the sky, grasping at the infernal reds and oranges. You were attempting to stake a claim on the power of time. Yet, it swept passed you, pounding defiantly, never quite letting you grasp it. You did not understand relativity and how your time had become intruded upon and out of sync. It had me in it now, colouring your life with new shades and didn't know how to carry itself. It made you uncomfortable with your own soul, as it sought to redefine itself. You were deciding whether to shake me off and let me flap about wildly in the free breeze.

Rolling onto my stomach and belly crawling, as though at war ... with myself. Am I meant to shut off my feelings for you? To deny my love? To let you go? Light patterns shift and splatter across my avoidant frame, never quite anchoring me to the present moment. If I roll, I may be able to trick your pulsing rhythms to get back into sync with me again. Maybe I can bring you back to me.

A sharp memory burns a hole in my brain: sitting in the back of your car; your hand barely stroking my cheek; the lowered intensity of your attraction. Your deep voice, averted gaze and promising strokes: a freedom awaited my troubled soul if I wished. I just had to hand over my time's ticking arms to you to dismantle. You did not know how to trust in the bond that we had. Should I let you go?

Standing slowly, inhaling a sharp breath, watching the fog of time escape my deep throat. It shatters into milliseconds, a warning to step across the narrow planks that dig into my bare feet. Troubled, disoriented time has met its peak here, ready to explode at boiling point. I have a minuscule moment to decide whether I will reach for the hand that you hold out towards me and jump into the deep waters below our forged boat of weathered love.

The deep sea churns and roars, a vacuum of time caught within its lair. It is wicked, having promised you an immense power in its world beneath its breadth. A time that you could enter as an offspring and master at your own symphony. In your troubled state, you wrestle with the idea of having me venturing by your side. It troubles me deeply, as I watch the raging reds flicker their warnings across the night sky.

I stare at your chiseled visage, spiked with unshaven whiskers. You crave escape, to the point where you have dragged me right here with you, away from the comforts that we know. Do you not see how far you have gone? How can I release you from your ticking madness?

Maybe it is my hand that you should reach for. More than time, I am a warmth, a person to behold and cherish. I can help you to re-emerge out of your darkness and step back into sync with me, if you wish.

Inside, I crave a gentle hold of your hand, the soft meeting of our gazes and a trek along a clear, new pathway. We could learn from each other again, as time will allow us to trust in our love and to be in sync again.